[Lady Moreta]

Originally Posted by SleepyShadow

It had a good story going and could easily be continued further.

It was originally intended to go somewhere else entirely - I just couldn't remember where.

Originally Posted by SleepyShadow

A small complaint I had was that Lance seemed somewhat vague as to his position. I gathered that he was a bardic colleague, but is he a romantic interest or just a friend? He seemed to waiver back and forth between the two.

I have no idea.. he was a throwaway character I invented on the spot because I realised I needed someone else to get Terryn down off the tower and on her way.

Originally Posted by SleepyShadow

Perhaps I just missed someone saying it, but I never noticed the name of the character whose POV we are seeing this from. It's not necessary to know, but I just think it would be a nice touch for someone to say his name at some point.

No one does, largely because this is mostly an internal monologue on his part, and the only person he's really interacting with is Silver and she already knows his name (it's Lester). I wrote a companion piece, from Silver's PoV, where he is mentioned by name... I just hadn't written it when I posted the first one.

Originally Posted by SleepyShadow

What is Persephone? Just curious.

Owl. Again, I deliberately didn't add info like that because this is just an internal monologue for the most part, and he already knows Persephone is an owl.

Originally Posted by SleepyShadow

It may just be me being picky, but the floating hyphen added nothing to the sentence in my opinion.

Yeah, I wasn't happy with that sentence either... I had trouble putting pauses in the right places.

Originally Posted by SleepyShadow

Lastly, I can agree with Silver. No one likes unexpected demon babies

Demon babies? I didn't say anything about demon babies... if that's what you got out of that snippet, then I did something wrong.

The entire thing was written as a way to get into my character's head (Silver is my character, Lester is an npc), because the DM and I came up with a novel way to get rid of the demon and I needed to work out Silver's perspective and responses. Apparently, the easiet way to do that was to write from the paladin's perspective first. But - and hopefully this will make things clearer... here is Silver's perspective of the same conversation.

I warn you - it's a little disjointed in places - that's deliberate and is meant to show the somewhat screwed up place Silver is in right now.

Spoiler

“You can’t remember what happened? You can’t remember what happened like you just stopped paying attention can’t remember, or like Rifus couldn’t remember?” Tanc looks and sounds suddenly tense, everyone else looks suddenly worried, and I am…

Oh. Oh no…

Possessed. I’ve been possessed the same way Rifus was, only this time there’s no deva to get rid of it. No way to get free, no one to hear me screaming, no one to break the spell, no one to hear me crying, no one to save me. No control, no self, not me. Oh gods, it’s happening again… not again.

It wasn’t me! It wasn’t my fault!

“Are you all right?” The voice – Lester’s voice, a small, sensible, thinking part of my brain informs me – makes me jump and immediately I feel like I’m about to crawl out of my skin and I suddenly realise my hands are pawing through my things – my pack, the gear I keep close at hand, the pouch my spell components are kept in. And I realise I have no idea why I’m doing it – just that I’ve done it before. Just that I have to know things are still where they should be. Because nothing is where it should be… not any more. But I was supposed to be over this! I moved on! I made myself a promise – never again. Man or demon, they’re all the same…

“I’m fine.” I mutter the words as the coherent part of my brain prompts me to speak. My hands pause briefly in their frantic searching and I wonder what else I can check. What else has been ripped from me? Stolen? Taken against my will… as I lay flat, straining, desperate and-- “I don’t remember the last two minutes and I have no idea how that demon-” the word comes out as a hiss and I’m surprised it doesn’t come out as a name, “got its claws in me.” I finish, forcing the words out through my teeth. “But I’m fine.”

Yeah. I don’t believe it either.

I push those bad thoughts (memories) back down where they belong and get blindsided by another thought – I am a spellcaster. Feeling a little more frantic every second, I start pulling out all the materials I’ve gathered over the years, each one wound up in paper and tucked carefully into its own place. Each one gets yanked out and compulsively checked and I can’t help the frustration when I find myself checking everything twice – enough that I grind my foot into the ground and start swearing. I’ve been down this road before – this obsessive checking of everything. Check everything…

I close my eyes to concentrate better and feel it instantly. Something is wrong. Something is missing (gone missing gone and I’ll never get it back). I can feel the blood drain out of my face and I don’t want to ask, I don’t want to know but I have to know.

