Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

[cycoris]

Hi again! I finally feel sane enough to justify posting here without whinging or begging for advice, so...

TRD, you could start up a conversation by asking her if she's a clown every week, why she does it etc. Lots of people probably ask her stuff like that, but you could use it as an icebreaker and then go from there. And if she loves doing it, I'll bet she won't mind talking about it.

You get someone to be your friend by talking to them and acting like they're your friend? I think...

dallas-dakota, cookie monsters are adorable! And if they appear anti-social at times, it's only because they're obsessing about cookies. People know it's nothing personal.

[averagejoe]

Hi again! I finally feel sane enough to justify posting here without whinging or begging for advice, so...

I'm pretty sure you don't need to justify it. They allow any riffraff in here for whatever reason.

I did, to little effect.

Well, then maybe they don't want to be friends. There isn't a lot you can do about that.

[xPANCAKEx]

TRD saying "lets be friends" is a little blunt... just talk to them - sometimes people click from the get go, and sometimes it takes a while

just talk, have a laugh, enjoy each others company when you can - thats what friends do - but don't ever make it feel forced

[Felixaar]

I'm pretty sure you don't need to justify it. They allow any riffraff in here for whatever reason.

TRD, Clown/Human relationships just don't work out, mate. We're too different, and the mating isn't quite the same.

Ahem.

Um, just like you would a regular person? Talk to them when they're not busy, don't pester, don't be pushy?

As for making friends, I find there are two strategies - you can either wait for people to come to you, which can be a desirable strategy if it works, since people who like you will like you for you, or you can be an active-go-getter and be friendly and introduce yourself to many people. I like to go for a good mix, though the latter is probably the more succesful route.

[Ash08]

Well, I've offically had my first break up as of today. My girlfriend of 7 months who I like quite a lot aproached me in the hall this morning, waited till I was done talking to my friends, and pulled me aside and asked if she could "talk to me for a moment." As soon as she had said that I knew what was coming... she had practicaly ignored me the entire weekend(never answered my calls, my emails...) so when she said that "she liked it better when we were friends, and how we were closer then... ect." After about a minute of this I give up, I act as understanding as possible until she gives me the whole, "so I want to break up, but can we still be friends" deal. I say sure, and all that sort of thing try to be as nice as possible. But her reason for breaking up with me are rather a mystery. I'm of the opinion, that her "reasons" that she gave me aren't the whole story. Of course I've interaggated all of her friends(who also happen to be my friends) and it turns out, she never told them anything about her plans... the closest thing I can find to a reason is that she was "flittering" around one of my other friends who she, proir to me had a crush on. All and all I'm pretty sure that she likes him now, and that I've been dumped onto the wayside. Anyway, just thought I'd tell every one. Advice on how to procide(I think she's geniune about the "friends"deal, but still)?

[Pyrian]

Ash08, I think the proper way to proceed is to find a new girlfriend. Yeah, you are almost certainly NOT getting the whole story on why you got dumped - that's kind of par for the course, I'm afraid. Few people ever think it's a good idea, for example, to say "I'm breaking up with you so I can be free to hit on your friend!" ...And if that's the case (and it might very well not be), hey, at least she had the decency to break up with you first.

[Felixaar]

I agree with Pyrian - not really much you can do and even less of that is worth a try. That's game, lad, run a lap and hit the showers.

@v listen to DC, too.

[Divine Comedy]

It's not simple to get over someone, you have to take it one day at a time. You don't need to rush anything. Just know that it's not the end of life, love and the universe as you know it.

[Felixaar]

Well, you didn't mention specific people Khan, just that you wanted advice on making friends. So, me giving advice despite the fact that I "already knew" doesn't really work cause I didn't. Unless you're talking about the two people I'm thinking of in which case I don't know of anything I can say that will help.

[The Rose Dragon]

The question wasn't "how do I make friends". I can do that. The question was "how do I make friends with someone", which indicates there is a specific someone.

I apologize if I came off as rude. It's just that you're not the best person to give me advice on this.

[Phaedra]

The question wasn't "how do I make friends". I can do that. The question was "how do I make friends with someone", which indicates there is a specific someone.

And to be fair to Felix, no one here can give specific advice unless they know that specific person. Honestly, I think the best you can expect here is very general advice.

Perhaps if you gave us some more info on the person? What do they like to do, what other kind of people are they friends with etc? If you don't know this, finding it out from that person will probably help you get to know them.

