2008-05-18, 04:45 PM (ISO 8601)
Bugbear in the Playground
Re: Zombies unfit for thriller(PEACH)
Aside from errors and benefiting from some conciseness, there isn't alot that needs fixing here.
1) Why does the size decrease? I mean, its not counter-intuitive, but it is un-necessary. Note that the skeleton template doesn't change size.
2) While I can understand where you are coming from with the wing removal, you may want to keep them. As a flying insect-skeleton-thing would be fairly cool. Perhaps not though.
3) I'd have it lose its extraodinary qualities as well, considering the creature is getting a huge physical change. You can't rend if you don't have the same appendages, etc.
4) DR should simply be 5/blugeoning. The DR 5/Good (which is what I assume you meant, as it being vulnerable to evil attacks would be totally non-sensical) is not needed and is just clutter IMO.
5) Save entry should simply say "No good saves." meaning, all saves have poor progression (as commoner). Then say that it has a +2 racial bonus to Will saves.
6) Abilities should read "ribwalker" not "skeleton". Otherwise fine.
7) Level adjustment is simply "-", meaning that it is not appropriate to use as a player character. Which is obviously the case, as it has no Int score, ability to speak, or hands...
EDIT: I somehow missed the mess of the attack entry, some problems:
Don't use a d2 for something if you can at all avoid it. Don't express things as 'partial dice' like 1d3 or 1d2 unless you have to. Have the poison damage be 1d4/1d4 not 1d4/2d2 (argh...).
Considering its a template, its natural attack damage should be dependant on the base creature's size. Furthemore, 1d4 not 2d2 (argh...).
Also, poison isn't subject to damage reduction anyways, so your statement about it being evil-aligned for the purpose of overcomming it is completely frivolous.
Also, obviously it has a stinger attack, you should detail this.
Finally, the details about the poison attacks should be in the Special Attacks section, not the regular attack section.
Last edited by Kizara; 2008-05-18 at 04:53 PM.
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