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Thread: Iron Poet XVI

  1. - Top - End - #147
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2012

    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    Great job everyone! Here are my judgments for round 3...

    Old landscape –
    TechWarrior : not sure if this is what you were aiming for, but I saw wonderful imagery of a war-torn forest, the pained vision of a lost/broken soldier; I could see the newly ravaged forest before the regrowth had time to immerge; the pain was clear and shock and grief well depicted; well developed cadence and good flow
    SaintRidley : wonderful imagery of the wilderness lost to the encroachment of civilization, the angered grief was clear and the frustration well depicted; I could almost see the old man looking into a concrete jungle with distaste as he wishes for the forest of his youth – mental afterimage?; natural use of rhyming scheme, natural flow though rough cadence
    Comment – overall both very interesting take on the same idea: both depicted a battered natural forest dead at the hand of mankind; TechWarrior’s depicted a more recent and sudden catastrophic loss, while SaintRiddley’s was older and more deliberate; both captured the emotions of the scene very well and it is a very hard call as they both reached very personal areas for me that I could sympathize with, so really the decision is less a matter of mechanics and more a matter of which one spoke to me on a deeper level…
    Winner – TechWarrior

    Fake seclusion –
    Garwain : interesting use of the prompt – more of an enforced seclusion than fake, as the subject has voluntarily (for the most part?) removed himself from society to deal with crippling nightmares/flashbacks?; whatever the source, the subject cannot cope without aggressive intervention which is plaguing even the unaffected waking moments; the sense of pain and fear is evident, a looming terror when awake and overwhelming when asleep; the sense of melancholy well depicted; strong word flow, but probably could have been better emphasize if the cadence had shifted when moving between the scenes
    TheGrimmace : the poem started off very strong and clear, but soon evolved into something that I am not sure I understand in terms of story – was the subject an astronaut wondering into insanity as he sailed alone through space? – but I did enjoy several lines in the second stanza and even the early part of the third, but it flipped by the end into the incoherentness of the fourth; interesting pacing and word flow
    Comment – interesting that both the authors chose to look at the negative aspects of phsycological seclusion, though from differing angles; both had solid mechanics; while there was perhaps some minor stylistic effects that Garwain could have used to greater effect, I felt moved more clearly than by TheGrimmace; a close race but ultimately decided on the emotive impact the words conveyed
    Winner – Garwain
    Last edited by Kalrany; 2012-09-18 at 12:16 PM.
    78% of all DM's start their first campaign in a tavern. If you're among the 22% who didn't, copy and paste this into your signature and tell us where you DID begin.The players were attacked individually on the road on the way to town by werewolves. To survive, they had to team up then and there without knowing anything about eachother (literally -- all character sheets were completed without other players' knowledge).