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  1. - Top - End - #121
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Meg's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    This is so wrong... And yet, so fun.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  2. - Top - End - #122
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    Dark Faun's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril Taru View Post
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    Xykon didn't show it - he wasn't one to let his mannerisms reflect his thoughts, unless of course he wanted them too - but this elf fascinated him. There was something about the sheer arrogance and foolishness of the wizard that drew him to the elf. He wanted to hurt the elf, yes, but his finger bones twitched at the thought of touching that soft skin as he ripped it apart, seeing up close those delicate feature twist with pain.

    He effortlessly hurled the crumbling section of wall from the battered elf who now lay powerless and dazed and grabbed it by the front of its cloak, pulling its prone form from the floor like a rag doll. He wrapped bony fingers around its slender neck. He could feel its rapid pulse. He squeezed.

    The elf, coming back to its senses raised an arm, tried vainly to push him away. The sensation of its slender fingers against his bones was electrifying. He didn't let go, but relished in the feel of the elf's windpipe as it splintered, delighted in the soft muffled gasp of pain. Finally he felt the pulse beneath his fingers slow, the body go limp, the fragile life diminish.

    Xykon let the elf's body fall back to the ground, and then glanced over to the caged paladin, who was rattling one of the bars of his cage futilely.

    He looked back at the elf.

    In death its features looked no less troubled; blood caked it's face and matted it's hair, it's slender upturned nose was bent, shattered; one eye was swollen shut. But it was still mesmerizing. And it would be a shame to let the body go to waste: he leant down, delicately placing a hand on each side of that slender face. "Create Greater Undead."

    The undead elf opened softly glowing eyes, it's skin took on a greenish tint. To Xykon, in undeath it was only more beautiful. Xykon looked over to the paladin, who had sunk back onto the floor of the cage in despair.

    "Letís go somewhere more... private."
    the lich mused, looking back on the undead elf as it rose to its feet.

    "Yes, master."
    Absolutely awesome and wonderful.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  3. - Top - End - #123
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    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    Absolutely awesome and wonderful.
    No, the correct response is "AGRH! KILL IT, KILL IT! IT BURNSSS!!". But thanks anyway.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  4. - Top - End - #124
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    AAaergh, aaargh, it burns, kill it, KILL IT! But don't forget to reanimate it later.

    *Above post: Additional terms and restrictions may apply.
    My OotS fanart thread: click here for proof that I have no life. Or, if you're debating with me and need fuel for an ad hominem, click for proof that I AM hopelessly fixated on Vaarsuvius.:)
    Spliced!Kyrie avatar by Zanaril. Who else?

    My Deviantart gallery

  5. - Top - End - #125
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    Oh my god, I thought this thread would never be brought back!

    But yeah, that was a good story.
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  6. - Top - End - #126
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    OK, let's try this.

    4, 20 (19 (15, 11, 13, 9)), 20 (10), 16
    Hinjo, Leeky Windstaff, Thog, The entire Hobogoblin army, The orc Chieftain (all gender switched), American High School
    I think I just rolled the script for High School Musical.

    4, 20 (11), 4, 7
    IFCC (gender switched), Roy's archon, Aliens made them do it.
    Well, who else could.

    1, 2, 10, 2
    Durkon, Elan, love potion
    That sounds sick. Maybe I'll do it.


    Off to write an epic.
    Last edited by jolus; 2009-07-02 at 07:22 AM.

  7. - Top - End - #127
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Quote Originally Posted by jolus View Post
    OK, let's try this.

