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  1. - Top - End - #181
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    Syka's Avatar

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    On contact during games: the boyfriend and I generally hook arms while gaming together.

    On conversation: find a topic of mutual interest that doesn't have to do with her obligations (like school).

    That said, maybe she just isn't much of a conversationalist? :\ I'm bad with the whole what to talk about thing since I'm one of those people who spontaneously make friends but never consciously try. >>

    Pancake, have fun. Being young is fun. Even though I didn't date around, I definitely dated a guy in between my two serious relationships that was more "He's attractive, we have similar interests, and neither of us wants anything serious- awesome." Granted, he ended up being more eye candy than substence which is probably the main reason we fell out of contact, but...hey, it was fun (and nothing beyond PG-13 stuff).
    Last edited by Syka; 2009-02-14 at 10:46 PM.
    Show me how pretty the world is
    'Cause I envy the way that you move
    Show me how pretty the world is
    'Cause I want something a little bit louder
    Show me how pretty the world is
    'Cause you're brilliant when you try
    Show me how pretty the whole world is tonight
    -Matt Nathanson "Pretty the World"

    Various Syka-Foxes done by the wonderful Ceika

  2. - Top - End - #182
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    Pyrian's Avatar

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    So how does one draw someone out into conversation? Because I've had a little success in getting her to start talking by asking about her and her college goals and why she wants to become a doctor and all... but keeping it going was like pulling teeth both in figuring out how to do it for myself and...yeah...
    One of the most interesting people I ever dated was a lot like this. Our first date was hell on chatty ol' me. I really didn't know what to do, or what to make of it. She had a pretty bad case of Asperger's Syndrome. It took a long, long time to draw her out of her shell, but it really was worth it.

    That's one possibility... There are others.

    Anyway, I recommend a couple large helpings of patience, gentleness, and persistence.
    "'Intelligence' is really prolific in the world. So is stupidity. So often they occur in the same people." - Phaedra
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  3. - Top - End - #183
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    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Quote Originally Posted by Pyrian View Post
    One of the most interesting people I ever dated was a lot like this. Our first date was hell on chatty ol' me. I really didn't know what to do, or what to make of it. She had a pretty bad case of Asperger's Syndrome. It took a long, long time to draw her out of her shell, but it really was worth it.

    That's one possibility... There are others.

    Anyway, I recommend a couple large helpings of patience, gentleness, and persistence.
    I mean... I know she's a fan of star wars and other nerdy things, it's just... been a bit hard to bring that up since she's all self-conscious of starting to rant about them or something...

    Hmm...
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  4. - Top - End - #184
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    the aim of a first-date is to make the other person feel good about you: to feel comfortable and to have a good time. Non-talkers fall into 3 catagories:
    a) those who lack self confidence to talk about themselves
    b) those people who arn't that interesting
    c) they're having a cruddy day

    now when i say this people have a tendancy to focus on group B and go off on a tagent discussing why they're even they are even there. Lets not waste time on that for now, and discuss a solution (why complain about a problem when you can spend time solving it)

    usually the best advice to give to a guy on a first date is to "get them talking about themselves for a while" - its both a familiar topic (comfortable), and also shows that you've got an interest in them (good time - ego boosting), but of course with non-talkers this isn't always a viable option. So talk about yourself instead - keep it fairly light at first, throw in a few jokes and get a few laughs. For the A group this will ease their nerves and help them relax. For the B group, it may turn a few heads and may make them think twice about you. For the C-types it will hopefully improve their moods a bit (but to be honest if their days been that bad that they're anti-social they should really call rain check - with the onnus being on them to re-schedual)

    now im not saying this is the be-all and end all of problem solvers on this one, but in more than a few situations it helps, so give it a whirl. Talk about yourself for a while - if they still don't warm up, then cut your losses and call it a night

    After all - if you make the effort and they don't, is that REALLY someone you want to date, let alone get into a relationship with? Let them make the effort from now on. If they want to ask for a second date, thats their call, but you have to bare in mind if it will be a repeat of the first. Don't make excuses for them or 'chase' after them

