Doctor Who thread IV: "Would you like a jelly baby?" [SPOILERS]

[Hopeless]

So have they got far enough to release a trailer other than those odious "teasers" that almost make the one for Star Wars Rebels look interesting?

EDIT: Just watched the last episode of the last season today and something struck me...

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Clara followed the Great Intelligence into the Doctor's personal timeline she followed him around starting off by telling which TARDIS to steal and then right through Dragonfire and the Dalek's Asylum and so on which led me to a surprising realisation... how else could she pull this off unless she was many of his companions including Ace!

Leela, maybe Tegan or Nyssa, Sarah Jane herself?

Now take this to the next level... River Song herself is one of Clara's alterate selves which is why she remained linked after they ended that conference call and why the others had no idea she was there... now what if Moffatt did that deliberately?

And back during the second doctor's timeline he tried to drain the great intelligence's mind into himself when gti tried to do that to the Doctor himself...

[CarpeGuitarrem]

EDIT: Just watched the last episode of the last season today and something struck me...

Spoiler

Show

Clara followed the Great Intelligence into the Doctor's personal timeline she followed him around starting off by telling which TARDIS to steal and then right through Dragonfire and the Dalek's Asylum and so on which led me to a surprising realisation... how else could she pull this off unless she was many of his companions including Ace!

Leela, maybe Tegan or Nyssa, Sarah Jane herself?

Now take this to the next level... River Song herself is one of Clara's alterate selves which is why she remained linked after they ended that conference call and why the others had no idea she was there... now what if Moffatt did that deliberately?

I'd rather that wasn't the case. It would rob every single one of those companions of their individuality, eh? Which would be unforgivable to me. No, I think it's just that she unobtrusively inserted herself throughout the timeline to "tip the balance".

[Psyren]

I saw her more as popping up for brief moments, where the companion du jour could not see her, and offering tidbits of advice to counteract the GI's thread-pulls. Pick this Tardis. Open that door. Turn left, not right. That sort of thing.

And the Doctor, being as used as he is to strangers waltzing up to him with premonitions, simply acts on the info (possibly getting a feeling of trust from her.) We saw this in Blink when that woman ran up to Ten with the transcript he himself wrote to talk her through the Angels, and he accepted without questioning.

[CarpeGuitarrem]

I like that explanation. Plus, like the Great Intelligence, her unique method of entering his timestream seems to have given her a sort of Perception Filter effect. She can help out or offer a little nudge, but the Doctor won't really register her.

The two times this trend broke were both instances where he had extended contact with Clara (Asylum and the Christmas special). Extended contact lodges her in his memory, because he's been around her enough.

[CurlyKitGirl]

Web of Fear! Web of Fear!

Yeti! The Brig! Jamie!

Very well, though I should add that, for some reason, trying to download iTunes crashed my laptop several times, though I worked out the problem and solved it myself. Curly: computer genius .
Looks like it'll be a triple celebration too.

On a related note, I am equally enthralled, and I want to celebrate too. So I'm going to resume reviewing as well, because what the hell, it's been four months and I haven't written anything for anything in over a month and I need to start writing again, seriously.

So stay tuned, because tonight I am going to unveil the lost episodes of Friv Reviews - the Pertwee Years! It's going to be a moderately new style, with fewer block paragraphs and more trying something new! I am going to freaking finish watching Inferno if it kills me!

Awesome! Let's go read it!

... and I killed the thread with my promise. I really did fill you guys with anticipation, you were struck speechless!

That was Crash Number One.

As mentioned above, I'm trying a new format now; the previous one was a little dry for me, and I've been reading In Which I Watches and finding that I much enjoy ones that are framed as dramatic dialogues (I'm especially fond of the Shadowjack ones located over at rpg.net). And plagirism is the sincerest form of flattery, so I'm going to dabble in that for a while.

I liked them. But I do enjoy snarcasm too, so let's try this new format out.

PREVIOUSLY, ON DOCTOR WHO: INFERNO:

DOCTOR: Hello, I'm the Doctor. I've been exiled to Earth by the Time Lords for unduly meddling in the affairs of the world, but I'm pretty sure that I've found a way around that.
LIZ: Hello, I'm Liz Shaw. I'm pretty sure you haven't, and I'm a human scientist smart enough that you trust me to repair TARDIS parts, so you should probably listen to me.
BRIG: And I'm Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart, the head of UNIT, and I think it's actually rather nice having you around helping against this sudden and frustrating uptick in alien attacks. Also, possibly I need to remind you that there are superheated werewolves running around this facility that is drilling to the Earth's core, the lead scientist thinks that 'safety protocols' are a naughty word and may be turning into a werewolf himself, there's a mysterious green goop oozing out of our Earth's core drill that might be turning people into werewolves, and three people are already dead. Maybe you should at least try to stay long enough to deal with it?
DOCTOR: ... nah.

The Doctor activates the TARDIS control console and is promptly sucked into a dimension beyond time and space.

BRIG: ... *sighs*

Heh, dramatis personae and summary all in one.

And now, Part Three.

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STAHLMAN: Even better. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to rant in the third person and storm off. Totally not losing it! Stahlman storms off.

I do love third-person rants. They're so delightfully hammy.

Back in his lab, Stahlman's hand is turning werewolf-green.

I just like that 'werewolf-green' can be a thing.

Meanwhile!

The Doctor wakes up. To his great disappointment, he is back in his lab, and appears to have accomplished nothing but a moderate headache. But wait! There is a mysterious fascistic poster on the wall that wasn't there before! “UNITY IS STRENGTH”

'YOU WANT TO BE HERE'
THE MINISTRY IS GOOD
PEACE IS WAR [/references]

DOCTOR: Yes, this is clearly a strange coincidence taking place!

Brains: removable if a plot contrivance is needed.

DOCTOR: I'm out of fire extinguishers. Maybe a couple of sticks will do the trick. *throws one* Nope.

They didn't even play fetch? We were lied to!

Elsewhere, a MYSTERIOUS WOMAN with brown hair, jackboots, and an army uniform walks by. The Doctor sees her.

In spite of the fact that I studiously avoid spoilers and run based on hearsay and whatnots (and general speculation, I looked this up. Snappy.

ALT-BRIG: *facing away* Enter!
DOCTOR: Hello, Brigadier, who is clearly you and not someone else entirely. Your soldiers seem to have arrested me by mistake.

ALT-BRIG turns around, revealing that he has no mustache, and also he only has one eye and an eyepatch.

FAIL!
This Alt!Brig is identified by:
lack of Brigstache
addition of a Brigpatch.
Both the BrigStache and the BrigPatch are characters in their own right and should be respected as such.

DOCTOR: ...is that a new haircut?

(No, seriously, he still doesn't twig.)

You'd think the absence of the Brigstache would clue him in.

MIKE SUTTON, the SAFETY INSPECTOR: So, I notice Stahlman turned off all the safety features.
PETRA WILLIAMS, STAHLMAN'S ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: Yeah, they were just slowing us down.
SUTTON: Uh... what if something goes wrong?
WILLIAMS: Ehn.

And in the Mirror Universe

ALT-PETRA: Uh, I notice you've turned off the safety features.
ALT-STAHLMAN: *looks pointedly at all of the armed soldiers* Your point?
ALT-PETRA: Uh... no point. It's a good plan, I'm happy to be a part of it.

This Stahlman character (note how he stalls things like the plot?) is a complete prat in both 'verses.

DOCTOR: But I don't exist in your world!
ALT-BRIG: Then you won't feel the bullets when we shoot you.

At least he's still sarcastic in both worlds.

Boy. I mean, okay, yes, I realize that alternate universes weren't the big thing they are now in sci-fi circles, but this serial did come out the year after Mirror, Mirror took place in Star Wars, and when the Doctor finally figures things out he cascades everything perfectly, but boy oh boy did he behave like an idiot for most of that episode.

. . .

this serial did come out the year after Mirror, Mirror took place in Star Wars

lolwut
I think you confused your sci-fi franchises with star based titles there mate. And 'Mirror, Mirror' was first aired in late 1967 as part of season two, 'Inferno' aired on British telly from May to June in 1970.
That was a little picky wasn't it?

As for the Doctor's lack of comprehension, maybe brains are removable? Or you can make your own up: transferring from one dimension to another causes a brain fog? Though I doubt that. They just needed the audience to clue in before the Doctor did.
Maybe Three's a bit of an absent-minded Doctor? I could easily by Eleven being ditzy and not noticing for a while - or pretending not to notice while he gathered information.

I like this format too! Carry on. As if you need my permission to do anything.

[Psyren]

The two times this trend broke were both instances where he had extended contact with Clara (Asylum and the Christmas special). Extended contact lodges her in his memory, because he's been around her enough.

My personal theory is that she needed to be lodged in his memory for an extended period twice, to set him on the path to actually finding her. Which would then lead her to Trenzalore to step into his stream so she could get lodged into his memory for an extended period twice so she could why does everything taste purple?

[Psyren]

Breaking - Day of the Doctor preview pics!

I can't tell if that's Smith or Hurt dangling from the TARDIS.

[Friv]

Very well, though I should add that, for some reason, trying to download iTunes crashed my laptop several times, though I worked out the problem and solved it myself. Curly: computer genius .
Looks like it'll be a triple celebration too.

iTunes is a special sort of program. It's very advanced.

I just like that 'werewolf-green' can be a thing.

I'm thinking of going to a paint store and asking if they have any in stock for my living room.

FAIL!
This Alt!Brig is identified by:
lack of Brigstache
addition of a Brigpatch.
Both the BrigStache and the BrigPatch are characters in their own right and should be respected as such.

... you win this round, Curly.

Henceforth, the characters with be Brig and Brigpatch. The Brig is always The Brig, although his marvelous stache may need lines of its own at some point.

This Stahlman character (note how he stalls things like the plot?) is a complete prat in both 'verses.

Ironically, he's sort of doing the opposite - resisting all attempts to stall the completion of his big project. He's stalling the investigations that would stall his research.

lolwut
I think you confused your sci-fi franchises with star based titles there mate. And 'Mirror, Mirror' was first aired in late 1967 as part of season two, 'Inferno' aired on British telly from May to June in 1970.
That was a little picky wasn't it?

Whooops. I'm a real nerd, I promise. Yes, I was in fact referring to Star Trek when I wrote that. I didn't know the actual months, but the timing seems a little suspicious to me.

As for the Doctor's lack of comprehension, maybe brains are removable? Or you can make your own up: transferring from one dimension to another causes a brain fog? Though I doubt that. They just needed the audience to clue in before the Doctor did.
Maybe Three's a bit of an absent-minded Doctor? I could easily by Eleven being ditzy and not noticing for a while - or pretending not to notice while he gathered information.

In point of fact, this is probably true.

The Third Doctor still had a lot of the self-absorption of the earlier Doctors, and he combined with it a certain judgementalism and lack of patience that got eased up on by the Doctors who followed him. As a result, he's not very good at letting go of hypotheses or noticing details that conflict with the decisions he's already made (see: his cunning plan to conduct TARDIS experiments using a power source that was explicitly going to be taken away from him if noticed, or his habit of insulting anyone he doesn't like to their faces regardless of personal consequences).

It was still kind of an idiot ball. Nothing like the one held by another character in Terror of the Autons, though! (Looking forwards to that one.)

[CurlyKitGirl]

iTunes is a special sort of program. It's very advanced.

Extremely. My poor three year old laptop running on Windows 7 with a very minimal number of programmes on it just can't handle the complexities of iTunes and its harsh demands on the system.

I'm thinking of going to a paint store and asking if they have any in stock for my living room.

They'd probably offer you the shade of colour Jacob's skin turned when he found out his one twu wuv was marrying Edward.

... you win this round, Curly.

Henceforth, the characters with be Brig and Brigpatch. The Brig is always The Brig, although his marvelous stache may need lines of its own at some point.

