Great. Cue the multiple posts.

And now, to boldly go where many have gone before. [*cue TOS theme (Such a classic introduction)*]

'The Invasion' part 3/8
Spoiler
Show
Previously on 'The Invasion'! Frollo (aka Tobias Vaughn) stood up his alien partners in a display of balls, allowing him to find out what the Cybermen know about the Doctor: not very much.

There was some extremely uncomfortable rapey implications (and this is me speaking), but luckily there was enough Jamie/Doctor subtext to make me happy. And for anyone who likes miles and miles of legs, this serial seems to be happy to oblige.

Oh, and the Girls were kidnapped and coffinised - or coffinated, forcing the Boys to come to the rescue and get themselves captured. Plus we got to meet UNIT and the Brig.

We get another recap of the last minute or so, so more coffinising and adorable Scottish boys in kilts. And Punchy McRapey. But I do think I figured out how they filmed the serials back when they had them proper. I think they filmed a full bridging scene, and then cut it in two to keep the continuity and flow between each individual episode smooth.

So Punchy McRapey gloats about capturing our Boys, Jamie demands information about Zoe's locale. Even though he literally saw Zoe being coffinated about a minute ago, they really couldn't have gone far in that time. But I'll excuse it because he's being such an earnest, feisty Scotsman in a kilt. Also Jamie totes views Zoe as a little sister. Trust me on this, I've used that same tone when trying to find my little relatives. All of them. And some of the older ones too.

But the cuteness of the Jamie/Doctor interaction continues! The Doctor keeps urging Jamie to be quiet out of concern for his safety (okay, and it's logical too, but allow me my wilful blindness), not once, but twice! Sadly it failed because Jamie goes toe to toe with Punchy McRapey who tries to pistolwhip my Jamie!

BAD PUNCHY MCRAPEY! No pistolwhipping for you! Or raping.

Gods. I adore how Frollo says "Packer!" It sounds like he's putting an 'm' in front of his name so it's so rich and rounded. 'mPacker' indeed. It sounds very much like 'alpaca', but soften the 'a' and replace the 'l' with an 'm'. If I could figure out how to make audio recording with this laptop I would.

THAT'S IT! HE SOUNDS LIKE SIR HUMPHREY! But with a slightly richer voice.

So Frollo basically scolds Punchy Packer for being violent, "[a]lthough I must admit the situation is provoking". So now we know Frollo enjoys seeing young men being beaten. Or he thought the situation called for it. Or both.

Also, Jamie and the Doctor cannot stop touching each other. They're always touching one another's arms, chest, shoulder, back, and now the Doctor's caressing Jamie's head.

At least until he's forcibly restrained.

Cue the Traditional Villain Gloat. "So here you are again. You really are beginning to try our patience."

J: "Aye. And he [Punchy Packer]'s beginning to try mine."

D: "Jamie, Jamie." Seriously, Doctor, Jamie makes a lovely smart sally, and you reprove him out of concern for his health. And perhaps impatience. The Girls are missing after all. Either way I am digging their relationship and literally every interaction they have. Not to mention that I might as well make it official: Jamie is now in my Top Four Favourite Companions Ever. Not bad for only having fifty-four or so minutes of screen time as I write this very sentence.

Frollo continue to gloat in that ridiculously rich voice of his that the Girls are gone now. Maybe the Boys didn't see the Girls get coffinated after all. Okay no, they did. So Frollo's going the Oblivious Route then?

Seems so. Jamie outright tells him "I saw some of Zoe's clothes trapped in the lid" (that's my Scotsman, so observant). Frollo predictably blames it all on the imagination and the Doctor tries to be rational.

I know. First time for everything Doctor.

He wants to see inside the box, and I can already tell you without hitting the Play button that there will be nothing inside the boxes the Boys are shown. While it certainly seems to be going that way - they're being shown the 'empty' boxes going back to the factory - I should also admit that another thought occurred to me just now.

The Boys are boxed in between the Fake Police and are right in front of Frollo and his main henchman. And there are many boxes. The coffination of the Boys is now a distinct possibility.

Except Frollo just wagged his finger at Punchy Packer while making a secretive face. I am now torn between both possibilities. Ah, it was a Secret Signal of some sort. P: "This is Packer. Get the return van moving immediately. Do you understand? I said, immediately!"

And the van is a train.

Huh.

Well. Guess I was wrong on both counts. How coincidental that the train departed just as the Boys arrived at the station. Terrible luck boys, but what can you do? British trains are known for their impeccable adherence to a time table after all.

F: "Ah, just too late I'm afraid. Such a pity." Called it. "Still, all is not lost. I am myself going down to the factory today. Would you care to join me? We can meet the train on its arrival."

