Ridiculous D&D contrivances

[Stephen_E]

The "break a staff for a retributive strike" thing is straight from Tolkien. Remember the scene in The Hobbit, where they're stuck in the trees with the goblins surrounding them, and Gandalf is planning on jumping down on them to destroy them (and himself)? He was planning on breaking his staff. Until, of course, they got rescued by aquillae ex machina.

Breaking a magic staff=boom isn't Tolkein original.
The concept is ancient fantasy. An awful lot of stuff that people call "Tolkein" is simply stuff Tolkein took from elsewhere. Other people have used the same sources. Off-hand the only stuff that leaps to mind as original from Tolkein is Hobbits and "Nice" elves. The rest of Tolkeins stuff is sourced from elsewhere (this is not a critism of Tolkein. Originality is generally overrated).

Stephen E

[Stephen_E]

What's the debate over Monks and 2WF and 2HW.

Monks can use TWFing with unarmed attacks, it gives them additional attacks, just as with any other weapon. There was even something in the FAQ (3.5) about it.

I guess you could abitrate 2H unarmed strikes, but given that unrmed strikes are a light weapon, and using 2H on a light weapon doesn't do amthing IIRC, then it seems rather pointless.

Stephen E

[Tetsubo 57]

80lb female elves with a natural 18 str. I love elves, and I know it's possible to be really strong despite your weight, but come on!

-Swimming in full plate
-a character with no ranks in jump with 10 str jumping 20 feet while wearing/carrying up to 33lbs.
-having 200hp, but currently 1hp, and still being 100% effective.
-having 200hp period
-jumping out of an airplane (which apparently exists in this hypothetical statement) with an antimagic field-belt and surviving the fall because 20d6 is only so much, even with massive damage rule.
-surviving immersion into lava
-a rogue killing a tiger with a rock because he went first
-3ft. 30lb halflings having only -2 str and carrying gear 3/4 normal weight
-Manyshot
-a human commoner having 4hp, but a dragon the size of a gymnasium only having 600.
-Dire Maces
-Slings as simple weapons, but guns being exotic


I think I've made my point. Needless to say, my campaigns are extensively homebrewed.

Also, I kinda like the idea of acid sharks. I mean, if you can have a pit of acid to begin with, why not put in fish with teeth that you made magically immune to acid? If there are bird-bears, bird-horses, bird-lions, there can be sharks who live in acid. Now lava sharks, "Aw damn it, a lake of lava! How are we going to...was that a ****ing shark fin? Holy ****ing ass crackers! Don't try to swim in the...I need an aspirin."

The problem with Exotic weapons is that the game uses two different definitions of the word 'exotic' simultaneously. The first is the idea that some weapons are odd and from another culture. This produces such silliness as a sickle and a kama being treated differently. When both are used identically within their respected cultures. The second definition is that a weapon does something 'more' than a regular weapon: multiple attacks, extra damage, an extended range, a special attack option, etc.

If we drop the first definition and stick with the second, things make a lot more sense. Look at the mechanics of the weapon in question and judge if it provides a mechanical advantage. If it doesn't, it shouldn't really be exotic. To reflect that some weapons (such as pistols) might be foreign to a particular campaign, apply an attack penalty until the user becomes familiar with the item in question.

I did that once when a PC lost his right hand. He had a penalty to attack with his 'off' hand fpr a level or so. Then he 'adjusted' and he could use his normal BAB.

[Tetsubo 57]

I've always been curious as to how humans can make babies with every humanoid race. Not only that, but the off-spring can reproduce as well!

My only explanation for it would be that Orcs, Elves, Halflings, Dwarves, etc, etc. are simply off shooting branches of the human tree (much like different species of dog) and that humans are obviously the oldest, and the most superior, race!

I've had a problem with that as well. My solution is to just ban half-breeds. I don't miss the half-elf at all. And the half-orc becomes the Harak, a race of barbaric nomads that eat their fallen enemies. Simple and quick.

[Tetsubo 57]

I'm not about to bother with quote bars.

-Swimming in full plate - I always imagine full plate as being massive and rigid, the kind of stuff that would make stairs look like obstacles. Not too serious on that one, just kinda hard to imagine.

-I meant Dire Flail, not Dire Mace.

-Those people who survived the 20,000+ ft. falls always landed in heavy snow through pine trees or in sewage plants. Not dirt, rock, etc.

-The rogue is using a rock with which he is not proficient as a weapon (-4) and kills the tiger because of sneak attack. What if I had said a bear? My point is, if it can be killed with 1d2+10d6, a rogue can kill it with a rock.

I was going to mention females always being as strong as males, but I thought nah, I'll leave that alone...

The Dire Flail was the best method of committing suicide ever introduced into the game.

[Tetsubo 57]

Short people solution:

Halflings: -4 Str, +2 Dex, +2 Cha, half lifting capacity.
Gnomes: -4 Str, +2 Con, +2 Int, half lifting capacity.

