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Thread: Urpriest's Monstrous Monster Handbook

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    Urpriest's Monstrous Monster Handbook

    Quote Originally Posted by Urpriest View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by maximus25 View Post
    I should bring this to the attention of my DM, I should have 4 more d12 of hit die then I do.
    Your DM and yourself should have been aware of this from the start, because it's one of the first things you look up when you decide to play a monster character. I keep seeing this attitude crop up, and frankly, it pisses me off. It pisses me off so much, that this post is going to serve as the opening quote of a handbook that I will start this evening, explaining everything people forget to look up when playing/using/modifying/transforming into monsters. That much.
    Quote Originally Posted by maximus25 View Post
    Glad I was here to help in a new handbook.
    As the above exchange illustrates, I am occasionally something of a monster to people new to the game. As such, I have decided to channel my destructive tendencies to explain to people new to the game how monsters work. It's going to be a long, hard road, but trust me, you need to know this.


    The all-seeing eye of this book watches you make mistakes about monsters.


    Who Should Read This Handbook:
    • Players who want to play as a monster: This is the big one. If you want to play something that isn't in the Player's Handbook, then you absolutely need to know how monsters work.
    • DMs of Players who want to play monsters: Chances are someone will ask you to play a monster some day. If you don't understand monsters, they might end up playing something brokenly powerful or unusably weak.
    • DMs who want to modify a monster: Say you want to add class levels to a monster, or make it tougher, or add a template. If you don't know how monsters work, you'll probably do it wrong.
    • Any DMs at all: Let's face it, DMs use monsters. Even if you aren't messing around with them, understanding how they're put together will help you understand how to use them.
    • Players who want a pet monster: Your nice little wolf animal companion? A monster. That blink dog cohort? A monster. Those demons you summon? Monsters. Know how they work if you're going to be controlling or modifying them.
    • Players who want to turn into monsters: If you ever want to use Polymorph, or Wild Shape, or even Alter Self, you need to know what the spell gives you. And that means understanding the different parts of monsters.
    • Any player who has been playing a year or longer: Let's face it, monsters are an extremely important part of the game, and the way monsters work is connected with the way players work. If you don't understand monsters by now, you need to learn.


    Yes, that's pretty much everyone. Still reading? Good. Because you're about to learn the first rule of monsters, the thing everyone needs to know about monsters:

    1. Monsters are just like you.

    In many video games, monsters have almost nothing to do with player characters. D&D 3.5 isn't like that. Monsters have levels, which give them Base Attack Bonus, Base Save Bonuses, Hit Points, Skill Points, everything your levels give you. They have races, which can give them things your races can give you. They're more afraid of you than you are of them, unless they have Frightful Presence. They're so much like you that once you learn how much, you're going to need the second rule:

    2. ...Except when they're not.

    Sometimes monsters are different. Their "level" isn't equal to your level. And you fight them at different levels from that! Then there's all the weird abilities they get. Of course, many of those abilities are things that you can get without being a monster, which brings us to the third and final rule:

    3. You are a monster too.

    Most monster stats are stats you have too, even if you haven't seen them on your character sheet. All those weird special attacks and special qualities? Those creature types? You have special attacks and special qualities. You have a creature type. Understanding monsters is understanding your own character. You want that understanding? Then read this handbook.

    Before we start though, any questions?

    Q: What's an Urpriest?
    A: Well, when a mommy and a daddy hate their DM very much...
    Last edited by Urpriest; 2011-09-08 at 09:14 PM.
    Lord Raziere herd I like Blasphemy, so Urpriest Exalted as a Malefactor

    Meet My Monstrous Guide to Monsters. Everything you absolutely need to know about Monsters and never thought you needed to ask.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mithril Leaf View Post
    One of the unwritten rules of Giantitp is that Urpriest is always right.
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