Watership Down opening scene: D&D style!

[Thoughtbot360]

For those who have ever seen the movie, or read the actual novel (omg, that actually happens?), here's a rehash of the Watership Down creation myth, only this time for fantasy adventurers. This thread is just for lulz.

The unparenthesized part is the narrator script (and the parenthesized is the on screen action.)


Long ago, the great Frith made the world.
(Picture of Fiery disk projected infinite spears in all directions)
He made all the stars...
(stars appear)
... and the world lived among the stars.
(ground beneath the stars)
Frith made all the beasts and sentineints...
(lots of cute, pokemon-esque monsters show up alongside humanoids, including a fleshy, floating ball with a single big eye but has flat teeth and goofy looking, but looks similar to something. A human is among them)

... and, at first, made them all the same.
Now, among the sentients was El-ahrairah, the Prince of Men.
He had many friends...
... and they all shared the fruits of the land together.
After a time, mankind wandered everywhere...
... multiplied, conquering neighbors as they went. (humans pushing proto-monsters off their land)
Then, Frith said to El-ahrairah:
"Prince of man, if you cannot control your people...
(the human from before looks up at the fiery disk in the sky)

"...I shall find ways to control them."
El-ahrairah would not listen, and said to Frith:
"My people are the strongest in the world."
(human flexes his muscles and walks off)
This angered Frith, so he determined to get the better of El-ahrairah.
(The fiery disk exhibits no visual emotion whatsoever)
He gave a present to every animal and bird...
(the goofy pokemon from before...)
... making each one different from the rest.
(suddenly transform into deadly versions of themselves)
When the owlbear came, and others like the manticore and displacer beast...
... the chimera and beholder... (OH! That's what the ball looked like!)

... to each of them, Frith gave a desire to hunt and slay the children of El-ahrairah.

(Insert morbid, monster-related orgy of violence and death here.)

El-ahrairah knew that Frith was too clever for him, and he was frightened.
He had never before seen the Black Rabbit of Death. (The human protagonist looks around panicked, -jumps!- and calms down when he sees that its just a perfectly normal rabbit with black fur sitting on a tree stump. He rubs its head saying "aw...." and the tree stump suddenly grows eyestalks and roars at him. He turns around to run screaming "OMAGAWD!")
"My friend," said Frith, "have you seen El-ahrairah?
"For I wish to give him a gift."
"No, I have not seen him." (says a panicked man unloading his possessions off a wagon into a bunker.)
So, Frith said, "Come out, and I will bless you instead."
"No, I cannot. I am busy. The owlbear and beholder are coming."
"If you want to bless me, you will have to bless my.. possessions."
"Very well. Be it so." (the disks extends a white beam unto the wagon)
And El-ahrairah's books turned shining white, inscribed with letters that flashed like stars.
And his sword grew long and powerful.
with these gifts, he repelled his enemies faster than any creature in the world could've imagined.
"All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies.
"And whenever they catch you, they will kill you.
"But first, they must catch you...
"...builder, fighter, spell caster.
"Prince with the sweet loot.
"Be cunning and with a bags of tricks...
"...and your people will never be destroyed."

[SlyGuyMcFly]

Very nice. Very nice indeed.

[wadledo]

Ha!
That'll teach them monsters to underestimate humans.

And it also explains how a species with no bonuses to survival based stats, night vision capabilities, or particular direction was able to be come "dominate".
An evil rabbit made them do it.

[Thoughtbot360]

An evil rabbit made them do it.

Shh! *looks around* Don't mention the dark one! Oh gods I can see the eyes. The eyes! THOSE HORRIBLE YELLOW EYES! (Peter Parker overhears and suddenly realizes that the green goblin has a vendetta against him.)

[bosssmiley]

This angered Frith, so he determined to get the better of El-ahrairah.
(The fiery disk exhibits no visual emotion whatsoever)

...and now my ribs hurt from laughing so much.

[Thoughtbot360]

[b]Warning! The following post contains pictures cross-referencing bygone D&D monsters, and the Black Rabbit of Inle. May contain Nightmares, Stupidity...and Awesome. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!


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[Saph]

Okay. That's awesome.

*is a Watership Down fan*

I'm going to have to use this in a campaign some day. When the players say: "But why is the world packed with so many lethal monsters that all go out of their way to eat humans? It doesn't make sense!" then I'll say, "Well, in the beginning, long ago, Frith made the world . . ."

- Saph