    Further considerations for the future
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    this is all second-date related stuff - not neccisarily relavant, but some of you may like to read/ponder over things

    now im breaking into pop-psych here a bit, but i know if you've been wanting to date a person for a while, you've usually built them up in your head a bit - how they're going to be great/funny/make you feel all warm and fuzzy

    the reality is if you don't click on a date because they're not communicating, you may need to re-asses this

    A-types - if they're so shy that they take a while to come out of their shell, then you're going to have to put in that effort (And it IS effort on your part - i know its valentines day, but im not letting you romantic types have a free pass here ). Take that into consideration. Do you want someone to date, or a project?

    B-types - if they're not that interested in you enough to hold a conversation, for the LOVE OF SNUGGLES AND ALL THAT IS YARN-LIKE please don't persue them. You're just smashing your own ego and sense of self worth against the rocks here. Don't assume they are C-types. Its up to them to appologise and ask to reschedual - and not your place (no matter how optimistic you're trying to be) to make excuses for them. If you do you're just leading yourself on. After all - if you're worth dating, and they've had a bad day, you diserve an appology. No appology? lump them into B


    C-types -as stated, this catagory is really only something they can personally elect into. If they don't, they're a B. You can't choose to call them a C just because it suits your romantic desires better. Call a spade a spade. But if they do make the effort to appologise for being in a bad mood, and ask you for a second date, then TAKE NOTE. They've not only got the confidence to "man-up" (i don't know what the female equivilant is, sorry girls :( ) and appologise, but also think you're worthy of better treatment. Two attributes worth considering in a potential date. If you chose to accept, and they have another bad day - then don't rush into a third if they ask for it. Its not worth dating anyone whos going to continually be in a bad mood.


    Coid - hell no - if shes into it and so are you, then get talking about it! Laugh at the idiosyncrisies of it all (going on a "sorry fan boys, boba's dead!" schpiel can certainly get a few laughs). Us nerds to love a bit of self-deprocation after all. Even if she goes on a mini-rant then bring it back to something that gets her laughing every time and she'll soon warm up
    Last edited by xPANCAKEx; 2009-02-15 at 12:25 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by loopy View Post
    xPANCAKEx - He's a scumbag, but he's a wise scumbag.

  5. - Top - End - #185
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Well, what brief happiness I had has dried up (wasn't that much but it was something) and now I'm back to unrequited like with someone completely oblivious, and being unable to even try something with the cute girl who is making it increasingly likely that she has an interest. Grah.

    Not so much asking for advice as just looking for an outlet, but I am having serious trouble relaxing around girls at my new school and was wondering about it ...
    *Splendid Goatatar by that cool kid Serpentine
    "Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world"

  6. - Top - End - #186
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Quote Originally Posted by xPANCAKEx View Post
    A-types - if they're so shy that they take a while to come out of their shell, then you're going to have to put in that effort (And it IS effort on your part - i know its valentines day, but im not letting you romantic types have a free pass here ). Take that into consideration. Do you want someone to date, or a project?
    While I agree with the denotative substance of this, I kind of disagree with the tone of it. Relationships are something worth working on, inherently. Few if any relationships are always easy. If you're not willing to consider the relationship (as opposed to the other person) at times to be a "project" then maybe dating is not for you and you should consider prostitutes.

    Most jewels are found in the rough.
    "'Intelligence' is really prolific in the world. So is stupidity. So often they occur in the same people." - Phaedra
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  7. - Top - End - #187
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Quote Originally Posted by Pyrian View Post
    While I agree with the denotative substance of this, I kind of disagree with the tone of it. Relationships are something worth working on, inherently. Few if any relationships are always easy. If you're not willing to consider the relationship (as opposed to the other person) at times to be a "project" then maybe dating is not for you and you should consider prostitutes.