    4, 20 (19 (15, 11, 13, 9)), 20 (10), 16
    Hinjo, Leeky Windstaff, Thog, The entire Hobogoblin army, The orc Chieftain (all gender switched), American High School
    I think I just rolled the script for High School Musical.
    Wow, I think that's the weirdest thing to come out of this thread.
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  8. - Top - End - #128
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    Wow, I think that's the weirdest thing to come out of this thread.
    Weirder then Durkon Thor's might, Thog with the soul splices and a genders-witched Miko snowed in and a french maid outfit?
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  9. - Top - End - #129
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minion992929 View Post
    Weirder then Durkon Thor's might, Thog with the soul splices and a genders-witched Miko snowed in and a french maid outfit?
    Has... anybody actually attempted to write this?
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  10. - Top - End - #130
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril Taru View Post
    Has... anybody actually attempted to write this?
    Is it even possible? Oo

  11. - Top - End - #131
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    Quote Originally Posted by MasamuneSSX View Post
    Is it even possible? Oo
    Read through what has already been written in this thread, then rethink that question.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  12. - Top - End - #132
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    I have something weirder. 0_o


    Haley, Haley's Father, O-Chul, Roy's Archon. With Adultery. (3, 20, 19, 11, 3, 9, 4)

    Someone help me. In better hopes, I tried again. OH boy.

    Bandit King, Crystal, The Snarl. (2, 19, 7, 6, 10)

    Someone try to write these. I DARE you. Because I just can't.

  13. - Top - End - #133
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    Why does everyone get these insane ones. I always get tame ones, like BelkarxWanda Firebaugh.
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  14. - Top - End - #134
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    BlackDragon

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril Taru View Post
    Time for some necromancy!

    Inspired by this post in the "Vaarsuvius and Xykon Speculation" thread.
    Blame him.

    Spoiler
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    Xykon didn't show it - he wasn't one to let his mannerisms reflect his thoughts, unless of course he wanted them too - but this elf fascinated him. There was something about the sheer arrogance and foolishness of the wizard that drew him to the elf. He wanted to hurt the elf, yes, but his finger bones twitched at the thought of touching that soft skin as he ripped it apart, seeing up close those delicate feature twist with pain.

    He effortlessly hurled the crumbling section of wall from the battered elf who now lay powerless and dazed and grabbed it by the front of its cloak, pulling its prone form from the floor like a rag doll. He wrapped bony fingers around its slender neck. He could feel its rapid pulse. He squeezed.

    The elf, coming back to its senses raised an arm, tried vainly to push him away. The sensation of its slender fingers against his bones was electrifying. He didn't let go, but relished in the feel of the elf's windpipe as it splintered, delighted in the soft muffled gasp of pain. Finally he felt the pulse beneath his fingers slow, the body go limp, the fragile life diminish.

    Xykon let the elf's body fall back to the ground, and then glanced over to the caged paladin, who was rattling one of the bars of his cage futilely.

    He looked back at the elf.

    In death its features looked no less troubled; blood caked it's face and matted it's hair, it's slender upturned nose was bent, shattered; one eye was swollen shut. But it was still mesmerizing. And it would be a shame to let the body go to waste: he leant down, delicately placing a hand on each side of that slender face. "Create Greater Undead."

    The undead elf opened softly glowing eyes, it's skin took on a greenish tint. To Xykon, in undeath it was only more beautiful. Xykon looked over to the paladin, who had sunk back onto the floor of the cage in despair.

    "Letís go somewhere more... private."
    the lich mused, looking back on the undead elf as it rose to its feet.

    "Yes, master."
    Wait doesn't create greater undead make a free willed undead?

  15. - Top - End - #135
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Quote Originally Posted by Exterminatus View Post
    Wait doesn't create greater undead make a free willed undead?
    That makes the story all the more disturbing.

  16. - Top - End - #136
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Y'know, nothing on this thread made me want to tear my eyes out. But then I was looking though the archive, and I realised Tsukiko is carrying a little stuffed Xykon doll in 653. And it weirded me out.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  17. - Top - End - #137
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    The Dark Fiddler's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Minion992929 View Post
    Where's Harry Potter and Battlestar Galactica? You have to go all the way.
    This makes me think... should we add more franchises to it?
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  18. - Top - End - #138
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    Quote Originally Posted by Exterminatus View Post
    Wait doesn't create greater undead make a free willed undead?
    Entirely intentional.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  19. - Top - End - #139
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    BlackDragon

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril Taru View Post
    Entirely intentional.
    Excuse me while I visit the nearby bleach dispenser.

