This is much better than your first draft... which I did read, but the good doctor beat me to commenting and he said everything I was going to say so I didn't bother.
I enjoyed this - it's a nice little vignette that really does a good job of showing something that is in fact, very true - the power of smell as associated with memory. I especially like that it's such a calm memory yet associated with a battlefield.
One thing I will say at the outset - 'marigold' shouldn't be capitalised, not unless it's the name of a person. It's not a proper noun and doesn't need the capital. I know it's not a big issue, but I personally find that sort of thing a little jarring. Every time I notice it, it drags me out of the story and I have to struggle to get myself back into the flow.
And in a similar vein - and again, this is very much a personal preference... but I find it a little jarring that of your dude's flashback, only the speech is italicised... in general (by which I mean, in every single thing I've ever read)
all of a flashback is in italics - to make it clear that it's a flashback.
Unless there is some specific in-story/stylistic reason
not to do it. For example, yesterday I wrote a story in which the character was dreaming. I deliberately
didn't italicise anything (normally dreams are done the same way as flashbacks) because to do so would have been to alert the reader to the fact that something was going on and it would have spoiled the later impact when the character woke up (the snippet started with the dream sequence). Here, every time you go back to simple description/story-telling, it drags me out of the flashback and I keep thinking that what you're writing is what's
actually happening at the time and I have to keep reminding myself that it's still the flashback.
If you don't want to use italics like that, then even a simple
***
to separate the sections will do. We just need something to separate it from the main story...
Quote:
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I am taken to a time when I was only a handful of seasons old, kneeling in elder Turan’s tent watching the Minotaurs gnarled old hands work the mortar and pestle.
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Minotaur's - with an
appostraphe appostrophe appa - you know what I mean. That word is stupidly hard to spell.
Quote:
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“You must distance yourself from ideals such as good and evil, boy. They are merely constructs of idle minds! Pretty words, granted the illusion of true meaning.”
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I must say, I enjoyed the wise-old-minotaur mentor thing
I liked that what he was saying was kinda vague and didn't
entirely make sense to me. It fit quite nicely with the image you created of this old man.
Quote:
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Many have and will take up the banner of these ideals and shed blood and die for them but when the sun sets these words are little more then a cup that will hold no water, useless and empty.”
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More commas please
I ran out of puff halfway through this sentence and totally lost track of what was going on. I'd stick one between 'and die for them
, but' and possibly/probably between "ideals
, an shed blood" as well.
Quote:
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To empahsize the point Elder Turan snorted quietly while cearfully setting his mixture to heat in a cobalt pot atop the flame.
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This is totally me being a jerk, but - do you mean to say the pot is the
colour of cobalt, or it's
made of cobalt? It's been my understanding that it's too soft to use for something like that... then again, Wikipedia is telling me that the cobalt metal is a hard silvery metal so hey, I can be wrong!
Also - typo "carefully"
Quote:
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The steam that eminated from the simmering mixture sat thick in the air and fogged my mind; It seemed that the elder forget my presence momentairly as he absentmindedly poked the fire with a willow stick.
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I'd take out the 'absentmindedly' here - you've already made it clear that he's gone off into his own little world. It just feels - unnecessary.
Quote:
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With these words the old Minotaur falls silent, he seemed mesmerized by the dancing flames, reading meanings in the fire that i was blind too. His battle-scared features relaxed for a moment and it was as though the years slid from his face like water off the side of a tent. The silence stretched painfully long and although fearfull of disturbing him i pushed for a conclusion to his tale.
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Capital 'I's thank you very much
Also, I believe you have the wrong tense there with 'falls silent' - it should say 'fell silent'.
Quote:
An uncaring reality barges back in and i realize that i am staring at a wild Marigold bush being licked by the creeping flames. To my right a figure approaches through the billowing smoke and as i turn, the wind catches a dried up flower bud from the bush and casts it free. The payload of seeds contained within the bud are spirited away from the destruction by the wind; at least there is hope something may spawn from this mess.
With a disheartened snort i heft my weapon and shield.
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Capitals again.
Also, that last sentence feels a little - short, to me. It's a very abrupt ending... I'd like to know what he went off and did after he hefted his weapons.