IRON POET XV!
SpoilerThis round was tough to choose. It was tough on me, personally, because of my beliefs about poetry and the rules of the Iron Poet contest.
It is the spirit of the Iron (Chef) Poet tradition that submissions are graded on how well they used, incorporated, and displayed the secret ingredient. That is the rule that I used to determine my verdict. So please take all of my comments with that item in mind.
Alarra versus Bladescape:
Spoiler...keeping in mind that I am probably remaining silent about every-thing that I would normally say regarding punctuation and rhythm...
A moody piece. Sad. Dis-jointed in some places because of the choice of word order. I did like it. I see how it was meant to connect with the prompt and it did so fairly clearly.
A good poet knows how to use prose to make a surprise twist at the end. I noticed that. Good job.
SpoilerFlat-out, this was the superior submission of the bout. Multiple layers of rhythm make for a quality piece.
However...I did become lost in the prose. The prompt's supposed influence on the piece was not the easiest to detect. I did detect it, but I felt while reading that the prompt was more hidden by the text than exposed. There were...( or seemed to be ) quite a few other things subtly mixed into the text as well as the prompt. Perhaps I was simply unable to see how they connected to the prompt and if that is the case then I am sorry. But...part of a poet's concern, at least when considering an audience, is how easily the audience will be able to assimilate the ideological content provided in the piece.
This is a good poem. You deserve a verbal reward.
SpoilerAlarra! Thanks for submitting, both of you.
Omaganaut versus Truemane:
SpoilerA nicely structured poem, if all in one stanza. I...should also mention that I'm not sure whether lines two and six were intentionally left lower-case or not, but I point it out because the rest used punctuation.
The piece tells a story of a sort. Not necessarily the kind of story that I would like to hear, but the persona's words and thoughts are very clear to the reader. Those opinions provide a certain depth to the piece and are what, I think, give it some more heft than it would other-wise have.
And yet...I felt that the poem only addressed half of the prompt. It did contain a dis-agreeable sense ( Personal Note: I do not normally care for disagreeable things, but I'm here to judge fairly ) but I felt that it lacked the touch of the word breath that I was looking for in the poem, compared to the prompt.
Still, your poem did connect with the prompt and I personally think even your rushed and semi-impromptu submission indicated an acceptably solid effort.
SpoilerStanza Two; Line Six. Chocking?
Flat-out, this was the better organized piece of the bout. It has rhythm and structure which are always nice to see. The prompt is obviously and rather heavily mixed into every stanza of the poem. This touches not only on the dis-agreeable or un-wanted aspect of the effluvia word, but also on the breathing or breath aspect. Not...specifically exhalation that I could see, but the movement and composition of air as well as the effects of it.
Personally, I do not like dark mood poetry, but I note that because that was the mood of the piece as it struck me. ...more dark than the other poems of the round.
For all of the mood of the piece, the poem was a bit abstract. The character and the persona were both active, and to that extent, interesting, but also ambiguously mysterious. To carefully pull a term from the piece, there was quite bit, "un-said," but in this case by the poet. I note that, not because I think it was an incorrect choice, but because I noticed the choice and saw how that choice influenced the rest o the piece as a whole.
So. I acknowledge your effort.
SpoilerTruemane! Thanks for submitting, both of you.