  20. - Top - End - #140
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Give me a couple days and I'll see how I can make Male Tsukiko and Roy with police uniforms work in a short fanfic.

    Actually make it tomorrow or the day after. I also rolled up a Celia x TiVo unrequited love story.
    Last edited by SaintRidley; 2009-07-03 at 02:46 AM.

  21. - Top - End - #141
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Ansom, Miko, Lien, Eye of Fear and Flame, Durkon under the Effects of Thor's Might, Vinnie Doombats, Twolls

    And... something to PG-13 to mention on these boards... I'm scared.

  22. - Top - End - #142
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Ansom and Miko were born for each other. And the girls love Vinnie, he can be terribly charming. Everything else... Not so much.

    This replaces the Erfworld unit table
    Spoiler
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    This is so optional there aren't even words for it. Do not touch unless you intend to write!
    I tried to use characters most people on these boards would be familiar with.
    Spoiler
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    Other random character table
    1 Harry Potter (Harry Potter)
    2 JD (Scrubbs)
    3 Edward Cullen (Twilight)
    4 Frodo+Samwise (Lord Of The Rings)
    5 Raistlin Majere (Dragonlance)
    6 Drizzt Do'Urden (Forgotten Realms)
    7 Darth Vader (Star Wars)
    8 The Joker (Batman)
    9 The Emperor (Star Wars)
    10 Optimus Prime (Transformers)
    11 Wolverine (Marvel Comics)
    12 The tellitubbies (The tellitubbies)
    13 James Bond (James Bond)
    14 Indiana Jones (Indiana Jones)
    15 Conan The Barbarian (Conan)
    16 Spock (star treck)
    17 BA (The A team [Mr T])
    18 roll twice
    19 Roll four times
    20 President Obama

    Warning, the sheer abuse to anything resembling literature is likely to warp the very space time continuum!

    Edward Cullen, Harry Potter, Raistlin Majere and Xykon. Also Tsukiko, and Lien, and the cliffport chief of police. Stanley the Tool.
    Needs more. Winston Churchill.
    Now the contrived premise.
    Police uniform. French maid outfit.
    Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-07-03 at 03:56 AM.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  23. - Top - End - #143
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minion992929 View Post
    Edward Cullen, Harry Potter, Raistlin Majere and Xykon. Also Tsukiko, and Lien. Stanley the Tool.
    Needs more. Winston Churchill.
    Now the contrived premise.
    American Highschool setting.
    Now you've posted it, you're contractually obliged to write it!
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  24. - Top - End - #144
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    I know. It will take me a while.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  25. - Top - End - #145
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    *Sits back to wait*

    *Twiddles thumbs*

    *Refreshes thread*
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  26. - Top - End - #146
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    Fine. I'll do it.
    But you do one too.
    Maybe not about that group though.
    Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-07-03 at 03:54 AM.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  27. - Top - End - #147
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    I already did an V x Xykon one. I get a break until after someone else posts one, or until someone suggests an idea so disturbing I have to write it to get it out of my head.

