Crack Pairings Matchup Table

[Dark Faun]

Oh, Blackwing, you're so bad.

[Zanaril]

Oh, Blackwing, you're so bad.

Gah! *hides from disturbing mental images*

[TheBibliophile]

Love it!

Just noticed you're female. I dunno why, but you always came through as male to me.

[Dark Faun]

If you consider Vaarsuvius and/or Inkyrius to be male, it may be the reason. I noticed one can tend to unconsciously link the gender of the avatar to the gender of the member.

[TheBibliophile]

I consider Vaarsuvius to be male.

This means, possibly, that Haley was having an affair with V before she hooked up with Elan.

Write that fanfic!

[Zanaril]

I consider Vaarsuvius to be male.

This means, possibly, that Haley was having an affair with V before she hooked up with Elan.

Write that fanfic!

Haley's confession of "I kissed a girl once. Ok, more than once." and Haley's Latent Bisexuality mean that's a possibility whatever V is.

[Zen_Heart]

That seems likely.

Carrying on...

Spoiler

Show

Mr. Jones stood in the cell doorway and looked down disapprovingly at his associate "You had better hope we catch them, otherwise there'll be no TV time for a month."

"Aww, no fair!" The still tied up lawyer moaned.

Mr. Jones was about to remark when a guard jogged up to the cell. "Sir, I'm sorry to say we've searched the whole building. We're pretty confident they have left the site."

Mr. Jones scowled. "You had the mages use See Invisibility? They manged to access the scrolls before anyone sounded the alarm."

"Yes sir. They found nothing."

"Fine. Have the trackers search the surrounding area in case they left any tracks, but if nothing turns up by tomorrow we'll have to call it off since they'll have their spells back and they could be anywhere by then."

The guard saluted and left. Mr. Jones turned back towards the cell. "Your TV time is officially forfeit. And you can sleep in there tonight." With that, he turned sharply and exited the room, slamming the door behind him.

***

Some time later and several miles away - the invisibility spell having long worn off - the two wizards finally stopped in a small clearing. The jailhouse had disappeared over the horizon, with the surrounding woods enclosed the small mossy area they finally felt that they could afford to rest. They lay back on the mossy ground, breathing in the quicky cooling air as the long shadows of evening deepened. Finally, it was Zz'dtri who broke the peaceful silence.

"And now you'll leave me."

Vaarsuvius look up and saw dark elf sitting with his knees drawn up to his chin, face tilted upwards watching the first few stars begin to appear. The look on his face was that of heartbreak, and of long, endless loneliness.

"I wont leave you." Vaarsuvius replied, getting up and going over to sit beside the drow, but not quite touching him.

"Will. Everyone does. Only bothered before because you couldn't leave."

"Thats not at all true. I do care about you, even if such feeling have only arisen in the past few days."

"But you will leave."

Vaarsuvius was about to protest this, but Zz'dtri pressed on, unusually vocal.

"You can't stay because there are people elsewhere who need you more than I do."

For once, Vaarsuvius was lost for words. After a few moments, the elf put a gentle hand under the drow's chin, causing him to turn to face the other elf, and said the only obvious thing to say.

"I love you."

Then to silence any further argument, Vaarsuvius kissed the surprised elf hard. After a moments pause he returned the kiss, matching it's initial intensity as their tongues met.

Slender hands pawed at robe ties, and Zz'dtri pulled Vaarsuvius towards him, arching and gasping as the kisses moved from his mouth along his jaw. Having finally managed to untie the fastnings, Vaarsuvius pulled the robes off of his thin shoulders, hands wandering fleetingly up and down his back, fingers flexing and grasping as red robes were discarded in a simmilar fassion.

Neither spoke, as nothing more that needed to be said could be done so with words.

***

Vaarsuvius closed the leatherbound book as the moring sun touched it's well worn cover. Standing up, the elf checked that any spell components were within easy reach, before going to stand next to Zz'dtri, who was doing the same.

"So, this is goodbye."

"Yes." the drow replied emotionlessly.

"For now." Vaarsuvius added with a smile,"And it future, who knows."

A rare smile touched Zz'dtri's lips. "I can wait" He said.

They killed a final time, and then without another word, Vaarsuvius cast a Fly spell, rising effortlessly over the trees and up into the sky. Zz'dtri watched until the red speck was invisible even to his keen eyes.

He looked down and, still smiling. "I can wait."

Without backwards glance he set off through the trees in the opposite direction. He had his own life to to live.

And he could live it too, as long as he knew that somewhere, however distant, was someone who cared.

Ok, here's the start!