[Serpentine]

I apologize if I came off as rude. It's just that you're not the best person to give me advice on this.

If he's not, noone is.
TRD, it seems an awful lot like you come on here, not to seek advice, but to get someone to tell you exactly what you want to hear. You want that? Fine. Don't bother trying to talk to her, you'll only fail miserably. You may as well just roll over and give up, because you're so damn useless that noone will ever like you. Not even a clown. Or, alternatively, [insert magical advice tailor-made to the specific person with intimate knowledge of their innermost thoughts and secrets that will make them instantly fall in love/lust/like with you and make them yours forever without any hitch or risk, ever, here].

If you wanna pull your head out for a minute and actually listen to some real fricking advice, well, start with Flix, and finish with this:

How to make a friend.
1. Notice them. Harder than it sounds: How many people who could have been your best friend did you just pass by today? How many people looked at you with interest that you just didn't see?
2. Smile. Just give them a smile.
3. Strike up a conversation. Doesn't matter if it's dumb. If you can bring something up that you can see they might be interested in that you're generally interested in, brilliant.
4. Continue conversation. Remember what Aximili the Andalite said: A conversation is just people taking turns to ask questions.
5. Invite them somewhere. Home for coffee or tea, out for a muffin, to the park to sit in the shade, whatever. Just make an excuse to see them outside of the context in which you met them.
6. Hang out with them. Make a point of seeing them again.
7. Be genuinely pleased to see them, and show it. You don't have to dance all over them like a puppy (though some people may be able to pull it off...). Just give them a genuine smile, and go out of your way to say hello.

Finally, when I was in primary school, starting in a new town, my mum told me this in a letter: "If you want friends, you should be a friend to others."

[Dallas-Dakota]

Hmm, currently at number 4 at most people that I know.

[Felixaar]

The question wasn't "how do I make friends". I can do that. The question was "how do I make friends with someone", which indicates there is a specific someone.

I apologize if I came off as rude. It's just that you're not the best person to give me advice on this.

Apology accepted, and my own returned. Perhaps we both should have read a little more carefully and spoken a little more clearly.

I recommend greatly considering Serp's advice.

[xPANCAKEx]

TRD - if you wanted advice about a specific person, then you could have been clearer on the subject.... whats prevented you from being friends so far then?

and also - no one likes a try-hard. Unless you instantly click (which is rare) these things take time... and it may come across a bit wierd if you speak to them and ignore everyone else

[TheCountAlucard]

Alucard is in love.

Sadly, the target of Alucard's affections, a female friend of five years, does not seem to reciprocate them.

Moreover, she seems upset at Alucard for having made mention of them.

Alucard is sad.

[The Rose Dragon]

Alucard is in love.

Sadly, the target of Alucard's affections, a female friend of five years, does not seem to reciprocate them.

Moreover, she seems upset at Alucard for having made mention of them.

Alucard is sad.

Alucard can haz consolation cookies bai mii.

Or a full body massage.

[xPANCAKEx]

TheCountAlucard

tough break.

Her anger may be more frustration because it has the potential to make things really awkward between you, so shes creating a reason to have some space. Just give it a while before contacting her again. Or because shes been aware of your feelings and subtley hinted that she wasn't feeling the same to try and head things off, and is annoyed that you didn't pick up on that

either way - just give it time

and being "in love" seems a bit over the top - but i can't judge... just be careful how you throw language like that around

[TheCountAlucard]

Alucard can haz consolation cookies bai mii.

...What kind of cookies?

[The Rose Dragon]

...What kind of cookies?

Infant cookies with milk and chocolate chips.

I use only fresh infant souls.

[evil-frosty]

Whats a good first date, for someone in high school with little money? Thank you in advance.

[Felixaar]

Alucard, that's a shame, but there is really nothing you can do about it. Unless you can somehow change her mind, there's a long road of heartache ahead, and neither of those options are going to come easily. Would you mind going into more detail?

Frosty, a lot of people will tell you that movie dates are a bad idea as they don't allow for much conversation, but I disagree - you want something where you can gently relax into the conversation, not a full blown "we must talk all night long!" challenge to start things off.

After all, a nice meal, a movie, and walking her home holding hands all the way? What could be better?

If you cant afford that, perhaps wander around the town and do a bit of browsing etc?

As far as the date itself goes, just follow your instincts.

