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Thread: Chuck Norris

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    Default Chuck Norris

    Chuck Norris

    Medium Humanoid
    Hit Dice: -
    Initiative: -
    Speeds: 30ft, kill
    Armor Class: -
    Base Attack/Grapple: -
    Attack: Roundhouse kick
    Full Attack: Roundhouse kick
    Space/reach: 5ft/5ft
    Special attacks: Punch the ground, vorpal crush, knife shooting, glare, retributive strike
    Special qualities: Awesomeness, desending from the heavens, tears of an angel, beard of the holy, regeneration infinity, restful state, infinite count, reversed adjectives, there is only chuck, unstoppable forces, immovable objects, true seeing, who believes in that, literal unarmed strike, win, mastery of all, rule -1
    Saves: -
    Skills: -
    Abilities: -
    Feats: -
    Enviroment: Any
    Organization: Unique
    Challenge Rating: -
    Treasure: None
    Alignment: True Neutral
    Advancement: None needed
    Level Adjustment: -

    Languages
    Chuck Norris can read and speak all languages. Including Braille.

    All of Chuck Norris's abilities are extraordinary.

    Awesomeness
    Any statistic with an - is automatically assumed to be infinityinfinity, or the best they can be. This includes, for example, all feats that he desires. Also, he does not automatically fail at a task or action on a natural 1.

    Roundhouse Kick
    An enemy hit by a roundhouse kick must make a DC Infinity fortitute roll, or die instantly. On a successful save, they still die. It's that painful.

    Punch the Ground
    Chuck Norris must jump down from any height to use this ability, and punch the ground as a standard action.. Anyone in the area takes 50d6 fire damage and 50d6 force damage, with no save.

    Desending from the Heavens
    Chuck Norris may instantly travel to the heavens, and desend from it as a standard action. This ability allows him to teleport to any place on any plane. After he desends from the heavens, he may do a vorpal crush as a move action.

    Vorpal Crush
    When Chuck Norris desends from the heavens, he may do a vorpal crush as a move action. Otherwise, it is a standard action. Chuck Norris must target a single enemy, and make an attack roll. On a successful attack roll, the target is instantly decapitated as a weapon with the vorpal special quality. This power even affects creatures immune to criticals, if they have some sort of a head.

    Knife Shooting
    If Chuck Norris wields any type of piercing or slashing weapon, he can shoot it at a single target. Chuck Norris makes an attack roll to hit the target, and if successful, the target takes 1d12 damage per hitdie they have.

    [/b]Tears of an Angel[/b]
    Chuck Norris tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris never cries.

    Beard of the Holy
    Chuck Norris's beard can stop bullets. This ability also grants a damage resistance of infinite/an oar.

    Regeneration
    Chuck Norris has Regeneration infinity, which cannot be bypassed.

    Restful State
    Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits. Because of this, he cannot ever be fatigued or exhausted, and never has to rest before preparing any spells he has or other similar abilities.

    Infinity Count
    Chuck Norris has counted to infinite. Twice. Thus, he knows everything there is to know, two times over. This does not require any type of roll, as it is instant.

    Reversed Adjectives
    When Chuck Norris jumps in the water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised.

    There Is Only Chuck
    Chuck Norris's abilities cannot be copied or mimicked by any source, magical or nonmagical, mortal or divine. Similarly, Chuck Norris can never make use of the psionic power Fission, the spell Body Outside Body, or similar copy effects, as this would cause the universe to implode. If someone attempts to copy Chuck Norris by any means, they instantly die.

    Unstoppable Forces, Immovable Objects
    Whenever Chuck Norris makes an opposed roll and ties the opponent, Chuck wins the tie. If Chuck ever encounters a similar opponent, with equally infinite stats, Chuck's stats are considered to be 1 pt higher in all respects.

    True Seeing
    Chuck Norris has true seeing active at all times. This ability even extends to nonmagical concealment, total concealment, disguises, and anything else Chuck Norris wishes to see through.

