Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

[Kaelaroth]

Last time I had a date (actually, only time I had a date), she was very punctual about getting back to me.
She was also very punctual at getting back overseas.
So my experiences may be biased.

Well, what with me being into the male gender, I must say that I'm not an expert on teh womenfolk. They spew babies out their belly buttons, right? But, still, most o' my straight homeboys pals says that their women have kept them in looong agony.

[The Rose Dragon]

This may be my general nervousness, but stop taking the \n's out of my posts.

They spew babies out of something far... uglier. Far, far uglier.

The problem is, I've got a class with her tomorrow (tomorrow being Wednesday). So, I'm kinda nervous, since I can't put a meaning to what it means if she doesn't contact me until then.

[Kaelaroth]

This may be my general nervousness, but stop taking the \n's out of my posts.

They spew babies out of something far... uglier. Far, far uglier.

The problem is, I've got a class with her tomorrow (tomorrow being Wednesday). So, I'm kinda nervous, since I can't put a meaning to what it means if she doesn't contact me until then.

She may well respond to you in the lesson, no? Wants to cut the whole internet media malarkey, and talk to you properly?

[xPANCAKEx]

you need to stop worrying so much

give it time - if you rush the girl, or yourself, you'll just make a mess of things

[The Rose Dragon]

I drink a glass of vodka, beer, wine or anything else in five minutes max. Not rushing things is not exactly my forte.

Gods, if I could do this in English, things would be much, much easier.

[Kaelaroth]

I drink a glass of vodka, beer, wine or anything else in five minutes max. Not rushing things is not exactly my forte.

Gods, if I could do this in English, things would be much, much easier.

Take a sleeping pill? That sounds ridiculous, I know, but if you wake up tomorrow all shakey and ugly because you've got no sleep, and have been obssessing, well... she might be put off.
But, then, I s'pose, she might contact you while you slept.
Eeep. Speaking of sleeping, I'm off to do just that. Good luck, TRD.

[THAC0]

Last time I had a date (actually, only time I had a date), she was very punctual about getting back to me.

She was also very punctual at getting back overseas.

So my experiences may be biased.

"Punctual" in a "new dating" context is more like 3 days to a week. 16 hours is enough time to finish classes, do tons of homework, get some sleep, and start classes again, in a college context.

[The Rose Dragon]

She was inhumanly punctual, then. Cause she got back to me in an hour.

The girl I went on a date with, not the smile girl.

[THAC0]

She was inhumanly punctual, then. Cause she got back to me in an hour.

The girl I went on a date with, not the smile girl.

If you base your expectations off of that experience, you are doomed to a life of disappointment. Just sayin'.

[The Rose Dragon]

Well, if I base my experiences off of that one, I'm gonna be disappointed in... well, everything.

I'd post a picture of her here, but she might not appreciate that and the forums might break down.

[xPANCAKEx]

our opinion of her looks is irrelavant - if you like her then thats what counts

and seriously - lower that inhuman expectation a little.... 3 days is the "standard" for replies. And learn not to rush yourself. If you don't calm down you run the risk of coming across nervous and needy

[The Rose Dragon]

I AM NERVOUS AND NEEDY!

If I weren't nervous and needy, I'd have actually talked to her, rather than hand her a friggin' note!

[xPANCAKEx]

I AM NERVOUS AND NEEDY!

well even if you are, learn to act like you arn't - they can be two very off-putting qualities in a person. Just calm down... give it time. Just because she doesn't call you back STRAIGHT away doesn't mean shes a horrible monster ;)

[UserClone]

Oh, Dragon. I consider us friends, and so I will say this as a friend should.

*ahem*

*SLAP!*

SLOW THE F*** DOWN! Relax. She probably likes you. Seriously, most likely. That is a good thing. Don't screw it up by being an impatient douche. Nobody likes a douche. A douche is not something you want to seem to be, and if you get all worked up, and she does call, and you answer like, "Dude, what the crap!? I gave you my friggin' number like 27 hours ago! Did you need like a formal letter inviting you to call me?? Sheesh!"

No, really, don't be a douche. Just take a chill pill, chase it with a tall glass of Keep It In Your Pants, Tiger, and above all, relax. Fight your natural inclination to rush it, unless your aim is to f*** yourself over, in which case, by all means, hop to!

Most importantly, stop stressing out about it. Even if she never calls, you were friggin' smooth, man! High-fives are in order! Asking a girl out is huge in my book, and giving her your number is the next best thing. Kudos.


[unrelated]Also, correct my if I'm wrong, but is that Rubakhin's location correct? If so, we should totally hang out! I'd love to meet a local playgrounder! [/unrelated]

[Syka]

MrMud, I too am inclined to call you shallow. If you like her, screw your friends (unless they are letting you know she's a cheating scumbag who uses people...then it's probably good to listen to them). What exactly is the problems? Looks, wrong side of tracks, what?

TRD, give the girl a break. She has school, an unknown amount of obligations, unknown access to phone, etc, and an unknown relationship status. For instance, if I had a SO and got a note like that, I'd've probably told you right away. So chances are there isn't an SO involved. However, I also probably wouldn't have called right away.

If you are just some random guy from class who she JUST met, she probably feels kinda awkward and/or doesn't want to come on to strong.

[snoopy13a]

I AM NERVOUS AND NEEDY!

If I weren't nervous and needy, I'd have actually talked to her, rather than hand her a friggin' note!

By handing her the note, you put the ball in her court to make the next move. You may have been better off asking her out instead. Then you would have either gotten a positive or negative answer and would either be preparing for a date or moving on. Right now, you can't do anything but wait. Remember some people do not respond right away because they don't want to appear too overeager. They may wait a day or two.