Spoiler

Show

The six members of the Order of the Stick had been making their way through the same forest for several days, following a rough track that wound it's way through the otherwise impenetrable trees. It was almost mid-day, and at it's highest point the sun managed to seep through the upper canopy, casting dappled shadows across the ground, with small specks of light that danced in the dim light. Ahead of them, the dirt track widened and turned into cobbles and buildings lined the road, and here and there people were hurrying along at whatever tasks they were on. After the long stretch of wild terrain, civilization was a welcome sight.

"About time!" Roy exclaimed, coming to a halt and wiping sweat off his brow. "Do you reckon there's a tavern here?

"I 'ope so." Durkon said, clanking forward to stand next to Roy "I need som'thin' ta calm my nerves afta' all o' them trees."

"There's bound to be an inn here, at least. I'm just looking forward to sleeping in a bed tonight!" Haley said, striding forward. The rest of them followed suit.


A short while later and a squabble over rooms found the Order booked into an inn - with a tavern, much to Durkon's relief. Roy and the dwarf promptly dropped off any unneeded items then went to sample the local ale. Belkar followed close behind. Having spotted an archery shop on their way to the inn, Haley dragged Elan off to see if there was anything interesting. Vaarsuvius hung around for a bit to unpack, then after sorting through spell component to discern which ones needed restocking, set off in search of a magic shop.

The shop specializing in the arcane was small but well stocked, located away from the main road. After purchasing the needed spell components, Vaarsuvius browsed through the avalable scrolls, paying no attention as the door opened and another customer came in.

However when a familiar voice reached the elf's pointed ears, Vaarsuvius spun around in shock.

"Zz'dtri?"

The drow jumped, then a delighted smile replaced his initial look of surprise and he rushed over to embrace Vaarsuvius in a tight hug. Vaarsuvius returned the hug, also smiling widely.

"I wasn't expecting to see you again so soon!"

"Me neither. Do you want to..?"

"I have a room at the local inn, if you're willing."

Zz'dtri smiled again and nodded, so Vaarsuvius picked up the bag of newly purchased spell components in one hand, clasped the drow's hand in the other, and led him out of the shop and back into the village.

***

Vaarsuvius followed Zz'dtri into the room, shutting the door behind them before putting the bag down next to the wall.

"Missed you" Zz'dtri murmured as the other elf sat down beside him on the bed, before locking lips passionately. Still kissing, Vaarsuvius lay back, pulling Zz'dtri down on top, before moving to kiss his neck.

"I missed your company too" Vaarsuvius said between kisses. "Where did you go after I left".

"Just... traveled around" He replied, arching slightly as a hand brushed against him through his robe. V's other hand had already untied the cord around his waist, and was tugging the green robe off.

"Looked around for an adventuring party at first. Were none that wanted a wizard. Decided to see the world instead."

"I'm glad you did." V gasped, writhing as dark skinned hands groped under red robes before pulling them off completely.

"Hmm." Zz'dtri hummed in agreement.

*squees softly* They're so cute together! ^.^ (Do those faces even appear on the forums?)

I don't know. Zz'dtri is shaping up to be a complete woobie to me. Sort of like Vaarsuvius. Funny how two characters that are supposed to be opposites get lumped together in the same category. And get tied together in a neat little adorable pairing.

Anyway, I'm continuing my significantly less cute story too. I'm quoting the last bit of the last part just to add context to the conversation.

Spoiler

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Belkar and his partner lay back down, the slender creature putting a head just under the halfling’s chin.

“Should leave, soon.”

“Why?”

Zz’dtri glanced up, fingering Belkar’s hand. “You have people to return to.”

“Don’t you?”

“No.”

“Oh, right. The Linear Guild abandoned you.”

Zz’dtri gently twisted obsidian fingers in the halfling’s chest hair, brushing soft lips against the skin very lightly. “Only expected.”

“What do you plan to do now?”

“Will not go back to dark elves.”

Belkar lightly stroked the drow’s smooth skin. “Did you have trouble with them?”

“…You can say that.” Zz’dtri glanced up, silver eyes searching the halfling’s face. “Afraid of their violence.”

“And you slept with me?”

That got a smile out of the drow. The smile made Belkar smile a little. Zz’dtri looked nicer with a real smile on instead of some nasty smirk when a certain high elf was about to be completely screwed over by combined dark elven racial abilities and magic (although that expression was a real turn-on too).