    Who believes in that?
    Chuck Norris does not believe in magic. He is surrounded by a divine anti-magic field with a one mile radius that can not be nullified or bypassed in any way by any being. Also, Chuck Norris may surpress any extraordinary ability in that field if he so chooses.

    Glare
    Chuck Norrisís glare is so intimidating that any creature who sees it must make a will save DC infinity, or die instantaneously. Chuck Norris is the only force capable of suppressing this power.

    Retributive Strike
    If anyone attacks Chuck Norris, even if they miss, Chuck Norris may instantly make a retributive strike as a free action, against that opponent regardless of if he can reach that person or not. A retributive strike is a roundhouse kick, targeted against the person that attacks Chuck Norris successfully or non-successfully, and ignores normal limitations for an attack.

    Literal Unarmed Strike
    If someone does manage to remove Chuck's arms, he still threatens because he's Chuck Norris.

    Win
    Chuck Norris can't lose anything. Ever. If challenged to anything, he wins. If he ever challenges someone to something, he wins.

    Mastery of All
    Chuck Norris doesn't obey the laws of physics, the laws of physics obey him. Thus he can do anything from getting McDonald's breakfast after 11:30 to roundhouse-kicking you from 3 planes of existence away.

    Rule -1
    Whatever Chuck Norris decides to do, he does. This overrules even Rule 0.

  2. - Top - End - #2
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    Reversed Adjectives (Ex): When Chuck Norris jumps in the water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised.

    And about roundhouse kick: If they make their fortitude save, they STILL die. He's Chuck Norris, remember.
    I cannot actually think of anything witty to say here.

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    Wizard: "I move the rock with the power of magic!"
    Psionicist: "I move the rock with the power of my mind!"
    Shadowcaster: "I move the rock with the power of Shadow!"
    Truenamer: "Asknsdfksdfhasdjfhsn!" *rolls a 5* "Blast! Not again."


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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    Where's his Sell Total Gym (Ex) ability?
    Flowers blanket all the countryside like freshly fallen snow
    I know the answer's waiting somewhere, as it was once long ago
    Do you wait to cross the river from the shores of shallow tide?
    And what will happen to your phantom if you reach the other side?
    ...Hear me crying...

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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    Pun-pun is better.
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    Tears of an Angel (SA) - Chuck Norris tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris never cries.

    Beard of the Holy - Chuck Norris' beard can stop bullets. This ability also grants a Damage resitence of 100k/-

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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    Quote Originally Posted by NEO|Phyte, Keeper of IRC
    Pun-pun is better.
    THE ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN OF ULTIMATE DESTINY: Pun-Pun Versus Chuck Norris!

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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    http://4q.cc/index.php?pid=fact&person=chuck
    Refresh to get new ones.

    Languages: Chuck Norris can speak all languages, including Braille.

    Regenerate 10, Chuck Norris can regrow an arm in 30 minutes.

    Chuck Norris cannot hide, but always succeeds on Search checks.

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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    Quote Originally Posted by Fax_Celestis
    THE ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN OF ULTIMATE DESTINY: Pun-Pun Versus Chuck Norris!
    Pun-pun

    Uses infinite reach and infinite attacks per round to crush Chuck Norris for infinite damage each attack. If needed (which I doubt), takes one of his infinite move actions to move infinitly far away from Chuck. Should Chuck try a Decend from the Heavens/Vorpal Crush combo, Pun-pun is handily immune to crits (and thus the effects of Vorpal), even if Chuck was able to hit his infinite AC. For added irony, Pun-pun gains Chucks abilities and used those to finish him off.
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    Restful state: Chuck Norris doesnít sleep, he waits. As a result he never suffers from fatigue and never has to rest before preparing any spells he may have.

    Infinity count: Chuck Norris has counted to infinity, twice. As a result he can instantly divine anything, ever. This ability doesnít require a skill check of any sort.

  10. - Top - End - #10
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    would chuck really need spells?

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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    He might pick up the practice out of boredom or something.

