* I am not allowed to play a wereoctopus
** We do not launch people out of the catapult
*** Ever
**** I don't care that you can probably take the falling damage

* I will mow the lawn more often to prevent grenade-throwing zombie infestation

* I will never use the phrase "Necros gone. Wild" while dealing with zombies
** Or ever again

* The phrase "Don't worry about the size of the ship, it'll change" does not inspire confidence

* No part of the following conversation is ever allowed to happen again:
-When faced with identical beings each one claiming the other is a pirate-
"See, it's not an illusion, it's actually transmutation. Because, actually, they're sheep who have been transmuted into humans to satisfy some deranged wizard's fantasy of watching sheep engage in a naval battle" - X
"I think we should take them into separate rooms and interrogate the crap out of them. And by 'interrogate the crap out of them' I mean 'torture them'" - Zahhak
"And by 'torture them' I mean 'make them have sex with sheep'" - X
"Because the one who enjoys it, is clearly a sheep" - Zahhak

* If a PC attempts suicide, it's the DMs fault

* I don't care if you have the needed spells, we are not going to play Portal in Pathfinder.
** Or use those spells to rip out chunks of the enemy ship
*** And we will especially not make those chunks rain down on the enemy ship
**** Or launch the enemy ship back at itself

* I don't care how many years OOC and how many characters had to die researching it, you are not allowed to make a nuclear warhead
- Not my group, but someone in a different group that one of our party played with literally spent 3 years researching DnD spells and how nuclear warheads worked to make as close of an approximation to a nuclear warhead as possible.

* I am not allowed to make modern weapons with Wizard spells.
** No, a rod of magic missile is not a rifle waiting to happen
*** Or a sub-machine gun
**** And taping multiple together does not make a gatling gun
***** And under no circumstances am I allowed to attempt to make a flamethrower

* Low level PCs do not fight the Weeping Angels
** Or anything else from Doctor Who
*** And I am not allowed to design mazes after episodes of Doctor Who
**** Especially: Silence in the Library, Flesh and Stone, or the God Complex
***** I don't care how awesome it is
****** You know what, no Doctor Who the week before doing anything DnD related.

* I am not allowed to crucify mice.

* It doesn't matter that Geography in the real world includes knowledge of culture, history, and animals, Knowledge (Geography) does not grant me automatic ranks in Knowledge (Nobility and Royalty), Knowledge (History), and Knowledge (Nature)

* I am not allowed to have a cat launcher
** If I ask again, my character will be struck with ball lightning.
*** As DM, I am not allowed to give my PCs or NPCs cat launchers
**** This will result in the Dungeon King setting me on fire

* My penis is not a weapon
** It does not grant me bonuses to intimidate
*** Even if it's shaped like a Q
**** Especially if it's shaped like a Q

* I am not allowed to pester the DM endlessly about questions about his worlds geography
** I am not allowed to then send him a 5 page essay detailing why his worlds geography makes no sense

* There is a non-cannon DnD book, whose name I dare not speak, and which I am not allowed to reference in even the most oblique way.