MTG Share your Card Designs II

[Ninjaman]

I specifically didn't comment on it because i didn't want to do any nitpicking over how you'd read what i intended as the main thing for what i took as primarily an example card. I avoided commenting explicitly to try not to be a jerk ;).

You shouldn't judge it for how well it does what you're trying to do, you should judge it for how well it does what I'm trying to do. It's a completely different card, but one I think gets my idea across in a much neater way than your card gets your idea across.

His sheer out and out aggression, (and the general aggression of new doom gameplay which is all about our killing the enemies),

If I wanted him to catch the aggression better I could easily change him to:
Doom Guy - 3RW
Legendary Creature - Human Soldier - R
Haste, double Strike, Protection from red and from black
Whenever a creature enters the battlefield under an opponent's control, you may return Doom Guy from your graveyard to the top of your library.
2/2

Or if you wanted him larger:
Doom Guy - 4RW
Legendary Creature - Human Soldier - R
Haste, double Strike, Protection from red and from black
Whenever a creature enters the battlefield under an opponent's control, you may return Doom Guy from your graveyard to the top of your library.
3/3

I kept him mono white because that's a better design for protection from red and from black.

and the sheer unkillable horror of his legend,

My Doom Guy is unkillable. He's just unkillable in a reasonable way. There's a reason Wizards haven't printed a card that comes down with both indestructible and hexproof, because every card needs answers, no matter how badass it is.
He's not more unkillable than any of the other unkillable creatures in magic.
"Doom Slayer can't be countered" and "When Doom Slayer dies, return it to your hand." Would accomplish what you're trying to do.

but he's far too weedy,

He punches for 6. That's enough to kill demons and dragons. That's what he does. The things that are larger than that he has trouble killing in the games as well.
There is no reason to make your creature larger than necessary, especially not when they are humanoids. I did a gatherer search, and the biggest human is a 6/6, and that's already massive. Most of the demons aren't going to be larger than 4/4.

and protection whilst a cool mechanic,... feels too narrow, the legions of hell in new doom definitely have a lot more than red and black in them.

It shouldn't be hard to make sure the demons that are colors other than red or black are multicolored.
And how is protection against 2/5 colors in the game narrower than hating on 5 specific creature types, and needing to kill those creature types with something else at instant speed for the most part?

There is no reason for five creature types and ten keywords to be on that card. Is deathtouch or flash essential to Doom Guy? Do you really want your huge 7 drop to hate on specific creature types? (You don't).

Use only what is actually essential to the design. In card design, less is more.

As far as the new cards. Hayden does one thing, (littorally indestructible whilst he has a counter on him that an opponent can get rid of temporarily), and Olivia does two, (one of those being just T: Draw a Card), it's just that templating them is a major PITA. Oliva is effectively a CMC limited omniscience effect triggered in response to an opposing spell, (with the spell it was activated in response to determining the CMC limit of what you can cast).

It's not nescessarily that the cards are trying to many things, it's just that they are doing it in ways that are way too unnecessarily complex.

Indestructible
Whenever Samuel Hayden becomes the target of a spell or ability for the first time each turn, counter that spell or ability. Samuel Hayden loses indestructible until end of turn.

That's six lines on the card instead of eight, and only one keyword and a single triggered ability.

Have to say, worded like this, I really like the design. The colors are good, since blue does the countering and black and white can both give indestructible, and the 5/2 body for 5 seems fair. Comparing it with Glyph Keeper it seems printable, although I would probably change his cost to 2WUB.


I don't think a redesign of Olivia would be as neat, since the card is a lot messier, and I'm having a much harder time understanding what design you are trying to accomplish. Why do you give her to the opponent? Why does she draw cards. Why does she draw cards on her trigger?

Olivia Pierce - 2UB
Legendary Creature - Human Wizard
At the beginning of each opponent's upkeep, that player draws a card.
Whenever an opponent casts a spell, you may sacrifice Olivia Pierce. If you do, you may cast any number of cards from your hand with converted mana cost less than or equal to that spell's converted mana cost without paying their mana costs.
1/2

I think that does most of what you were going for, with eight lines. Don't think it can be trimmed down further.
"converted mana cost less than or equal to that spell's converted mana cost without paying their mana costs."
Is annoying, but I'm not sure it can be avoided.
Don't think you can say:
"converted mana cost less than or equal to that spell's without paying their mana costs."
There should probably also be some commas, but I don't know where.

Not knowing what you were going for, I would probably make it something like:

Olivia Pierce - 1UB
Legendary Creature - Human Wizard
Whenever an opponent casts a spell, you may sacrifice Olivia Pierce. If you do, you may cast any number of cards from your hand with combined converted mana cost less than or equal to that spell's converted mana cost without paying their mana costs.
1/2

That's seven lines but no text squishing.

Simplest yet:

Olivia Pierce - 1UB
Legendary Creature - Human Wizard
Whenever an opponent casts a spell, you may sacrifice Olivia Pierce. If you do, you may cast a card from your hand with converted mana cost less than or equal to that spell’s converted mana cost without paying its mana costs.
2/2

Still seven lines.