In that mentality, I was also very much a pacifist. I still believe there are alternatives to war that should always be looked into first, but have always had a side of me that I bottled away that liked rather savage things. Thankfully, I have a good outlet for that now, and I'm a much happier person.
I used to think I was a very happy person when I had parts of my mind deluded & bottled up... Maybe I was, I dunno... But I feel happier now. I feel more free.
As for romance... I was 23 when I started dating a girl I met online. I had this wonderful tendency to have great first conversations with women & neglect to request contact information. Six weeks later, I was single again, and it was another 5 years before I met my girl, who I intend to be with forever. Meeting your partner later on does not have to be a bad thing.
So, I have no helpful advice for you, but can lend you a gesture of "I understand how you feel." I hope it helps.