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Thread: Personal Woes and Advice 2

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    Bugbear in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    As a random aside, what's the proper response to someone who says "Well if you don't like people treating you badly why don't you be less different?" I have some ideas along the lines of "I shouldn't have to form my life around other people's comfort levels," but I'm not sure exactly how to explain it. Partly because it's one of those annoying half-truths.
    It is victim blaming, but it can also be practical advice. Odds are you're not going to change someone's biases against you just by talking to them. As such, you can either change to avoid conflict, or stop interacting with them entirely. If its random people who treat you badly and you're not going to have any contact with them in the future anyway, odds are nothing you do besides changing will get said people to stop.

    Of course, that is not to say you SHOULD do that. Ignoring the people is probably the best way to not have to compromise your beliefs or whatever when dealing with people who want to treat you badly for whatever reason. Trying to actually reason with people like that is generally no good and will just get you more frustrated in the end.

    In the end you shouldn't have to change to accommodate others. However, its up to each individual to decide what value they place on how they present themselves (or aspects of themselves) compared to the value of not being criticized about said aspects. Some people might choose to change (at least outwardly) to avoid being mistreated by others if they decide they value that more that whatever they're giving up. And this is a perfectly legitimate choice as well.
    Last edited by Chen; 2012-11-12 at 09:10 AM.