"Okay, so we've been portal hopping for ages, and all we've found are Red Hand agents and Vecna cultists. We're completely lost," Herodrith grumbled.
"We're not lost," Niani said. "We just don't know where we are, where we're going, or how to get back."
"Stupid ..." Tom muttered.
"We know where we're going," Herodrith sighed. "We just don't know how to get there."
While the adventurers had been talking among themselves, they were unaware that they were being watched ... until now. With a maniacal laugh, a small figure sprang from the shadows. The purple-clad kenku swept his wide-brimmed hat from his head and gave the adventurers a mocking bow.
"Well hello boys and girls," the kenku cackled. "What can I do to make you laugh?"
"Who are you?" Tom asked, puzzled.
"Oh god, not him!" Herodrith wailed.
"We need to run!" Niani shrieked.
"What, is it my breath?" the kenku asked.
"Am I missing something?" Tom questioned, still confused. "Why are you so afraid of him, and why does he sound like Mark Hamill?"
"This guy 3v1'd us at level 4," Herodrith said. "Killed us all."
"Well before you completely break the fourth wall," the kenku sighed, "I believe you are referring to another group of adventurers. They looked so happy and comfy in their coffins!"
"What exactly is going on?" Tom grumbled.
"Oh forgive my manners, the name is Shambus," the kenku replied. "As for what happened, I just kept those other adventurers entertained long enough for their battle spells to wear off. All those spells the Big Bad Wizard cast before coming into the room ... turns out the Big Bads aren't so bad without their tricks."
"I hate bards," Herodrith growled.
"So what are you doing here?" Niani asked timidly.
"Little ol' me? Why, I'm flattered you'd ask! I'm a follower of Vecna," Shambus cackled.
"Guys, we can't let him keep talking," Herodrith said.
"How do we know we can trust you?" Tom asked, ignoring Herodrith.
"Obviously, you can't," Shambus laughed. "But I'm the only one around here that can give you a push in the right direction, so you really don't have an option."
"You know the way?" Niani asked, hopeful.
"I do indeed, my diminutive debutante. In fact, I'll even clue you in on something you might not have figured out. If nothing else, it'll be news to the stiffs," Shambus said, pointing at Tom and Herodrith.
"Seriously, someone shut him up," Herodrith said worriedly.
"What do you have to say?" Niani asked.
"All these portals you've been gallantly hopping through don't take you to new parts of Tovag Baragu," Shambus explained as he perched atop a stone archway. "They take you to new planes. Yes, that's right, you've been plane-hopping from one Tovag Baragu to another!"
"Guys, we can't let him keep talking!" Herodrith said angrily.
"What is the issue," Tom grumbled, annoyed.
"He has Perform (Oratory) as his maxed skill! He can talk and fascinate at the same time!"
"Well since the meta-game has been let out of the bag," Shambus sighed, "you might as well know that I have the Subsonics feat, so I've been using my fascination this whole time."
"So, how 'bout them Will Saves?"