    Most jewels are found in the rough.
    for clarity (as i can see why on re-reading it can be misinterpreted) when i say a "project" i mean more for the people that its going to require a lot of time helping them come out of their shell,... and bare in mind that this is still all in the context of DATING and not a relationship (they're a completely different kettle of fish)

    Sadly i've heard too many people say "oh its no trouble at all" - and thats dismissive of their own self worth. Even if you give your time, care and attention and affection to someone freely (as you well should - you should not consider yourself owed anything by right), be conscious of the fact you are giving them. In the course of a relationship you sometimes have to ask yourself "is this person worthy of it" - and you should especially make sure to ask this at the start of something (ie: starting dating)

    If you're going to spend so much time concentrating on helping build your potential other half's self esteem that they can stop being so cripplingly shy that they can't hold a conversation, then it can detract from the point of going on a date all together: TO HAVE FUN. It should feel fun for you and the person you're dating. Not fun for them, and emotionally draining for you. The point at which someone stops being a date and becomes a project is when the emotional toll on yourself put into helping them relax and ease up outweighs the actual enjoyment you gain from it.

    We've all got our issues, but you should never go on a date with someone with the intention of having to play councillor. Put someones nerves at ease by all means - dating can sometimes be a scary thing - but you shouldn't have to sit there and convince them that its ok to open up and relax a little.

    If you're worth dating, you're worth more than that.
    Last edited by xPANCAKEx; 2009-02-15 at 02:28 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by loopy View Post
    xPANCAKEx - He's a scumbag, but he's a wise scumbag.

  8. - Top - End - #188
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    It's the conflation of "emotionally draining" with "dealing with a cripplingly shy date" that I find objectionable. I mean, obviously it stressed out Coidzor, but I'd like to think that's just inexperience. I like introverts. I find extroverts far more "emotionally draining". It's always a challenge to begin building intimacy (and yes, I conflate that with dating because I'm not particularly into casual dating and not because it's strictly speaking necessary) but that challenge is just as tough - indeed, in my experience tougher - when it's shallow conversation freely given.
    "'Intelligence' is really prolific in the world. So is stupidity. So often they occur in the same people." - Phaedra
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  9. - Top - End - #189
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    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    I think the main problem was that we hadn't seen each other in awhile so we were getting acclimated and basically doing that thing where you translate the flirtation and such that was going on through IM and the phone into how you actually interact in person. Because, y'know, even though she was flirting with me about dancing and maybe even making out if I were good, I could tell she was still getting used to seeing me again, since the last time we really spent much time together I still went clean-shaven...

    and also, she's just one of those people who is quiet. The problem is, that those people who are quiet won't let you know how they're feeling unless you draw them out somehow. Which is annoying since she didn't mention that she had hurt her feet until after we'd gone on an hour long walk.

    ...She apparently was rather impressed at how...deftly or whatever I ordered our meal at the restaurant after she hesitated for some reason even though she'd decided what she was going to get within a minute of looking at the menu. I just went with something I'd had before since she had been so quick. Which saddened me because I like trying out something new there when I go since it's really authentic and pretty good szechuan cuisine they have there.

    And now I have heartburn from coughing or something during eating that spicy food and gorging myself on 6 reese's cups due to feeling horrible when I got home due to missing my ex's dinner conversation.

    I tried being funny, is always risky for me since most of my humor is... well, collegiate male humor. Or nerdy humor which I'm more rusty at and I'm not sure how much of that she can appreciate it.

    Did ask her about other things but still was rather difficult. About the time the food arrived we actually did get to talking, but I think I had gotten tired out from having wanted to talk earlier when we were playing Brawl and trying to draw her out during the walk and earlier when we were heading to dinner that I was kinda exhaustedish.

    I know after I walked her to her door I just sorta...zonked out for a few minutes and even after I came to from that daze I zoned in and out for half of the drive. Fortunately and unfortunately I wasn't actually driving. :/

    I think partially I was disappointed that no dancing was to be had, since she had said she was going to be digging up some appropriate music for it... and she didn't really. And I didn't really care about the music so much anyway.

    The other part is that I think I'm partially feeling some aftershocks of nostalgia for my ex. Mostly because I'm worried about her having just gone to China this past wednesday.

