Quote Originally Posted by TheAmishPirate View Post
Responses to review:

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You're touching on my biggest worry for this story. See, because my Twilight isn't really ShowTwilight, I need these opening scenes to show the reader what she is like. Set the stage, establish characters, start up long-running plots, those sorts of things. Unfortunately, that also means we're three chapters in and just barely getting to the meat of the story. And even the meat of the story, if you'll remember some of the chats we've had about it, is going to be a slow boil anyway. I'd say I should make this intro sequence shorter, but I just don't know what to cut. Maybe I should re-focus, re-write, get a better grasp of what makes these characters worth following, something to get more bang with less buck in these chapters? I honestly don't know, and that really worries me.


Thanks for looking this over, another pair of eyes is always appreciated.
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I'm actually concerned that show Twilight is becoming increasingly social and close to her friends due to Character Growth - and that's going to blur some perceptions in people's heads.

I don't think anything needs to be cut, but I do think your next move has to be a good one. I think three chapters to fully set the scene and premise is about right but something needs to happen in the next one. Some... acceleration. The results of the ritual, perhaps, could be an extremely debilitating long-term illness or the beginning of Twilight's mental degeneration rather than just 'wake up fine with a lecture from the Princess'.



Quote Originally Posted by Kairaven View Post
Giddy up Giddy up up.........

.............
........

Why can't I stop!?!?!?!

I dread when the remix hits.

BTW, like the lyrics version or the chorus only version?
Welp.