*dances*
The Brig is such a wonderful character that I'm quite determined to see how many things related to him can have 'Brig' appended to it in some way. I have NotBrig, ProtoBrig, the Brigstache, the Brigpatch, I'm debating over whether or not Brigsnark could be a thing though.
And as with the Trek Mirrorverse, one of the most outstanding differences between the 'verses is the level of facial hair worn by a secondary character, so it suits that the Brigstache (always marvellous) should be made more evident by its absence.

Ironically, he's sort of doing the opposite - resisting all attempts to stall the completion of his big project. He's stalling the investigations that would stall his research.

So he still stalls things. That's nominative determinism for you.

Whooops. I'm a real nerd, I promise. Yes, I was in fact referring to Star Trek when I wrote that. I didn't know the actual months, but the timing seems a little suspicious to me.

Don't worry, everyone's brains suffer from Moments.
As for suspicious timing: probably. But then again Star Trek and Doctor Who do share many similarities when you think about it; and if it was outright borrowed then it shows just how iconic and groundbreaking an idea a Mirrorverse was. Though I believe in this case we don't have a straight 'good'/'evil' flip, but a more nuanced set of alternates based on order and the paranoia derived from a society that at least superficially appears to be like 1984.

In point of fact, this is probably true.

The Third Doctor still had a lot of the self-absorption of the earlier Doctors, and he combined with it a certain judgementalism and lack of patience that got eased up on by the Doctors who followed him. As a result, he's not very good at letting go of hypotheses or noticing details that conflict with the decisions he's already made (see: his cunning plan to conduct TARDIS experiments using a power source that was explicitly going to be taken away from him if noticed, or his habit of insulting anyone he doesn't like to their faces regardless of personal consequences).

I'll admit to not knowing much about the Classic Doctors - I have whatever I picked up via cultural osmosis, the first two ever episodes and whatever you see reviewed here to go on - but Two honestly doesn't seem self-absorbed. He's certainly not Ten with his martyr complex or Nine or Eleven, but One, Four and certainly Six are more self-absorbed, judgemental and impatient than Two.
(But Two really is my favourite Classic Doctor so I may be biased)
Three does seem quite self-centred though, but this is one of his earlier serials isn't it? So he'd still be smarting from being exiled to one poky little planet in the middle of nowhere, meaning it'd make sense.

It was still kind of an idiot ball. Nothing like the one held by another character in Terror of the Autons, though! (Looking forwards to that one.)

Shop mannequins! So evil.

So 'Web' ep. three is a reconstruction . . . this'll be fun! I may have to approach that episode in a different fashion. Any tips from those of you who've seen non-animated reconstructed episodes?

[Friv]

I'll admit to not knowing much about the Classic Doctors - I have whatever I picked up via cultural osmosis, the first two ever episodes and whatever you see reviewed here to go on - but Two honestly doesn't seem self-absorbed. He's certainly not Ten with his martyr complex or Nine or Eleven, but One, Four and certainly Six are more self-absorbed, judgemental and impatient than Two.
(But Two really is my favourite Classic Doctor so I may be biased)
Three does seem quite self-centred though, but this is one of his earlier serials isn't it? So he'd still be smarting from being exiled to one poky little planet in the middle of nowhere, meaning it'd make sense.

Two is very self-absorbed, but much more innocently than Three or even Four. He does things like help bad guys solve complex problems because the problem is so interesting that he can't help but brainstorm solutions to it, or fail to notice bad guys because he's so absorbed in whatever he's doing.

He was probably the nicest of the First Seven, though. Very fatherly most of the time, and he didn't lord his knowledge over people the way some of the later ones did even when they were helping. (He's one of my favorite Doctors, too.)

Three is the angriest of the early Doctors (angriest of any besides Nine, I'd say), and yeah, it's largely because he's exiled. He does not like being pinned down, and I think it makes him a lot more acerbic than he might otherwise have been.

So 'Web' ep. three is a reconstruction . . . this'll be fun! I may have to approach that episode in a different fashion. Any tips from those of you who've seen non-animated reconstructed episodes?

Do you know what style of reconstruction it is?

There are the audio-only ones, that use stills, and there's a rather neat "partially narrated" version that the Ice Warriors used. If it's the former... I dunno, lie down and treat it like a radio play? I got pretty bored of those and stopped watching them.

[CurlyKitGirl]

Two is very self-absorbed, but much more innocently than Three or even Four. He does things like help bad guys solve complex problems because the problem is so interesting that he can't help but brainstorm solutions to it, or fail to notice bad guys because he's so absorbed in whatever he's doing.

He was probably the nicest of the First Seven, though. Very fatherly most of the time, and he didn't lord his knowledge over people the way some of the later ones did even when they were helping. (He's one of my favorite Doctors, too.)

Three is the angriest of the early Doctors (angriest of any besides Nine, I'd say), and yeah, it's largely because he's exiled. He does not like being pinned down, and I think it makes him a lot more acerbic than he might otherwise have been.

Oh please All the Doctors, once they get their head into a knotty problem will do what they can to solve it regardless, with the probably exception of Nine who basically wanted to punch the universe in the soul before apologising a bit.
Concerning your last paragraph, I have a friend online is both both a Harry Potter fan (up to writing fanfic about it) and a Doctor Who fan of long standing. She told me that Three is very much like Snape, though with a bit less sarcasm, so if she's only halfway right that's still a lot of angry.

Do you know what style of reconstruction it is?

There are the audio-only ones, that use stills, and there's a rather neat "partially narrated" version that the Ice Warriors used. If it's the former... I dunno, lie down and treat it like a radio play? I got pretty bored of those and stopped watching them.

Audio with stills. I had a quick peek at the reviews for the DVD and there doesn't seem to be any linking narration.
I think I might screen cap all/most of the stills and, aside from that, treat it like an audio play.

[Soras Teva Gee]

Breaking - Day of the Doctor preview pics!

I can't tell if that's Smith or Hurt dangling from the TARDIS.

It's Smith... there have been other pics of that scene around though I believe they aren't official just well it was filmed outdoors

Also if you full size the pic the jacket is more obvious.

[CurlyKitGirl]

Koorly's Doctor Who Review Archive:
Classic Who

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Second Doctor

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Series 6
1:
2:
3: 'The Invasion' 1/8, 2/8, 3/8 part one, part two, 4/8 part one, part two, 5/8, 6/8, 7/8, 8/8
4:
5:
6:
7:

Fourth Doctor

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Series 12
1:
2:
3:
4: 'Genesis of the Daleks' 1/6, 2/6, 3/6, 4/6, 5/6, 6/6
5:

Sixth Doctor

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Series 22
4: ‘The Two Doctors’ 1/3, 2/3, 3/3

Seventh Doctor

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Series 25
1: 'Remembrance of the Daleks' 1/4 part 1, part 2, 2/4, 3/4, 4/4
2:
3:
4:

Nu Who

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Season 1 - retrospective

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Brief Whole Series Retrospective
1: 'Rose'
2: 'The End of the World'
3: 'The Unquiet Dead'
4: 'Aliens of London' (1/2)
5: 'World War III' (2/2)
6: 'Dalek'
7: 'The Long Game'
8: 'Father's Day'
9: 'The Empty Child' (1/2)
10: 'The Doctor Dances' (2/2)
11: 'Boom Town'
12: 'Bad Wolf' (1/2)
13: 'The Parting of the Ways' (2/2)

Christmas Episode: 'The Christmas Invasion'

Season 2 - retrospective

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Brief Whole Series Retrospective
1: 'New Earth'
2: 'Tooth and Claw'
3: 'School Reunion'
4: 'The Girl in the Fireplace'
5: 'Rise of the Cybermen' (1/2)
6: 'The Age of Steel' (2/2)
7: 'The Idiot's Lantern'
8: 'The Impossible Planet' (1/2)
9: 'The Satan Planet' (2/2)
10: 'Love and Monsters'
11: 'Fear Her'
12: 'Army of Ghosts' (1/2)
13: 'Doomsday' (2/2) GOODBYE ROSE!
Charity Special: 'Doctor Who: Children in Need'
Christmas Episode: 'The Runaway Bride'

Season 3 - blind bar Moffat

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1: 'Smith and Jones'
2: 'The Shakespeare Code'
3: 'Gridlock'
4: 'Daleks in Manhattan' (1/2)
5: 'Evolution of the Daleks' (2/2)
6: 'The Lazarus Experiment'
7: '42'
8: 'Human Nature' (1/2)
9: 'The Family of Blood' (2/2)
10: 'Blink'
11: 'Utopia' (1/3)
12: 'The Sound of the Drums' (2/3)
13: 'The Last of the Time Lords' (3/3)
Children in Need 2007 episode: 'Time Crash'
2007 Christmas Episode: 'Voyage of the Damned'

Bits and Bobs
Retrospective - to be written later
Why I Do Not Like Martha/Ten (This was written between my write ups of ep. 8 and ep 9)

Season Four blind bar Moffat

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1: 'Partners in Crime'
2: 'The Fires of Pompeii'
3: 'Planet of the Ood'
4: 'The Sontaran Stratagem' (1/2)
5: ‘The Poison Sky‘ (2/2)
6: ‘The Doctor‘s Daughter‘ Two part review.
7: 'The Unicorn and the Wasp'
8: 'Silence in the Library' (1/2)
9: 'Forest of the Dead' (2/2)
10: 'Midnight'
11: 'Turn Left' (1/3)
12: 'The Stolen Earth' (2/3)
13: 'Journey's End' (3/3)

The Specials]
1: 'The Next Doctor'
2: 'Planet of the Dead'
3: 'The Waters of Mars'
4: 'The End of Time' (1/2)
5: 'The End of Time' (2/2)

Season 5 - blind bar Moffat's Angels

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1: 'The Eleventh Hour' (including 'Meanwhile in the TARDIS 1')
2: 'The Beast Below'
3: 'Victory of the Daleks'
4: 'The Time of the Angels' (1/2)
5: 'Flesh and Stone' (2/2) (including 'Meanwhile in the TARDIS 2')
6: 'The Vampires of Venice'
7: 'Amy's Choice'
8: 'The Hungry Earth' (1/2)
9: 'Cold Blood' (2/2)
10: 'Vincent and the Doctor'
11: 'The Lodger' (bar the angels this was the first episode I saw)
12: 'The Pandorica Opens' (1/2)
13: 'The Big Bang' (2/2)
Christmas Episode: 'A Christmas Carol'

Season 6

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To to things this series was split in two, as such eps. 8 - Christmas episode will be liveblogged, and the first seven will be written with me having seen them before.
1: 'The Impossible Astronaut' (1/2)
2: 'Day of the Moon' (2/2)
3: 'The Curse of the Black Spot'
4: 'The Doctor's Wife' HELL YEAH!
5: 'The Rebel Flesh' (1/2)
6: 'The Almost People' (2/2)
7: 'A Good Man Goes to War'
8: 'Let's Kill Hitler'
9: 'Night Terrors'
10: 'The Girl Who Waited'
11: 'The God Complex'
12: 'Closing Time'
13: 'The Wedding of River Song'

Red Nose Day Specials: 'Space'/'Time'
2011 Christmas Special: 'The Doctor, The Widow and the Wardrobe'

Season 7

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Liveblogged unless otherwise mentioned.
1: 'Asylum of the Daleks'
2: 'Dinosaurs On A Spaceship'
3: 'A Town Called Mercy'
4: 'The Power of Three'
5: 'The Muppets Take Manhattan'
'P.S.'
'The Great Detective' CiN minisode
'Vastra Investigates' minisode
2012 Christmas episode: 'The Snowman'
6: 'The Bells of St. John' (and 'Prequel')
7: 'The Rings of Akhaten'
8: 'Cold War'
9: 'Hide'
10: 'Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS'
11: 'The Crimson Horror'
12: 'Nightmare in Silver'
13: 'The Name of the Doctor'

Odds and Sods

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Things that don't really fit anywhere.