    V:Felix: Yeah... I think it's mostly just the panic of not being used to having to draw someone out into conversation. We're not really dating per se, but we had to take a rain check on the movie tonight for tomorrow so whatever that means. I know I definitely don't consider myself going out with a girl if I haven't even made out with her yet.
    Last edited by Coidzor; 2009-02-15 at 03:40 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
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  10. - Top - End - #190
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Quote Originally Posted by Pyrian View Post
    Heheh, I'd totally be all "Hey, I see there's a P.F. Chang's near where you live, how about great Chinese food at 6:30pm?"
    "But, but you're 1000 miles away!"
    "Yup. I could pick you up at six?"

    Ah, long-term professional employment coupled with a near-total lack of financial obligations.
    ...So... so... what do you do again? Because I could be totally in on this.

    Coid, some people are difficult to have conversations with. I know that I can be a pain in the ass until you get to know me (after that I'm a pain in more places), mainly because I have difficulty keeping a conversation going - as you know, a conversation is a series of questions and answers, and while I'm damn good at the answering part I often have a lot of trouble coming up with things to ask people about. This may however be related to the fact that most of my conversations lately have been with my parent's friends, and once you get past "soooo... nice weather we've been having lately...." or "****, those bush fires are terrible, arent they?" (<which I don't really like to talk about anyway), there's just not much to talk about with them.

    But! I'm not terrible with all people. Rather, there are some people who I just constantly ask about themselves all the time. Dragonrider for one will attest that whenever I manage to catch her online, I just hammer her with incessant quesitons until she manages to conjurr up a reasonable excuse to ditch me

    The point is, people either click or they don't, and as much as I hate to say it, if you have such difficulty with conversation, and it frustrates you so, then it just doesn't bode well for the relationship. By no means break up with her, I'm probably horribly wrong, but I'm just saying... don't put too many eggs in this basket.

    Klose your love life is like one of my homemade sweaters - namely, it's tangle of wool that once swallowed my cat. A few questions - the girl who is totally oblivious, ever tried making her unoblivious? and the cute girl who you think is interested, why can't you try anything with her? Sorry for the recent end of happiness, but, hey, such things happen mate. *hugs* dun worry. There's plenty o' girls out there (they actually putnumber us. Scary, innit?) and so long as you leave at least one for me, I'm sure you can find a good'un... 'ventually.
    Live, Laugh, Learn, Love,
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  11. - Top - End - #191
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Quote Originally Posted by VeisuItaTyhjyys View Post
    It is the morning of Friday the Thirteenth and she smokes a cigarette out her window as though it is nothing. There are lines shaved in her hair, up like a bird of Paradise, red and dyed, a colour between wine and blood that makes me think of Christ, as does the sacrifice between her lips, slowly crucifying lungs and throat and sacred heart for some beauty impossible to endure, an idea of love that coming even close to sent me spiralling into the sea, beneath which the only devil is oneself, and the only hell the ashes of one's foolish wings. It is when looking at her I see the idiocy of desire for flight; all that happens when one flies is tired wings, and distance from the things most worth seeing.

    The sun, harsh and close as it is where we come from and where she has remained, and I have fled, contrasts the clouds behind me, and the smoke from her American Spirit tries to connect us, she turns a fan on and tears its guts out to remind it not to repeat her mistakes. Her eyeshadow is green and growing, like a forest she weaves with her hands. I think of watching her mix her pigments and paint and the pulsing palpitations of my heart as I braved the sun which makes me sick, more rebellious than the contraband cigarettes or clashing clothes and coloured, counter-culture cut hair, to watch her paint a tree. It's boring, she says, I tell her I love her boring pictures the most, since she still finds a way to make them unique. It is hot in the late fall and I have just begun to smoke again, to taste her kiss when it is not on my lips, a habit I still find trouble breaking, though the chemical addiction has no hold upon me.

