That, my friend, is pretty damn impressive. Glad to hear everything turned out all right for you for the most part, and excellent story. Thanks for sharing!
Originally Posted by big teej
Well, I guess I finally got my answers. They made me really sad though...
Originally Posted by Lady Moreta
But really, excellent job. The narrative voice was very well done, and Lyra's personality was prominent, as it should be. I loved how it hinted at past events throughout, and I was very curious about how that whole confrontation got started, and am even more curious as to the exact nature of Lyra's condition. I'm really looking forward to more!
Originally Posted by darkpuppy
That's pretty crazy. In comparison to you and teej, my sports-related injuries are nothing! While I'm sorry that that happened to you, it was really an awesome story.
Now this is just epic. I love the narrator's tone, gruff, witty, and humorous, though that last one may not have been intended. The story of the Axenshield brothers is really just fantastic as well. I especially loved the dwarf-cannonball bit! All-in-all, the world really just came alive in this snippet, and I have to say that I'm really impressed. Good job!
Originally Posted by darkpuppy
But now I want to know who the narrator is and who the guy he's telling the story to is...
And since I just love to participate so much, I have another snippet. With a NEW CHARACTER! You guys were probably getting sick of Varen and Natalia anyway.
Anyway, I now proudly introduce to you Abigail Weathers, Witch Apprentice!
The First Time is Always the Hardest
(or Civilization's Scarier Than You Think!)
I definitely wasn’t ready.
In fact, I was deathly afraid. But Gramma needed those herbs badly, and I couldn’t let her down! Besides, she said there was nothing to worry about, so I would be fine, right? Right! Gramma knew everything! I could handle this!
Feeling much more confident, I threw on my cloak. I couldn’t help but admire it. It was just so black and silky and pretty after all. Gramma said it was a family heirloom, so it was very important that I wore it whenever I was out of the house.
…Wait, she said a lot of stuff was important, huh? I had to make sure I had everything!
Cloak? Check. Boots? Check. Spell component pouch? Check. Bag for the herbs? Check. Money, just in case? Check. Yep! I had everything!
But just as I opened the door, I heard a shrill voice from behind me.
“Surely ye weren’t goin’ t’ leave lookin’ like that?”
“S-sorry Gramma…” I mumbled. What did I do wrong this time? I had the cloak!
“Ah bet ye doon’t even know what yer missin’, do ye lass?” her tone was very critical. And I had tried so hard this time too…
“Yer hat, girl!” Gramma held it up and shook it in front of me. “Really naow, how d’ye expect anyone t’ see ye as a witch if ye doon’t wear yer ‘at? Yer eighteen years old f’r gods’ sakes! They need t’ see ye as a witch so that they’ll respect ye oot there, y’noo?”
“R-right, Gramma!” I took the hat and twirled it nervously in my hands. It had a wide brim and long, tall point, and just like the cape, it was black and silky. I couldn’t believe I was about to forget it! It was even more important than the cape! Whenever people saw a hat like that, they immediately thought ‘witch’, after all. How could I have been so stupid? I even liked it and everything!
“There,” Gramma smiled approvingly as I put it on. “Naow ye’re ready t’ go oot inta the world!” She ushered me out the door. “Go on naow! Doon’t take too long! Ah’m not gettin’ any younger!”
I waved back to let her know I would be fine, and satisfied, Gramma closed the door.
For the first time in my life, I would be going into town on my own.
And with that, I'm afraid I'm going to have to leave you guys for a while. School seems intent on keeping me busy, and college application due dates keep getting closer and closer. And I'm not very far as of yet...