[Lady Moreta]

Originally Posted by Werekat

Bashira's loud and opinionated ("there's no point in being powerful if you're not free to say what you want"), wants fame, social standing, and money (in that order), and enjoys the fact that after that little stunt she'll be recognized by most of the city as totally crazy (half - in a good way, half - in a bad way).

She's very entertaining!

Originally Posted by Werekat

Basically, for me it comes down to figuring out where the characters differ in perception, and then writing what they see accordingly. It takes me a long time, though. I need between 5 to 10 sessions to actually get a character's voice (that's 30-50 hours gaming time - way too long for most people), and after I do get them, they tend to stick around for years and years.

Wow. I wish I could manage that. I'm afraid I just don't think fast enough on my feet to pull it off. Not in game anyway. That's why I started writing snippets. Heck, I have sometimes asked my husband to give me warning if he's going to mess with my character, just in general, so I have time to consider how she'd respond. I was never happy with the way I had Silver react to the succubus, and afterwards I mentioned to my husband that I wish'd he' warned me. A simple "I'm going to mess with bringing up Silver's past" would have been enough for me to start thinking of ways to react. Fortunately, my darling is a very easy-going DM and doesn't actually mind doing things like that.

Originally Posted by Werekat

2) The classic - show, don't tell. Now, mind you, this is the single hardest thing to do ever when writing in first-person, and it's something I personally struggle with a lot. That's why it's noticeable for me. You have to strike a balance between showing the audience the scenery - what the person actually sees, third-person style - and what they're thinking and feeling about it. You lean very heavily into third-person.

This is really hard to do. I struggle with it as well, which is why I started writing snippets, to help my first-person writing. My biggest struggle is something I've noticed - when writing in first person, I have a bad habit of putting things into the past tense when they shouldn't be. I think I did it a lot with the succubus story. I kept switching between Silver essentially going over what had happened in her mind, and her describing it as if it were happening at that very moment. I was much more careful when doing the Fire Elemental one, and I think I did better, but it's something to keep an eye on.

Originally Posted by Werekat

The rules my editors always gave me sounded like this: don't describe your own actions ("grinned cheekily at her" - whether it was "cheeky" is for Natalia to describe), don't describe the actual details of what happens - describe what the character notices, don't describe as if he's seeing himself from the outside - describe what the character sees.The exception to this is when the character's actually trying to notice what he's doing for some reason

This is fantastic advice. I just want to argue one point... what if your character is deliberatly going for a cheeky grin? If they know that's what they're doing, why can't they describe it as such. For example, I know what my own 'cheeky grin' looks like. If I were going to write about me grinning cheekily at my husband, I wouldn't need him to describe it as being 'cheeky'. I know that's what I'm doing, and I know that's how it would come across.

The exception that I can see is if you attempt a cheeky grin and it fails for whatever reason. Then I would say the character would need to describe seeing the person's adverse reaction and realisation that their cheeky grin failed. You only find out that it was meant to be cheeky as they muse on it and realise it wasn't.

Originally Posted by Werekat

The study of what exactly people focus on in combat is very interesting. There are two books available in English, both by Dave Grossman - "On Killing" and "On Combat," which describe the process in great detail, and I use them as a reference constantly.

I might have to look them up

Originally Posted by Pisha

Heh, thanks. Hi, everyone!

Ok... here's one I was working on for a new character of mine, a hobgoblin named Hakar. The game is set in Eberron; the tone is a little slow and introspective, but then again so is the character. (And yes, he really does talk like that.) Sorry if it's long.

A hobgoblin paladin? I love it! (we had a hobgoblin npc for a while, I grew quite fond of him).

Your first paragraph is just beautiful. One of the best I've ever read. First paragraphs are a right nuisance to write, I hate them with a passion, but that was fantastic. You give us all the information we need - we know we're in a bar or inn, we know something is up because she cannot see the character smile (somehow I knew it was male). And yet, there is something very sad in the writing. Something a little melancholy. It grabs you and makes you want to read the rest, to find out what's wrong.

The description of Phut and Tuph is very cute too... probably because it reminds me of the half-orc/halfling friendship we had right at the start of our game (players were married and decided their characters knew each other).

I like the way you describe him thinking and debating with himself to reveal their evil or not. You do a fantastic job of letting us know he's a paladin without ever coming out and saying it (except right at the end). You bring him right to the brink of being a Miko - and then ever so gently turn him write around. You also have made me very curious about the glowing and the fire and what the hang happened when they were prisoners.

Very well done. I look forward to seeing more.

Originally Posted by Pisha

And in answer to the earlier question, I for one would like to see snippets from WoD!

I second this. I have no idea what WoD is, but I'm still interested

Also, just finished a snippet. I will say right now that I don't think it's very good, and I'm not happy with the ending. But I'm shattered right now (been a long week and I'm still at work), and I don't think I can make it better.

Growing Pains
or Mama, it's Time to Let Go

Spoiler

Lirrin came charging into the family room, waving a piece of paper above her head. She slapped it down on the table and announced

“I know what I want to do!”

As soon as she said that, I knew my baby girl had grown up and wasn’t going to take no for an answer. I felt my heart constrict as I picked up the paper she had laid on the table. I knew my daughter, and I knew that whatever she wanted to do would involve her standing in front of others and would likely get her killed.

She has a big heart, my girl.

I smiled at her, so young and so exuberant, and read the notice:

Citizens of ‘Area’

As you are aware, the Plague of Shadows has ended. For this, we thank the paladin Lord Lester, and the group known as The Celadians.

This plague has taken a toll on all of us. However, we are all dependent on the protection and commerce generated by the city of Dandanagan. To ensure the survival of this city, we need replacements for members of the city guard lost to the plague. Therefore, we request that all willing citizens report to the Central Barracks in Dandanagan by ‘xyz date’.

In serving your city, you serve us all.

It seemed a little grandiose to me, but it had clearly captured Lirrin’s imagination.

“You want to become a city guard?” I asked, a little baffled I’ll admit. I had pictured – well, more for my firstborn. She was so vibrant, so vital, so much in love with life. I had always imagined her leaving this village; but only so she could move on to bigger and better things. Leaving to join the city guard of Dandanagan? Not quite what I’d had in mind.

“Absolutely!” she beamed at me

“Why?” I asked the question a little more bluntly than perhaps I should have, as Lirrin gave me that hurt look that was so devastating when she was a child. “I’m not refusing you child, I’m just – curious. It’s not what I had expected from you.”

She looks at me, puzzled

“What do you mean Mama?” I sighed inwardly, taking care to hide it from her. How was I supposed to explain that I had always anticipated more from her without making it sound as though I was disappointed in her choice. There was nothing wrong with being a city guard after all.

“You have such a thirst for adventure” I said finally. “I had expected that you would eventually leave to seek adventure and a fortune.”

“But – being in the city guard will be an adventure!” Lirrin’s voice rose with excitement. “I’ve never been to a big city before, and there’ll be adventurers and temples and paladins and and maybe even-” her voice dropped to a whisper “the Celadians.”

Ahhh, hero worship. It’s been a while since I felt that tug. I carefully laid the piece of paper back on the table.

“Lirrin,” I started, very carefully keeping any concerns out of my voice. I could talk them over with Rikad later. “If this is what you want, then your father and I will support you as much as we can. All I can ask is that you take care of yourself – and, write us often?”

“Thank you Mama!”

She beamed at me, and in two steps had pulled me into a massive hug. Great gods that girl is strong! Perhaps she’ll do better than I think.