    This morning, I have no anger, I have Nick Cave, a glass by my side, a cigarette in my lips again (because everything, even transience, is transient), and I'm smiling coyly through a computer like I am younger than I have ever felt, save a few moments when I tasted rain not wracked with pollution, sweet like candy I never knew how to enjoy. She is not and never will be anyone's girlfriend, or wife, or lover, or baby, or doll. She is her own, and happy only in her unhappiness. I am the same, and it is from that our tragic attraciton comes, and our brutal repulsion, with a wordlier, more banal sadness to it, rises, a morose, arguably ironic joke of a metaphysical dance where a real one will never be placed.

    I love her fingers, the thick brows of her eyes. I love the way she erases each line once and draws it again, no-matter how correct it was. I love the way she hesitates to be humble, afraid even that is too proud for so lowly a creature as her. I love her scars, the bumbs on a skin that confirm a being, rather than a skeleton more lifeless than movies make them, lives inside it. I love the memories of her; biting at her lips as though I could get inside her head through them if I fought enough, smoking for her when her wisdom teeth were out, a poison kiss where we shared our unique breath. I love that we come to each-other's longing and our own demise. I love her personality, and each of her aspects, I love the intellect she buries beneath shy words and downcast eyes. That everything is a secret, slipped out into the world only for you, by a mistake brought on by the occasional poetic turn of phrase pretty enough to puncture her defenses.

    I love her, and I love her wholly andcompletely, though, and more, even, because, it can never and will never "work out." Love isn't about sex, marriage, relationships or even a chance. It's about a better, more beautiful, emotion, and I wish it for all of you. Happy Valentine's day, Hope and all of you.
    Why doesn't anybody ever tell this guy what a good job he's done? Good job... guy whose name I can't pronounce. Sad and sweet. A little glimpse into some very private things... Thanks for sharing. I don't know why no one else commented.

    Oh, in somewhat related and if you couldn't tell news, I had a great Valentine's Day and evening with my lady friend, and I'm high as a kite (metaphorically, not chemically). I love you all in a friendly way.
    Last edited by skywalker; 2009-02-15 at 03:36 AM. Reason: "doesn't" has an apostrophe...
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  12. - Top - End - #192
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Quote Originally Posted by skywalker View Post
    I love you all in a friendly way.
    That's all? But... GAH!

    In more serious news though, I would have commented on it but I didn't really know what to say. It's very poetic but... I'm just lost for words. I don't dare say anthing lest I appear (even more) like a fool.

    Oh, and I too had a nice Valentine's Day
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Quote Originally Posted by Felixaar View Post
    Klose your love life is like one of my homemade sweaters - namely, it's tangle of wool that once swallowed my cat. A few questions - the girl who is totally oblivious, ever tried making her unoblivious? and the cute girl who you think is interested, why can't you try anything with her? Sorry for the recent end of happiness, but, hey, such things happen mate. *hugs* dun worry. There's plenty o' girls out there (they actually putnumber us. Scary, innit?) and so long as you leave at least one for me, I'm sure you can find a good'un... 'ventually.
    I tried, but she remained completely oblivious. Sigh. As for interested girl, it's a bit embarrassing, but she looks just like an ex (to me anyway) who wound up doing some things that ... well, they messed me up.

    It's so not fair to this girl that I feel incredibly bad about it, and yet can't change my current mental block. Maybe I should just turn gay, guys seem a bit simpler (blatant irony).

    Yeah, I know, but it was never really more then an extended fling. Even if I didn't really get flung, you get the idea.

    I'm sure they outnumber us, my life atm seems to be FULL of the damn things!
    *Splendid Goatatar by that cool kid Serpentine
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  14. - Top - End - #194
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    Quote Originally Posted by skywalker View Post
    I don't know why no one else commented.
    The bit about smoking intimidated me. People who smoke are much cooler than I am. Because smoking makes you cool.

    Actually, I try not to comment on stuff like this. Expressing oneself in such a way is something that has always eluded me, and I can never think of any way to respond that isn't completely cold and analytical. Which seems an inappropriate response to me.

    Oh, and smoking doesn't actually make you cool. And even if it does, it's pretty gross. You'll regret having such a gross habit that's tough to quit. Oh, yes.


