Things that I wish to inflict upon my gaming group:

3237. I will not try to hijack, capture or commandeer every damn vehicle that comes my way.
3238. A magic missile will never, ever be Nyan cat.
3239. Sex will not be roleplayed.
3239b. Especially paid sex.
3239c. ...with the team member who used to be a temple prostitute.
3239d. ...and who is a man.
3240. A level 1 character attacking an adult dragon will die by s*itting his pants in fear.
3241. Dire rats do not drop loot.
3241b. Not even when you perform an autopsy.