Quote Originally Posted by Winds View Post
I'm not sure that changing the focus would aid it, unless you're that much more confident in that writing style.
I'm actually less confident in the first person; getting stronger with it is one of my goals in writing these snippets. If I did change this one, it would be to make it more personal, but at the moment I'm not really sure how I would do that (especially since the current narrator already has access to her thoughts).