[Balmas]

Originally Posted by Anarion

I agree with you, Balmas, that restructuring it that way would probably be helpful to the story. I think that the biggest change needed would be in writing style and focus. The story would be most powerful as a psychological exploration. The perspective could be from either Pinkie or Rainbow, but it would need to get into much more thoughtful descriptions, to have the reader begin to understand what was happening not as a shocking reveal, but as a careful build-up that something was wrong. Deeply and utterly wrong. And then to analyze why and how that came into being.

Originally Posted by Deadly

That, and what Anarion says, all good points.

Spoiler, for Cupcakes

Spoiler

I believe I had a sort of idea of my own about what Cupcakes was about before I actually read it, based on the artwork I'd seen. I imagined that Pinkie took the wings, horns, cutie marks and maybe even blood and flesh from her victims, to become them, to wear their skin, to eat their flesh and ultimately to become her friends. Maybe to fulfill some twisted sense of loneliness and abandonment.

I saw this picture of Pinkie watching Dash through the window, and I sort of imagine the story could be like that ... Pinkie watching Dash, dreaming, spending all her time obsessing over her, building up to that final moment and maybe then it doesn't live up to the dream, so in her despair and torment Pinkie seeks a new victim to complete her. And thus the cycle continues from victim to victim, her desire and anticipation growing with each, and the disappointment and despair with it.

It's a rough starting point and I never thought much more about it, although I do have another story planned with a vaguely similar premise.

But yeah, spread it out more, delve deeper into the psychology, the reasons, the dreams and motivations. Make Pinkie out to be tormented by her dreams and desires, put the reader in her horseshoes, give a taste of the madness.

Just watching her cut Dash up isn't really scary, it's just dumb, what makes it scary is getting that look inside her mind.

So ... what you both said already

If you ever want to get a truly disturbing glance into the Pinkamena mindset, consider reading The Cupcake Chronicles. The relevant part is chapters 13 through 16, "The Journal of the Cupcake Killer." Be warned, it's extremely gory and very disturbing. The fic as a whole, though, is one of the things that really drew me into the fandom. Not the best, but certainly among the good fics of the fandom. (Tags: Gore, trauma, alt. universe, Sad, recovery, Appledash)