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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Valentine's was good(for the first time in years). Even crashing the car on the way to dinner was more of an adventure than a deterrent. No one was hurt and only superficial car damage. The gifts were sweet and romantic. Midnight Son is happy.
    Avatar by Sneak - The Midnight Son by Ceika
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Well, at least it wasn't as bad as the other time you crashed your car but I'd like to point out you still haven't actually told us anything about your lady friend! We need gossip!

    Klose heh, yeah. Well mate, you're in a frustrating situation - you didn't need me to tell you that - and there's not very much you can do about it. There'd be no point pursuing the look a like girl only to be always messed up about her, but it could be worth a try actually just asking the first girl out, if you feel like it?

    Joe, agreed.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    skywalker: Thank you very much. And for the record, t's Vay-soo Ih-tah (or ee-tah) tih-yiss, which (probably poor, I only lived there for about six months) Finnish for "songs of emptiness." It was how I described the kind of music and poetry I liked to a friend, there, and thought it had a nice ring to it when I said it.

    felixaar: Kindness, which seems to be mostly what you give, never looks foolish. As for not knowing what to say, it's rather the story of most everyone's life, I would imagine.

    averagejoe: There is nothing wrong with being cold and analytical. As for smoking and regret, sentimentality is all that keeps me smoking them. I don't regret that at all. I'll give up white teeth and some time to remember what a kiss from long ago tasted like.
    Former Ghosts?

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Quote Originally Posted by averagejoe View Post
    Oh, and smoking doesn't actually make you cool. And even if it does, it's pretty gross. You'll regret having such a gross habit that's tough to quit. Oh, yes.
    Smoking does make you cool(er).

    It's just a question of whether you actually want to be cool, and are willing to give up what you do to have that coolness.

    Not personally something I'm interested in, I'm just saying.
    I am continuing to have a social life. Sorry for the inconvenience.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Quote Originally Posted by Felixaar View Post
    ..
    I, personally, have been turned against online relationships simply because I've grown sick of the whole 'waiting' thing - every confirmed i-like-you-you-like-me thing I've ever been in has been "we'll be together in a few months/years" and just run out of passion a long time before then.
    I've never even tried to start an online relationship. What I don't want to happen is to make an emotional connection with someone only to find out later that she isn't attractive enough for me (or vice versa). With regular dating, I can make the "attractive enough" judgment before I get to know the person.

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Quote Originally Posted by Felixaar View Post
    Klose heh, yeah. Well mate, you're in a frustrating situation - you didn't need me to tell you that - and there's not very much you can do about it. There'd be no point pursuing the look a like girl only to be always messed up about her, but it could be worth a try actually just asking the first girl out, if you feel like it?
    She doesn't feel the same way about me, and that's already been clearly established (somehow she still doesn't suspect that I like her >.>).

    I think there's another girl who was interested in me up until this afternoon.

    Klose is not particularly dashing.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Quote Originally Posted by Klose_the_Sith View Post
    She doesn't feel the same way about me, and that's already been clearly established (somehow she still doesn't suspect that I like her >.>).
    lies, damn lies, and statistics.

    Quote Originally Posted by Klose_the_Sith View Post
    I think there's another girl who was interested in me up until this afternoon.

    Klose is not particularly dashing.
    So what did you do to scare the new girl off?

    Have you spent any real length of time around the girl? Or is it just the short bursts of the look-alikeness that get you? Because if you haven't really spent much time with her, you might just get desensitized and start to notice the real differences and later be able to laugh about it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    So what did you do to scare the new girl off?
    Actually, strictly speaking I was the one scared off, and I am NOT GOING BACK THERE.

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    Have you spent any real length of time around the girl? Or is it just the short bursts of the look-alikeness that get you? Because if you haven't really spent much time with her, you might just get desensitized and start to notice the real differences and later be able to laugh about it.
    Not much, and we had a better conversation today then previous ones that we've had. I'm just worried that in the end it will be too big a mental block.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Quote Originally Posted by Klose_the_Sith View Post
    Actually, strictly speaking I was the one scared off, and I am NOT GOING BACK THERE.
    That's... pretty bad then. Wow. She was really that creepy? @_@ Holy Crap!

