They Call Her Psycho
“Jarjom, you’re crazy.” The pair of grigs looked at the sleeping form, a female spider grig, surprisingly shapely. Her eight legs curled up slightly around her, her fair arms wrapped around some strands of the web.
Jarjom, a handsome cricket grig, looked on from the nearby tree. “Are you kidding me, Hehlen? A long as she doesn’t know that it was us, we have nothing to fear. We can go in, throw down an illusion, turn her pink, be gone, and no one will be the wiser.”
“Are you kidding? That girl is dangerous to even be around! You know Chechmet?”
“Yeah, nice guy.”
“She was a girl last year.”
“Really? That… actually, that explains a lot. What did he… she do to annoy Vriveka?”
“Nothing. Vriveka offered her a hug, and now she’s a he.”
“Yeah. The stories about her genderbending whole clearings of people as they sleep? Totally true. She got me once, and I would still be a girl to this day if I wasn’t a transformation specialist myself.”
“Is that why you’re so andro-"
“No. Shut up.”
“Look, what does it matter? As long as she doesn’t find it was us, she’ll never know.”
“But what if she DOES find out? She’s done all kinds of crazy things. Bonemend now has her bones on the outside, Woodcall is unable to leave her hole because her abdomen is too big…"
“I thought Woodcall was a sylph…”
“She is. Minmear used to be a grig-“
“Minmear is a… nymph thing, isn’t she?”
“She was after Vriveka was done with her! And that’s just the people that we know; I’ve heard about people that were turned into full insects-full insects!”
“Wait, seriously? I didn’t- I didn’t think she could effect the mind-”
“She can’t. They were still sentient.”
“And that’s just her old work! She’s getting more creative, altering things further form the norm, making… abominations!”
“Okay, now you-”
“I’m not even kidding. You remember Lakevein?”
“TENTACLES! Vriveka replaced her wings with tentacles! I’ve been working to undo it!”
“It’s been, like, months…”
“Eight months. Eight months, and I’m only half done. Her work is top notch! I don’t even know how she managed to do it, but those tentacles are magic resistant! That’s only supposed to be done by enchanters! She manages to fake it with Fleshwarping! That’s impossible on so many levels!”
“Look, we are going to do this.”
“No! No we aren’t!”
“We are going to do this because you know, deep inside yourself, that it’ll be worth seeing Vriveka with a hot pink abdomen.”
A long, long pause.
Hehlen nods. “Let’s be fast. Maybe her tracking method won’t work if we’re fast enough…”
The two of them awoke the next morning, sharing the body of an elvish cat with feathery wings.