This kind of thing is why I get scared using kashi bachi. That's meaningful to someone who isn't me, right? Oh, just look at the build already.

Quote Originally Posted by Meran 'The Hammer' Torson
Meran 'The Hammer' Torson

Spoiler: Introducing the legend
Show
Host: Welcome back to Valhalla live! We’ve got a lot of exciting features, previews and reviews planned for you tonight. But first, to talk about his new album, we’ve got the legendary drummer of Valkyrie’s hammer, Meran ‘The Hammer’ Torson!

*Applause as the man himself strides onto stage, opening of his ‘new song ‘Drums of War’playing in the background*

Host: It’s great to have you here, Meran! Now, before we get to the new Album, I’ve got a question for you. We’d originally arranged for the entirety of ‘Valkyrie’s Hammer’ to join us here. Unfortunately, the rest had to cancel at the last minute, something related to Cormok the Craven having escaped from the Abyss again. What’s the story behind this, Meran?

Meran: Oh, that poser. He’s this minor Demon that we encountered during our first tour. He’s a real bore, didn’t accept our challenge to a Metal showdown and proceeded to try to kill the owner of the venue we were playing at. We dealt with him right quickly then, but he keeps coming back for more, and he gets meaner every time. We make it a point to hunt him down immediately whenever we hear he’s on the prowl again these days. The guy’s weak though, the boys’ll hardly need my help putting him down.

Host: Sticking to conventional Bardic wisdom for returning villains, I see.

Meran: Yep, kill the ****ers before they do something you’ll have to make tem regret.

Host: Not quite how I’d have worded it, but quite true nonetheless. It’s probably for the best that you haven’t all joined us here as there’s apparently a local law against more than two of you being on a show like this at the same time. Anyway, back to why you’re here in the first place. Your new album, Stomrlord’s fury, is set to release next week and is already getting great reviews.

Meran: As it should, this is a chronicle of our finest hour. Got our inspiration right from where it matters most, the path of adventure.

Host: Right, it’s clear from every song that you aren’t just singing about heroic deeds and adventure, you’ve lived it. The 5-star review given to your album by the temple of Thor mentioned that the hammer on the cover bears a striking resemblance to Mjölnir, and there’s been rumours that it’s the real thing ever since. Care to comment on that?

Meran: There’s a bonus track on the album that we’ve kept under wraps so far that should answer that particular question. *grins*

Host: I’m looking forward to hearing it. I’ve got time for one last question, and it’s about a rumour that has dogged you for the last couple of years. Is it true that you go through drums at an alarming rate?

Meran: They don’t build them like they used to. My first set lasted a couple of years until that demon trashed it out of spite. These days I count myself lucky if they last through a single gig.

Host: You’re sure it’s the drums, and not you?

Meran: Nah, they just build them to crappy standards these days. Any other object can withstand a proper solo, it’s just the man trying to weasel more money out of honest musicians. Watch!

*Meran proceeds to pound a surprisingly decent sounding rhythm out of the table between him and the host. The table promptly collapses on the final blow.*

Meran: …That proves nothing.

Host: I’m sure it doesn’t. Thanks for being on the show today, and all you folks back home and in the audience can pick up Valkyrie’s hammer’s next album, fury of the Stormlord, in your local store on July 16!


Spoiler: Facts, figures and heavy metal
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Meran 'The Hammer' Torson, CG Crusader 5/Warblade 1
race: Maenad
Ability scores (number in brackets is points spend from point-buy)
str 16 (10)
dex13 (includes +1 at level 4) (4)
con 14 (6)
int 14 (6)
wis 8 (0)
cha 14 (6)

Level Class Base Attack Bonus Fort Save Ref Save Will Save Skills Feats Class Features
1st Crusader 1 +1 +2 +0 +0 Perform(drums) 4, diplomacy 4, intimidate 4, balance 4, concentration 4, martial lore 4, ride 2 (note that apprentice: entertainer adds 2 skill-points to spend on diplomacy or perform) Apprentice: entertainer Furious counterstrike, steely resolve 5
2nd crusader 2 +2 +3 +0 +0 Perform(drums) 5, diplomacy 5, intimidate 5, balance 5, concentration 5, martial lore 5, ride 2 - Indomitable Soul
3rd Crusader 3 +3 +3 +1 +1 Perform(drums) 6, diplomacy 6, intimidate 6, balance 6, concentration 6, martial lore 6, ride 2 Combat Expertise Zealous surge
4th Crusader 4 +4 +4 +1 +1 Perform(drums) 7, diplomacy 7, intimidate 7, balance 7, concentration 7, martial lore 7, ride 2 - steely resolve 10
5th crusader 5 +5 +4 +1 +1 Perform(drums) 8, diplomacy 8, intimidate 8, balance 8, concentration 8, martial lore 8, ride 2 - -
6th Warblade 1 +6 +6 +1 +1 Perform(drums) 9, diplomacy 9, intimidate 9, balance 9, concentration 9, martial lore 9, ride 2 Ironheart Aura battle clarity, weapon aptitude

Feats
stormguard warrior
martial stance(thicket of blades)
power attack
riposte
extra granted maneuver
dodge
karmic strike
stone power
improved unarmed strike
snap kick

Spoiler: Maneuvers and stances
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Crusader
Maneuevers
Crusader's strike
battle leader's charge
stone bones
mountain hammer
douse the flames
leading the attack
defensive rebuke

stances
Iron guard's glare
martial spirit
Thicket of Blades

Warblade
Maneuevers
disarming strike
moment of perfect mind
action before thought

stances
Punishing stance


Other numbers
HP:22+4d10+1d12


Spoiler: How to be legendary
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You've got a lot of ways to trigger AoO's against opponents (thicket of blades let you hit them even if they 5-foot step away, karmic strike lets you hit them if they hit you, and riposte lets you hit the first guy to miss you (if you use combat expertise, which you should for a single point in most situations). Make sure to not take any of the AoO's so you can do some massive damage on the next turn.

On your own turn, cash in on your bonus from channel the storm with a strike or normal attack. If you've got a big channel the storm bonus, use snap kick to add to the pain, otherwise use it (and any iterative you might be able to use) to load extra damage on your main attack by making touch attacks to fuel combat rythm.

Defensively, you've got a strike and stance that restores health, another one that gives DR, stone power allows you to gain some temporary hp by sacrificing BaB (Balance this with power attack and combat expertise as the situation demands). Two of your maneuvers from warblade allow you to replace one of your weak saves with a concentration check and as you should be psionically focused at the start of each battle (Meran's race is psionic, after all), you can take 15 on one of these per battle, which should guarantee success in most cases.



Spoiler: Sources and Inspiration
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Expanded psionics handbook: Maenad
DMG2: Apprentice: entertainer
ToB: Crusader, Warblade, all maneuvers and stances, feats: martial stance, ironheart aura,s otrmguard warrior, stone power, snap kick, extra granted maneuver
PHB: improved unarmed strike, snap kick, power attack, combat expertise, dodge
dragon compendium: riposte
complete warrior: karmic strike

This magnificent Iron Chef build Inspired the general idea for this builds background, and therefore deserves a shout-out.