“What was I doing?” Nothing, so how could this possibly be my fault. I’d done nothing, just walki- just scaling that trapped wall. “Before – all this…” I trail off and wave vaguely towards the rest of the group I can just see standing nearby. I force myself to focus on them instead of the tangle of now and then ricocheting around my head. Nera is kneeling by a crack in the floor, Tanc and Rifus are standing together, talking quietly and occasionally looking up at the phylactery Rifus now wears. I drag my eyes back to Lester – I don’t (need) want to know… but he will tell me the truth.

Please don’t tell me what I think you’re going to tell me…

“Ahhh, we were moving quietly. We knew the Dark Servants were up ahead.” He pauses, thinking. “Tanc and Rifus had gone ahead, scouting, they heard the chanting. You were dancing – you said you were warming up for- What? What is it?” He stopped abruptly, and I knew it was because of me – or more correctly the look on my face. What little colour I had left has surely gone and I gro- scramble for the wall behind me. The rock is hard and cold beneath my fingers and I cling to it, rock doesn’t hurt, rock doesn’t take, rock keeps you upright when you can’t stand on your own and what have I done?

“It was me…” the words try to choke me coming out and I have to force myself to speak. “I did it.” ‘He did it.’

“You did what?” A step closer – don’t Lester, just don’t. “Silver? What did you do?” ‘Nothing! I did nothing! He made me. I couldn’t stop him… I couldn’t make…’

“The noise.” I stare up at the paladin, feeling like I’m bleeding from every pore, that every emotion I’ve ever felt must be written all over my face, wishing, wanting – like I’ve never wanted anything in my life, to just disappear into the rock behind me. “Tanc said – someone said…” it might have been Tanc, it might not have been, I can’t remember. I can only remember screaming… screaming in my head and making no noise.

“There was some noise and then the Dark Servants realised we were here. It was me. I did that… I-” I did everything you told me to and you still blamed me. Told me I betrayed you, told me it was my fault… and then you took everything away from me and I- I betrayed…

“I betrayed us” Them. I betrayed them. My voice trails off and I realise I’m no longer certain who I’m talking to or what I’m talking about. The demon in the here and now, or the demon- the man in the past. I lean against the wall behind me, sag hopelessly and wish helplessly for it all to just go away.

“No you didn’t. Telia did. The demon used you. That doesn’t make you responsible.” Telia? I stare blankly at Lester, wondering when I’d missed the point we identified the demon. The demon who used me. “Silver… she possessed you. You are not responsible for what Telia(Jerik) did using your body.” Tell that to my mother, paladin. She blamed me for what Jerik did. I blame myself, why shouldn’t she have? I knew he wasn’t to be trusted, Lianna told me to be careful. Lianna… my friend. I refuse to believe she took- what was mine. No matter what my mother said, she wouldn’t. And yet, when we met, Lianna- Terryn wouldn’t say a word. Wouldn’t look me in the eye longer than she had to. Mother and Father and cousins wouldn’t look me in the eye – tainted, betrayer, your fault your fault your fault your fault… my fault. But I was trapped. I didn’t know then what I know now…

“Silver…” a man’s voice, a deep voice… Jerik had a deep voice. A man’s hand reaching out to me. A man’s hand reaching to touch, to grab and pull and strike. I pulled way, shrank back against the rock, desperate to get away. My lips curled back and I snarled – no! No man will ever touch me again! I made that promise to myself long ago… when Jerik left me and I was alone and cold and I couldn’t move until Lianna found me and there was blood and everything was wet and cold and I couldn’t stop shaking and she told me it would be all right, but it would never be all right again and these memories just won’t go AWAY!

"Silver, listen to me. You can fight this. Demons come at us through our weaknesses...” that voice is back, but there is no hand, no touch, no one to laugh at me while I can’t even scream. And the present slams back into me with the force… with the force of Tanc’s punch and that’s Lester’s voice.

“… fear,” I don’t know any emotion but fear “lies,” lies are the only way to protect myself “anger,” keeps me safe, keeps those who would hurt me away “these are their weapons.” weapons to keep me safe…

“But you're among friends. Friends... love... can defeat them. Trust, hope, these things are poison to demons. You can trust us, Silver. Break its weapons -- let go of anger. What fear is it using against you? What secrets does it know?”

How did Telia know? How does Lester know? How have I hidden this for so long, turned fear to anger, lies to truth? and anger…? well, anger keeps the memories away. These are my weapons, the only weapons I had against a world who used me and hurt me and threw me away… I can’t let go, they’re all I have left. Even if they bleed me to death…

I can’t let go…