[Harperfan7]

Short people solution:

Halflings: -4 Str, +2 Dex, +2 Cha, half lifting capacity.
Gnomes: -4 Str, +2 Con, +2 Int, half lifting capacity.

Nah, I just made them bigger.

[Stephen_E]

I'm not about to bother with quote bars.

-Swimming in full plate - I always imagine full plate as being massive and rigid, the kind of stuff that would make stairs look like obstacles. Not too serious on that one, just kinda hard to imagine.

Your ignorance of what full plate really is isn't DnDs fault. People can do somersaults in full plate. Seriously, no joke.

-Those people who survived the 20,000+ ft. falls always landed in heavy snow through pine trees or in sewage plants. Not dirt, rock, etc..

Wrong. The majority do, but some just survive, albeit often badly damaged. Remember, terminal velocity for a human is somewher between 200 and 300km/h, depemd on various circumstances. The simple fact is that this is surviable. Not proable survival, but possible. Again, don't bitch at DnD for your lack of RL knowledge. Their representation of this is far from perfect, but within the limits of the game they don't do to badly on this issue. PCs are supposed to be lucky b*****ds.

-The rogue is using a rock with which he is not proficient as a weapon (-4) and kills the tiger because of sneak attack. What if I had said a bear? My point is, if it can be killed with 1d2+10d6, a rogue can kill it with a rock..

Technically it is actually possible to kill a Tiger with a rock if you hit it in the right spot with enough force (enough been within human limits). I would suggest you make sure you do get the right spot. If that rogue misses, or fails to get the kill, he's then in big trouble if the tiger hits back. You'd be hard put to find an animal that doesn't have weak spots that make it relatively easy to kill despite an inpressive looking extearior. Extreeme size differences are the most likely to cause difficulties, and DnD rules do have a note that to use sneak attack the PC must be able to reach a vunerable spot.

Personally given that I accept the spellcasting system there really is nothing that does more than make me blink or smile.

Stephen E

[Sstoopidtallkid]

What's the debate over Monks and 2WF and 2HW.

Monks can use TWFing with unarmed attacks, it gives them additional attacks, just as with any other weapon. There was even something in the FAQ (3.5) about it.

The debate is that they don't have 2 US to dual-wield. There's no issues with them TWF a US and a Kama or something, the issue is that they're already using their entire body to attack with, and they don't have a second one.

[Fostire]

The debate is that they don't have 2 US to dual-wield. There's no issues with them TWF a US and a Kama or something, the issue is that they're already using their entire body to attack with, and they don't have a second one.

What if they're conjoined twin monks?

[averagejoe]

The debate is that they don't have 2 US to dual-wield. There's no issues with them TWF a US and a Kama or something, the issue is that they're already using their entire body to attack with, and they don't have a second one.

Now that is a potentially cool special ability.

[Vexxation]

The debate is that they don't have 2 US to dual-wield. There's no issues with them TWF a US and a Kama or something, the issue is that they're already using their entire body to attack with, and they don't have a second one.

So, could a Dvati Monk dual-wield unarmed strike? She'd actually have two bodies to use.

[TheCountAlucard]

Can you show the RAW for that?

I've heard it said before but I've never seen anything RAW to back it yp. The most I've seen is that Evil can't cast "Good" spells and visa versa, but that's different from "casting good spells is good".

Stephen E

There is nothing RAW for that, sadly; if you're going by the Core rules, then the only thing special about Good and Evil spells is that divine casters of the opposing alignment cannot prepare the spell. However, Fiendish Codex II says that casting an Evil spell (even for Good purposes) is an Evil act; using logic, then, casting a Good spell (probably not for Evil purposes, though) would be a Good act.

...but what the hell am I doing, using logic when we're talking about D&D?

[Vexxation]

...using logic, then, casting a Good spell (probably not for Evil purposes, though) would be a Good act.

That's one of the things I hate: the double standard.

Casting a Good Spell for Good purposes: Good
Casting an Evil Spell for Evil purposes: Evil
Casting a Good Spell for Evil purposes: Evil
Casting an Evil Spell for Good purposes: Evil

It seems unfair. But hey, that's how the cookie crumbles...

[Tempest Fennac]

Regarding heavy armour, medieval knights were often athletic enough to do gymnastics while wearing full armour, so it's not that inflexible (if it was, it wouldn't be useful in combat due to turning falling over into a death sentance). I banned all half races due to classing humans being able to cross-breed with everything as disturbing, and I class half-races as boring, so banning them gives more time for what I consider to be more interresting races.

[Faulty]

That's one of the things I hate: the double standard.

Casting a Good Spell for Good purposes: Good
Casting an Evil Spell for Evil purposes: Evil
Casting a Good Spell for Evil purposes: Evil
Casting an Evil Spell for Good purposes: Evil

It seems unfair. But hey, that's how the cookie crumbles...