    Quote Originally Posted by Klose_the_Sith View Post
    Not much, and we had a better conversation today then previous ones that we've had. I'm just worried that in the end it will be too big a mental block.
    mmm... probably for the best to try to break it though. Since you don't want yourself having a freak flashback during some kind of dicey situation where you don't wanna have a flashback sequence.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    That's... pretty bad then. Wow. She was really that creepy? @_@ Holy Crap!
    Her friends, actually.

    I was so terrified I forgot that I was waiting for a bus, watched said bus go past and then wound up walking home in my uncomfortable boots

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    mmm... probably for the best to try to break it though. Since you don't want yourself having a freak flashback during some kind of dicey situation where you don't wanna have a flashback sequence.
    Yeah, I know. Problem is it's a catch 22, because if I knew her better then we could probably talk and joke about it, but I can't get to know her better because of it.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Quote Originally Posted by Klose_the_Sith View Post
    Her friends, actually.

    I was so terrified I forgot that I was waiting for a bus, watched said bus go past and then wound up walking home in my uncomfortable boots
    ...Terrified?... A grown male adult terrified by a girl's friends? That's... pretty bad. I'm sorry, man.

    Quote Originally Posted by Klose_the_Sith View Post
    Yeah, I know. Problem is it's a catch 22, because if I knew her better then we could probably talk and joke about it, but I can't get to know her better because of it.
    Seems like you have some sort of contact that you come into with her often enough that it's a factor weighing on your mind from time to time though. Why's that?
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Homebrew
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    ...Terrified?... A grown male adult terrified by a girl's friends? That's... pretty bad. I'm sorry, man.
    I'm not fully grown yet!

    (Or ... am ... I?)

    Either way, I defy you to have not been scared by these people who showed up in a few seconds and practically turned this very small place (Bus Shelter) into a shouting, swearing contest.

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    Seems like you have some sort of contact that you come into with her often enough that it's a factor weighing on your mind from time to time though. Why's that?
    She sits next to me in Maths?
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Quote Originally Posted by Klose_the_Sith View Post
    Either way, I defy you to have not been scared by these people who showed up in a few seconds and practically turned this very small place (Bus Shelter) into a shouting, swearing contest.
    aaaaah, sounds like a night out with me and my friends (the shouting/swearing/loud part)

    but in all seriousness klose, the fact that she looks TOO much like an ex is completely understandable as a turn off. It shouldn't stop you talking to her in general (if it does then thats a different kettle of fish - but one that you sound like you're handling fine), but if shes interested, and you're not, and she asks you why - saying "im sorry, but you just look a bit too much like an ex girlfriend for me to be comfortable with it" is ok.

    Of course she might not take it ok - but would you really want to go out with a girl who can't handle a perfectly polite let down anyway?

    Just because someone likes you, you are under no obligation to like them back
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    Quote Originally Posted by loopy View Post
    xPANCAKEx - He's a scumbag, but he's a wise scumbag.

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Quote Originally Posted by Syka View Post
    On contact during games: the boyfriend and I generally hook arms while gaming together.

    On conversation: find a topic of mutual interest that doesn't have to do with her obligations (like school).

    That said, maybe she just isn't much of a conversationalist? :\ I'm bad with the whole what to talk about thing since I'm one of those people who spontaneously make friends but never consciously try. >>

    Pancake, have fun. Being young is fun. Even though I didn't date around, I definitely dated a guy in between my two serious relationships that was more "He's attractive, we have similar interests, and neither of us wants anything serious- awesome." Granted, he ended up being more eye candy than substence which is probably the main reason we fell out of contact, but...hey, it was fun (and nothing beyond PG-13 stuff).
    That PG-13 comment made me think back when i was in my early teens, for some reason, from i was about 10 or so, i took relationships way too seriously, looking for some deeper, meaningfull relationship, just hanging out with someone seemed to be not interesting, even, if they wanted that, i just shied away, since i wanted some deeper mental/spiritual relationship than that. The boys' immature way of showing how they was interested in girls at 10-13 was, plain, horrible. It disgusted me.
    The girls was good looking, yes. That didnt mean, i was thereby interested, since, i was not, in having any PG-13 type of relationship. I didnt understand how people, could just be in a relationship, without genuinely love or feel something.

