2005-07-08, 06:10 PM
Retired Mod in the Playground
Re: the incredible OotS INDEX!
101) When intimidation fails, Elan succeeds in questioning a goblin...by threatening to cry. ("You guys go ahead, I'm just going to harvest his kidneys and I'll catch up.")
102) Roy uses Great Cleave against zombies, to the delight of Elan and Belkar ("Roy has boobies.")
103) Xykon and the Thing in the Shadows practice for the "big reveal." ("Order of the Stick! I will bathe in your blood with lavender bath gel and a good loofa!")
104) OotS, and the bad guys, make their preparations for battle. ("Demihumans, start your castings.")
105) Splash panel shows "considerably more resistance than [V] was expecting," but Roy orders "Charge." (Belkar: "This is the happiest moment of my life.")
106) As the battle rages, Xykon makes a Bluff check, and Roy sends Elan to try to touch the gate. ("See? Never bet against the gullibility of the good guys, Redcloak.")
107) Belkar opts to leave his post guarding the spellcasters to take out an enemy. ("Pointy-eared, purple-haired, ambiguously-gendered pain in my ass.")
108) Haley arrives, takes in the battle scene, and makes a courageous leap. ("Tumble skill, don't fail me now.")
109) Haley manages to stop Elan by tackling him, then lingers a bit too long ("I guess the goblins are still confused by all the Attack of Opportunity rules.")
110) Roy makes a less-than-dramatic revelation of his identity to Xykon, who has trouble remembering dear old dad. ("You killed more than one guy named Fyron in Cliffport?")
111) Durkon makes good use of Thor's Might to put an end to goblins, and to Belkar's fun
112) Xykon, forewarned by the traitorous goblin teen, agrees to duel Roy and shatters the enchanted sword. ("You, sir, have a serious problem with overreaction.")
113) As the battle goes poorly, Roy remembers the history of the now-shattered sword ("Turn undead!" "Bolster undead!" "Stab undead!")
114) Xykon tries to do the big reveal, only to be "moderately inconvenienced" by Roy ("You broke my sword!")
115) Xykon explodes, and the fight is over for everyone but Belkar ("Run, my pretty little chunks of XP, run!")
116) With the battle over, Haley organizes the search for loot, using a still-paralyzed V as a divining rod
117) Redcloak and Xykon (not dead yet--surprise!) explain to the Thing in the Shadows why he still can't be revealed. ("It's his soul-hidey-place.")
118) "Nothing left to do but activate the castle self-destruct rune and leave!"
119) The group flees, with Elan and Roy delaying long enough for a dramatic leap with the explosion right behind them. ("Seriously, Belkar, put some ranks in Spot already.")
120) End of story arc--Elan sums up, and the group poses for the end of the trade paperback.
121) The return of mail call- 12 siders and Ninja vs. Pirate ("Pirate, definatley pirate")
122) Preparations of a small town for big adventurers. ("I love small towns!")
123) Getting rooms and getting settled for the night. The one about the globes. ("I'm surprised you don't have your own set V.")
124) Everyone, well almost, goes up a level. Elan is a big chunk of XP. ("Help! Help, I don't want to be a hat!")
125) Roleplaying XP at it's finest, Belkar knows how to work the system with a sob story about his past. ("Actually I was expecting to have to kill Belakar, I could have used the XP for scribing scrolls.")
126) Rules joke about multiclassing and retroactive inferences. V's mad at the rules.("Hey nobody forced you to study hard and make something of yourself")
127) Elanicus' debut. V loses hir temper and chews Elan out. ("If I don't look directly at it, it can't kill my brain")
128) Appoligies are issued, feelings are patched up, hugs are given. ("*sniff* I love you guys!")
129) LOOT! It's time to divy up the spoils and Haley manages to get more than everyone else with 5 valueless rocks. ("I guess I'll just have to accept getting twice as much gold as the rest of you")
130) Magical loot! Everyone picks one magic item from the pile, Roy gets stuck with a bag of tricks. ("...AND lets me reach stuff on the top shelf. DONE")
131) Haley's letter. Here we find out that Haley's father is being held prisioner and can be let out with large amounts of cash. ("Yup, that me. Greedy to the end, teehee")
132) Belkar goes to the brb. guild. He gets a pamphlet, talks to Gortok, and a review of the health benifits. ("Tiny man violating Gortok's personal space!")
133) Entrance exam, the answer was "D all of the above!" Belkar had to fight one of 3 low level barbarians in the cerimonial arena.
