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Thread: Personal Woes and Advice 2

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    Thajocoth's Avatar

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    Mar 2009
    Austin TX

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    I don't know if it's a single scale and my sliders are all out of whack, but it's really frustrating to feel like I hate myself with every fiber of my being while simultaneously far too enamored of others and caring about them & wanting to help when there's trouble.

    I'm also sick of having bigotries that I know don't even make sense and actively know to be false. It's like a black spot on my soul that I can't tear out or fix and can only bury deeper and deeper and hope that it takes too long digging back up into my thoughts that I'll be able to distract myself onto something new before it can get out.

    And I'm a colossal hypocrite because I'm a philosophical pacificist and yet I'm possessed of a terrible bloodlust and believe in what I know to be intellectually foolish views of love and yet am still constantly beset by my mind trying to trick me into thinking I'm falling for somebody new.
    I used to view INT & WIS as the only stats worth having, to the point that anyone without them was a lesser person. That is, ironically, quite unwise. It took a lot of active mental correcting on my part to see what various other traits add to society. I have not dropped my level of pride, I merely raised my average level of respect for others, now making the assumption that there's something awesome about everyone... Still difficult to do sometimes.

    In that mentality, I was also very much a pacifist. I still believe there are alternatives to war that should always be looked into first, but have always had a side of me that I bottled away that liked rather savage things. Thankfully, I have a good outlet for that now, and I'm a much happier person.

    I used to think I was a very happy person when I had parts of my mind deluded & bottled up... Maybe I was, I dunno... But I feel happier now. I feel more free.

    As for romance... I was 23 when I started dating a girl I met online. I had this wonderful tendency to have great first conversations with women & neglect to request contact information. Six weeks later, I was single again, and it was another 5 years before I met my girl, who I intend to be with forever. Meeting your partner later on does not have to be a bad thing.

    So, I have no helpful advice for you, but can lend you a gesture of "I understand how you feel." I hope it helps.
    Last edited by Thajocoth; 2012-10-09 at 12:22 AM.
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