Going back to
"what is the proper way for the law to treat the use or attempted use of charm magic"?
And
"what is the normal reaction, in-universe, to a use or attempt"?
I think treating it as murder/rape or attempted murder/rape is a bit much.
I can't see it being treated that way in an average D&D setting.
It would be treated fairly seriously though - just not that seriously.
And IMO, the average judge will not hand down the same sentence as they will for attempted murder.