It's unfair that evil has such badass spells. Like that one from BoVD where you fill people lungs with water. I have no idea how that Psionic power that removes part of a person's brainsteam doesn't count as evil though, that's pretty screwed up.

[Vexxation]

It's unfair that evil has such badass spells. Like that one from BoVD where you fill people lungs with water. I have no idea how that Psionic power that removes part of a person's brainsteam doesn't count as evil though, that's pretty screwed up.

That's a good point.
But if you want to exemplify the badassery of evil spells, look no further than everyone's favorite, Mindrape.

[WhiteHarness]

-Swimming in full plate - I always imagine full plate as being massive and rigid, the kind of stuff that would make stairs look like obstacles. Not too serious on that one, just kinda hard to imagine.

If full plate that's easy to move in is "hard to imagine" for you, then I submit that your personal mental image of full plate is based more on bad cartoons, popular misconception resulting from leftover Victorian-era poor scholarship, and low-quality fantasy art than on any actual education on or experience with the subject.

[Faulty]

That's a good point.
But if you want to exemplify the badassery of evil spells, look no further than everyone's favorite, Mindrape.

What does that do, implant an intimate knowledge of furry culture in the subject's brain?

[TheCountAlucard]

What does that do, implant an intimate knowledge of furry culture in the subject's brain?

That's one thing you could do with it...

Pretty much, Mindrape causes the caster to know everything the target of the spell knows, and then the caster can write over it, replacing the subject's knowledge and memories with whatever the caster wishes. Joe the fighter becomes Nancy the beer wench. Did you remember the BBEG killing your father? Not anymore; now you recall seeing your fellow party members strangle him in his sleep.

[Faulty]

That's one thing you could do with it...

Pretty much, Mindrape causes the caster to know everything the target of the spell knows, and then the caster can write over it, replacing the subject's knowledge and memories with whatever the caster wishes. Joe the fighter becomes Nancy the beer wench. Did you remember the BBEG killing your father? Not anymore; now you recall seeing your fellow party members strangle him in his sleep.

That is pretty sick.

[Chronos]

That's one of the things I hate: the double standard.

Of course there's a double standard, and it'd be pretty silly if there wasn't. As some other poster once said, choosing between Good and Evil isn't like just choosing which football team you're going to root for; they're inherently different sorts of things, and should be treated differently.

[chiasaur11]

That is pretty sick.

Yeah.

Really, kinda explains the name.

Wouldn't so much call it badass as pure evil, but it is definitely one of the evil spells just justifies the descriptor.

[monty]

Wouldn't so much call it badass as pure evil, but it is definitely one of the evil spells just justifies the descriptor.

On the other hand, you have programmed amnesia, which as far as I can tell does the same thing but more slowly, and isn't evil.

[KazilDarkeye]

Yeah, Evil has access to all sorts of "techniques"* that Good can only use in extreme circumstances (and after trying EVERY possible alternative).

Torture
Taking Hostages (with intent to kill/hurt)
Tyranny

And other things that may or may not start with "T"

* Probably not the correct word, but "methods that can be used to achieve certain goals" is a bit wordy.

Edit:Such as
Painful, Mind-Controlling Parasites
Killing Random Civilians to draw the heroes out
Ecological Devastation (maybe)

[Olo Demonsbane]

If you are hit by a spell that tottally rewrites your memories and can change your alignment, what alignment descriptor does it have?

Spoiler

Show

Trick Question!
[Good] Sanctify the Wicked
[Evil] Mindrape
[None] Programed Amnesia

[Claudius Maximus]

Concerning the whole evil spell thing, I've always thought that which spells were evil made no sense. I mean, why is Deathwatch, which can be crucial to battlefield healing, evil? Why not Dominate Person, or even Charm person? There's a spell in BoVD, I forget what it's called, but it answers one question that could begin with "who", and it's evil for no apparent reason. It even has a drug component and can only be cast within an Unhallow effect. Why is that evil?

[hamishspence]

Sanctify doesn't actually affect memories- it changes target's alignment, and adds the Sanctified Creature template, but thats all. By strict interpretation of the spell, creature remembers everything that's previously happened to it.

Deathwatch I think is an error and should have been errataed- why? Because subsequent books have put it on the caster list of Always Good class (healer) and Exalted PRC (Slayer of Domiel).

[Faulty]

Yeah.

Really, kinda explains the name.

Wouldn't so much call it badass as pure evil, but it is definitely one of the evil spells just justifies the descriptor.

Yeah, God damn. I will never, ever put that in a spellbook.

On the other hand, you have programmed amnesia, which as far as I can tell does the same thing but more slowly, and isn't evil.

God damn psionics~

[MeklorIlavator]

God damn psionics~

Huh? That's an arcane spell. Don't bring psionics into this.