The Boys accept. Despite that this is an Admiral Akbar Situation. AND THEY KEEP TOUCHING EACH OTHER! And the touches are so fleeting that I can't even get a proper screen grab of the image they're so casual about their lack of personal space and obvious intimacy! This is impossibly frustrating because the likelihood of a telly box show in the 1960s having an openly non-heterosexual couple is approximately zero, and it’s all got to be in subtext or coding or something else ambiguous so the creators can just say ‘Oh no, you‘re just reading too far into this situation, they‘re just close friends, that‘s all‘! (Yes, I do ship Kirk/Spock too, how did you know?)

Hell. I asked my mother (who would have been eight at the time this serial was aired) what she remembered most about Jamie and the Doctor and you know what she said? “They were always touching. They were very close.” Yeah, that’s right. My mother - a long-time Doctor Who fan defines an entire era of the show by

As someone who enjoys shipping, particularly of the slashy kind this is very frustrating! These two have touched each other more often than Captain Jack Harkness has touched the freaking Doctor!! And don’t be giving me any of this ‘more innocent age’ nonsense, or any other possible excuse like my reading way too much into it, or the ambiguity of said scenes! There comes a point when no amount of other plausible excuses can hide the fact that Jamie and the Doctor are totally in love! To Hell with TARDIS/Doctor or Amy/Rory! My Doctor Who OTP is Jamie/Doctor with possibly a dash of optional Master thrown in for good measure.

I am feeling romantically and sexually frustrated on behalf of two fictional characters from a 1960s BBC science-fiction show!! Because I have seen these two interact for just about an hour and I have lost count of every single ‘ambiguous’ touch, knowing look and general love and subtext oozing between these two! It’s been six or seven individual touches in two and a half minutes of screen time (not including the introduction) - that’s one touch every twenty-one seconds!

And it will never be anything more than very gentle (probably unintended) innuendo, subtext and touching of the so-called ‘ambiguous’ sort because I already know they will never kiss or openly admit to their feelings onscreen. There won’t even be deliberately teasing innuendo of the sort I revel in in Nu Who because of the flippin’ censors of the time!

IT WILL TAKE ANOTHER NINETEEN YEARS FOR THERE TO BE A GAY KISS ON BRITISH TEATIME TELEVISION! I cannot wait that long! I cannot believe I just looked that up! (Actually I can) Can’t a girl get some man-on-man action in her nerdery?! Is it really too much to ask?

Cut to UNIT! HI! Yes, I'm digging my Classic UNIT thankyouverymuchforasking. Sgt. Benton is telling the Brig what happened. Namely: our Boys have been in the warehouse area for an hour.

Sgt. B: “The Doctor and the boy. They’re coming out sir,” XD “with Vaughn.” Oh. My mistake then. Everything I just complained about has now been made obsolete. The Doctor (at least this incarnation) has come out, along with Jamie. Never pegged Frollo for it though, he strike me very much as asexual or obsessed with lusting after a gypsy temptress with long dark locks. Seems the Brig wasn’t surprised by the announcement either. Didn’t even blink. And neither does Frollo. I’m beginning to wonder if he’s had his eyelids surgically removed or if he’s part lizard. Maybe some form of Silurian?

Back with our Boys, their coming out party involves more awesome on Jamie’s half. Seriously, when Jamie takes a dislike to someone he does everything he can to annoy them. He is escorted to a car, climbs through the back seat, out the other side and hops into the front seat. And as a smug as all Hell smirk on his face when Punchy Packer tries to get in. At least I know what a Scottish troll looks like now. Punchy Packer is such a terrible henchman he can’t even get Jamie to sit where he’s meant to. Oh Jamie I love you.

Back with UNIT and the Brig again. I hope we’re not going to be having too many scenes of less than a minute in length, it’s a little vexing when writing things up. Anywhere, the Brig wants to know what Frollo, the Doctor and Jamie are doing now they’ve come out. Sgt. Benton helpfully tells him that “[t]they’ve all got into Vaughn’s private car” (oh yeah) and that they’re driving off. The Brig inquires as to whether “any force is being used” and my mind goes very dirty places (for me at any rate), but the Brig is clearly concerned because the obviously villainous head of the obviously villainous company is escorting his two industrial spies into a car. Bet he thinks they’re being taken to a nice sunny wall for one last ciggie.