'Good As Gold' Second Blue Peter scriptwriting competition for Doctor Who

[CurlyKitGirl]

And now, to boldly go where many have gone before. [*cue TOS theme (Such a awesome introduction)*]

'The Two Doctors' part 3/3 (season 22, serial 4)

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Previously on ‘The Two Doctors’: boobs, traumatised!Jamie, murder, cannibalism, boobs, Two, Six, boobs, eighties hair and fashion, accents that make me want to throttle people, torture, ethical discussions and boobs. Tits. Science! Mad science in fact. Also Spain. Arreba.

And I’ve been a little lax haven’t I? Blame it on life deciding to dump all sorts of horrible things on my family at once. Still, let’s finish this Lazy Review.

Six's theme alternates between being grating (the very beginning) and pretty cool. Still Robert Holmes (d. 1986) whose life can be summed up as: 'served in the Army, got into script writing, got into Doctor Who, name a famous serial from Three to Six's era and it's probably his. Was script editor for three of the most successful years of Who's history. Was generally awesome.'

Recap time. Oddly hypnotic boobs and a weak ankle, followed by rape face. "Here my pretty one!" God, camera, stop staring down Peri's cleavage. Okay look, slapping someone on the back like that wouldn't even stun a three-year-old! S: "Pity it's not a jack."

*squints* Jack as in boy? Great. The eldery, perverted, cannibal with an oddly sexual meat fetish openly prefers males. Can I just throw my hands up in the air and say this person is far too easy to see as a demonised gay person!? Completely unintentional I'm sure, but this subtext stopped being subtext five minutes after his first appearance! (Subconsciously I’m also thinking ‘jack’ as in jack rabbit?)

At least Peri makes a good unconscious body. All she's good for is looking pretty anyway. That’s probably sexist, but it’s true.

Those Sontarans are far too skinny and too tall. So Six and Jamie darling are still captured, bit of banter, Six refuses to give the Sontarans time-travel, so probably-Stike threatens Jamie. Instant compliance.

The not-quite-a-TARDIS looks like it came off the set for the Crystal Maze. The not-TARDIS now is an actual TARDIS. AND THEN CLEVER JAMIE BOY STABS THE SONTARAN IN THE THIGH WITH HIS CEREMONIAL KNIFE THINGY!! Told you Jamie was the bee's knees. (Also in the background here there's a really good synth rendition of the oooo-eee-ooo bit of the theme)

Our boys escape (leaving a fully functional TARDIS with the Sontaran), but are still in the cellar when the two eighties rejects enter. It's impossible for the other TIme Lords to have traced them there, but Dastari says the knife looks likes Jamie's knife. So wait. Didn't the Aperture Group realise that Time Lords have multiple regenerations? And that interfering with them would mean all regenerations post-X would make all those iterations wander what was happening? And then come investigate. Maybe even after calling up the Time Police on Gallifrey (or at least the 'we're superior to all of you, so if you dare touch what is our we'll make you not exist in the first place because we have a superiority complex the size of a small galaxy Police') for help?

But Our Boys are out of the cellar and guess what! Two and Jamie are back together again! And of course the first thing Jamie does after running over to him is touch him.

Then Six meets Two and he just heaves a sigh. Not like you just saved your own life there or anything.

6: "I've come a long way for you."

2: "Naturally, don't expect any thanks." I can't decide who's being bitchier, but then someone comes along, so Six and Jamie just wheel Two out of there on his wheely-round desk chair prison. And give up in the foyer because they were too slow. This leads to Six and Jamie hiding upstairs and Two having to bluff how he got out of his room while tied hand and foot to a chair.

Luckily it's just Shockeye so he doesn't even think anything's wrong. Also Peri's for dinner tonight. Piri-piri Peri?

The other bad guys start a search for Our Boys, but the Sontarans don't seem happy with the Androgum at all. Also, the gesture Stike (probably) makes makes it look as if he's giving her the two finger salute. Seems the smart bad guys have been outwitted. Seems. But given that the smart bad guys don't see anything wrong with a seemingly sleeping Time Lord in their foyer I don't think they've got a very high Wisdom score at all.

You know, for being in colour there's a lot of grey around. Two is mostly greys and light blues, and the evil scientists wear most semi-matt silver stuff. C: "I have a contingency plan [...] I want you to turn this Time Lord into an Androgum." WHY? Also: giving a Time Lord the morals and inhibitions of an Androgum isn't very good. Then again . . . considering the morals and inhibitions displayed by TIme Lords (and inferred from 2/4/6/9/10 and 11 (and the Master)), Time Lords don't understand morals or inhibitions all that well, so it may not matter so much after all.

But still. Why? C: "I want you to make a consort for me." With genetic material taken from Shockeye - something even the mad scientist balks at. Ewwww nope. And again: time-travelling Androgum - nope! Especially if the time-travelling ability is genetic!

Two's face in particular is wonderful.

And apparently turning a living thing into a different living thing whilst it is still alive involves "[t]who simple operations". To completely and utterly change one species into another minus one little bit of genetic code, even though that would be impossible without altering oodles of other bits of code.

Science!

Now Shockeye's going to kill Peri with a machete. Alas, he has to be a grunt for Dastari, meaning Peri gets to live. And this shot, absolutely is not foreshadowing. At all.

More martial music with the Sontarans. It's still weird how I can see the actor's mouth inside the Sontaran's mouth. Stike's going to kill everyone in the house.

Two and Shockeye are going to be operated on; Six throws water on Peri to wake her up; Two's becoming an Androgum. This operation takes 'a few minutes only'. And yeah, both bad guy sides are planning a double-cross. And Six, Peri and Jamie have abandoned Two! Jamie, how could you!?

Apparently Six has a plan, but it's not working. See, Six knew (or 'knew') Stike was sneaking up on him, so the things said, well, "None of it was strictly true, but he believed it, because I was talking to you." Good Lord, Six stole the thingy that was meant to make the TARDIS work for non-Time Lords.

And Two is now fifty-percent Androgum and science stuff. And Chessene planning ahead brought some canisters of anti-Sontaran gas with her to kill Sontarans with. (You think I'm summarising, but all this is three minutes of screen-time here) Shockeye wakes and is displeased. And the obviously metal restraints are actually made of foam.

And genetic experiments are bad? According to Androgum culture. And Jesus Christ Androgum!Two is awful. I don't mean just in the 'who are you and what have you done with [X]?' way; I mean in when you can say in complete seriousness, 'I can do better make up/effects than that!' Because I can.

Horrors of poor make up aside, Shockeye and AndroTwo proceed to bond over cooking. Because being a good cook and knowing how to combine flavours etc. etc. is genetic and not a talent. That said, what AndroTwo suggested does sound nice - black pudding aside.

This whole bonding scene is uncomfortable. I don't want to see Two making orgasm-like ecstatic faces and odd grunting noises with another man who is also sighing and grunting and making creepy faces. Can we stop ramming the Awesome!Vegetarian message down my throat please. This is creepy. And besides, you're not putting me off meat, you're putting me off sex! I mean, sex is already gross enough, but I don't think you want to turn an entire generation celibate now do you?

Oh God, and now they're going on a dinner date and dressing up for it. Just, please don't show me them getting dressed up.

Oh thank you, Six, Peri and Jamie! (Unfortunate Nazi salute in the background there)

{{And interlude if I may? While looking through the supplementary bits and pieces supplied with the DVD for further information about the special features I noticed some things: the Jim'll Fixit thing is still awkward, and the documentary about Robert Holmes looks worth a look; but most interestingly, the little paper leaflet says this: "[this special,] unlike its multi-Doctor predecessors was not designed to be an exercise in celebratory backslapping. The script's only purpose is to tell a cracking story, rather than being a contrived vehicle for other Doctors to reappear, and it celebrates nothing other than that it is Doctor Who! The Spanish location brings with it a degree of sophistication and style that is unusual for the series, which helps place 'The Two Doctors' in a league above most other stories of its time."

Strong words, and a strong bias. I wonder what's wrong with the 1985 series of Doctor Who. 'Attack of the Cybermen', 'Vengeance on Varos', 'The Mark of the Rani', 'The Two Doctors', 'Timelash' and 'Revelation of the Daleks'. The season summary tells me that live torture shows and Halley's comet were involved, and hints at a cannibalism plot and I've heard 'The Mark of the Rani' is a bit dull, but season twenty-two doesn't look that bad. I just asked mum about the Cyberman story because it faintly rings a bell, but all she had to say was that it looked old, like John Pertwee fighting the fish people (Silurians???) old, but there wasn't anything else notable about it.

Perhaps it just means Six's reign as a whole? In which case . . . oh, 'The Twin Dilemma' from series twenty-one and 'The Trial of a Time Lord' aka series twenty-three. Starring BRIAN BLESSED!! and the Valeyard. I've heard that one was shaky for some reason.

Either way, this is both my first Six story, and my first multi-Doctor story (though I do have 'The Five Doctors (of Rassilon)'), but I somehow doubt that 'The Two Doctors' is the best of both of them. We'll discuss this bold claim below.

And back to the story.}}

So the Skinny Sontarans are going to shoot their erstwhile allies in the back, Chessene first - probably because Dastari looks less threatening than Photo Finish - but fortunately the Fashion Rejects also intend to shoot their erstwhile allies in the back as they're spouting lies and balderdash about Two still being in the cellar with pure Time Lord DNA.

Or, as Six so eloquently puts it: "A double double-cross! Gets more interesting by the minute." He sounds rather admiring of the fact that two reluctant allies are planning to murder each other. So we're in the ambiguous stable/cellar and . . .

Oh dear. That's not the weapon you think it is. Talk about covergent evolution.

And then Chessene pops out of nowhere to drop a firework in a bottle on top of a Sontaran! Sontaran: "Aaaaaaaaargh." It's the flattest cry of pain you've ever heard! You wouldn't think someone just dropped a bomb on top of his head with a cry like that! (13:25 -> 13:35; check it out), and then the second Sontaran's head just . . . implodes.

Calm as you please Chesse walks out of the ambiguous stable/cellar and we meet a wonderful staple of filming: if it's not in shot it can't see you! The wall is roughly chest high, and even short Peri is still heads and shoulders above the wall. Look at this lovely plan I drew for you and see why it's silly.

Oh Lord. I don't even know what to say. Just . . . marvel at the horror. Even Our Boys are perturbed! In fact, it perfectly sums up my reaction: bemused horror and confusion.

Back in the Cellar of Evil, Mad Science the Fashion Rejects (seriously, they look like they're wearing bin liners) are worried because the . . . other two Fashion Rejects have gone on a dinner date. I'm surprised to find out that a genetic "transfusion" (Dastari) is highly unstable and that if he doesn't receive his follow-up . . . 'vaccination' he'll reject it. Which, oddly enough, shouldn't be all that surprising; humans do genetic transfusions (of a sort) all the time. They called organ/tissue transplants, and yeah, you miss your meds and you can reject it. Whoa. Guys. TechnoTreknobabble that actually seems like a reasonable and logical extension of real world science!

Aaaand, the other reason for murdering the old, blind, infirm woman comes into play: exposition and being inexplicably knowledgeable about the immediate area! Yep, in about ten seconds Chesse has gone from 'Where are they?' to 'They're hunting, so they're dining out in Seville!' I can't even be peeved because this has been used on and off for half the serial and everything. But she pronounced 'Seville' as 'Se-(b)vee-ya'. (It's a very soft b/v sound that's hard to transcribe without going IPA on everyone). Google time! Result: it's the local pronunciation of Seville, not the general Spanish pronunciation, the local one. I'm impressed. Points to you Robert Holmes, researchers and Jacqueline Pearce!

And again with people hiding in spots that only work as hiding places from that camera angle! There was an Interchangeable Sontaran - probably Probably Stike - hiding behind a pillar next to an open stairway that they walked up (and presumably down)! Oh, it's definitely Stike, and the rocket-inna-bottle earlier covered him in miscellaneous green goo. Natch, he's off on a vengeance quest, but we're hardly surprised now are we?