“Drow calculate and reason. Killing and rape are systematic, planned, and politically motivated. Have to check drinks to make sure they are not poisoned. Have to watch both your back and your front. Cannot sleep, only trance. Trance gives one full awareness of surroundings. Rape considered sign of weakness, and commonly happens even when one is a child…” Zz’dtri trailed off, eyes glazing over for a very brief moment before snapping out of it. “Taught to trust no one. Not even family or friends can be trusted. Love and sex…” the drow tentatively stroked the halfling’s chest, avoiding looking at Belkar’s eyes, “is very different from surface-dweller’s way. Love secret and twisted in rare occurrence that it exists. Sex is dangerous and often way to dominate another person. Usually rape by any other definition.”

The dark elf was very quiet for a moment. Zz’dtri hesitated, then slowly looked up and kissed Belkar in a sort of loving way he wasn’t quite sure he was comfortable with. Love was weird. Love was completely uncharted territory. The Belkster was perfectly happy with it staying that way.

“If you kill me, I know it is random. Odd, but comfort is taken by that fact. Do not need to check my back or drink or make sure I trance instead of sleep. If you kill me, you will do it when I am aware and you will do it honestly and openly.” Zz’dtri looked down again, perhaps sensing the halfling’s unease with emotional closeness. “And you would accept it if I said ‘no’ to your advances. You are a murderer. Not a rapist.”

The drow tentatively touched Belkar’s cheek. “Go to comrades. They need you.”

[Zanaril]

I still can't get my head around BelkarxZz'dtri.

Anyway, more!:

Spoiler

Show

"Found anything good?" Roy asked as Haley and Elan walked into the inn's tavern with a large bag. Haley put the bag down on the bar counter and fished around before pulling out a handful of arrows.

"Half price sale on enchanted arrows, would you believe it? I can now burn people and freeze them at once, in addition to sticking arrows in them."

"Great. Well now you're back, we need to discuss where we're going next. Any idea where V is?"

"Out buying spell components, I think. Should be back by now, I'll check the rooms." Haley said, retreating out of the room towards the stairs.

"V? Are you here." She said pausing outside the door. When there was no answer, she opened the door and poked her head in.

"We're planning wh- oh my god!" She stared in shock for a moment at the entwined figures, before hurredly slamming the door shut again and leaning against the wall.

"Drat." V muttered scrambling up and pulling on the robes that had been lying on the floor before running out into the corridor, blushing furously. Zz'dtri sighed, then got up and began pulling on his robes at a more lesurely pace.


"Miss. Starshine?"

"What the hell do you think you're doing, V?!" Haley all but shouted, rounding on the abashed elf. V tried to regain some composure.

"I think that as obviou-"

"You're married."

"A fact I am well aware of."

"You can't... you can't just go around sleeping with anyone!"

"I assure you, its not at all like-"

"You haven't been doing this all the time I've known you, have you? What about in Azure City, when you were supposedly busy all the time "scribing spell" - were you actually out picking up partners?"

While Haley was ranting, Zz'dtri quietly opened the door and edged out into the corridor, unnoticed.

"Miss. Starshine, this isn't what it looks like!"

"Well it certainly looked like he had his-"

"Haley! Please just listen to me! This is more than that, we've had a relationship of sorts for some time. You're over-reacting."

"Well sorry if I'm just a bit shocked after walking in on my best friend in bed with a complete stranger... wait." She caught sight of Zz'dtri and her eyes widened.

"...He's that drow that's working for Nale!"

"Was working for Nale, he's not anymore."

"Sorry V, I just... can't deal with this right now. Just need to tell you you're needed in the bar." Haley said, shaking her head and backing away towards the stairs. Vaarsuvius stared after her.

Zz'dtri hung his head and hugged his cloak around himself, then retreated back into the room.


"Zz'dtri?" Vaarsuvius went back into the room, to see the drow gethering up his possesions, head bent low.

"Sorry. I'll go now." The drow said softly, not looking up.

"What in the world are you apologising for? If there's any blame to be laid, it lies with me for not anticipating their reactions."

"I cause problems." Zz'dtri said, looking up sadly before rising to his feet. Vaarsuvius steped forward and placed a gentle heand on either shoulder, looking into the other's eyes earnestly .

"Listen to me Zz'dtri, you are not a problem and I certainly don't want you to leave." Vaarsuvius sighed. "I... I need to go and meet my party members, okay?"

Zz'dtri nodded wordlessly, and Vaarsuvius paused for one long moment before turning away, picking up the red cloak that was in a heap on the floor before hurrying away out of the room and down the corridor.

[Dark Faun]

I can't either. I just don't like Belkar in romances.

Nice story. Vaarsuvius is more the type to say drat than crap though, if this comic is any indication.

