Quick and Dirty per-slot discussion of soulmelds
Incarnate and Soulborn have most of the same melds, so let's start there.
Crown - It's hard to go wrong with either Crystal Helm or Enigma Helm, depending on if you want to be better in combat, or better at saying 'no'. However, none of the other Crown meldshapes are really worth bothering with, except in specific builds and specific situations.
Crystal Helm's Deflection Bonus to AC is pretty huge, and the fact that it makes your melee attacks Force effects is handy if you are fighting incorporeal types. This makes it actually better than the Diadem of Purelight when fighting things like Shadows.
If you're worried about charms, however, Enigma Helm gives flat immunity.
Diadem of Purelight isn't a bad option if you keep getting the lights turned off, since the essentia also increases the effective spell level to keep even Deeper Darkness from screwing with it. Negating concealment is pretty big if you are a Rogue, although a Rogue wouldn't want all that light, so it's a tradeoff.
Feet Chakra - Airstep Sandals is really hard to beat. Flight all day long as early as level 3? Impulse Boots are good if you are constantly getting harassed by sneak attack or sudden strike guys, and the evasion is good if you're in a game with a lot of blastomancy being thrown at you.
Soulborn do actually get a handy unique bind in Thunderstep Boots for charge builds. It's a shame they suck so completely that you're almost forced to blow a feat on it.
While the other feet binds aren't bad, it's just really hard to compete with the mobility that Airstep Sandals grants or the defensive power that the Impulse Boots grants. And if you are charging in combat, Thunderstep Boots is probably the only feet bind you really want to be looking at, even if it DOES cost you a feat to snag.
Hand chakra - Lucky dice all the way, and never look back. Nothing else in this slot can really compete with them. You don't really have anything that takes advantage of your Swift actions anyways, the bonuses stack with themselves, and you can share the bonuses with allies.
Arms chakra - There's a lot of options here, although many are traps. If you want to be safe? Bluesteel Bracers and DONE.
Brow chakra - Planar Chasuble increases the bonuses you get from your Incarnum Radiance ability. That's pretty handy. Illusion Veil isn't bad for seeing invisibility. Most of the others you find here do much better in other slots, or aren't worth bothering with.
Soulborn do pick up the Fearsome Mask, which can be used in Imperious Command/Never Outnumbered builds, since it's an Insight bonus to Intimidate, but I doubt it will ever be worth the feat to pick up.
Shoulder chakra - Wind Cloak can be handy if you are expecting archers. Not for the DR, which is pathetic, but for the Deflect Arrows you don't need a free hand for, and can be used multiple times per turn. Good for a Jedi build.
Pauldrons of Health is the other serious contender for the slot, granting you immunity to some fairly serious effects.
Adamant Pauldrons isn't bad, although there's easier ways to negate precision-based damage. Like, say, Concealment.
Lammasu Mantle isn't bad if you keep getting evil summons thrown at you.
Throat chakra - Some good choices here, but some traps as well.
Apparition Ribbon is handy, but remember the per day cap on number of rounds.
Silvertongue Mask. These aren't the Droids you are looking for.
Necrocarnum Mantle. Immunity to poisons and diseases isn't bad, actually. Do keep in mind the alignment restriction.
Planar Ward can be very useful if you're fighting a bunch of Extraplanar creatures. Moreso if you passed up the Enigma Helm in favor of the Crystal Helm.
Waist chakra - Strongheart Vest. Done.
Heart Chakra - Often goes begging, really. Not much useful goes here. I suppose, if you want to do limited healing, you can do Lifebond Vestments here, so you don't have to wait an hour. This can make it spammable, but remember that you are taking half the damage you are healing.
Necrocarnum Vestments makes you immune to Stunning and Death effects. That's pretty handy, but it's an [evil] bind, which means you need to be NE to grab it.
Soul Chakra Fellmist Robes for Concealment or Keeneeye Lenses for True Sight. Those are pretty much your options here.