    *hint*

    I wouldn't mind drawing something though...
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-07-03 at 04:01 AM.
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  28. - Top - End - #148
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    here we go then. But only because you asked so nicely.
    The Epic of more crack then should be allowed to exist.
    Spoiler
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    Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill awoke slowly, blinking his bleary eyes. He seemed to be on a beach, though which beach it was difficult to say. Wherever he was it certainly wasn't beloved England. There were no signs of habitation. Grumbling in protest, he pushed himself to his feet, taking his cane he began to walk down.
    "There he is." said a voice, somehow deep and whiny all at once. "Oh Titans no, this isn't right. I shoulda stuck with that boopin idiot I got before."
    "What do you mean?" Churchill asked, staring around in shock, then finally looking down to see a round faced man staring up at him. The man was dressed in antique amour, strangely colored, and clutching a gigantic toy hammer. At first he took him to be a child, then some sort of dwarf, but he noted the proportions were all wrong. What was this person?
    "I mean, I shoulda got the best casters eva, and the best general too. Instead I get a..."
    "Who the devil are you?" Churchill explained, his face contorting in shock.
    To his surprise, the small man (if that's what he was)
    smiled in a way vaguely reminiscent of a predetor.
    "I'm the one who'll you'll be taking orders from." He sneered. The effect was rather ruined by a few pops behind him.
    The fist figure to appear was a gawky kin, skinny and untidy with a prominent scar on his forehead and what appeared to be a dress. The next was a tall, white haired man, golden skinned and dressed in a black velvet robe vaguely reminiscent of a friar.
    "Damn it! I knew we should have tried broomsticks! Now what... Where am I."
    The golden skin man turned to look at the boy who spoke. "I was hoping you could tell me. It's just as well I wasn't hoping very hard, judging by the look of you."
    The short man's grin was beginning to slide. They looked like casters, but he didn't see any stats...
    "Hey! I'll have you know that..."
    "Shut up." The man in the robes hissed, and the boys protestations vanished.
    Stanley shrugged. He'd make do.
    "Right. I'm your boss, you work for me. First step is getting back to..."
    The man in the robe glared at him, his eyes widening so alarmingly Stanley felt his mouth dry.
    "Do not presume to consider me your equal."
    Stanley nodded, gulping.

    "So why are we flying, boss?"
    "While Redcloak pulls his head out of his arse and starts being useful, I'm going to track down that bloody elf and knock it down. Then I am going to kill it's family, everyone it ever cared about and drown it in their blood. Then I'll reanimate so I can do it again. Then I'll summon a demon so it can invent new ways of causing pain so I can try it out on the Paladin."
    Tsukiko's eyes were clouding with something, and her lips were parted. She licked them a few times, but seemed enraptured to the lich's every word.
    "And then," Xykon continued, seemingly unaware as they flew towards the signal "I'm going to get started on the good stuff."

    "So I am to understand that you tried to get the perfect leader and caster combination to win a war of some sort? Using magic?" Churchill said. He wanted to protest that magic did not exist, but was enough a realist to know that what be pointless and not helpful.
    Stanley nodded.
    "Well send me back." The dark robed man hissed.
    Stanley shook his head. "Hey, wherever the hell I am, it's not Efdup. I don't even know how to get myself back."
    The boy opened his mouth to speak, but the black robed man silenced him with a glare.
    "Hello, any chance you could give me directions?" Said a pleasantly tenor voice. "An attractive man walked towards the group, his skin glimmering as though he had hundreds of crystals embedded in his skin.
    "Great." Stanley said, rubbing his brow. "Another stupid one."

    "Hinjo, who are those people on the beach?" Asked Lien. She was wearing the one outfit that had remained in her cabin, a french maid outfit.
    Hinjo shrugged. He had oficially given up trying to make sense of the world. All he'd wanted in life was to be given the opportunity to rule the city as his uncle had, but had been pushed from occurrence to occurrence until he'd given up.
    "I don't know." He admitted. "But we should probably find out."
    Spoiler
    Show

    "Ooooh, dibs on the sparkley one."
    "Too bad. Their all mine."
    With that Xykon landed amidst the gathered crowd, his hands flaring up with dark energy. "Right. I don't kow who you are, nor do I care. But there is only one way this is going down, and..." He was interrupted by the boy, who drew a short stick and said in a clear, ringing voice "Stupefy.
    The stick emitted a beam of pure energy that bounced harmlessly of the lich's skull. "Right. For that I'm going to stick your little toy where the sun don't shine." Xykon growled, advancing on Harry, who quickly backed away.
    Lien took Hinjo's spare katana and advanced on the skeletal sorcerer, only to find herself yanked behind by a strong hand. "With hat." whispered a bald, mustachioed man "all things are possible. Hate, and the blessings of dark gods of vengeance!"
    Stanley laughed insanely and brandished his toy hammer.
    Finally Raistlin could take it no more. "Epic Permanent Mass dominate monster." He said. Every one stopped and looked at him. "Do something equally pathetic." He snarled.
    With that they all began fondling and touching each other. Raistlin shook his head and started to walk away. Pathetic.