Sgt. B: “[I]t all seemed very friendly to me.” Oh I bet it did all right! The Brig decides against having a close watch on the Boys, opting instead for a more discreet watch. Then some military stuff happens, with patrols being alerted and Jimmy (possibly Sgt.) is ordered onto a helichopter and has to meet up with a tracking agent. I have no idea what is going on any more,

I wholly endorse this because a civilian brat- even one with extensive military ties - such as myself should not understand military jargon. Then again, it was the 1960s, only twenty years out of WWII, with active military bases along that communisty border thing in Europe, and that war or two somewhere in the Far East of Asia, but not in Japan. Maybe more people understood it then than do now. Or I could just be a complete moron. Whatever suits. Basically, they’re winging it and Sgt. Jimmy is the man in the field for when the Boys radio for help.

The Boys are still in a car, driving down a road. I think it might be a Bentley, I couldn’t really see the hood ornament close enough to tell. But I think we’re back near the communist compound because the fake police are there to open gates to the Ominous Music with atonal motif. And I adore how discreet the helicopter is. I mean, it’s so quiet, nobody could hear it flying over the obviously secretive area over which they are flying.

Oh, my mistake. The Very Obvious Helichopter is now going to be upgraded to Ridiculously Obvious as the Brig just ordered Sgt. Jimmy to “circle the area”. In full view of the people who work for Microsoft. But they really can’t do nothing much else until the Doctor actually deigns to tell the Brig (technically his boss) what’s going on.

*snerk* The B: “And Jimmy, keep out of sight. If Vaughn’s private army” [okay really, and the government’s a-okay with this?! Oh right. Brainwashing] “they might well get the wind up, and that might make things rather unhealthy for the Doctor and the boy.” Yeah. Just a little bit Brig.

Be tea dubs. Does the Brig ever call Jamie anything but ‘the boy’? Because I can think of several ways to interpret that appellation via power plays, relative social status/other status in the hierarchy and so on and so forth. Probably it’s just an endearment or something dismissive, but currently Jamie is one of the Brig’s operatives - a voluntary one and should be allotted the proper respect.

Oh. The car is a Bentley. Jesus. This serial had funding enough for filming on an RAF base, hiring a (fairly new) Jag, a Bentley, a bit of railway, and pretty big compounds. Well, it’s probably the back of the RAF base. But on top of the location filming (which is kept to a minimum, but not in a way that seems at all obvious) it also manages some fairly decent props, costumes and sets. For a telly box show.

The fake police even have a fake salute. But frankly, let’s talk about the fact that our Boys, Frollo and Punchy Packer are all now stuck in a small elevator. With the exception of Punchy Packer our three boys are standing shoulder to shoulder. Well, more like Jamie’s standing shoulder to shoulder with our villain and our hero. Boy does not understand the concept of personal space at all does he?

Frollo brings up the fascinating Time Lord circuits. However, the conversation and scene is interrupted by the elevator arriving at its destination. Ah, these are the secret science labs maybe. I think this because Frollo (who still hasn’t blinked yet) just told Punchy Packer to “see if Prof. Watkins is finished”.

Skeevey moment! F: “You might even offer him a little encouragement.” Considering his niece and his niece’s friend are currently unconscious in a couple of coffins somewhere I do not like the various ways the ‘encouragement’ can be. Very few of them bode well for our Girls. Yep. The Science goes on on the third floor.

Hey. This new room is Frollo’s office with another (slightly less) fake background in the windows. And it’s going to be lampshaded! J: “Hey. Doctor it’s . . . “

F: “Confusing isn’t it?” [Awesome more like]

J: “It’s exactly the same as your office in London.”

F: “In all basic essentials yes it is. That’s the secret of my success you see.” [Re-using sets (lampshades are optional) in order to save on money] “Uniformity. Dupliaction.” [Assimilation.] “My whole empire is based on that principle. [Okay, look. Frollo’s as close to a Cyberman as possible while still being human. If he is still human. Also, this makes those two Cyberman two-parters in series two of Nu Who less new and more ‘repeating a Second Doctor serial’. God, that’s a lot of twos isn’t it?] “The very essence of business efficiency.” I actually really like how they tied in a [I]lack of budget for individual sets[I] into a thematically appropriate reference to: the enemy of the serial, ‘communism’, ‘collectivism’, ‘individualism’ and so on and so forth.

No. This is a seriously amazing way of linking humanity’s desire for sameness (look, it’s half one in the morning, don’t expect coherency from me), schedule, routine, the rapid development of the machine line reducing the need for humans to work in manufacturing and all of these other socio-politico-economic things into the serial. It shows that humanity can become Cybermen so easily if they forget the place of an individual in the grand scheme of things.

And they did this by lampshading the lack of budget Doctor Who has, and tying it into the villain’s motivation for allying with the Cybermen who are basically the perfect ideal of his own beliefs. If I could marry a show it would be this one. Now. I could be reading too much into this, but this was a conscious choice on the writer’s (or editor’s) half to have the villain spout his motivation in response to Jamie commenting on a set being re-used.