I now have the mental image of Haley drowning herself in alcohol to forget what she just saw.

[Zanaril]

I can't either. I just don't like Belkar in romances.

He's an easy character to write into some pairings as a one night stand, it's when the pairing requires him to be anything other that a creepy little psychopath that makes me cringe. Partly because the idea of a Belkar intelligent enough to understand complicated emotions is scary.

Vaarsuvius is more the type to say drat than crap though, if this comic is any indication.

Good find. I wasn't sure "crap" was really in character, but couldn't figure out what else V could say.

I now have the mental image of Haley drowning herself in alcohol to forget what she just saw.

Zz'dtri's going to be drowning his sorrows in a simmilar fassion, that's for certai- wait.

I think I may be getting an idea of how to continue, thanks!

(No, it's not going to turn into Zz'dtri x Haley.)

[Zen_Heart]

I still can't get my head around BelkarxZz'dtri.

*cheerfully points to title of thread* Besides, I like a challenge. Belkar is a challenge.

Anyway, more!:

Spoiler

Show

"Found anything good?" Roy asked as Haley and Elan walked into the inn's tavern with a large bag. Haley put the bag down on the bar counter and fished around before pulling out a handful of arrows.

"Half price sale on enchanted arrows, would you believe it? I can now burn people and freeze them at once, in addition to sticking arrows in them."

"Great. Well now you're back, we need to discuss where we're going next. Any idea where V is?"

"Out buying spell components, I think. Should be back by now, I'll check the rooms." Haley said, retreating out of the room towards the stairs.

"V? Are you here." She said pausing outside the door. When there was no answer, she opened the door and poked her head in.

"We're planning wh- oh my god!" She stared in shock for a moment at the entwined figures, before hurredly slamming the door shut again and leaning against the wall.

"Drat." V muttered scrambling up and pulling on the robes that had been lying on the floor before running out into the corridor, blushing furously. Zz'dtri sighed, then got up and began pulling on his robes at a more lesurely pace.


"Miss. Starshine?"

"What the hell do you think you're doing, V?!" Haley all but shouted, rounding on the abashed elf. V tried to regain some composure.

"I think that as obviou-"

"You're married."

"A fact I am well aware of."

"You can't... you can't just go around sleeping with anyone!"

"I assure you, its not at all like-"

"You haven't been doing this all the time I've known you, have you? What about in Azure City, when you were supposedly busy all the time "scribing spell" - were you actually out picking up partners?"

While Haley was ranting, Zz'dtri quietly opened the door and edged out into the corridor, unnoticed.

"Miss. Starshine, this isn't what it looks like!"

"Well it certainly looked like he had his-"

"Haley! Please just listen to me! This is more than that, we've had a relationship of sorts for some time. You're over-reacting."

"Well sorry if I'm just a bit shocked after walking in on my best friend in bed with a complete stranger... wait." She caught sight of Zz'dtri and her eyes widened.

"...He's that drow that's working for Nale!"

"Was working for Nale, he's not anymore."

"Sorry V, I just... can't deal with this right now. Just need to tell you you're needed in the bar." Haley said, shaking her head and backing away towards the stairs. Vaarsuvius stared after her.

Zz'dtri hung his head and hugged his cloak around himself, then retreated back into the room.


"Zz'dtri?" Vaarsuvius went back into the room, to see the drow gethering up his possesions, head bent low.

"Sorry. I'll go now." The drow said softly, not looking up.

"What in the world are you apologising for? If there's any blame to be laid, it lies with me for not anticipating their reactions."

"I cause problems." Zz'dtri said, looking up sadly before rising to his feet. Vaarsuvius steped forward and placed a gentle heand on either shoulder, looking into the other's eyes earnestly .

"Listen to me Zz'dtri, you are not a problem and I certainly don't want you to leave." Vaarsuvius sighed. "I... I need to go and meet my part members, okay?"

Zz'dtri nodded wordlessly, and Vaarsuvius paused for one long moment before turning away, picking up the red cloak that was in a heap on the floor before hurrying away out of the room and down the corridor.

Haley needs to work on her snap-judgments. Even I'm not sure if V's marriage is really valid anymore... (I mean, was it an unofficial divorce or something?) So is it really an affair...? I guess technically...

Poor Zz'dtri too. Is he a lover? The 'Other Person'? The object of affection other than sexual? I can easily imagine at least one person (probably Z) trying to figure out the answer to these questions...

[Zanaril]

*cheerfully points to title of thread* Besides, I like a challenge. Belkar is a challenge.

