"ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!"
Or: Too Clever for His Own Good

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My name is Hathar, and I'm one of the few people to have survived long-term exposure to Hatch - sorry, Endeca. I called her Hatch when I met her because she was just a child. Still is, in a lot of ways. Always will be.

The thing about Hatch is...well, it isn't that she's stupid or slow. Hatch has a mind that runs like it's on fire, skipping and skittering from idea to idea, chewing up complex arcane formulae and spitting out improvements like it was child's play. Endeca knew where to put a fireball and how best to utilize the ability to fly. The problem with Hatch is that she's innocent like a child is innocent. She doesn't understand that bad things happen. She doesn't even really understand half of what she does when she scorches "the bad guys" into carbonized cinders or turns them inside-out or accidentally banishes them to horrific nightmare dimensions that might only exist in their minds. She lets spells run out of control just to watch them go and giggles and laughs at the results in that bell-like voice of hers that makes whatever horror she's just unleashed so much worse. She's not evil. She's not mean. She just doesn't comprehend that she might be hurting people. If she actually knew, I think it would break her heart.

I'd taken Hatch under my wing after finding her in a set of old ruins I'd been exploring, having been initially surprised by a hypnotic pattern she'd set into place to show me the swirling colors and pretty lights. We ended up blundering into an extraplanar portal in the basement, and from there our adventures took us to meeting our companions and our foe, the Archlich Brian Zeli.

In the final confrontation, I am shamed to admit that I was pinned to the wall, unable to act because I was frozen in place by a thick coating of soverign glue. As my compatriots battled Zeli's minions, Endeca confronted him in a great duel of magic on a stone walkway high above the crater to a volcano, elemental shields sparking and shimmering as they dispersed the heat and poison fumes.

Every spell Endeca cast was countered or blithely ignored, ricocheting wildly off of Zeli's shields and into the night sky above. Growing more and more frustrated, Endeca hurled spell after spell, hoping to dispel his wards or else hammer her way through them and crush the frail undead behind. Zeli laughed as he undid her magics and toyed with her, standing on the walkway without a care in the world.

Suddenly, Endeca stopped and regarded the lich thoughtfully, and began to dig through her spell component pouch with great care. Laughing, Zeli called out, "All of your spells have failed to affect me thus far, whelp! What makes you think this one will fare any better?"

"ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!" came the resounding cry as Endeca pulled forth a fistful of random components and bit down hard on them. I tried to cry out for Hatch not to do it, but it was too late; the spell-weaving was already whipping up around her like an angry storm and running out of her control. Hatch spat out the components and stomped on them, gleefully playing with strands of raw arcane energy that scorched her fingers and made her hair stand on end even as sparks and lightning bolts flew between the metal on her person.

"Fear the mighty power of my...."


The spell had finally come undone, snapping apart in a great flash of light that left Endeca holding a masterfully crafted silver spoon. All signs of battle stopped as she squeaked out, "Spoon?".

Casually, Hatch tossed the spoon over the walkway, thinking it worthless. Zeli screamed a desperate no and leapt over the side after it, and learned something very important - not all of Hatch's dispels had failed.

The lich could no longer fly. He hit the lava just after his phylactery, cleverly hidden as a simple piece of silverware.

Turning to the rest of the battle with puzzlement on her face, Endeca finally asked, "Should I have kept that?"