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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    Chuck Norris doesn't cast spells. He just tells reality what to do.
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    Quote Originally Posted by JackMann
    Chuck Norris doesn't cast spells. *He just tells reality what to do.
    So he's a psion

    Edit: more likely a truenamer actually
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    No. If anything, truenamers are Norris-like.

    (See Reversed Adjectives ability)
    J. Altum

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    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Chuck Norr

    First post updated with new abilites. And now, Pun Pun can't copy his abilities. Ha!

    Neither can wizards with polymorph or shapechanging. Ooops.

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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    You should make his stats infinity + 1, thus they are always better than Pun-Pun, who can only reach infinity :D

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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    Uniqueness: Call it There Is Only Chuck.

    Don't forget his one weakness: A grapple attempt by Gandalf the Grey, with Gandalf the White, the Black Knight, Benito Mussolini, The Blue Meanie, Cowboy Curtis, Jambi the Genie, Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston, Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan all giving Aid Another bonuses.
    Quote Originally Posted by GungHo, on Battletech
    The Atlas is also goofy but it has that whole "Stay Puft Marshmallow Man" menacing smile thing going for it. The guy who drew that one up was obviously taken to the Nutcracker when he was a child... and he was screaming in terror the entire time.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Enterti, Cogidubnus
    Glyphstone, out of all the playground I think you scare me the most...
    Quote Originally Posted by Zombimode
    Glyphstone, you are an evil person :D

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    Default Re: Chuck Norr

    Quote Originally Posted by NullAshton
    First post updated with new abilites. And now, Pun Pun can't copy his abilities. Ha!
    OK, so Pun-pun doesn't get the irony of Killing Chuck with his own abilities. Either way, Chuck looses.

    Quote Originally Posted by The_Glyphstone
    Don't forget his one weakness: A grapple attempt by Gandalf the Grey, with Gandalf the White, the Black Knight, Benito Mussolini, The Blue Meanie, Cowboy Curtis, Jambi the Genie, Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston, Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan all giving Aid Another bonuses.
    I thought it was an oar to the head? Thats what someone in a thread around here said IIRC.

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    Eldritch Horror in the Playground Moderator
     
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    ^Not according to the song.

    Unstoppable Forces, Immovable Objects: Whenever Chuck Norris makes an opposed roll and ties the opponent, Chuck wins the tie. If Chuck ever encounters a similar opponent, with equally infinite stats, Chuck's stats are considered to be 1 pt higher in all respects.

    There Is Only Chuck: Chuck Norris's abilities cannot be copied or mimicked by any source, magical or nonmagical, mortal or divine. Similarly, Chuck Norris can never make use of the psionic power Fission, the spell Body Outside Body, or similar copy effects, as this would cause the universe to implode.

    (TIOC replaces Uniqueness.)
    Quote Originally Posted by GungHo, on Battletech
    The Atlas is also goofy but it has that whole "Stay Puft Marshmallow Man" menacing smile thing going for it. The guy who drew that one up was obviously taken to the Nutcracker when he was a child... and he was screaming in terror the entire time.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Enterti, Cogidubnus
    Glyphstone, out of all the playground I think you scare me the most...
    Quote Originally Posted by Zombimode
    Glyphstone, you are an evil person :D

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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    Pun pun doesn't have infinite stats (Not for attack and damage, at least). Just unlimited stats. Chuck Norris does. Also, no one can defeat Chuck Norris except Chuck Norris, meaning Pun Pun must be able to defeat Chuck Norris before he defeats Chuck Norris, but he can't defeat Chuck Norris because Chuck Norris is undefeatable so defeating Chuck Norris is an impossibility.

    Edit: Simu'd
    "There is no quote"

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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    Don't forget about true seeing.
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    he has the ability to divide by zero!

    Like my Tompkintar?