S: "Tell me, on this planet, do they ever eat their own?" Yep! It's typically seen as a grave crime and moral sin in modern Western society (and probably modern Eastern society), but there are people who do it either for kicks, because they have no choice or are mentally ill. There was that film Stranded where the survivors of a plane crash reluctantly ate the corpses because they were starving; there was that case in . . . 1970s Germany I believe where a man advertised in a newspaper that he wanted to eat someone, and someone replied to the ad and was fine with it; there was definitely a German case of consensual cannibalism in the early 200s. Erm, there's some kind of disorder where people are compelled to eat themselves. Erm, it's possible there are native tribes/people in South America, Africa, Malaysia, Micronesia, Melanasia, Polynesia and elsewhere who practice cannibalism in some form . . . The word 'cannibal' actually derives from the word 'canibales', which was the Spanish term for the Carib people, who were famous for devouring human flesh.

A quick internet search suggests that as of 2006 cannibalism is likely to still be ritually practised in tropical Africa and maybe elsewhere, and there are rumours of it happening in N. Korea in 2013. But to avoid seeming racist in this brief summary, let me tell you a few things about Europe and cannibalism. Brits made candles out of human fat up to at least the 1880s, and in general Europeans saw no real problem with eating bits and pieces of humans (mostly as medicinal purposes). Books have quite literally been written on the subject; powdered skull, blood and powdered mummy (remember the Wicked Queen's magic potion from Snow White?) seems to have been especially popular. And the first recorded event of cannibalism (by several independent sources) was of European Crusaders devouring the people of Ma'arra/Maarat in 1098. In fact, it seems that this incident in particular may have been the one to cause the eventual Western revulsion towards the act of cannibalism. And given the word itself actually started off as a racist slur created by colonisers and explorers it does display quite the hypocrisy. After all, we glorify Dracula, Elizabeth Bathory and zombies to the point where they all have games based on them. And you can even go on zombie walks and pretend to eat human flesh! Also Hannibal Lecter is an insanely popular villain.

And I just gave you a very rough history lesson. Oops.

I wonder what Doctor Who has to say on the subject! 2: "I believe in the far Indies [the West], it has been known, but I remember a dish, shepherd's pie . . ." So. Racist or just very poorly researched? Frankly, I'd have thought the Vegetarian Message could have had more impact if you actually mentioned real cases/evidence of cannibalism beyond 'those people in the West Indies' because what you just had Two say makes it seem dismissively superior, racist and like it was an isolated occurrence! I mean it's not like cannibalism films became a sub-genre of exploitation films in the 1970s and '80s, or there was a 1972 plane crash in the Andes where survivors resorted to cannibalism, or the documented cases of people in WWII eating one another to stay alive (Stalingrad, Leningrad, New Guinea, Chichijima and elsewhere), Paris in 1981 and more.

Seriously, people really like eating each other so glossing it over so casually and so racistly is pretty shallow. I spent maybe half an hour minutes writing about cannibalism off the top of my head before researching it for ten minutes and adding a few links and extra facts, it's really not hard. I don't know what that says about me. Doctor Who, concerning the topic of cannibalism you are both guilty of reducing it down to a crude (racist) caricature, being ignorant of the practice and superficial. I will admit that they may be discussing cannibalism as a widespread tendency, but even so. Frankly, I'm beginning to wonder if this conversation was just to make a juvenile joke about shepherd's pie.

I know I'm belabouring the point, but good God in Heaven, AndroTwo and Shockeye are appalling to look at; it's good in a way, but at the same time they look like, like, like a very poorly done Essex girl tan eith an even worse dye job! Oh, and the Terrifying Ones are going to attempt to hitchhike. Well, Shockeye's going for the carjacking trick, and Two's fine with it! Carjacking, murder, cannibalism, genetic experimentation and the ethics of such a thing, boobs and colour blind/generally awful costuming departments: this serial has it all.

J: "I can't believe my Doctor just stood there and let a man get killed!" Jamie darling, I know, but when you hit a man in the back with a big stick he's not going to be dead, he's just resting. Stunned maybe. He's certainly not shuffled off his mortal coil and joined the choir invisible is what I'm saying.

6: "He's eighty percent Androgum [no he's not, he's fifty percent Androgum]. By the time the effect reaches me, it'll be close to a hundred percent." Except that if he doesn't get his booster shot in about an hour the procedure fails so you won't become even the slightest bit Androgum. Frankly, an Androgum wearing your clothes would make even a colour blind clown cry in a corner because you seared his eyes with awfulness.

Because the universe both in- and out-of-show doesn't want to blind people we have a man in formal Scottish dress, a pair of boobs dressed like an American hippie and an explosion in a paint factory running down a dusty road in centralish Spain to stop two cannibals from eating a restaurant empty of everything.

Stike meanwhile is doing something techy with the not-TARDIS that I think will make him explode - or just short circuit.

Seville. This is Catedral de Santa María de la Sede with the Giralda Tower in the background there; I believe this is the western side, but I'm not sure.

You know, the visual quality of these outdoor scenes really is rather poor. I would also like to point out that Seville Cathedral is the world's largest Gothic cathedral and the third largest Church in the world, based in the historic quarter of Seville. It is a big tourist attraction, as in millions of visitors a year, so this suspicious absence of tourists and the complete absence of sunshine in SPAIN makes me think this was filmed at absurd o'clock in the morning.

6: "We can't be more than a minute behind. This way,"

B: "How do you know?"

6: "Peri, it is me we're following!" Point. But . . . wouldn't he know where he'd been? Because it already happened? Bah, time travel.

I'm watching Fashion Rejects get a horse and cart ride around Seville city centre. Poor Dastari must be dying in all those black bin bags he's wearing. Note too how suddenly it's very sunny.

Oh dear, the Companions are asking the Doctor "How [...] two of you [can] be together at the same point in space and time?" (Boobs) Wibbly wobbly timey wimey.

6: "When you travel around in space and time as much as I do, it's almost inevitable that you're bound to run into yourself at some point! Come on." 'The Three Doctors', 'The Five Doctors', this serial, 'Time Crash', the entire problem with River Song, 'Father's Day', the upcoming special of Nu Who has three Doctors running around again and probably more. Frankly it's a miracle you've not seen yourself more often! Also, Jamie darling I'm pretty sure you were around for one of the other multi-Doctor specials so you should know this already. But I do like how they gloss things over.

If you're interested in touring Seville with this serial, here's a lovely little walking tour I found a moment ago. Current location: Plaza de la Alianza, very nice.

Shockeye seems to think "Eight or nine main dishes are quite enough in my opinion." In which case dear sir, most of the modern Western world would kill to have your metabolism.

We're discussing the etiquette of fine cuisine in Doctor Who and AndroTwo is name dropping the great French chefs Brillat-Savarin and Escoffier because I think someone is a food snob, isn't that right Mr. Holmes? Oh? Dropping pate de foie gras and Belon oysters as wonderful little things into the conversation now? When oysters are traditionally eaten whilst still alive, and foie gras is rather controversial for force feeding the geese? I do believe by associating these luxuries and their associated cruelty with the insatiable lust of the Androgums you're preaching a vegetarian lifestyle aren't you Mr. Holmes? At the very least you're advocating animal rights.

I swear Doctor Who, if you're going to have some kooky Scooby Doo-style chase scene in the narrows streets and allies of Seville I'm going to pout very hard at the screen and make fun of you! (Our Boys spotted the Fashion Rejects and jumped into an alcove, so we're safe)

Location: Plaza Venerables. Six . . . being a genius and understanding both himself and the Androgum mind in detail somehow didn't think to check restaurants. Those places that sell food. That thing Androgums obsess over.

. . . Well. That was a Big Lipped Alligator Moment there. A Spanish senorita (and I mean a perfect stereotype) just dropped a (red) rose from a balcony into Dastari's hand while romantic Spanish guitar music played in the background. I don't even.

Okay, back with Stike, he's a mess and probably dying. He's certainly making a production out of it. Oh. The stables blew up.

Location: Las Cadenas (a restaurant) Juan. Really? Juan? Well, Manuel is from Barcelona.

S: "Do you serve humans here?"

Maître d': "Most of the time sir." Okay, he's British. "[...] Yes, I think I could venture to say that most of our customers are certainly human!" And the rest are rats?

Shockeyes clarifies that he meants human meat to which M replies "No sire. I'm afraid the nouvelle cuisine has not yet penetrated this establishment." And once again we link high dining to anthropophagy. MESSAGE! HAVE YOU RECEIVED IT YET!? MEAT IS MUUURRRRRRRDERRRRR! But I do like Maître d'

Calle Rodrigo Caro: they're plum out of lucky; in fact, they know nothing! And Six . . . no. Six, you do psychopath too well, and the phrase is 'There's more than one way to skin a cat', not 'cook it'. Also, Six even though this is about Andro-DNA influencing you, you've gone down a point in my favour for even thinking about eating cat. Humans I have no problem with, but cat?! Monster. No seriously. Cannibalism is/was a far more widespread activity throughout the world than eating cat, with it only being recorded as actively practised in less than a dozen countries except in times of extreme desperation. Humans are messed up aren't we?

Also, that cat was adorable!

Boobs, really? You don't understand what the Doctor means when he says "There's more than one way to cook a cat. [...] Small mammals are quite flavoursome when baked!" Idiot. And the Doctor isn't pleased because he wears a cat lapel pin and can thus be inferred as being a cat-lover.

And Jamie, I love you. "You're not an Androgum, you're a Time Lord! Pull yourself together!" Because being stern with yourself completely overwrites genetic impulses. I'm not even joking, it actually works in-show and out-of-show. It's a problem when Jamie's the most sensible character in the entire show. Not really.

back at Las Cadenas, they've run up a bill for eighty-one thousand six hundred pesetas. To currency converters! That would be €490, $665 or £419. That's expensive. Very expensive. Now, when the UK Playgrounders have a meetup we have a pre-meetup dinner at a restaurant and I believe the biggest dinner we ever had cost, at a very rough guess, £350 total. For around twenty people. WHERE DID THEY PUT IT ALL?!?!

Waitress: "What? Let me see. They've had lobster, clams and squid, brains in white sauce, two whole suckling pigs, a ham with figs, eight steaks and an entire family paella!" There are two items in that list that I wish to object to because they're not going to be served in what seems to be a fairly standard, if posh, restaurant. And a whole paella is twelve servings.

W: "They've just ordered a dozen breasts of pigeon, probably to help down the last of their dozen bottles of wine!" Oh come on! They're Brits in Spain, of course they're going to order obscene amounts of alcohol! Also, allow me to point out again the 'cruelty' and exotic nature of the foods they've been eaten under the guise of luxury haute cuisine. And the only things that seem Spanish (to the person who's never been further abroad than Britanny) would be the figgy ham and the paella. In fact, the paella's laughably Spanish. MESSAGE: HAVE YOU RECEIVED IT!!

Oh! These are those two guys from earlier. Anita and Oscar! Hello. Well, now I recognise you at least one of you is going to die, enjoy being eaten! Especially as Waitress just suggested getting people to pay a really big bill.

Maitre d': "yes. Well, leave it to me." Welp, nice knowing you guy.

Oh . . . that make up on the Bottomless Pits.

You know what's happening, space money isn't acceptable, so the raging cannibals are going to murder someone and eat his face off, so naturally Our Boys are Just Outside as per the theory of narrative causality. But first we'll demonstrate American provincialism by having Peri not know how to pronounce the name of the restaurant (even though Spanish is spoken by about thirty million people in America (estimating as today there are 38.8 million native speakers)), and Jamie gets to make a pithy remark about there being more places to eat in Seville then there are "fleas on a dog".

6: "Dog? Where?" For the record, dog meat is almost as common a meat to eat as human flesh. So we eat ourselves, dogs and most other animals on earth, but not cats?

Three . . .

Two . . .

One . . .