You misunderstand me. When I say something disturbs me, I mean it as a compliment.

Haley needs to work on her snap-judgments. Even I'm not sure if V's marriage is really valid anymore...

Haley doesn't know about V's little side adventure with the dragons yet. (V gets taken away by the lawyers some time after the current strip, and as we've seen, Haley is still rather uncertain about what's going on with V.)

(I mean, was it an unofficial divorce or something?) So is it really an affair...? I guess technically...

This is the excuse V's using. Or rather would probably come up with if the silly elf wasn't purposely avoiding thinking about the issue.

Poor Zz'dtri too. Is he a lover? The 'Other Person'? The object of affection other than sexual? I can easily imagine at least one person (probably Z) trying to figure out the answer to these questions...

All will be revealed soon.

[TheBibliophile]

Aww... I like those.

I know I said I'd write you a pairing, but I can't really write this sort of thing. Back to sci-fi, I suppose...

[Meg]

Aww, I think V and Zz'Drit are turning into the unofficial mascot couple of this thread. It's so adorable!

Anyway, let's see what I roll...

HaleyxRoyxRedcloak with true love as a plot device... I ain't touching that.

[The Dark Fiddler]

Haley needs to work on her snap-judgments. Even I'm not sure if V's marriage is really valid anymore... (I mean, was it an unofficial divorce or something?) So is it really an affair...? I guess technically...

I think I remember reading (in the PHB, no less) that humans are one of the few PC races that tends to have life-long partnerships, and that the long lives that elves lead cause them to have multiple partners over their lives.

[Zanaril]

I made a banner!

[The Dark Fiddler]

Can I steal that? That's awesome.

[Zanaril]

Can I steal that? That's awesome.

Sure, the more the merrier.

[xelliea]

VxAncient black dragon... i can only think what this wiill creat
RoyxZz'dtri. i am not a good writer so you guys can do these

[TheBibliophile]

Wow, that's cool.

Maybe you should put "Official Mascot: Vaarsuvius on Zz'dtri" somewhere on there.

I'll put it in my sig if it'll fit.

EDIT: Wait, how do you put it in your sig?

[Zanaril]

Wow, that's cool.

Maybe you should put "Official Mascot: Vaarsuvius on Zz'dtri" somewhere on there.

I think I'll make a few versions with images of pairings in the background. (There's plenty pictures floating around.) I'll also make a VxZz'dtri version when I have time.

I'll put it in my sig if it'll fit.

EDIT: Wait, how do you put it in your sig?

Copy this in:

[CENTER][URL="http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=111631"][IMG]http://i260.photobucket.com/albums/ii21/Zanaril/anotations/banner.png[/IMG][/URL][/CENTER]

[TheBibliophile]

Yay, it works!

I've also got a rather disturbing quote under the spoiler, in case you're interested.

[Zanaril]

Yay, it works!

I've also got a rather disturbing quote under the spoiler, in case you're interested.

I don't judge people.

...Just watch out for paper cuts, okay?



Should I make some more like this?

[TheBibliophile]

I don't judge people.

...Just watch out for paper cuts, okay?



Should I make some more like this?

Gaahhh! My brain! My poor, bleach-soaked brain!

The banner's great, but I'll pass on putting it in my sig unless you're not making a Vaarsuvius and Zz'dtri one.

[Zanaril]

The banner's great, but I'll pass on putting it in my sig unless you're not making a Vaarsuvius and Zz'dtri one.

I do plan on making one, but I don't have an image made yet. I'm working on it.

Here we go!


You don't think these are too squicky to have in signatures, do you?

...

Anyone have any preference for which pairing I should draw next?

[TheBibliophile]

Banner going up!

Just as soon as you tell me how to put it in my sig, that is...

[Zanaril]

Just replace

[IMG]http://i260.photobucket.com/albums/ii21/Zanaril/OOTSart/banner.png[/IMG]

with

[IMG]http://i260.photobucket.com/albums/ii21/Zanaril/OOTSart/bannervxzzdtri.png[/IMG]

[xelliea]

Just replace

[IMG]http://i260.photobucket.com/albums/ii21/Zanaril/OOTSart/banner.png[/IMG]

with

[IMG]http://i260.photobucket.com/albums/ii21/Zanaril/OOTSart/bannervxzzdtri.png[/IMG]

can i use that?

[Zanaril]

can i use that?

Please do! And maybe link the image to this thread?

[The Dark Fiddler]

I rather like this banner.

Let's hope this gets to be one of those legendary threads that end up with like "Crack Pairings Thread XXI: Brain Bleach not included".