LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

[Icewraith]

So, several things happened this weekend. I'm not sure what to make of them.

First, I went to my first therapy session on Saturday, where I was confronted with the idea that I may have to give up certain things I enjoyed as male if I want to move forward with expressing myself as female. I didn't respond very favorably to that, so we ended up agreeing that something unrelated to gender was involved.

I watched Star Wars that evening, cosplaying as Rey. While I do like the character of Rey I still found myself wishing I could still identify with Luke, especially during a certain scene near the end which I'm not going to spoil.

The next day, a sudden thought came to me: "What do you have to gain by being female?" The answer was "nothing, really." Maybe the fulfillment of a few fantasies and a broader perspective on life might be gained, but very little beyond that.

So at that point, I lost most of my desire to be female. At the same time, I came down with a really horrible flu that has kept me feeling really bad and unable to work for the last few days.

I'm really confused. Am I really just a guy with weird fantasies I had to try out? Am I genderfluid as I suggested earlier and this is a temporary switch back to male? And does this awful flu have anything to do with this?

My understanding is that if you're fluid, you should expect to bounce back and forth between the genders over time. Permanent changes (or things that take months to reverse) probably aren't the way to go, at least until your sense of gender stays on one side or the other for an extended period of time. If that happens, you can re-evaluate.

In the meantime, keep seeing your therapist. SOMETHING is clearly still up.

Maybe I'm reading into this too much, but it sounds like you don't like the idea of being "just" a guy with a fetish/gender-related fantasies or someone who is only a little genderfluid. If it turns out one of those descriptions is what best suits you, the "optimal" life adjustment for you is going to look very different than it will for someone who is highly genderfluid or transgender.