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Thread: Iron Poet XVI

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    Alarra's Avatar

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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    Gah, sorry. I'll do this tonight.

    Edit: here you go...
    Judgments:
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    Prompt 1: TechWarrior vs. Haruki
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    TechWarrior
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    You had some nice use of language, there were some lines that I really liked. Overall though, the rhythm was a bit clunky and sometimes it felt like the stanzas were dragged out longer than I wanted them to be, lines tacked on that didnít add to the piece but felt necessary to the composition. Your connection to the prompt was good and overall you did a fairly good job. Nothing really exciting though.

    Haruki
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    Nice rhythm, good connection to the prompt, and I like the message. A little heavy-handed, but not too bad. Not as lyrical as I would have liked, I see potential thatís unexplored. Iím not sure whether changing the rhyming scheme in the last stanza worked, but it wasnít terribly jarring. Overall, good job but nothing that makes me say wow.

    Verdict
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    I found both these poems rather mediocre. Iím going to go with Haruki because of good rhythm.


    Prompt 2: Weezer vs. The Grimmace
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    Weezer
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    I liked your use of repetition at the end of each stanza, it tied things together nicely and added to the rhythm in a pleasing way. I liked your use of the prompt, but found that overall it was kind of superficial and I would have liked if youíd gone a bit further. Overall a pretty piece but not really exciting.

    The Grimmace
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    I actually really enjoyed this. The language was lovely, the description fantastic. I enjoyed the way you chose to use the prompt as well. The first stanza was clunky but I loved the next four. I think I would have liked it better if youíd turned the beach/sun into a one line description similar to the tree and bug and ended the poem with that. I wasnít fond of the last stanza. It felt like you went from being delightfully vague, lyrical and metaphorical to much too literal. I would have preferred you to never actually name that it was a camera and let the description you built stand alone. Overall though, very nice job.

    Verdict
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    I like how you both focused more on the camera than the scene, that was interesting. The Grimmace did a much better job of it however.


    Prompt 3: Saint Ridley vs. leakingpen
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    Saint Ridley
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    Interesting. I donít really have a lot to say here. It was a good use of the prompt. I liked the end particularly. Some bits felt a little heavy-handed, but overall it was nice. There were some very good lines and I liked the lyrical quality.

    Leakingpen
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    No poem

    Verdict
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    SaintRidley by default


    Prompt 4: Silviya vs. Garwain
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    Silviya
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    No poem. Sad, I like your stuff and was looking forward to it.

    Garwain
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    Um. Huh. I donít get the connection to the prompt at all here. I donít like this poem. The language is clunky, though I did really like the first two lines of the last stanza. Overall the rhythm and language felt kind of childish and cheesy, which can work when used humorously, but this didnít seem like it was. Pretty disappointed, I would very likely not have sent you on if your competition had written something.

    Verdict
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    Garwain by default
    Last edited by Alarra; 2012-08-28 at 08:27 PM.

    I was outzombied by the baby!
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