Or perhaps not. The matire d' has seemingly caved to the drunk Essex men in drag eating his restaurant out of several day's profit; clearly Anita has the balls in this relationship as she makes him demand the money.

AndroTwo has passed out.

hey wait! An hour must have been an gone hours ago so the Fashion Rejects failed in their task and Two will quite happily revert to being pure Time Lord in no time! Problem solved.

CALLED IT! Recall the Obvious Foreshadowing from last episode? Well Shockeye straight up stabbed Maitre d' in the stomach! Not that you'd know it from the paltry spot of blood on his shirt. Must only be a flesh wound.

This guy literally isn't bleeding. HE ISN'T THE BLACK KNIGHT! But he's certainly British, playing down the severity of the wound with all the pomp of -

Hamlet. Really. And his last request is "Take care of my beautiful moths." Six doesn't seem to care though. Also, called it. Two is Two again, now Andro in sight. Thank God for that, though he must have a stomach ache and or be extremely drunk. Drunk.

Still no blood. That was a very undignified death scene. And we will never see Anita again even as she weeps over her lover's body.

Oh hai Chesse. "We have some unfinished business to attend to." And Two is sho drunk guysh but he just bloo'y loves ya.

Back at the mansion, Shockeye's a pirate again and the - the Doctor sobered up insanely quickly! (S) "It seems that Group Marshal Stike incinerate both himself and his craft. I found this." *holds up very fake leg*

Also, the rocket-inna-bottle was coronic acid. Acid explodes. Did you know that? Anyway, cellars. The brief focus the camera gave to the leg makes it even more obvious than the earlier scene that Stike faked his death.

Cellars. Apparently the briode nebuliser is missing - that's the thing Six nicked earlier. The thing that contains his symbiotic print, oh the thing that makes a TARDIS a TARDIS. So Boobs is being made a test subject. It works, but without the classic TARDIS noise. So the test flight works and the Fashion Rejects are stern and grumpy.

And Six is grumpy that he's being chained up after giving an Androgum the secret of time travel. Also, Shockeye still wants to eat a human in spite of eating a good dozen people's worth of meals earlier.

C: "Take the one in the skirt." Hah, they know Peri's only good for her - "He's the youngest of the jacks." . . . sorry Jamie. Oh, and that makes the creepy scene from the first episode foreshadowing. This is very well written.

And we're back to the eerie-awkward sexual overtones of meat preparation again.

Aaaaawwwwww. The subtitles have this to say: (JAMIE'S DOCTOR) Jamie! Aaaaawwwwwwww. That's adorable and so true!

Le sigh. Dastari put the keys on the table a yard away from the pillar Our Boys are chained to. Two: "You might at least have let me say goodbye!"

The Doctors talk about how awesome they are - seems Six sabotaged the nebuliser by ensuring it worked perfectly. Once.

Both Doctors: "Can you [Peri] reach that wheelchair?" Peri pushes the wheelchair over to the Doctors and now they'll MacGyver their way out of things by pushing the table over towards them. Simple, awesome and that's why you never leave the keys in the room with the imprisoned guys.

Jamie screams and Two immediately orders Six to go rescue him (you'd think Six would care more about Jamie wouldn't you?) Shockeye is torturing Jamie with a . . . it looks a little like a vibrator, but is probably going to be called a tenderiser or something. Shockeye's going to die. Soon. Please and thank you.

Called it. S: "Tenderising the meat." AND GUESS WHAT THAT MEANS! "[...] It works better on a live animal. [...] That's simply a nervous reflex. I've been butchering all my life. Primitive creatures don't feel pain in the way that we would." GET IT. HAVE YOU GOTTEN THE MESSAGE YET!? I'M SCREAMING IT IN YOUR FACE. GET THE MESSAGE AND STOP EATING MEAT YOU DISGUSTING MONSTERS!!!!! YOU'RE ALL AS SICK AND TWISTED AS SHOCKEYE!!!!!

Six looks about as upset as you'd imagine the Doctor would be when a Companion (especially one as beloved as Jamie) is being hurt - 'oh, that's not very nice'. And the foreshadowing from last episode pays off again. Whodathunk.

Chesse finds out Six escaped and is angry at Dastari. He says it's best not to kill a Time Lord because punching Cthulu's best friend in the groin is going to get you a world of hurt. But Dastari's off to kill Two anyway.

C: "I want that Time Lord found!" Oh hello, Chekov's gun/knife was semi-aborted and Six uses it to cut Jamie's bonds. Time for a knife fight~

And this time there's actually blood! Because a fatal stomach wound bleeds less than a superficial cut to the thigh. Also Chesse has some sort of orgasm face as we wipes her hand in the blood and orgasmically rubs it over her face/eats it. Genuinely creepy.

And now Jamie has one of the knives and is off to go kill Shockeye! Who's going to use Chekov's Knife?! There're three options here! Six runs from Shockeye and . . . that's the exact route Boobs took. Moth collecting equipment?

You're not going to use . . . was it cynaide? Moth killing solution to kill Shockeye are you? Not when Chekov' Knife is all but begging to be used?

And now there's a cutlass and Androgums can scent people from their blood.

Whoa.

Dude.

This is kind of dark.

Six straight up suffocated/poisoned a man to death and made a James Bond quip afterwards.

Dude.

The death struggles were quite long and violent.

Dude.

Also Jamie's hiding in cellar now, and Chesse confronts Dastari and Our Boys (just Two and Boobs this time). And, guess what? Dastari is regretting his decision to "[take] an Androgum, a lowly, unthinking creature of instinct, and [...] set her among the gods!" I'm struggling not to bring race parallels into this, especially when Chesse's reply is "I put myself among the gods! I shall liberate my people." Really struggling. And that makes it all the worse when you remember that Androgums are cannibals. So, dead Dastari.

And Jamie straight up threw a knife at/into Chesse's . . . chest. She escapes into the not-a-TARDIS which explodes and kills her. Six makes a pun about killing Shockeye again.

No regret I might add. Perhaps someone should take a lesson from this, Ten, and learn to moderate his response to killing people.

What's a Stattenheim remote control? How come Six doesn't remember having it? And how do you earn it? He whistled for the TARDIS and it arrived.

2: "Jamie,"

J: "Er, after you Doctor,"

2: "No, after you Jamie."

2: "Aye." Awwww. This has the feeling of an old and familiar routine and is so adorable. I want to hug these two. Jamie bids Peri (and Six) farewell, and we have time for a little more banter.

6: Do try to get the old fellow out of trouble Jamie,"

2: "Do try to keep out of my way in future and in past, there's a good fellow." But, but. YOU DIDN'T HAVEN'T! YOU ALREADY MET THREE AND ONE IN YOUR PAST-BUT-POSSIBLY-FUTURE, AND YOU'VE DEFINITELY MET ONE - FIVE IN YOUR PAST-PAST, SO YOU'RE GOING TO BE INTERFERING IN YOUR PAST-PAST AND YOUR (FROM SIX'S POV) PAST-FUTURE MEANING YOU'RE TELLING YOURSELF OFF FOR DOING SOMETHING YOU BOTH KNOW YOU'LL DO AT LEAST TWO MORE TIMES (FROM YOUR POINT OF VIEW) AND THREE TIMES FROM SIX'S POV! "The time continuum should be big enough for both of us . . .just!" There's eleven or twelve or more of you running around the time continuum at the moment. Gallifreyan must be an incredibly complex language if they have thirteen regenerations each and can travel around space and time relatively freely.

And the TARDIS vworp!s away leaving us with Boobs and Six. And Peri still doesn't understand how there can be two versions of things in the same place at the same time.

Cue a cute, and knowingly done reprise of the Jamie-Two banter and literally the last words of the serial are "I think it'll be a vegetarian diet for both of us from now on Peri."

Scream out! COLIN BAKER'S GRINNING FACE RUN AWAY! Director: Peter Moffatt. Huh. He also directed All Creatures Great and Small (starring Peter Davison), 'The Five Doctors' and 'The Twin Dilemma' amongst others. That makes it worse that the leaflet with the DVD slagged off the other multi-Doctor serials!

Preview: No preview this time.

Best Moment: Look, Two and Jamie really are adorable together, and I just think that all of the Doctor-Doctor or Doctor-Jamie interactions were wonderful. Peri really gets the short end of the stick here.

Worst Moment: HAVE YOU GOT THE MESSAGE YET? MEAT IS MURDER. MURDER. REDRUM.

Best Actor: honestly, they're all really good, and I rather like Jacqueline Pearce (Chesse)'s slow and subtle degeneration into savagery and delusion. Troughton and Hines just work together with all the ease and chemistry expected of their long association and friendship on and offscreen, and Hines just owns this serial in many ways.

Worst Actor: Whoever played Stike. He was hammy and unconvincing and - oh. The fake leg was his real leg after all. Anti-climatic and dull.

Best Special Effect: The explosion.

Worst Special Effect: AndroTwo. I'm really not very good at applying make up, so when I look at someone and say with absolute certainly that I can do better make up than that, you know someone's screwed up.

Most Punchable Character: Take a guess. Go on. Here’s a clue: it’s not Peri. I lied, it is Peri.

Death Count: Four.

Kink of the Episode: Jamie is adorable.

Was Not Expecting: a brutal pre-meditated murder committed by the Doctor is shown from start to finish on screen. Every struggle for breath. Dude.

Overall thoughts?
This is pretty damn good actually. I can't compare it to other multi-Doctor serials/episodes just yet, but compared to what I've heard of Six's reign I can see how this would stand out as being very good in comparison.
Robert Holmes is capable of some very subtle writing (he's one of Doctor Who's writing gods), and I can see it here, and sometimes his vegetarian message can be quite subtle. Dropping all those high cuisine foods into conversation like that would have been quite skilful, if the rest of the writing didn't explicitly compare eating any form of meat to cannibalism and throw out sentences like "Primitive animals don't feel pain like we do" and making those scenes uncomfortably sexual.
I like the characterisation, and it must have been a joy for viewers to see Two and Jamie reunited on screen and hanging out with another Doctor (and the viewing figures for the serial average out at six and a half million a week) with whom they had pretty good chemistry too. Peri though has next to no interaction with Two, but the semi-flirting between her and Jamie is kind of nice.
But this is a Six story, so how do I feel about him and Boobs? Eh. Not bad, he's definitely the Doctor, don't get me wrong (something I still struggle to see Ten as after two and a half series) but he's a little much in most respects. A little too arrogant, a little too obnoxious, a little too overbearing, a little too hammy, a little too callous, a little too ruthless, a little too inconsistent at time. I don't dislike him, but I can see why he's usually voted the least good Doctor as far as episodes/film goes. Maybe it's because I didn't get to meet Six on his own first and I am noticeably biased towards Two and Jamie, but at times he played second fiddle to everyone else. And certain scenes didn't feel like the Doctor (any) would act like that - Six didn't even try to console Anita after Oscar died, I'm a little shocked by how much Six seemed to almost enjoy and/or not care at all that he coldly and slowly poisoned someone to death. I think I'm mostly ambivalent towards him at the moment, and that's a problem because all the other Doctors I've seen I really enjoyed from the first serial! I might not have continued to enjoy them as much as it went on, but I still really liked them the first time I saw them!
Peri though. Ugh. And it's not her fault either, some of those things were imposed upon her. But this meant that, for the first time, I had to endure one of Doctor Who's infamous Damsels in Distress. I didn't like it. She's nowhere near as bad as Rose obviously! But she annoys me greatly. And this serial honestly didn't show her in the best light, in the first episode I actually liked her at times, but she was so bipolar in her reactions (and in the portrayal of her intelligence) that my biggest impression of her is Boobs. Boobs and screaming.
The villains were okay. The Sontarans were completely unnecessary, and the serial would have been better off without their scene and devoting more time to character interaction and development. I quite liked the idea of augments and a society where cannibalism is the norm, but they only skimmed over intriguing ideas to say MEAT IS MURDER M'KAY. Genetic manipulation and its ramifications would have been much more interesting.
Oh, and they looked really stupid. But I kind of liked Chesse, she was clearly calling the shots throughout and, as the serial progressed you could see that she was warring with her default personality and reactions.
Oh, and Seville was wonderful, the directing was mostly very well done and quite atmospheric at times, though some of the foreshadowing and framing was a little heavy handed.
Overall, it was good, but not excellent. Actually, the most damning thing I could say is also one of its strengths: it's a fantastic Doctor-and-Jamie story (especially Two), but it's not a very good Six story. Colin Baker was overshadowed in his own show by his predecessors.
And later by his followers. Kind of sad that this anniversary special can sum up Colin Baker's run of Doctor Who in such a way.