134) Side quest ahoy! Roy visits the blacksmith to get his sword reforged, and finds out that he needs starmetal, which can be found in the middle of the wooden forest. ("Goddamn it, I hate sidequests!)
135) V buys potions. A poke at discount stores. V attempts to give an economics lesson to Larry and Eve, who then put everything on sale, therefore making even less money. ("My conscience is now appeased")
136) An extra long strip where Roy tries to buy a weapon. A parody of the cheese shop sketch.
137) Teh gewd gods. Elan tries to get Banjo into the Asguardian pantheon, the cleric of Freya isn't so keen on the idea. Odin likes puppets.
138) Durkon tries to find quieter armor. First mention of druids with pointy sticks. Also half blind muskrat with 17 cymbals attached to him.
139) Contracts are up! Belkar and Haley need to be convinced to go on the sidequest. Roy manges to convince both of them with a story of king giants guarding the starmetal.
140) Roy and Belkar go to buy horses. Belkar wants a riding dog insead of a pony, gets a wiener dog. "Careful examination will reveal that I am an adult male"
141) Elan teaches everyone how to ride. Because Roy took goat herding. We find out how fragile Roy's perception of reality is.
142) The linear guild plots. Sabine is relealed to be the blacksmith and Nale states that they are going to cliffport. Mr. Real blacksmith is being held captive by Thog.
143) Random road encounter! Two trolls (or somethings) sneak up on the party, and they frogot to make checks for their mounts. They try again. ("Darn it, Whisper!")
144) Roy has a choice between a broken sword hilt and a bag of tricks. He chooses poorly.
145) V finishes the random encounter and explains encounter math to Elan. ("And knowing is half the battle!")
146) Roy gets chewed out by Belkar for being unreliable. ("Identify with the proverbial pot much?")
147) Xkyon, Redcloak, and Thing in the Dark (TitD) get out of the tunnels and into daylight. Redcloak grows a spine, TitD gets a hello kitty umbrella. ("Maybe I just got hit with a piece of yours sir")
148) Xykon's valley is overrun with hobgoblins. Redcloak tries to get him to not recruit them, does a bad job at it. ("It's offical, orange is the new green.")
149) Redcloak takes over the hobgoblins, the supreme leader is a litte chicken.
150) Durkon is scared of trees.
151) Start of the bandit storyline. An ambush by some second level "kids." Haley gives some good advice.
152) The kid's back up steps in to help, Elan is kidnapped. ("Hey, where'd the sun go?")
153) Haley gets most of the rest of the team to help her go rescue Elan. Roy thinks adventuring with Elan is more of an obstacle than it's worth.
154) V's familiar gets named, and gets shot at while scouting. ("I don't see why you bothered, I haven't named any of my other class features.")
155) Haley wants to be sneaky, and manipulates time.
156) Elan starts to sneak out, but gets distracted and comes back with flowers for bandit queen Sam.
157) Haley starts enacting one of her cunning rescue operations, but gets foiled when Belkar lights a tent on fire.
158) Economics discussion of large scale banditry.
159) "Plotus Interptus" Back story of the bandit clan, Elan and Sam get walked in on.
160) Haley challanges Sam to solo combat, and loses.
161) V knows, Belkar knows, Elan still has no clue. Durkon gets spooked and runs.
162) Roy camps by himself, has a discussion with his dad, goes to rescue the entire rest of the party.
163) The bag of tricks comes in handy. Rest of the party is about to be hung.
164) Big dramatic sword hilt throwing. Everyone but Belkar gets cut down.
165) Hanging doesn't work on halflings. Preparations for the big bandit battle ensue.
166) Vaarsuvius counterspells the bandit sorceress to set up the "Tetherball Special"
167) Roy faces off with the older bandit and is forced to once more use the bag of tricks, which backfires.
168) The battle continues, and the sorceress proves too much for our heroes, but not enough to beat her dad again
169) The new bandit king deals with the aftermath, including freeing Durkon to "protect" him from the dangerous trees. Durkon becomes the bandit king.
170) Durkon demonstrates his wisdom as bandit king, then disbands the bandits and prepares to enjoy his beer.
171) The group debates what to do with the former bandit leaders. Roy decides to leave them to deal with each other, to Belkar's delight. ("Your approval fills me with shame.")
172) Elan asks why Roy did not immediately come to his rescue, and Haley covers. ("If you want to live to see your next Age Category, drop it.")
173) The group reclaims their animals from "mount parking," but Vaarsuvius seems to have lost the claim ticket. ("Your horse, sir or madam.")
