Please sell me on why I'd want to ever play a bard, when they seem so weak...

[LibraryOgre]

Bards deal insane damage. They're almost by definition the strongest heavy hitters in any party; they get to wield the other party members like weapons, complete with all of the other player character's stats and features.

This is entirely different from how Athasian half-giants wield party members as weapons. Half-giant bards might be able to triple-wield party members.