Would I suggest watching it? Yes. But it's not a good Sontaran story (which is perplexing because this came in a boxset called 'Bred For War: The Sontaran Collection'), and while I think it's likely to be one of Six's better stories overall he's outshone in this serial even though his performance is still very good.

Classic done, now for the Nu. Time to boldly go where many have gone before. *cue TNG theme* So cool.

'The Bells of St. John: A Prequel' (series 7b, ep. 6-prequel)

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'The Bells of St. John: A Prequel', something I've not seen before. By Steven Moffat. Nice tunnel effect there.

Ugh. Children. Doctor's in a park on a misty October day looking down. Little inquisitive girl with a vaguely Scottish accent begins to interrogate him in the fashion of all feckless children everywhere.

Just calling this: it's Clara. Because this is Stephen Moffatt who had Eleven meet Amy when she was an inquisitive little girl with an obvious Scottish accent.

And let me just object to diddy!Clara's belief that you can't use swings if you're a grown up. Everyone can play on a swing. And of course the Doctor's a bit down in the dumps because he is indeed "very old".

Oh look, diddy!Clara and the Doctor are swinging in sync. Symbolism.

d!C: "My mum says I shouldn't talk to strange men." Or women dear, women can be just as dangerous as men.

D: "Ah, your mum's right." And thus people can't complain this prequel teaches children it's okay to talk to strangers.

d!C: "Are you strange?" Sweetheart, you have no idea. That said, God I can't stand children. See, thing about children is they never shut up, and they can and will talk to strangers; so what you have to do as a responsible carer-for-children is tell them not to talk to strangers, and then keep an eye on them for when they inevitably do. And in turn, because I'm quite naive, I like to think that responsible strangers would also keep an eye out for nearby children because they get into everything dangerous and talk to them if they're about to do something moronic. Which all children will do at some point in their life.

D: "Oh dear, I'm way past strange. I think I'm probably incredible." And yes Doctor you are. This is also the reason I can't hate children even though it would make things so much easier: children cheer you up. A child once spent five minutes talking to me in Tescos about what I was buying (and why) and damn if he wasn't a breath of fresh air. That said, being a young looking person of female appearance I'm not exactly the type of person children are taught to be wary of when considering strangers.

This is a flaw in society and should be resolved.

d!C: "Are you lonely?" Ah, the armour-piercing bluntness of a child. "[... Y]ou look sad." . . . What kind of parent would let their seven-year old child watch Austin Powers!? Also, Moffatt really knows how to write a child.

Also: note how Eleven then points out d!Clara's mum, subtly hinting it's time for Clara to go? Because he's good with children and for once, actually understands that the social situation he's currently in could be worrying for onlookers.

And Eleven is sometimes such a child 'wander around until I find her again', children do do that. Still, children are good for cheering people up.

Mini-summary: I liked it; it's sweet and the mist really heightens the melancholy nature of the scene. I can see how people would get up in arms over this saying it advocates children talking to strangers, but you really can't stop them unless you hover over them so much you suffocate them; so instead it reminds both children and adults about talking to strangers.

More than that, it's just a moment in the Doctor's life where he finds wisdom in an unusual place, gets to have a nice chat that, I think, brightens his day (if only momentarily) and maybe helps him with his dilemma.

The whole Clara twist isn't a twist at all. It's an untwist that is meant to be ironic. The Doctor did wander around aimlessly and he found her. And next he is going to a quiet room to think about her. Both methods worked, just in different ways.

Scream out!

Preview: No preview this time.

Overall thoughts?
And no bests and worsts for this prequel because there are only two characters and it’s nothing more special than two people talking while playing on the swings. It’s sweet, and very well shot, and that’s all it really needs to be.

And that's the opening act for our celebratory celebration of found episodes-ness!

Up next: 'The Wed of Fear'!

[Kato]

Woohoo, a new Curly review!

It's been a while since I saw the last part of "Two Doctors" just after you did the other parts, so my memory is a bit lacking...

Spoiler: Two Doctors

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Okay, first of: Yeah the episode title is wrong. This is not "Two Doctors", this is "Meat is Murder". And the subtlety they use to get this across makes PETA look harmless at points... And, well, I haven't seen the rest of Six' run but I fell confident in saying... neither Six nor Peri became vegetarians for long... Okay, quick search teaches me wrong. Apparently Peri was a vegetarian from the start but Six dropped it soon. (Tardis.Wiki.

It's been too long to recall what Bond one-liner Six dropped at his kill... Maybe later I should go and check that out. But yeah, Ten's aversion to killing... and I'd say Who was more of a "kids show" back then. But on the other hand, it's kind of a recent trend to avoid anything related to killing in media, I think. Or media available to kids, to be more precise. Then again, Shockeye was a terrible person because HE ATE MEAT and thus he deserved to die a gruesome death.

That TwoAndrogum makeup was pretty horrible but I kind of assumed it was supposed to be. What else would have been the point? Being scary? Even Shockeye looks more like a troll than anything else. Yeah, he might scare a little kid but only after its laughed at him for five minutes.

Jamie and Two... I guess I really need to watch more ClassicWho to appreciate them sufficiently.
BoobsPeri I don't really have anything to add. I think she can be likable but... well, if the writer is gluing the idiot ball to her boobs hands there's really little you can do about it, I guess.

The ending to me felt terribly rushed and kind of ruined the serial a bit at least. It cold have really used another episode or maybe less vegetarianism. Very likely less of that.

I have to disagree on one thing, though: Sex is great. Yeah, watching... whatever that was is not great but it can't ruin sex. (But maybe the amount of teen pregnancies nowadays is related to the lack of scenes between two older men in children television grunting together... who knows? Maybe it's wroth a try)

Spoiler: Curly spoiler, kind of

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Can Curly even watch the anniversary assuming it will at least contain minor spoilers to the end of Ten's run?

[Friv]

Two reviews in a row! Sweet!

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Previously on ‘The Two Doctors’: boobs, traumatised!Jamie, murder, cannibalism, boobs, Two, Six, boobs, eighties hair and fashion, accents that make me want to throttle people, torture, ethical discussions and boobs. Tits. Science! Mad science in fact. Also Spain. Arreba.

That is the most exciting Doctor Who summary in history, I think. And the most Hollywood.

But Our Boys are out of the cellar and guess what! Two and Jamie are back together again! And of course the first thing Jamie does after running over to him is touch him.

Well, what else would it be? OTP!

But still. Why? C: "I want you to make a consort for me." With genetic material taken from Shockeye - something even the mad scientist balks at. Ewwww nope. And again: time-travelling Androgum - nope! Especially if the time-travelling ability is genetic!

... wow. That does seem rather like the worst plan in history, doesn't it? Although it'll probably strip the Doctor of his protagonist status, allowing him to be defeated...

Still. Yikes. Are Androgums at all loyal to each other? I can't recall from your earlier reviews.

And interlude if I may? While looking through the supplementary bits and pieces supplied with the DVD for further information about the special features I noticed some things: the Jim'll Fixit thing is still awkward, and the documentary about Robert Holmes looks worth a look; but most interestingly, the little paper leaflet says this: "[this special,] unlike its multi-Doctor predecessors was not designed to be an exercise in celebratory backslapping. The script's only purpose is to tell a cracking story, rather than being a contrived vehicle for other Doctors to reappear, and it celebrates nothing other than that it is Doctor Who! The Spanish location brings with it a degree of sophistication and style that is unusual for the series, which helps place 'The Two Doctors' in a league above most other stories of its time."

Strong words, and a strong bias.

I wonder who wrote that leaflet? There was a lot of bad blood in general with the Sixth Doctor, so it wouldn't surprise me if that was someone trying to twist the knife against someone else.

J: "I can't believe my Doctor just stood there and let a man get killed!" Jamie darling, I know, but when you hit a man in the back with a big stick he's not going to be dead, he's just resting. Stunned maybe. He's certainly not shuffled off his mortal coil and joined the choir invisible is what I'm saying.

Don't you know that the back is where people store their Drama Tags? Hit one of those, and you're out of the plot forever.

Because the universe both in- and out-of-show doesn't want to blind people we have a man in formal Scottish dress, a pair of boobs dressed like an American hippie and an explosion in a paint factory running down a dusty road in centralish Spain to stop two cannibals from eating a restaurant empty of everything.

I can't stop giggling at this mental image.

CALLED IT! Recall the Obvious Foreshadowing from last episode? Well Shockeye straight up stabbed Maitre d' in the stomach! Not that you'd know it from the paltry spot of blood on his shirt. Must only be a flesh wound.

This guy literally isn't bleeding.

Obviously, he took care to ensure all the blood would drain into his stomach, so that there wouldn't be as much of a mess for the cleaning staff.

No regret I might add. Perhaps someone should take a lesson from this, Ten, and learn to moderate his response to killing people.

Look, one of the big advantages of being a hero is that you can act like a sociopath and as long as you kill bad guys, no one cares.

Seriously, though, Six was dark.

And with that, I'm done your review. Well written! So now comments on the St John prequel.

diddy!Clara's

diddy? That's a slang I haven't heard before.

And Eleven is sometimes such a child 'wander around until I find her again', children do do that. Still, children are good for cheering people up.

He's at the age where he's okay with acting like a child again. It's very C.S. Lewis of him.

Mini-summary: I liked it; it's sweet and the mist really heightens the melancholy nature of the scene. I can see how people would get up in arms over this saying it advocates children talking to strangers, but you really can't stop them unless you hover over them so much you suffocate them; so instead it reminds both children and adults about talking to strangers.

Yeah, I quite liked that prequel. I understand why it was released as such, though; it would have absolutely murdered the pacing of the first episode if it'd been included there.

[CurlyKitGirl]

Woohoo, a new Curly review!

It's been a while since I saw the last part of "Two Doctors" just after you did the other parts, so my memory is a bit lacking...

That's okay! 'Tis my fault for the delays and general lacklustre success at making any sort of deadline.

Spoiler: Two Doctors

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Okay, first of: Yeah the episode title is wrong. This is not "Two Doctors", this is "Meat is Murder". And the subtlety they use to get this across makes PETA look harmless at points... And, well, I haven't seen the rest of Six' run but I fell confident in saying... neither Six nor Peri became vegetarians for long... Okay, quick search teaches me wrong. Apparently Peri was a vegetarian from the start but Six dropped it soon. (Tardis.Wiki.)

Huh. Maybe he was still vegetarian in the show, otherwise the message would be weak as well as overpowering! As I mentioned, the message would have been better if it was consistent and subtle rather than overwhelming to the point of being comical. Honestly, eating meat is cannibalism?
*headshakes*
Mr. Holmes, you're better than this. You wrote Dr. Finlay's Casebook (which my mother still watches), Dixon of Dock Green and then Doctor Who! 'The Krotons', 'The Space Pirates', 'Spearhead From Space', 'Terror of the Autons' (Friv!) - you created the Sontarans and the Autons - you edited 'Death to the Daleks' and were script editor for years, you wrote 'The Deadly Assassin', 'The Caves of Androzani', 'The Ark in Space', 'The Talons of Weng-Chiang', 'Pyramids of Mars', 'The Brain of Morbius', and more!
LOOK AT YOUR TALENT! YOU ARE A GOD TO DOCTOR WHO FANS AND SCI-FI FANS IN GENERAL! At least six of those stories are classics and some of the best and most memorable moments from the entire show! Two of your monsters endured even into the revival!
I think that's it.
This was my first story written by Robert Holmes. And his reputation stretches before him. And yeah, it was good, but it wasn't good enough. Not having seen any other story he's written I nonetheless feel as if this is among the weakest of his Who scripts. And I can attribute most of that to his heavy vegetarian message.

