Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

[Ethdred]

301. I am not allowed to declare my plan of action right before the DM takes a drink of his soda
302. If I’m going to think in an accent, I should let the DM know that ahead of time
303. Liquor is not embalming fluid
304. My bard cannot yell “Do the hussle!” before the perform roll
305. My priestess should have at least one rank in Knowledge: Religion
306. I’m not allowed to carry other players in my handy haversack, even if their head is sticking out of the opening
307. I must stop trying to hit on my god…even if he is the hotness
308. Not all church services turn into drunken orgies. Many. But not all.
309. I cannot awaken animals, convert them to my religion, and send them running through town yelling “BEER!”
310. I shall not make the DM consider the ramifications of a half-orc and half-elf breeding
311. My horse cannot be more intelligent than fellow party members
312. I will not mock the ultimate battle of good and evil by pasting ugly orc painting on the constructs butt and then ‘raising the roof’
313. Noble women do not knock over trash cans swearing
314. I will not seduce the poorly named NPC that the DM intended to use for all of five seconds
315. I will not toss boars into the column of light that leads to the realm of chaos just for the hell of it
316. I will also not yell ‘Go piggie go!’ as I do so
317. I will not make fun of the whiny emo dragon
318. Faking constipation is not a good way to get out of going to jail
319. Just because we bombed the enemy with 50lbs of opium does not mean I should encourage the Shugenja to use ‘color spray’
320. I will not wander into the church of St. Cuthbert and use ghost sound to make it seem like the head priest is farting
321. …or use prestidigitation to add a noxious smell to that scenario
322. …or add a billowing green cloud behind him
323. I will likewise not throw the eyeballs, blood, intestines, naughty bits of ANYTHING we kill into that same church
324. I will not attempt to make my instrument shoot out lighting in an attempt to make an electric guitar
325. I will not plunge the entire party into magical darkness during a crucial battle without anyone having taken the blind fight feat
326. There is no Perform: Air Guitar skill
327. I will not attempt to make a Balance check when reading an accountant’s ledger
328. I will not stick their used up cure wand up the prisoner’s rear…even if they are a paladin
329. I will not summon animals from my Bag of Tricks in the middle of a store only to steal a five silver piece item
330. I will likewise not claim that the Bag of Tricks is a trap finding tool


The sad thing is...I'm not even making this list up.

Now those are funny! I can see why they brought in rule 301