    Its finally dawned on me in the later years, i should have just "jumped into it" and tried, it just seemed to be quite a few more i'd probably have liked better as friends than having a relationship with. In most cases, i just walked past those others would have drooled all over for a chance to get a date with.


    Quote Originally Posted by Pyrian View Post
    One of the most interesting people I ever dated was a lot like this. Our first date was hell on chatty ol' me. I really didn't know what to do, or what to make of it. She had a pretty bad case of Asperger's Syndrome. It took a long, long time to draw her out of her shell, but it really was worth it.

    That's one possibility... There are others.

    Anyway, I recommend a couple large helpings of patience, gentleness, and persistence.
    People with Aspergers might retreat into a shell, so to say, yes. Only case i personally retreat into a shell and turn unsocial, is if i end up spending time with people i dont *get* at all.
    I personally, could still be chatty without being too open, so i personally, at least isnt turning too non chatty if i'm a bit unshure or too cautious, not in smaller groups at least. In bigger, i just sit and say, absolutely nothing, and mostly look on the others chat. -_-

    Being, say, a shy trekkie, dont make anyone an Aspie. Its just a stereotypical idea ppl have, of ppl who do same mistakes as, say, Cmd Data, sitting and watching Startrek fascinated by the series.

    Also related to this:
    - I only appear horribly geeky, if i'm retreating "into the shell", and dont know the person i talk to. If i open up, i talk more freely, and about many things. Most horrible, is it if i feel the person, is a bit booring, and only got 1 thing in common with me; then id say "No" to a date automatically, anyway.
    - Some people, isnt having any "issue" at all, even if they sit and say, absolutely nothing. They just is extremely shy. A Girl i know is like that, too shy to speak much at all. If someone is shy,getting to know them can take a while, but, they still is the same person as before, just daring to talk more to you. You cannot alter the wery basic personality of a person, just try to help them open themself a bit, and, see what happen.

    Klose the Sith:
    Dont feel bad, ive sometime had same experience, and i am even a Martial Artist, i am both grown up, and quite good at defending myself if needed, still... It dont appear i realize, i got nothing to fear from some people. I dont even bother "going out" to public places serving alcohol much, or almost ever, since i dont see the point if the drinking make ppl more prone to fights.
    Im not particularly brave, dislike taking risks, and run off if i see bawdy gangs of loud guys, or girls for that matter.
    MA is, for me, mostly some way to get some exersize. I dont turn braver of it anyway.

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    Guys: the smoking comments might have been a little tongue in cheek.


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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

    So Coraline was a good movie. Only got to see the 2d version rather than the 3d, but eh. She was the one who wanted to catch that showtime at that price. For some reason. I was the one paying anyway.

    Not quite sure how one goes about initiating touching during a movie, so I pretty much left it at... none unless she wants to hold hands or something after she jerked rather suddenly away from me when my foot accidentally brushed hers when I shook it due to a cramp.

    Hmm. I appear to be moving onto the, dangit, I miss being held stage of whatever process I started going through in January.

    Am I really now just processing that I'm through with my ex, even though we broke up in October? That seems a tad ridiculous. I'm trying to remember what it was like when I was starting to date again after a break up, but it's been awhile... So it's a bit hazy

    hmm... but... yeah, I think I did go sort of weird when I started dating again after a break up, a sort of weird melancholy at being reminded of what I don't have and want to have again sort of thing. Oddly enough it's mostly weird things like being held and cuddling as opposed to more visceral sorts of pleasures.

    How weird is that? I'm thinking pretty weird.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
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