THIS WAS INTENTIONAL AND IS A REASON WHY I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCH. They could have just left it as a joke, but they tied it directly in the characterisation of the villain in a way that makes perfect sense given what we already know of him. This is some stellar writing going on here. Remember: it could have been a joke. They used it to develop themes and characters. And it’s social commentary too!

I haven’t been this impressed with a piece of writing/set design/set up in Doctor Who in a long time.

Although I don’t know why Frollo still employs the supremely incompetent Punchy Packer though. Seriously, that man is not competent, efficient or anything of the sort. Eh. Guess he needs a bit of psychopathic dumb muscle around the place for something. Like all the dirty work. And rape. I still can't get over the fact that rape was so heavily suggested in Doctor Who. It's awesome. Not that I think rape is awesome, but it's the fact that Doctor Who doesn't always shy away from the bad things in life. Or the less pleasant. Or the things that are disapproved by the majority.

That is not to say that Doctor Who necessarily addresses things realistically, well or always (hi 'Fear Her' and everything Rose has ever done ever), but for a family show it does address Actual Things more often than I'd expect.

But let's not digress again. The Doctor sits down while Jamie goes to . . . look out the window probably. Frollo admits he should be angry at the Doctor for "thwart[ing his] elaborate security precautions twice". I think by 'elaborate' he mean the receptionist computer.

(((I am way too easily distracted. The reason this is so 'late' is that I rewatched all of Sherlock over the past few days.

CHEEK. BONES.

All the expressive faces in the world!

All the sadness!!

ALL THE SUBTEXT!!!

ALL THE MORIARTIES!!!

ALL THE CHEEKBONES!!!!! ALL THEM COATS WITH THE PARTIALLY UNBUTTONED SILK SHIRTS AND THE CURLS AND THE EYES AND THE SKIN TONE AND THE CHEEKBONES AND MARTIN FREEMAN IS SO CUTE AND HE IS SUCH A HOBBIT, YES I'M GOING TO GO SEE THE HOBBIT AND COME ON IT HAS SHERLOCK HOLMES AS SMAUG HOW CAN THIS NOT BE AWESOME?! You know this will be the best film of the year, don't you deny it.

All my sads.

Stephen Moffatt is an Evil Genius who revels in your pain. He even infiltrates Who stories written before he was born.

And I want canon Sherlock/Doctor Who crossover. In fact, I demand it.)))

And Frollo, being a Super Efficient Evil Villain Man wishes to know why. Though to be honest, any businessman would want to know why industrial spies were spying on his stuff. So the Doctor explains.

D: "I hate computers and refuse to be bullied by them." The Doctor really hates bullies of all kinds doesn't he? Stand up for the little people Doctor! It's what you do best. No. What you do best is everything except dancing. I will say this now and forever: my headcanon says that no DOctor can dance at all. This will never not be true ever.

Frollo then proceeds to name drop Zoe and Miss Legs, making our gallant Jamie exclaim "So that's why your thugs dragged her and Isobel away". Cue a swift denial as he proceeds to admire her and the Doctor for their "scientific ability". Methinks he's coining onto the fact that Zoe and the Doctor are from the future. Or a highly technologically advanced planet.

Hey dudes who know science? Can there be such a thing as a "totally illogicall[y]" constructed circuit or is this just mumbo jumbo technoTreknobabble? Either way, Frollo covets them and the person who invented them - in this case: the Doctor.

'kay guys. I'm getting some seriously creepy vibes from Frollo again. He's all cool and hip with the Doctor's silence, "[i]n fact, I'll do anything I can to help you" mend them. This is Highly Suspicious. Particularly as he then intimates that Dr. Watkins (that's Legs' uncle) hasn't been doing jack in studying them when we all know he has been studying them.

And you know what! Frollo's leaving the office to go do something nefarious I just know it!

And hello! The very second Frollo opens the damn door cue Jamie getting all up in the Doctor's personal space and 'accidental' touching as the Doctor turns around to watch Frollo go! Barely one minute into my resuming my review and 'accidental' touching. This pairing is going to be very good for me in a terribly frustrating way.

Someone go find me some Jamie/Two fanfic now. You can choose what I review next after 'Remembrance of the Daleks'. YES I AM WILLING TO DO LONG REVIEWS JUST TO SATISFY MY NEED FOR ACTUAL JAMIE/TWO ROMANCE! My needs must be fulfilled!