It's been too long to recall what Bond one-liner Six dropped at his kill... Maybe later I should go and check that out. But yeah, Ten's aversion to killing... and I'd say Who was more of a "kids show" back then. But on the other hand, it's kind of a recent trend to avoid anything related to killing in media, I think. Or media available to kids, to be more precise. Then again, Shockeye was a terrible person because HE ATE MEAT and thus he deserved to die a gruesome death.

It was "Your just desserts." Geddit. Because he loves eating and meat! The other one was "He was mothballed".
As for the killing it was quite surprising, both because it was quite dark and the Doctor did it with his own hands and was so blase about it. I'm not averse to the Doctor killing or knowingly doing things that will result in people's deaths, but I certainly object to Ten endless angsting and hypocrisy. Not that Nine or Eleven escape these things, but they're more accepting of their darker side.

That TwoAndrogum makeup was pretty horrible but I kind of assumed it was supposed to be. What else would have been the point? Being scary? Even Shockeye looks more like a troll than anything else. Yeah, he might scare a little kid but only after its laughed at him for five minutes.

It was half-arsed. If you want a thing to look realistically ugly you put effort into it, that looked like someone had taken a stick of theatre make up and rubbed it on their faces five minutes before the camera started rolling.

Jamie and Two... I guess I really need to watch more ClassicWho to appreciate them sufficiently.
BoobsPeri I don't really have anything to add. I think she can be likable but... well, if the writer is gluing the idiot ball to her boobs hands there's really little you can do about it, I guess.

Out of (One), Two, Four, Six, (Eight), Nine, Ten and Eleven and all their Companions Two and Jamie have by far the best chemistry. If you were to watch only one Classic Doctor I'd still say watch Four because so many (widely reputed) classics come from his era, but Two-and-Jamie is my favourite Doctor-Companion set. Better than Donna and Ten, better than Rory, Amy and Eleven.
I sincerely recommend checking out any of Two's stories if you can afford them (or find them online) because they are so good together.
And as for Peri, the sheer fact that I call her Boobs and those boobs get more attention than Peri herself seems to is enough really. She's memorable because she has tits, a bad American accent and is thick. Hardly good Companion material. Still better than Rose though.
Heh. Adric, I've heard somewhere, is widely considered the worst 'proper' Companion in Doctor Who; I'm tempted to go watch a Fifth Doctor story with Adric to see if I come to dislike him more than Rose.

The ending to me felt terribly rushed and kind of ruined the serial a bit at least. It cold have really used another episode or maybe less vegetarianism. Very likely less of that.

If it felt rushed it's because it was. Dastari and Chesse died about the thirty-nine minute mark, Shockeye two minutes later and about two minutes after that the episode ended.
This is why I think the Sontarans should have been cut, they didn't contribute anything to the overall story and their absence would have allowed the episode to end instead of just . . . cut off.

I have to disagree on one thing, though: Sex is great. Yeah, watching... whatever that was is not great but it can't ruin sex. (But maybe the amount of teen pregnancies nowadays is related to the lack of scenes between two older men in children television grunting together... who knows? Maybe it's wroth a try)

I'm ambivalent towards the entire idea of sex in the first place, so those noises were just . . . ick. I fully understand that this is a minority opinion but that's how I feel.

Spoiler: Curly spoiler, kind of

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Can Curly even watch the anniversary assuming it will at least contain minor spoilers to the end of Ten's run?

Well, now you ruined the surprise. I said this was going to be a celebration, and it will be.

Two reviews in a row! Sweet!

I know! And more. Although . . . I had problems downloading episode two of 'Web'. For four days. After I finally managed to get iTunes working. Hence the delay (along with finding out which relative had nicked my Classic DVDs this time (and I still don't know where my 'Genesis of the Daleks' DVD case is)) in actually starting straight on 'The Web of Fear'.
And now a group of my favourite Youtubers are going to be livestreaming for charity when I normally work on my review. Doctor Who or livestreams and things . . ? Eh, I'll probably do both.

Spoiler: Replies to Friv's Comments

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That is the most exciting Doctor Who summary in history, I think. And the most Hollywood.

And people think Hollywood is new and daring. *shakes head*
You have to admit it was an accurate summation of the serial though.

Well, what else would it be? OTP!

Yep. Those two are amazing together whether they're just best friends, heterosexual life partners or lovers.

... wow. That does seem rather like the worst plan in history, doesn't it? Although it'll probably strip the Doctor of his protagonist status, allowing him to be defeated...

Still. Yikes. Are Androgums at all loyal to each other? I can't recall from your earlier reviews.

Yes, they are to a certain extent. There are alliances and loyalties owed between 'clans' and ultimately Shockeye and Chesse were working together for the benefit of themselves and their race. But mostly themselves. Androgums are essentially a race of egocentric narcissists who can work together.

I wonder who wrote that leaflet? There was a lot of bad blood in general with the Sixth Doctor, so it wouldn't surprise me if that was someone trying to twist the knife against someone else.

Yeah. It felt smug, self-congratulatory and condemnatory of other Doctor Who stories. Not something you'd expect from a Doctor Who DVD, let alone an anniversary serial.

Don't you know that the back is where people store their Drama Tags? Hit one of those, and you're out of the plot forever.

Point. Judo chops to the neck are also extremely lethal.

I can't stop giggling at this mental image.

Crafted with care for your reading pleasure. It was also easier to describe that than to draw my mansion plan.

Obviously, he took care to ensure all the blood would drain into his stomach, so that there wouldn't be as much of a mess for the cleaning staff.

So considerate of his staff.

Look, one of the big advantages of being a hero is that you can act like a sociopath and as long as you kill bad guys, no one cares.

Seriously, though, Six was dark.

He suffocates someone to death in this episode, and I know that he tried to murder Peri - but who can blame him?

And with that, I'm done your review. Well written! So now comments on the St John prequel.

Thank you.

diddy? That's a slang I haven't heard before.

It means little. It's a Brit thing, I first heard it from Dick and Dom in the Bungalow back a good decade or so ago. Oh man.

He's at the age where he's okay with acting like a child again. It's very C.S. Lewis of him.

Admirable. I rather like that philosophy of Lewis' and follow it quite loosely.

Yeah, I quite liked that prequel. I understand why it was released as such, though; it would have absolutely murdered the pacing of the first episode if it'd been included there.

It was sweet, short and quite calm; it would have ruined the pacing of 'Bells' too, which is why it's a prequel.[/QUOTE]

EDIT:
Work has begun on 'The Web of Fear'. And the backstage names! THE NAMES GUYS!
Derrick Sherwin, Douglas Camfield, one of the guys who wrote Holy Blood, Holy Grail (yeah, weird) and Peter Bryant.
Did you know Derrick Sherwin invented UNIT? Did you know Douglas Camfield was responsible for casting Nicholas Courtney as the Brig? Did you know Peter Bryant was the script editor for the previous Yeti story and the serial directly before this?
DID YOU KNOW ALL THREE OF THESE MEN WORKED ON 'THE INVASION', ONE OF MY FAVOURITE DOCTOR WHO SERIALS/EPISODES OF ALL TIME!?!

Guys. Guys.

Also, I've written a mildly lengthy piece giving a small overview on the missing episodes of Doctor Who, I'm thinking of cutting it and placing it in its own spoiler. Thoughts?

[Friv]

Work has begun on 'The Web of Fear'. And the backstage names! THE NAMES GUYS!
Derrick Sherwin, Douglas Camfield, one of the guys who wrote Holy Blood, Holy Grail (yeah, weird) and Peter Bryant.
Did you know Derrick Sherwin invented UNIT? Did you know Douglas Camfield was responsible for casting Nicholas Courtney as the Brig? Did you know Peter Bryant was the script editor for the previous Yeti story and the serial directly before this?
DID YOU KNOW ALL THREE OF THESE MEN WORKED ON 'THE INVASION', ONE OF MY FAVOURITE DOCTOR WHO SERIALS/EPISODES OF ALL TIME!?!

Guys. Guys.

You are definitely making me excited. But then, yeti are my totem animal. So there's that.

Also, I've written a mildly lengthy piece giving a small overview on the missing episodes of Doctor Who, I'm thinking of cutting it and placing it in its own spoiler. Thoughts?

Hmm... I tend to be in favor of extra spoiler blocks. They help keep text blocks manageable.

And speaking of people keeping things manageable...

Yep, it's been a week since my last review, so it's time for the next one. It's almost as though I'm actually sticking to a schedule this time (hah). Turns out that watching the show in ten-minute chunks around other writing helps a lot.

So, here we go! Friv Reviews Doctor Who, the Pertwee Years:

Previous Friv Reviews:

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SEASON ONE

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Spearhead From Space:
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four

The Silurians:
Part One
Parts Two And Three
Part Four
Parts Five And Six
Part Seven

Inferno:
Part One
Part Two

SEASON TWO

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Inferno:
Part Three

The Cast Of This Episode:

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DOCTOR: Hello, I'm the Doctor! I am a master of time and space, and absolutely through no fault of my own I have been transported to a strange, parallel world, where everything is completely identical except that they are three hours ahead of our world in the “Dig to the Earth's Core” project. Oh, and they're all evil. Rather important, I suppose. Also, I'm not going to lie, I may have a serious concussion impeding my judgement right now.

LIZ: I'm Liz Shaw, astrophysicist and genius engineer, and I'm being criminally underused right now. Fortunately, my evil alternate, CMD. SHAW, is not. She's a security officer for the mining project. She's quite evil.

BRIG: Brigidier Alaister Lethbridge-Stewart, at your service. I'm getting rather worried about the Doctor being missing, and also the fact that we may be about to do something terrible by drilling to the Earth's core. My alternate has an eyepatch and no mustache, so we've decided to call him BRIGPATCH. He's known the Doctor for about ten minutes and wants to shoot him. We have a lot in common.

STAHLMAN: I'm Professor Stahlman, head of this project. I'm also turning into a green, molten werewolf from the Earth's core. This isn't really worrying enough to tell anyone. My alternate (or, “STAHLTERNATE”) is... well... actually basically identical to me. He just wears whiter clothes. It's a little odd. Should I be worried that my evil alternate is... you know... not more evil than I am?

Nah.

SULLIVAN: Hi, I'm the safety inspector, and I don't know why I'm even introducing myself, it's not as though anyone is listening to a word that I say. Every time Stahlman ignores me I'm going to take a shot of whiskey. I mean, this whole place is going to -

PETRA: I'm Stalhman's assistant, Petra . I idolize him in both worlds. I'm not really very interesting, but at least there's a second woman on screen and we're both scientists and not secretaries or something.

BENTON: I'm Sergent Mike Benton, a general badass and the Brig's second-in-command. (Well, third-in-command behind that magnificent mustache.) I'm not really in this much as me, and I wouldn't normally rate my own intro, but my evil alternate is about to shoot the Doctor in the face. Let's see how that goes!

And now... Inferno! Part Four!

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BENTERNATE: Well, let's get shooting!
CMD SHAW: Hang on, no. Protocol dictates that shooting prisoners near computers is bad for the efficiency of the computer. What's he doing, anyway?
DOCTOR: Fixing the computer. While Benternate and Cmd. Shaw argue, he does so. Well, would you look at that. Computer says everything's going to explode.
STALHTERNATE: Like hell it will. Everyone out. Ignore the computer.
ALT-SUTTON: But shouldn't we...
STAHLTERNATE: Shut it, Sutton. Why are you even here? You weren't around last episode.
Sutton takes a shot
DOCTOR: Seriously, guys, we need to shut everything down.
SUTTON: Yes.
STAHLTERNATE: No.
SUTTON: Yes.
STAHLTERNATE: No.
SUTTON: Yes.
STAHLTERNATE: ... fine.
SUTTON: *nearly has a heart attack that someone actually listened to him, puts the whiskey away* Great!