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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Ross
    Pun pun doesn't have infinite stats (Not for attack and damage, at least). Just unlimited stats. Chuck Norris does. Also, no one can defeat Chuck Norris except Chuck Norris, meaning Pun Pun must be able to defeat Chuck Norris before he defeats Chuck Norris, but he can't defeat Chuck Norris because Chuck Norris is undefeatable so defeating Chuck Norris is an impossibility.

    Edit: Simu'd
    Funny, I would imagine that having infinite STR would lead to infinite attack/damage. but thats just me.

    As to the ability to win any tied result, I don't think Chuck is going to be tieing very many results, as Pun-pun has a couple sources of +infinite to stats that the Chuck block is lacking. This leads to Pun-pun having higher check results, as infinite^3 is greater than infinite^2.

    And for added craziness, It just occured to me that Pun-pun could whip up the ability "This creature counts as a Chuck Norris for all effects regarding Chuck Norris." Since this isn't one of Chuck Norris's ability, it doesn't get nuked by Chuck's abilities. Pun-pun can now 1) use Chuck's abilities, as he is clearly Chuck. and 2) Kill Chuck, as he is clearly Chuck. While this technically means that Chuck can kill Pun-chuck, none of Chuck's abilities that Pun-chuck isn't simply immune to can be enacted, as Pun-chuck is capable of staying out of attack range of all of Chucks abilities aside from Desend from the Heavens/Vorpal Crush, and Pun-chuck is immune to the effects of Vorpal.
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    Who Believes in That? (Ex) Chuck Norris does not believe in magic. He is surrounded by a divine anti-magic field with a one mile radius that can not be nullified or bypassed in any way by any being.

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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    Pun-pun's abilities are (ex). Those that aren't can easily be made (ex) if needed, but I don't think any of the ones I'm using so far are.

    Heck, even without doing that, Pun-pun simply manifests and throws a Mind Blade (a la soulknife), which can exist in such an antimagic field with a simple DC20 will save
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    Pun-Pun is literally unstoppable, i once saw a thread that had a way to beat Pun-Pun and it involved attacking him before he obtained any power....


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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    Guns Don't Kill People, Chuck Norris Kills People
    Because of Chuck Norris' fearsome reputation, everyone in existance must succeed on a DC inifinity^4 will save every day at midnight or be affected as per a Fear spell whenever Chuck Norris is within a two mile radius. Therefore, nearly everyone will be afraid of Chuck Norris and cower before him.

    [Edit:
    Guns Don't Kill People, Chuck Norris Kills People
    Because of Chuck Norris' fearsome reputation, every creature in existance with an Intelligence of 4+ must succeed on a DC inifinity^4 will save every day at midnight or be affected as per a Fear spell whenever Chuck Norris is within a two mile radius. Therefore, nearly everyone will be afraid of Chuck Norris and cower before him. This power supercedes any immunity to fear effects.]
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    Quote Originally Posted by LazyJoe
    Guns Don't Kill People, Chuck Norris Kills People
    Because of Chuck Norris' fearsome reputation, everyone in existance must succeed on a DC inifinity^4 will save or be affected as per a Fear spell whenever Chuck Norris is within a two mile radius. Therefore, nearly everyone will be afraid of Chuck Norris and cower before him.
    nifty, but Pun-pun is immune to fear effects.

    :edit: just noticed a change to one of chucks abilities. Thus it should be noted that even though Vorpal Crush can now effect even creatures immune to critical hits, Pun-pun doesn't die if he loses his head. Technically it simply deals him a load of nonlethal damage up to his max HP + 10, but Pun-pun is immune to nonlethal damage. In fact, He's probably mmune to every kind of damage
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    It wasn't directed at Pun-pun, just everyone else in the good Lord's creation.
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris

    OK, this discussion is irrelevant -- Chuck Norris has infinite ability scores. As such, he could use the Omniscificer route to BECOME pun-pun. Not to mention being able to use it at any point in time, because of the simple fact that the only person that could have fathered Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. As such, it is only logical to assume that Chuck Norris has the capability of time travel, which allows him to become pun-pun before pun-pun becomes pun-pun.
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