And even more 'accidental' touching! Jamie totally didn't need to touch the Doctor to get his attention and he did. I'm going to need a folder just for touchy Jamie/Two aren't I? Yes, yes I am. Out of my twenty-three screencaps for this serial, four of them involve Jamie or the Doctor touching one another.

Is the Doctor really going to play along with Frollo in order to fix his TARDIS and maybe get Zoe back? That's the drift I'm getting here. But again, it's cute their interaction! It's that ying and yang thing. Jamie's all hotblooded and impetuous and Scottish and young and attractive and kilt wearing and the Doctor's more relaxed and cautious and English and older and not-exactly attractive at all and trouser wearing.

These two are married. I have seen my grandparent (married for fifty odd bloody years!) bicker like this. Although louder.

J: "I don't think you can annoy that man [Frollo] even if you wanted to." He has a point. Never seen a more cold-blooded person outside of . . . um. Outside of Mycroft Holmes actually. Well, perhaps Cybermen too, but they're stripped of emotion so you can't really count them can you? But you have too because they're kind of a . . . species . . . so they're people after all.

Aha!

Never seen a more emotionless person outside of a Vulcan who is not undergoing pon farr, suffering from Bendii syndrome, has just seen their entire planet imploded, is part of the V'tosh ka'tur movement or similar.

At least the Doctor agrees with Jamie that Frollo's being too nice. He's a Stepford Husband! D: "He's a little bit too interested in these circuits for my liking." No faecal matter Sherlock. Jamie brings up an interesting point: does Frollo know about the TARDIS? Kinda. He's probably extrapolated it given his Cybercontact.

Jamie and the Doctor are also worried about Prof. Watkins too. Because yeah. The whole situation smells as fishing as my local fish market just after the fleet's come home after a bumper harvest. And the Doctor is so bemusedly earnest it makes me smile.

AAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Rapey things! Oh so many rapey implications! No surprises it's Punchy Packer saying "I'd think about it if I were you, Professor. After all, she is a pretty girl." Yeah. This serial goes from being Totally Awesome to Mummy Keep The Bad Man Away From Me in the most amazingly creepy fashion ever.

1968.

Children's edutainment show.

Aired at dinner time.

Cults and communes. Murder. Communism allegories. Industrial espionage. Corporate conspiracies. Monopolies on markets. Alien invasions (basically another metaphor for the communist threat/the dissolution of the British Empire and immigrants etc.) Blackmail. Kidnapping. Assault. Rape threats.

And the aliens haven't even been onscreen yet. Hell, if you include their time as a disembodied voice they've been onscreen for about ninety seconds. In just over one hour of the serial.

Pardon my language. But humans are complete and total smegpots aren't they.

But I do so love it when writers treat the audience as smart. Particularly if the main demographic of a show is children.

I know this is is going to sound horribly provincial, but well. It's a bit of a stereotype over here in the UK that most American shows are a bit . . . stupid. I can think of a lot of exceptions off the top of my head, but the reason I know of them is because they're so good they were imported to be aired. A:TLA, Buffy, Star Trek, Battlestar ,Angel, Firefly, MLP: FiM and so on.

But well. It seems to me that oodles of British shows are imported to America and are very popular and/or are adapted for an American audience. I can name dozens of them. And it seems that a lot of the 'intelligent' American shows that gain a wide overseas audience aren't particularly mainstream in America. Whereas said imported British shows airing in America gain what I'm told is a respectable audience figure. Is this just a stereotype or a generalisation or is it depressingly true? A mix? I'm just curious.

So the gist of this is: is Doctor Who (Nu or Classic) more 'intelligent' than other shows aimed at the same(ish) demographic? And yes. I am well aware of how stupid this question is when it comes to a show that is literally everywhere on all the sliding scales at different points in its history, but I have to ask anyway.

But back to the rape. PP: "It'd be a shame to spoil all that." If that doesn't make you feel unclean (Punchy Packer's got to be twice the age of Miss Legs) it's the Prof's response that makes me wish for a shower.

PW: "What a vicious sadist you are Packer." Sadism: the derivation of pleasure from inflicting pain or watching pain inflicted on others. Can be used in a sexual context.

Yeah.

And this is Packer who has been implied multiple times to enjoy physically inflicting pain upon people who cannot fight back. i.e. the beginning of this episode.

He looks like a rapist, and he looked like he was looking forwards to it when Frollo implied that rape was a-okay and totally awesome. And we all know Rape Is A Special Type of Evil (please do not get into the ethical implications and subjective truth of this generalisation), but the idea of torture on top of that too.

I'll be over in a corner feeling horrified and horribly conflicted.