[Berserk Monk]

Whats a good first date, for someone in high school with little money? Thank you in advance.

Walk in the park? Cheap (like no money), get some fresh air, chance to talk, get to know each other. Sorry it's not the best advice, but you said "someone...with little money". Other than that, maybe watch a movie at home.

Those are the only ideas that come to mind for someone with no cash. Now, if you want better ideas, get some money. If you need tips on getting money, I can PM you some of my thieving/conning methods. Of course, in order to get these, I'll need your life savings, as well as your social security number and any credit card numbers you have.

[TheCountAlucard]

Would you mind going into more detail?

Okay... well, I met her on the Internet (I know, danger sign!). After a while, we started chatting on Yahoo! Instant Messenger, and we would frequently talk to one another. As I got to know her better, I really started to like her.

Only recently, the last month or so, have I started to really have these feelings for her, though.

[Serpentine]

Brief note on why it might upset her: These feelings you've confessed may make her feel as though she owes you something, or you think she owes you something, or that there's something she ought to do, that it's her fault, that somehow she's tricked you into it and now, if she isn't as into you as you her, she's going to end up hurting you because she won't do what you want etc etc so on and so forth. Hope you get the idea. First of all, don't have any expectations of her - your feelings are yours alone, and while she has no right to force you to give those up, they also do not give you the right to demand anything of her. Secondly, if you do not have any expectations ("still be my friend" is an acceptable one, though), tell her so.
Tell her (if true) that your feelings are your own, as are hers, and that you don't want her to do anything or change anything, unless she wants to. Or something like that.

[snoopy13a]

[

Whats a good first date, for someone in high school with little money? Thank you in advance.

Dinner and/or a movie is the traditional first date but I'm not sure what your budget is.

Movie tickets run from 7-10 apiece while dinner depends where you are going. The local burger joint (your best bet) would probably be 5-6 apiece.

However, there are some more economical options.

For example, you could take them to a school play, sporting event, or concert. Or perhaps you could try a Saturday picnic at a park (really economic option and unique and romantic). A zoo, if she likes animals, or even a museum, if she likes art, are also options. You can also hang out with mutual friends (if you have any) at their houses.

As for funding, there's always your parents

Simply say: "I'm taking this girl out tonight, can I have $20"

[evil-frosty]

Thank you for all of the ideas. I already had a few ideas but i wanted to do something unique and nice and you guys have given me that thank you. And Berserker Monk i am in high school so i dont have credut cards, dont know my social security number and my life savings is pitiful at best. Thank you all again.

[snoopy13a]

Thank you for all of the ideas. I already had a few ideas but i wanted to do something unique and nice and you guys have given me that thank you. And Berserker Monk i am in high school so i dont have credut cards, dont know my social security number and my life savings is pitiful at best. Thank you all again.

Once you start filling out college applications, you'll have your social security number memorized.

[xPANCAKEx]

evil-frosty

im one of those people Felixaar talks about who hates movies for a first date - you can't talk so unless you already know the girl, you won't know any more about her, or if shes worth dating again after 2 hours of silence

snoopy13a has a very good point - a sly, quiet word with your dad/male parental figure can often lead to a cash outlet when chasing a girl, and theres less awkward conversations as you'll typically get with your mum.

go for coffee and cake - its casual, you can chat and half a laugh with each while enjoying tasty goodness. So pick any decent bakery, or failing that, ice cream joint

i'd advise against hanging with other people for a first date though unless its a couples night out... it sends the wrong signals otherwise

[Felixaar]

Brief note on why it might upset her: These feelings you've confessed may make her feel as though she owes you something, or you think she owes you something, or that there's something she ought to do, that it's her fault, that somehow she's tricked you into it and now, if she isn't as into you as you her, she's going to end up hurting you because she won't do what you want etc etc so on and so forth. Hope you get the idea. First of all, don't have any expectations of her - your feelings are yours alone, and while she has no right to force you to give those up, they also do not give you the right to demand anything of her. Secondly, if you do not have any expectations ("still be my friend" is an acceptable one, though), tell her so.
Tell her (if true) that your feelings are your own, as are hers, and that you don't want her to do anything or change anything, unless she wants to. Or something like that.

Bingo.

Also, don't be ashamed about the "met on the internet" part. There's nothing wrong with that. Also also, if you used the word "love" you probably came on a bit strong - especially considering (I assume) you've never met face to face.