    Edward ran. He'd been running since the skeleton had arrived. He had to get out of this, this...
    "Hi." Said a voice, and he felt a delicate hand slap him on the bum. "Your cute. Lets play." He turned to see a dark clad girl around Bella's age, with pigtails, a delicate face, a slim, almost boyish build who was wiggling her hips suggestively.
    He flushed. "I'm... I'm sorry, but you see I'm kind of, kind..."
    "Oh, your making a mistake, that wasn't a request." he girl said. Her eyes glowed. "Dominate person."

    This bit is not explicit, but it's close.
    Spoiler
    Show

    Harry felt Stanley crawling on top of him and starting to kiss him. Stanley started to kiss down along his jawline, and he soon got down to his neck. He started to bite and suck on one particular spot, and it made Harry moan. Stanley knew how to make the man beg, and he fully intended to do it. He loved having power over other people. He loved controling every aspect of their life. And he especially loved marking them as his property, via actualities, intimidation, or, failing that, the hickeys and love bites that he gave him.

    He kept sucking and biting on one spot until he had made a fairly big bruise there. He looked down at it and smiled. He licked it once more before he moved back up to his mouth to give him a forceful kiss. He bit Harry's tongue as it slithered into his mouth, and the wizard gave a moan as his hands searched for the clasps in Stanley's amour. At last finding them he released the clasps, running his fingers through the man's hairy chest, delighting at the feel.

    Off to the side, Hinjo and the chief of Police were pawing at each others clothing, the older man rubbing his hands on the lean muscles on Hinjo's torso. The chief of police tasted of smoke and sweat and beer, while Hinjo was like fine southern wine. Nibbling on his lovers lower lip The older man started to leave scratch marks down Hinjo's back as he tried to pull him closer, his hips bucking unconsciously. The Police chief began to slide his hand lower.

    Lien shrieked and moaned in a bizarre parody of lust as Xykon puppeted her body, his mastery over magic more then offsetting his lack of physical capabilities. Surprisingly, he was enjoying this. When the spell wore off he and Tsukiko would have a lot to talk about. If, you know, they found time to talk. Lien shrieked as she climaxed again, and was panting heavily, but Xykon would not relent. Manipulating her through the motions again and again.

    Raistlin looked up. They were disrupting him again. Fine, he didn't care. He didn't need to save his magic anymore, did he? Calling down fire from the sky he left them to burn to death, leaving only charred ashes behind.

    Tsukiko was glaring at the vampire, who had a sheepish expression on his face. "Come on. That was like twenty seconds. What the hell. Have you ever done this before?"
    "Ah... I have now?"
    "You are the biggest disgrace to your species." She sneered. "Cure serious wounds."
    Edward collapsed into dust.

    "Tsukiko?" Said Xykon, his bones blackened and his robes burned off his body. "We need to talk."


    I didn't really use Winston. Ah well.
    Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-07-03 at 04:59 AM.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  29. - Top - End - #149
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    That was both horrifically amazing and amazingly horrifying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Minion992929 View Post
    I didn't really use Winston. Ah well.
    It's probably for the best.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-07-03 at 05:04 AM.
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  30. - Top - End - #150
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Now you do something.
    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril Taru View Post
    That was both horrifically amazing and amazingly horrifying.
    That's what I was trying for.
    Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-07-03 at 05:06 AM.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

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