And yes. I do get that the 'sadist' remark is referring to Punchy Packer's enjoyment of the Prof's pain during the conversation but we already know he likes physically hurting people too.

I am thus validated in my conviction.

And he's trying not to grin and laugh during after Prof. Watkins says this.He's having the time of his life.

And it gets worse.

PW: "I don't believe you anyway." His face screams denial.

PP: "I don't make idle threats, Professor, as you well know." AND HE HAS A SMUG!FACE ON. "If you want to see that girl again in one piece, I suggest you do as Mr. Vaughn asks."

PW: "How do I know that you already haven't harmed her?" [OH I FEEL FOR YOU PROF. W. THAT HAS GOT TO BE A HORRIBLE PREDICAMENT AND NOT ONE I EVER WANT TO BE IN] "If you had got her . . . " Here Prof. Have my sympathies.

And then Frollo pops out from bumbleshuck nowhere to reassure the Prof that she's not been harmed. Yet. And even though the Prof's full of bravado, doubting Frollo's word too, you can see he's terrified.

Oh, and then Frollo calmly goes over to Punchy Packer to ask if there's been any progress made on this "machine".

PW: "No, and I don't intend to." Ridiculously bold words for a man who very well suspects that his niece is being held hostage and under threat of rape and torture.

F: "Oh I think you will Professor. Much as I detest violence,
I find it difficult to restrain Packer's indisputable [pans over to Packer's SMUG!FACE] talent for persuasion." [Packer looks away demurely like he's embarrassed by the compliment!!!!!] AKA: I'll have Packer 'persuade' your niece.

Just look at Prof. W's face! You can see his tears.

Let's go over his predicament. He's likely been kidnapped, forced to work against his will on Nefarious Things, and now his niece has been officially threatened with beatings, rape, torture and murder in order to 'persuade' him.

1968 children's show.

Also, I think we can add 'police state' to our list of Adult Things being discussed/used in this serial. About the only plus I can think of is: at least they're adults. And it hasn't happened yet which is a big plus. I mean, it never will, but Jesus.

OH MY GOD FROLLO SEMI-BLINKED!

And naturally, Prof. W gives in and decides to work on this Machine. PW: "If I do cooperate, will you let her go?"

F: "Ph no, she's our guarantee, but she'll come to no harm."

And! Prof. W.'s genre savvy enough to demand to see Miss Legs first. (I feel really bad now about objectifying an attractive woman when she's now under threat of rape) (Frollo nearly blinked again. With one eye.) But first the Prof. has to meet our Boys. Except they've never met before. I don't think. No, they've not.

Yup. Super confirmation that the Prof was kidnapped- "I haven't been allowed visitors since I came here". So yay. Psychological and emotional abuse. The Prof, naturally wanting desparately to escape threatens to tell his friends everything.

Frollo gloats about the Prof. not knowing anything dangerous about him. "And of course, there is always Isobel to consider."

PP: "Or would you rather leave her to me?" Complete with Leer Face.

AAAAA. That was genuinely so disturbing to me I went and got my secret cache of ice cream out!

Look. I might be reading too much into this (WHICH I AM NOT) but this is no longer IMPLYING ANYTHING. THIS IS OUT AND OUT 'DO AS I SAY OR I WILL RAPE YOUR NIECE AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT' TERRITORY. How did this show get away with this?! If this was in a 'grown up' show you wouldn't hesitate to call this a RAPE THREAT but because children are the primary demographic (or at least make up a sizeable percentage of the audience) people say this isn't a rape threat.

These guys are so evil.

This is so creepy I need sweet, sweet ice cream and fluffy cute fanfic for a few minutes. Okay back.

Good. We're back with adorable Jamie/Two. And guess what they're doing. If you said touching, well duh. This time the Doctor is touching Jamie. It makes a change. Even better: "Let's have a closer look at that, shall we?" [THe Doctor proceeds to slide his hand down Jamie's back and pulls a telescope out of his TARDIS pocket]

The telescope which he then proceeds to rest on Jamie's shoulder for a ridiculously weak reason. D: "Now just hold still a minute".

Look. The Doctor is holding a phallic object, and is asking Jamie to hold still. This is not me reading too much into things. It is not! Yeah, I get that the Doctor is using Jamie for stability (READ THAT METAPHOR FOR THEIR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP CURLY WHY DON'T YOU YES I WILL FOREVER), but touch touch touch touch touch touch touch.

Give. Me. My. Fanfic. Or some sort of canon material that make their love open. A Big Finish audio drama perhaps? A comic? A book? These two belong together!

They're looking at some big balls.

. . .

COME ON!

