Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Im not sure if this qualifies as a "relationship" but it's the closest thing ive had to one, and its been bothering me for quite a long time(about 6 months to be more specific).
It's also a pretty long story so bear with me x.x.
theres this girl that ive been friends with for about 8 months(started the last semester of my senior year of HS) and she knew i liked her because i asked her out a little into about a month of knowing her. We were hanging out like 3 times a week even when we didnt see eachother at school. It wasnt just the two of us, we had a ton of friends who we have both known for years, but i just never have really met her before. Actually ended up asking her out ON valentines day, i didn't mean to but it seemed like it was the only chance i had lol, she said she would think about it, and then the next day told me that she couldn't because she liked someone else and that it wouldnt be fair if she said yes. that and she didn't really understand what i wanted, it was the first time ive asked someone out so i was kinda vague.
Then for spring break, which was about a month and a half after i had asked her out, me and a bunch of friends went on a camping trip. It was the last day of the trip and i was feeling kinda upset because i hadnt really gotten to see her at all since the car drive over there. We were all around the camp fire and she mentioned something about how sometimes she got upset about the guy she liked(she had told him, he rejected her over a month ago)because she thought they would work out. For some reason i decided to try and talk to her again(at like 1 in the morning in pitch darkness). i told her that she should give me a chance and even though she didnt like me that way now she might feel that way after we spent more time together. She said that she doesnt want to tell me it will never happen because she doesn't know and she doesn't want to date me because she thinks she would be mean to me if she didn't feel the same way about me and i acted that way around her, and she could only date someone shes been friends with for a while.
afterwards she gave me a hug,and for some reason i did something really stupid. i told her that i thought she was beautiful and every time im around her i want to run my fingers through her hair(and then i did) then she said "no one ever tells me my hair is pretty, its one of the reasons i cut it short" then i told her" ive always thought you were pretty" and she said something like "your one of the few", and then we awkwardly went to bed. She seemed really flattered almost happy, but sorta surprised that i said that.(to be honest, some of these details, and that of the previous story could be very fuzzy, i was so nervous at the time that i was shaking at random intervals.)
so next week at school one of my/her friends had a conversation with her and she told him all of the following.(This wasn't new, one of my friends is really annoying and tries to know everything about everyone and wouldn't but out even if i had told him. After a point i just started asking him.)
"i have no idea how to act with women and any chance of being with her is now gone" and "if i ever try to get her alone like that again she isnt sure what she will do" is what she told him to tell me.
she also said specifically that "What he did wouldve been really adorable and romantic if we were dating , but since we arent its just creepy" and "i never wouldve thought he would do something like that" she also told him, but didnt tell him to tell me. It was all through text, and my friend has a tendency to exaggerate, but that hasn't really kept me from feeling awful about it for a really long time. Only within like the last couple of weeks have i started to forgive myself.
After that we only saw each other about once every other week when we visited friends at college during the summer. There are other details like i would send her a message over facebook or a text about once a week, and when we were together i would more often than not give her a LOT of my attention. Apparently she felt like i was smothering her and trying to guilt trip her into having feelings for me at certain points in time(i dont know when lol).
The only whacky summer thing that happened was one time i got fairly drunk(incidentally the only time ive ever gotten drunk) and was ranting to one of my friends about how much i wanted to talk to her, i meant just like literally i enjoy spending time with her/talking to her. For some reason he took it upon himself to tell her that and she was like "look ive told him already, i dont want anything, ive made up my mind, blah blah blah" is what my friend said she told him. She was a bit drunk aswell(it happens when you weigh 100 pounds and drink vodka).
But basically since summer has ended i havent really seen her at all. In the past month ive seen her once and i couldn't even talk to her. At this point i just want to think about her as little as possible, and try to tone down if not erase my feelings for her. I would be happy if i could be her friend again, and not that this is why im going to do it, but the only way for me to ever get close to her is going to be if i forget about her and she forgets about me for a while. Which sucks cause i really miss her, like i miss all my friends except its kinda worse for her cause i can't even talk to her x.x.
oh i almost forgot to mention this. She has never dated anyone ever and neither have i(partly due to lack of trying on my part though, i guess im picky)
And its not like she isnt pretty or shes mean to people(i know it isnt true, but i think shes the prettiest girl ive ever met, and definitely one of the sweetest.)The idea of dating someone makes her feel very uncomfortable. She doesn't know how to be close to someone like that, and the only person she has "dated" lasted about a week and they didn't even hold hands. She has some major self confidence issues about some things(i think mainly her intelligence) and she will be hard on herself if she feels like shes hurt someone.
So anyway, do you think im taking the best course of action and what are your general thoughts on this ridiculously large and drawn out story.
Last edited by Origomar : 09-13-2012 at 03:10 PM.