Cmd. Shaw takes the Doctor back to their office

SHAW: So, who are you really?
DOCTOR: A guy from another world. I know a scientist who is you.
SHAW: That's silly. I'm a security officer. So there's no possible link.
DOCTOR: ... education's not a big thing here, is it?

Back outside, Alt-Sutton and Alt-Petra are arguing

ALT-SUTTON: Unlike everyone else, I'm exactly like my alternate self! Safety procedures need to be followed! I don't care what Stahlman thinks, and I dislike fascism!
ALT-PETRA: Yeah, that's not really a safe thing to say. Just FYI.
ALT-SUTTON: What are they going to do, shoot me? Wait, actually, they might. Whatever, don't even care.

Alt-Sutton meets with Stahlternate.

STAHLTERNATE: So now that stopping worked, we're going to go faster to make up for lost time.
ALT-SUTTON: That's really, really dumb.
STAHLTERNATE: Shut up.
ALT-SUTTON: Or what?
STAHLTERNATE: Guess.

Stahlternate storms off and immediately has a terrible migrane, and we cut to where Shaw and Brigpatch are interrogating the Doctor. It's... not going well.

SHAW: Who are you?
BRIGPATCH: What do you want?
SHAW: Who do you work for?
BRIGPATCH: When did you first become a traitor?
DOCTOR: Sorry, what?
BRIGPATCH: You heard me.
DOCTOR: For a fascist evil empire, you guys suck at interrogations. You're just sitting me in a chair and yelling at me a lot.
BRIGPATCH: Look, this is prime time in 1970, give us a break. Which, incidentally, you will do. Eventually.
DOCTOR: Yes, all that yelling is definitely giving me a headache. Not helping the concussion one bit. Neither's the bright light... hey, is the drilling picking up speed? Maybe you guys could look into that?
BRIGPATCH: Or we could yell at you a while longer. Let's do that, it's kind of fun.

Stahlternate storms in.
STAHLTERNATE: How're things going?
DOCTOR: Hey, what's with your gloves?
STAHLTERNATE: What, these? *takes them off* Burned myself earlier.
DOCTOR: Can't help but notice your hand is green beneath them.
BRIGPATCH: That's silly. Take him away. Shaw, transfer him, okay? Oh, and Stahlman? Stop mucking with my investigation.

ALT-SUTTON: Safety protocols?
ALT-PETRA: Stahlman says no.
ALT-SUTTON: *takes a shot* Stahlman's crazy.
ALT-PETRA: Well... uh... he still says no.

Alt-Benton takes the Doctor to a cell and locks him in with another person.

DOCTOR: Any chance of a cup of tea? Glass of water?
CMD SHAW: No, I'm just here to yell at you some more.
DOCTOR: Nah.
ALT-BENTON: Talk to her or I'll shoot you.
DOCTOR: ... so we're doing the whole loop again?

They do the whole loop again, and then Shaw sends the troops away.

CMD SHAW: Look, I'm just trying to help out. I have a new theory – I think you're not a spy. I think you're a crazy person.
DOCTOR: Well... that's progress? Look, if you're not going to believe my perfectly reasonable claim to be a time-travelling alien from another universe, you can just leave.
Cmd. Shaw leaves.
DOCTOR: ... fine, then. I'll just talk with the guy in the next cell. Hello, cellmate. How are you doing? Can you believe that sports result last week? What's your favourite colour?

The Doctor's cellmate turns out to be a green werewolf. The Doctor doesn't notice. Meanwhile, a universe away, the real Brig and Liz are discussing the Doctor being missing.

BRIG: Well, no sign of him. But he can take care of himself.
LIZ: Can he, though?

Meanwhile, SIR KEITH is back! He approaches Stahlman.

SIR KEITH: Safety protocols?
STAHLMAN: Nope.
SIR KEITH: I'm going to shut things down, man.
STAHLMAN: Go to hell.

The Brig and Liz are just hanging out in the background watching the drama unfold and looking at each other pointedly.

SIR KEITH: You're sounding a little paranoid.
STAHLMAN: Seriously, go straight to hell. *storms off*
BRIG: Well, that went well.
SIR KEITH: Yeah... I'm heading off. Going to do my best to fix things at the Ministry. It sounds ridiculous, but... there's something ominous about the whole project.
BRIG: Like the werewolves?
LIZ: And the bubbling death goo?
BRIG: And those times the whole rig almost exploded?
LIZ: And the dead people?
SIR KEITH: Yep. Totally ridiculous. Say, where's the Doctor?
BRIG: Uh... we don't know.
SIR KEITH: Well, he's probably better there than here.

The Doctor is not better there than here! He wakes up to hear the werewolf snuffling.

DOCTOR: Hey, that guy in the other cell sounds sick! Someone take a look!
RANDOM GUARD: Yeah, that seems reasonable.
The guard goes to take a look, and is promptly murdered by a werewolf.
DOCTOR: ... huh.
The werewolf pulls the bars open with his bare hands.
DOCTOR: ... huhhh...
The werewolf attacks the Doctor
DOCTOR: Hah! Bed-fu!
The Doctor hits the werewolf with a mattress, runs out the cell door that Alt-Benton opened, and takes the time to lock it behind him.
DOCTOR: Ahah! Now what will you do?
WEREWOLF: Nooo, trapped! If only I could bend metal bars with my hands like I did ten seconds ago! Curses! Trapped here forever!

The Doctor slips outside and tries to get back to his TARDIS. This involves a lot of dodging various patrols, hiding in trucks, and the like. Meanwhile, we're at a mere 35 minutes to final drilling.

ALT-SUTTON: I don't know about all of this.
ALT-PETRA: I gathered.

Meanwhile, ALT-BENTON walks into the cell to find his guard dead and the Doctor missing.

ALT-BENTON: Seriously? Every time I go to the bathroom, something exciting happens.

The Doctor disguises himself in a radiation suit and joins a bunch of workers marching in. We are now two minutes away from final drilling. Alt-Sutton is nervous. Stahlternate is intense. The guards are alert. The Brigpatch is nervous. The rad suited people walk into the control room. No one notices that there is one too many of them.

One minute. The Doctor quietly walks away from the other suits. No one notices until the Brig spots him.

BRIGPATCH: Hey, you. You shouldn't be up there.
DOCTOR: *removes hat* It's okay, it's just me.
BRIGPATCH: ... *sighs*
DOCTOR: Stop the countdown!
STAHLTERNATE: Shoot him!
ALT-SUTTON: That would be murder!
STAHLTERNATE: Yes! We're the evil alternates! Damn it, get with the program!

They hit thirty seconds left. A terrible, high-pitched squeal fills the room.
DOCTOR: Listen to that! That's the sound of this planet screaming out its rage!
STAHLTERNATE: That's the sound of a bloody drill, you animistic idiot!
BRIGPATCH: Right, I'm shooting you, Doctor.

Alt-Sutton tackles the Brigpatch.

ALT-SUTTON: Hell with it, I never liked evil alternates anyway! Run for it! My sacrifice will be worthwhile if you can escape!
DOCTOR: Right!

The Doctor runs eight steps and collides with a pair of guards, who promptly return him to the control room.

ALT-SUTTON: ... *sigh*

Stahlternate pulls out his pistol, watching the Doctor. The countdown hits 5 seconds. 4... 3... 2... 1... episode credits!

And that's that. The Doctor spent twenty minutes doing nothing, followed by two minutes of frenetic activity, followed by complete, embarrassing failure. I mean, brutally embarrassing. Wow. So much failing for him this episode.

I blame the concussion.

Hopefully he'll do better next time.

(My only regret is not naming Cmd. Shaw "Shawlternate", but it looked too much like "Stahlternate" so I couldn't.)

[Kato]

Well, now you ruined the surprise. I said this was going to be a celebration, and it will be.

Wah, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry
I did put it in a spoiler but I forgot you'd get tp read it when you quote me. Urgh.... I hope I didn't ruin too much

Also, I've written a mildly lengthy piece giving a small overview on the missing episodes of Doctor Who, I'm thinking of cutting it and placing it in its own spoiler. Thoughts?

Sure, I'd love it and I'm sure many others would as well.

[CurlyKitGirl]

Wah, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry
I did put it in a spoiler but I forgot you'd get tp read it when you quote me. Urgh.... I hope I didn't ruin too much

I meant my surprise. One episode of 'Web' to one episode of Nu.

Sure, I'd love it and I'm sure many others would as well.

Done and done.

[Hullabaloo]

On my phone, so can't make a better post, but


TRAILER

http://www.reddit.com/r/television/c...rsary_trailer/

[Hopeless]

Now THAT I LIKED!!!

About bl***y time!!!

[Thufir]

I liked the visuals, getting all the Doctors in. The voice-over was a bit too cheesy. Too melodramatic.

[Soras Teva Gee]

I think "a bit too cheesy" and "melodramatic" are rather appropriate descriptors of the franchise... they very much are the point.

[comicshorse]

And as for Peri, the sheer fact that I call her Boobs and those boobs get more attention than Peri herself seems to is enough really. She's memorable because she has tits, a bad American accent and is thick. Hardly good Companion material. Still better than Rose though.
Heh. Adric, I've heard somewhere, is widely considered the worst 'proper' Companion in Doctor Who; I'm tempted to go watch a Fifth Doctor story with Adric to see if I come to dislike him more than Rose.

Watch a story with Mel in before you decide who was the worst companion ever

[Psyren]

Note that Moffat thinks we're all miscounting when it comes to number of regenerations so far. I have a couple of theories here:

1) The "partial regenerations," like 10 using the hand to stop himself from going through with it, count in some way.

2) River giving 11 all of her remaining regens has extended his own number.

3) One perhaps regenerated at least once before stealing the TARDIS to begin with. This could be where John Hurt's Doctor comes in.

4) There is a blank spot between Paul Mcgann and Eccleston where we're not sure what happened. This could be where John Hurt's Doctor comes in.

Any other theories I'm missing?

[Kato]

I like Moffat but I think he's pulling our leg one way or another... (again)

Maybe McGann, Hurt and Eccleston are the same regeneration and somebody just performed plastic surgery on our favorite time lord? I guess we'll find out in about a month.


(The trailer was pretty cool but, yeah, the voiceover was a bit over the top. Not inappropriate for Doctor Who but still. I guess they need to make it look awesome, though.

[Androgeus]

Note that Moffat thinks we're all miscounting when it comes to number of regenerations so far. I have a couple of theories here:

1) The "partial regenerations," like 10 using the hand to stop himself from going through with it, count in some way.

2) River giving 11 all of her remaining regens has extended his own number.

3) One perhaps regenerated at least once before stealing the TARDIS to begin with. This could be where John Hurt's Doctor comes in.

4) There is a blank spot between Paul Mcgann and Eccleston where we're not sure what happened. This could be where John Hurt's Doctor comes in.

Any other theories I'm missing?

He says to rewatch the DVDs so that kinda throws 3 & 4 out of the window of being able to count regenerations.

[Hullabaloo]

Any other theories I'm missing?

#5, which really should be #1.

The Doctor (or whoever is writing at the time) Lies. He will never run out of regeneration as long as there are ratings.

[Soras Teva Gee]

Yeah Moffat's little trolling there... I think the only way to win that game is not play. We all know damn well that shenanigans will get the Doctor as many regens as he needs and the viewership supports.

Either Hurt (and/or Ten's metacrisis event) took a few or they didn't.

And either River gave Eleven more or she didn't.

Other then that all bets are off especially if we get into Classic Who and Time War interregnum possibilities.

...

On a different topic, in the trailer who's the dude with a bandolier we can see from behind right before the camera zooms by Ten?