THEY WERE TOUCHING, AND THERE WAS CLOSENESS AND THEN A PHALLIC SYMBOL AND A METAPHOR FOR THEIR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP AND THE REASON FOR ALL THIS CLOSENESS WAS TO LOOK AT SOME BIG BALLS!

THEY. ARE. TEASING. ME.

This is proof that at least one person who's worked on Doctor Who is a Time Lord. They went back in time to engineer all this so-called subtext just to tease and troll and mock the audiences of the present and the future and they are laughing.

Oh sure, it's a "deep space radio communication system" (in the shape of a trio of big balls) Doctor. That's no reason to get touchy-feely with Jamie is it? Oh that's right, it is because you want and need to touch him any time you can.

Maybe my slash goggle are on too tight, or I'm too committed to my new OTP, but there is no way all of this is coincidental or accidental or innocent. Why do I keep getting distracted from the plot by them and the deeply disturbing things to villains do? Oh right, because one is deeply disturbing and the other is deeply frustrating!

Oh, and as far as Google tells me, all deep space radio communication systems are made of giant satellite dishes which are not ball shaped at all.

Even more touching! I swear I will make a review of this serial one day that is nothing but a record of every time the Doctor and Jamie touch and get way too close to one another. BECAUSE THEY'RE DOING IT AGAIN!

Jamie sees a helichopter and his first instinct is to reach for and cling to the Doctor! This is literally getting ridiculous. It's like every other minute these two are touching and being all cute and obviously married, but it's not canon! And I know some (most) of you readers out there aren't into slash and are probably getting fed up with all these screencaps and my obsession with their endless touching, and I don't particularly like forcing my opinion of something as the Only Possible Answer, and I don't want to sound like a mindlessly slashy fangirl because I actually have a brain (ooh, watch me bash people) and like to think I can make intelligent points about family sci-fi shows but

HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THESE TWO ARE DEEPLY IN LOVE AND MARRIED?!?!22?!

I suppose if I wiped the knowledge (and fun) of slash out of my mind entirely I could call this an incredibly deep and trusting bromance which is honestly fantastic (I mean, I don't even really ship Johnlock in a sexual fashion for Christ's sake! And Sherlock/Watson is like the first ever 'homoerotically coded piece of fiction ever'), but they're still waaaaaay too touchy!

And then when Jamie hears someone coming (although how he can over the really noisy helichopter is anyone's business) he pushes the Doctor and then they turn to face the door. Standing arm-to-arm.

Oh, it's Punchy Packer. I was honestly expecting Frollo. Also, while they were alone why didn;t the Doctor contact the Brig to tell him what was going on? Probably lost their chance now. And Jamie reaches out to touch the Doctor again as they walk past Punchy Packer and down to the lab.

(((You know, it's a cold rainy night out, I'm in my pyjamas, armed with ice cream, fizzy pop, alcohol, Classic Who and I get to rave and rant and be frustrated over my favourite Boys.

I. Love. 'The Invasion'.)))

Ack! Back at UNIT HQ. Who's Cpt. Turner again? Dude in the helichopter. Idiot. Oh! I knew a Jimmy Turner when I was a wee little Curly back in first primary school! My Jimmy Turner wishes he was cool enough to polish Cpt. Jimmy Turner's boots. The Brig is informed that there's no sign of our Boys, and again "[w]e daren't make a move until we hear from the Doctor".

And back to the lab. Dr. Travers is a girl! Colour me genuinely surprised. I don't know why, but the fact that we have a lady science doctor in 1968 makes me really happy. It's not like this was even made during some big Feminist Thing like there was over in America around about this time (+/- 10 yrs), so it's just awesomely casually understated 'feminism'. (PS: I hate feminism. And most -isms for all it makes for good analyses and commentaries) Then again, Anne is married so Dr. Travers could be the husband (barely), but I think Anne's wearing the trousers in this relationship as she's the one who persuaded the husband to go the America "with her". Also it was Anne who was the student of the Prof.

Okay. You can spoil this for me. Is Anne the doctor/prof or not?

stop cutting away from things!

Because just as the Doctor's about to exposit the last two and a half episodes we cut to the office with Frollo and Punchy Packer. PP is then informed that the DOctor has been on another planet. PP: "That's not possible!" Dude. Your boss basically owns all the electronics in the world ever, has a massive (solitary) commune where all his workers live and freely kidnaps and blackmails scientists and their families.

And you think aliens are unbelievable!

And yeah. Frollo's extrapolated the existence of a TARDIS. Cue the spying! I actually think this is a nifty way of doing plot exposition. Our Boys (and one Girl) know how they got here, but our Villains and our Prof. don't know how they ended up in this situation. It puts everybody (minus our Girls who, frankly, haven't really demonstrated they have a brain between them) on the map and allows for the plot to develop properly. Argh. Sugar makes my brain not work.