Essentially, you can't do anything for the next few days. If she gets back to you great. If she doesn't get back to you after 5 or 6 days, you have a choice:

1) Throw in the towel
2) Call her up and ask her to coffee or lunch. However, you have to be direct. There is two reasons why she isn't getting back to you. Either she isn't interested or she is too shy or nervous to make the first move herself. If she says yes, great. If she says no or says she is busy and perhaps another time, then you move on.

[Felixaar]

MrMud, your concerns are legitimate and important, and you are not a bad person for having them. But ultimately, if you can't move forward in your relationship, you'll get stagnant and turn into one of those guys who casually dates a girl for two decades. So, you do need to eventually come out and say "yeah, it's true." Ease yourself into it. Hint at it to your friends. Heck, they might even work it out on their own. But don't take too long or make too big a fuss of it - you don't want things to be too late.

TRD, nice work on the "paper" idea. I wish I'd thought of that. On the other hand, I'd tell you you need to wait but if you didn't listen to anyone else you're not going to listen to me. You're likely to scare her off if you bug her though.

[Serpentine]

MrMud: More or less what Flix said. No, it's not a great attitude, but you're in high school, right? It's pretty normal. Be aware that it's a silly, immature attitude, and take your time dealing with it. Also be aware that if you're too thingy about it, too secret, you may start to seem ashamed of her, and it may be deeply hurtful to her.

Rose Dragon: What Flip said.

[Mr. Mud]

MrMud
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Well, it's just her demeanor, and what she has done with other people... I guess the general consensus sees her as a... "trollop"? I guess would be the appropriate word for these forums... And she's hurt 1 or 2 of my friends in prior relationships... But also on the negative side, I almost feel... guilty for doing this, and I'm not exactly sure why. That's half the reason I'm so reluctant in being with her...

But yes, when I'm actually talking to her, I'm really, really happy... it's just the whole guilt and/or social hit I'd take.
And I'm not sure what you define young as mate, but I'm a Junior in Highschool .

Thanks for the input though, Pancake, .

[xPANCAKEx]

MrMud

bwhahahahahaha..... "not young" at 16/17..... good one

but any way - its a bit on the grey area side of shallow. Im sure many had assumed it was based on her looks, and certainly was an option that first sprang to mind in my head - but theres hope for you yet

However - the fact that shes 'been around' a bit shouldn't deter you necessarily. If shes a social climber, then i'd avoid her like the plague. If shes got with the other guys because she genuinely liked them, then no foul in my books (feminism ftw)

but to address your guilt factor - is it because you feel disloyal to your friends? shes hurt them so you feel you should take sides and stay away from her?
ask yourself a few questions:
1) did she intentionally hurt them - or was it a case of breakup heartbreak hurt
2) if she did intentionally hurt them (leading them on, mucking them about, cheating), should you be concerned by this
3) if the roles were reversed, what would your friends do?

apart from the negative reputation she has acrued, and the possible "why are you dealing with that skank" questioning from your friends - is there anything else holding you back?

the more info you give us here, the better advice we can give you in return

[The Rose Dragon]

Junior in high school? Not young?

Dude, you gotta wait for about... thirty - forty years. Then you can talk about not being young anymore.

[Mr. Mud]

Well, I'm not immature, but definitely not old, I agree .

Pancake, I just don't want what happened to my friends to happen to me, especially when the warn me it will... and yes, I do sorta feel like I am betraying them... She cheated on 1 and did somethings that I pretty sure I shouldn't share on a family forum; either way I still like her, and even though I could take all the crap I get from going out with her in stride, I just seem reluctant too... and maybe that's a sign to hold back ?

And surprisngly I don't feel shallow because of her looks. (While most people don't find her pretty at all, I really do...) It's only because how much she has been around.

[xPANCAKEx]

MrMud

well if you do decide to make a go of it with her, when people try to warn them off, make sure you acknowledge their concern (and thank them for it) and if it all goes pants that they have fair license to say "i told you so"

as for holding back - only you can decide what that means. But either way, don't string her along too much

[CrimsonAngel]

How the hell did my girlfriend ex girlfriend brake up with me without physically telling me she did?

[xPANCAKEx]

How the hell did my girlfriend ex girlfriend brake up with me without physically telling me she did?

depends on the circumstances - but assuming no fault on your part, then maybe she just didn't have the guts to do it, so played the tactic of "if i avoid them long enough, they'll just assume we've broken up"

[Anuan]

Ah, the horrors of tweenage relationship-status-questioning and social-ethics.

[CrimsonAngel]

Atleast she's still my friend.

[Syka]

I generally don't date my friend's ex's, as a rule, to cut down on drama. If they cheated on my friend (or...anyone, really) that is an automatic blackmark. And if it happened more than once? I probably won't associate with them, let alone date them.

I'd be careful with her. Not because she's gotten around, that's her choice, but because of her apparent...lack of respect for relationships she's in.


Crimson, my boyfriend once pulled the tactic Pancake mentioned. He just kinda...avoided a girl he was dating casually because he didn't want to hurt her and wasn't sure he could handle doing an actual break up himself. He hasn't done that since, since he realized how much of a douche move it was and from talking to the girl realized it would have been better the other way.

So...it's possible. Cowardly, but possible.

[Felixaar]

Muddy, like I said, you're going to have to own up to it sooner or later. Do be careful with the girl in question, though - I hope for your sake that she has changed.

Also, seventeen isn't that young it's not even close to being old, but theres much younger in the world.

Crim, (case in point!) Pancake is probably right. Such is life, turn turn turn. Best of luck with future endeavours and try not to get too far ahead of yourself.

[skywalker]

Junior in high school? Not young?

Dude, you gotta wait for about... thirty - forty years. Then you can talk about not being young anymore.

He's got about 4 years... In Japan.