Let's Play Labyrinth of Touhou - Chapter 7
Hi there all! Suika Ibuki here, ready to fill you in on an exciting day spent in the strange space of Gensokyo! Pardon me if I ramble a bit...I had a lot to drink today. And how could I not, when we discovered an entire floor that smelled of sake?
Luckily, I asked Patchy to proofread this for me beforehand. I hope this wasn't too incomprehensible for her to read. (Editor's note: You owe me one, you drunk oni.
So after we got Alice to join us, our party numbered up to 12! check out our group picture!
Don't I look cute in the center there?
But...allow me to let you in on two little secrets. One is that ever since I entered this strange space, I've been seeing things. Everyone tells me I've just been hallucinating from drinking too much, but I don't think that's it; I mean, I always drink this much. It's weird, I keep seeing these numbers everywhere, and I think I'm starting to figure out what it all means. For example, next to everybody I see some big number following the letters "HP", and a smaller number following an "SP". I also see lots of other numbers with labels on them, such as "level", "STR", "DEF", and so forth. The cool part is, even if the others don't believe me, I think I've figured out what they all mean! (Editor's note: You really are drunk, aren't you?
Which brings me to my next point: those numbers are lower than I'd like them to be. While it's fun and all to try and save Gensokyo as a big happy group, I don't really think everyone here is up to snuff. So many of us are out of shape from not participating in the latest incidences, it's no wonder we all started at level 1. And then there are those of us who are just plain lazy, i.e. Reimu. Don't get me wrong, Reimu's a great friend who lets me mooch off of what little food she has at the shrine, but she's just not motiviated enough to tackle an incident as big as this. The rest of the party is just... (Editor's note: The rest of this paragraph is illegible.
I really, really want to get everyone to try harder and become stronger, but no one would listen to me. I tried to toughen them up against the monsters on Floor 5, but they just kept complaining about how fast those birds dive-bombing birds are, or how those rabbit girls kept sniping us.
Luckily, I just came up with a plan help us out, but I'll get to it in a minute. First let me tell you about all the other cool things on this floor! (Editor's note: You were behind this all along?!?
Since we found ourselves next to a riverbed on this stage, we saw a few frogs hopping up out of the waters. Cirno spent some time freezing them. It was pretty funny! Their eyes would bulge and then they'd suddenly stop! Ha, what fun! We carried a few with us as good luck charms. The little goddess from the mountain would always refuse them for some reason, though. What's up with her?
We came across two more magic sigils that blocked the two paths up to the 6th floor. It took some searching, but we eventually found the first sigil's guardian at the southeast corner of Floor 5. This was the Fern Sigil's guardian, and man was it easy!
Its attacks were weaksauce, and the worst thing it could do was completely drain the SP of every active party member. But all we had to do was switch in a fresh set of attackers to finish it off. It did heavily resist every single element, but we had enough folks with non-elemental attacks to beat it down quickly.
Even though we had an easy victory, I still felt uneasy about how we've been doing. Fortunately, I did have a great plan! You see, while we were exploring, we came upon the most amazing thing ever: a spring that poured forth sake!
As you can imagine, our party had a great time! We took a break from the expedition and just spent the afternoon sipping delicious sake. Of course I joined in, but first I had to do something else: I needed to call in a friend. (Editor's note: I knew it!
My old friend Yuugi Hoshiguma is one of the strongest people I know! I'm sure she could whip this rag-tag bunch into shape in no time! I asked her to come on over and have a fun sparring match with the gang. Of course, I promised her all the free sake she could drink afterwards. Yuugi was delighted by my proposal of both sport and drink, and she immediately headed on over.
Oh, there she is now! I better get going and join in on the fun!
~ Suika Ibuki
Editor's note: How dare you try to make me exercise!?! Just because I spent the past century learning to shape the elements to my will rather than, say, jogging, doesn't mean you can suddenly play exercise guru!