174) The Mysterious Cloaked Avenger interviews those who have encountered OotS, including a weasel with ambitions. ("Even if I have to endure a hundred montage sequences, they shall taste my blades.")
175) Getting close to the starmetal, OotS debates the merits of hexes, on maps and otherwise.
176) Fighting the green hag (or "possibly an annis"), Belkar uses a halfling rage jumping attack to achieve "Flawless Victory!" (although V disagrees)
177) The group debates whether the purple lizard is actually Vaarsuvius, and Belkar fails to learn anything by examining lizard anatomy ("Hey, it's making little lizardy noises!")
178) V the lizard reluctantly prepares the only non-somantic spells available, and Haley summons V's familiar, sending the lizard fleeing
179) Roy attempts to come clean with Belkar about there not being any giants guarding the starmetal, but it doesn't go as planned. ("I'm sorry, Roy, I just don't trust you enough to believe that you lied.")
180) The group climbs down into the starmetal meteor pit, aided by Elan's bard song and a timely (but overlooked) Feather Fall from V
181) OotS encounters magical darkness, and when she reaches the edge of it, Haley finds a black dragon waiting ("Walk, walk, walk through the slightly damp corridor!")
182) The dragon is easily prevailing in the fight when V discovers it can understand lizard speech. V's attempts to use "suggestion" repeatedly get interrupted by a dragon bite.
183) Haley's shot saves V from being dragon lunch, so she becomes the next victim. V's suggestion finally works. ("Vomit. Now. Aim for the halfling.")
184) After her close encounter with death, Haley decides to admit to Elan how she feels...until Durkon casts a healing spell. ("I'm in love with ukeleles.")
185) Held prisoner by the dragon, Elan tries to play "I spy" with Roy. ("Wow, Roy, you're not just psychic--you're a FUTURE psychic!")
186) Durkon dispels the spell on V, who finds the dragon no longer accepts commands. V uses Disintegrate instead, to impressive effect. ("Fascinating. I cannot help but notice that the disintegrated remains of a dragon are indistinguishable from those of a human, or a halfling, or a dwarf.")
187) Haley stumbles on an underwater passage that leads to the dragon's hoard. ("No talk! Ruining the moment.")
188) With Haley "indisposed," V and Durkon explain where the starmetal is. Roy goes to collect it, and is predictably disappointed.
189) Mysterious Cloaked Avenger finds the former bandit leaders and frees them, offering to partner with them to get OotS. Bandit leaders prove less cooperative, and suffer the consequences. ("The tragedy here is that this could have been avoided if I had just made a Gather Information check instead.")
190) Redcloak and Xykon the skull need to get through the Perilous Path of Crushing Doom. Redcloak decides to let the Hobgoblins scout ahead. ("*Sniff* My little Redcloak is all grown up.")
191) Xykon explains that the tower they are heading for will need to be cleared of monsters, which frightens the Thing in the Shadows. Xykon reassures him they will prevail. ("Hey, look. I just regenerated a finger. Guess which one.")
192) As predicted, the bad guys find a monster guarding the tower, but they figure out how the hobgoblins can solve the problem for them, with a little help from crackers. ("Sacrificing minions: is there any problem it CAN'T solve?")
193) Xykon is confronted by one of the "forces of Light" who asks him to change his ways. Instead, he changes her. ("Flying zombies! I can't believe I never thought of it before!")
194) The bad guys continue to clear out the tower, with the Thing in the Shadows scaring off the light archons by begging to be lit up. (With side Green Lantern reference)
195) Xykon and Redcloak recover the book that is the key to their overarching plotline--a diary of a halfling who knew someone important. ("Please! In the grand scheme of things, this book makes the "Tome of Clear Thoughts" look like "Dianetics.")
196) Xykon explains that the diary contains (in code) the location of the gates that are key to taking over the world, maybe the multiverse. ("What 'gate' do you guys keep talking about?")
197) Xykon and Redcloak discover exactly how many hobgoblins we're talking about. ("I think I just had an evilgasm.")
198) After weeks of delay (sprained wrist joke), OotS emerges from the pit with treasure and upgraded artwork. Elan takes up the kazoo.
199) Elan and Roy debate whether thunder is a dramatic cue or just a meteorological phenomenon. Roy is wrong.
200) The mysterious Blue Guy attacks! Durkon surrenders, V gets slimed, Haley smooches Elan, the Blue Guy is revealed to be the Blue Gal, and Roy gets smited.
That was so mind numbing to do... now I need nicotine..
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. - Mark Twain