It helps the dynamism of the serial pick up pace because our main factions now know more about the motivations and ideals of each other allowing them to plan and interact more appropriately according to their information.

Also. D: "Jamie, Jamie, I don't think the Professor want to hear about [the exact specifics of the problem they have]." I think someone's figured out they're being spied on. And yet it's just a little too late to stop the villains finding out that their theory about the circuits come from a machine that travels through space (they don't know about the time bit yet) are true.

Of course, two scientists biffling together about the TARDIS (Anne and the Prof.) means that the Prof really wants to know what the problem is exactly. And the Doctor can't come out and say 'hi, yeah, we're being spied on' because . . . plot and not giving away an advantage or something. This means that the Doctor is essentially insulting Anne by saying she "allowed her imagination to run a little wild".

Um yah. The Prof was her teacher and likely worked with her on numerous projects. Also: SHE'S A SCIENTIST! LIKELY HER DEDUCTIONS ARE MADE BASED UPON EXTRAPOLATION FROM FACTUAL RESEARCH AND PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.

Oh Doctor. You are so adorkable. Your attempts at subtly pointing out the spy cameras will never not be cute, adorable, adorkable and amazing unsubtle. But at least Jamie got a clue.

And because honesty compels me, I must say that Jamie seems to be a very tactile person anyway because as he says "Oh I see, yes." he's tapping the Prof. gently on the chest. The Prof. does look a little weirded out by it though.

But I'm left again to contemplate the specifics behind the Jamie/Doctor relationship be it sexual, romantic or platonic (totally romantic). See, what I was trying to do just now as I was eating some Ben & Jerry's was think of a similar Companion dynamic.

So my default Nu Who Companion dynamic would be Doctor/Amy/Rory compared to Doctor/Jamie/Zoe.

You have two guys, one girl in each. But where the Nu dynamic is romantic!Amy/Rory and platonic!BFF!Amy/Doctor/Rory we have romantic!(or bromantic!)Jamie/Doctor and Zoe's kind of . . . there. She doesn't appear to be best friends or anything but friendly in a mildly distant way with our Boys (note she's practically eager to have some 'girl talk' and runs off).

We have more similarities in that both Amy and Jamie are very much outgoing, vivacious, sexy redheads (look, I don't care what anyone or anything says, Jamie is a redhead to me always) who look great in skirts. They're both rather impetuous and, while quick to catch on, don't always notice the subtle things. Particularly Jamie. However! They're both fantastic at trolling people, subtly or unsubtly, and they're very good at understanding what their significant other is saying. Usually.

Two (for sake of convenience) is naturally very similar to Eleven, and yes, I do know that quite a few character tics/clothing ideas were pinched from Two at Matt Smith's behest, and they are technically the same person. Eleven is a bit more adorkable and absent-minded, while also being more obviously dangerous. Two is more timid, cautious and modest, and most importantly: sensible.

Rory now. Rory is like Jamie and Two (and Eleven and Amy). If you asked me to define Rory's character it would be 'loyal beyond all measure, impossibly brave, compassionate, badass, cynical, intelligent, logical (but not always), little bit of a troll, and devoted to Amy'.

Jamie is 'loyal beyond all measure (he would never give up on the Doctor or Zoe or whoever ever; I can already tell that), very brave, touchy feely, fairly compassionate, badass, loves trolling people, impetuous, driven by his emotions, devoted to Two'.

Zoe is. Well. My first impulse was to compare her to Rose, but then I realised that that was too harsh on Zoe even as a rough analogue. The day I compare Rose to anyone favourably is the day the world ends. But Zoe isn't Sarah Jane Smith - she does things. She's not MtM because at least Martha's not a total moron, and Zoe's definitely not in love with Two (she knows he's taken). She is not Donna because Donna is Godlike in mine eyes. She's not Amy or Rory for the exact same reasons. She's not Cpt. Jack Harkness because she's nowhere near as cool. She's not Mickey because Mickey had a cool backstory and he will forever have my sympathy for being ditched by the cow known as Rose. She's most certainly not K9 either. Or the Master.

I don't even want to say he's like that Harry guy from 'genesis of the Daleks' (was it Harry?) because at least he got some sarcasm in.

Zoe is a non-entity. This means that she's empty filler allowing for more time for the Jamie/Two relatioship to become deeper and richer. And yet I can't quite peg how these two work just yet.

Frankly, it's fascinating. And worthy of an actual essay thing explaining why I've so rapidly come to ship these two together. As opposed to yet another massive digressive rant no one'll read.