Dala’s Journal, Day 73
Another day, another reason to hate the south.
I mean… they’re a smarmy theocratic dictatorship that tortured me once, so yeah, there’s that. And they broke the world (and possibly all the planes, and maybe even time itself), so there’s that too. And it’s annoyingly hot, until you get into the mountains where it’s annoyingly cold. And they still haven’t updated the reward on my wanted poster. So, y’know, I thought I had plenty of reasons to hate it. But no. Found a new one.
Flesh colossi. Flesh colossi and super-mummies. With super-mummy rot.
Well, ok, technically just the one flesh colossus, but really, THAT IS ENOUGH. It’s going to take me a week to get the stench out of my armor, and that’s AFTER I finish boiling my skin enough to finally feel clean again after the whole super-powerful-mummy rot incident. Damn evil dwarven renegade necromancers. That doohickey of Seph’s had better be worth it.
Gods, I miss the north. I miss home. I just want to fix the broken world, kill the evil emperor and his pet wizard, steal all their money and go back to my impregnable fortress, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK???
And it’s so stupid, y’know? I spent all my life in the southern part of the Empire, I’d never even been to the Duchy of Whyte until after it seceded, and now it’s “home”?? I mean, no place has ever been home, not even the place I grew up (gods, especially not the place I grew up, now that I think about it), so come on now… seriously?
Except it is. I miss it. I miss our stronghold, with that nifty little courtyard in the middle that we kept wanting to do something neat with, except we never got around to it because we had to fend off an invading army instead. I miss Thaylin with its stupid little dinky market where you can’t buy anything worthwhile (unless you have an in with the Thieves’ Guild) and the guards that glare at me cuz I wouldn’t stay in their jail. I miss that goblin village to the northwest, the one that owes us a favor cuz we helped evacuate them that one time. Gods, I miss living in a place where I can write a letter to the king to say “Hi” and he’ll write back!!
I miss Mordecai.
I wonder if he’s found another rakishly sexy female rogue to lie to and then get seduced by.
Meh, even if he did, I’m sure she couldn’t give him as much of a run for his money in a fair fight as I did. (And yes, I am aware that when a man coming close to killing you in battle counts as a turn-on – undercover agent or no – it has officially been Too Long. Moving on…) Anyway, that’s still one more reason to wrap this up as soon as possible.
Besides. I don’t like dragging Celia all over Hell’s half-acre. I mean, she’s a trooper, no mistake – she hasn’t complained, she pulls her own weight and she’s having Valuable Learning Experiences. Regardless, this is no way for a kid to spend her childhood. I want to get her home, let her relax, not have to worry about one of her new “family” dying every week or so. Heck, maybe even let her have some fun that doesn’t involve blowing things up or setting them on fire. I know, crazy notion, right?
Blarg. The sooner we fix the cracks in space-time and all reality, the sooner we can leave.