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Thread: Misheard spells

  1. - Top - End - #61
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    Default Re: Misheard spells

    Spay Living
    Necromancy (Death)
    Level:
    Clr 5, Death 5
    Components: V, S
    Casting Time: 1 standard action
    Range: Touch
    Target: Living creature touched
    Duration: Instantaneous
    Saving Throw: Fortitude partial
    Spell Resistance: Yes

    You can spay any one living creature in a genetically unbiased manner, neutering it completely; rendering it infertile, castrated and unable to ever conceive. You must succeed on a melee touch attack to touch the subject, and it can avoid eunuchood or maidenhood with a successful Fortitude save. If it succeeds, it instead takes 3d6 points of damage +1 point per caster level.

    Explosive Runs
    Abjuration [Force]
    Level:
    Sor/Wiz 3
    Components: V, S
    Casting Time: 1 standard action
    Range: Touch
    Target: One touched object weighing no more than 10 lb.
    Duration: Permanent until discharged (D)
    Saving Throw: See text
    Spell Resistance: Yes

    You trace mystic sigils in the air within vicinity of the victi...er, subjects. All within 60 feet of the magical invisible runes hanging upon the air suffer explosive diarrhea, pleading with their adventuring companions to find the nearest toilet, or suffer the wrath of a tempestuous brown storm.
    Anyone close enough to the runes, at least within five feet, does not receive a Fort saving throw and must empty their bowels immediately; any other creature within 10 feet of the runs is entitled to a Will or Fort save for half effect.

    The sigils may remain upon the air indefinitely, or until removed. You and any characters you designate as friendly can read the protected writing without triggering the runes. Another creature can remove them with a successful dispel magic or erase spell, but attempting to dispel or erase the runes and failing to do so triggers explosive diarrhea in the offender.
    To see the world in a grain of sand
    and Heaven in a wild flower
    To hold infinity in the palm of your hand
    and eternity in an hour.

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  2. - Top - End - #62
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    Planetar

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    Fayd invokes "The Thread Walk!"

    Not a spell, exactly, but I say it counts!
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  3. - Top - End - #63
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    Default Re: Misheard spells

    Quote Originally Posted by Amiel View Post
    You trace mystic sigils in the air within vicinity of the victi...er, subjects. All within 60 feet of the magical invisible runes hanging upon the air suffer explosive diarrhea, pleading with their adventuring companions to find the nearest toilet, or suffer the wrath of a tempestuous brown storm.
    Anyone close enough to the runes, at least within five feet, does not receive a Fort saving throw and must empty their bowels immediately; any other creature within 10 feet of the runs is entitled to a Will or Fort save for half effect.

    The sigils may remain upon the air indefinitely, or until removed. You and any characters you designate as friendly can read the protected writing without triggering the runes. Another creature can remove them with a successful dispel magic or erase spell, but attempting to dispel or erase the runes and failing to do so triggers explosive diarrhea in the offender.
    Please do not specify the game effects of explosive diarrhoea. Really, I do not want to imagine, much less hear, what they are.

  4. - Top - End - #64
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    Mage's Dysfunction
    Enchantment [Mind-affecting]
    Level: Sor/Wiz 3
    Components: V, S
    Casting Time: 1 standard action
    Range: Touch
    Target: Creature touched
    Duration: Permanent
    Saving Throw: Will negates
    Spell Resistance: Yes

    The target suffers from severe social dysfunction, suffering a -3 penalty on all Charisma-related skill checks.

    Irresistable Pants
    Enchantment [Mind-affecting]
    Level: Brd 6, Sor/Wiz 8
    Components: V
    Casting Time: 1 standard action.
    Range: Personal
    Target: Self
    Duration: 1 round/level
    Saving Throw: None
    Spell Resistance: Yes

    After casting this spell, the caster's pants become simply irresistable to those who view them, causing them to be fascinated for the duration of the spell.

    Vocal Components:
    "Chances are your pants are not as fancy as the pair /
    Of very fancy pants that Mr. Fancy Pants will wear!"
    Last edited by Jergmo; 2009-07-29 at 01:56 AM.


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    DM: "Sunder the wall?! WT**** kind of tactics are these!?"
    Me: The kind that armies have been using for millennia.
    DM: They didn't do it with swords!
    Me: Which makes us so much cooler.

    Player: Where are the babau in relation to everyone else?
    Me: They're right behind you. Vesil is covered in Loki's blood. That is their location in relation to you.
    Player: I was just wondering about a fireball.

    My Homebrew

  5. - Top - End - #65
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    a fun one i heard at a multi game , game(?)

    "I use Bigby's crushing HAM"

  6. - Top - End - #66
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    Bigby's interposing band.

    Conjures a full marching band between you and your enemies.
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  7. - Top - End - #67
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    Random idea after hearing Gooberry. Multiple plays on the same spell can't hurt, right?

    Good Barry
    Conjuration (Summoning) [Good]
    Level: Clr 4
    Components: V, S, XP
    Casting Time: 1 standard action
    Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
    Effect: See text
    Duration: 1 round/level
    Saving Throw: No
    Spell Resistance: None

    This spell summons Barry the Benevolent, a Neutral Good level 6 human cleric with the Healing domain, who will proceed to buff and heal all allied creatures for the duration of the spell.
    Last edited by Jergmo; 2009-07-29 at 08:22 PM.


    Spoiler
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    DM: "Sunder the wall?! WT**** kind of tactics are these!?"
    Me: The kind that armies have been using for millennia.
    DM: They didn't do it with swords!
    Me: Which makes us so much cooler.

    Player: Where are the babau in relation to everyone else?
    Me: They're right behind you. Vesil is covered in Loki's blood. That is their location in relation to you.
    Player: I was just wondering about a fireball.

    My Homebrew

  8. - Top - End - #68
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    A variation could summon a bardic incarnation of Barry White playing only his best songs... useful for seduction checks.
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  9. - Top - End - #69
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    Worse it could summon Barry Manilow!

    Debby
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  10. - Top - End - #70
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    ...What about spells that have the same name, but their effects are what is confused?


    Spoiler
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    DM: "Sunder the wall?! WT**** kind of tactics are these!?"
    Me: The kind that armies have been using for millennia.
    DM: They didn't do it with swords!
    Me: Which makes us so much cooler.

    Player: Where are the babau in relation to everyone else?
    Me: They're right behind you. Vesil is covered in Loki's blood. That is their location in relation to you.
    Player: I was just wondering about a fireball.

    My Homebrew

  11. - Top - End - #71
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    Malign Weapon
    Transmutation

    Level: Drd 2
    Components: V, S
    Casting Time: 1 standard action
    Range: Touch
    Target: Weapon touched or fifty projectiles (all of which must be in contact with each other at the time of casting)
    Duration: 1 min./level
    Saving Throw: Will negates (object)
    Spell Resistance: Yes (object)

    Say something unkind about a specific weapon. That weapon takes up to a -2 penalty appropriate to the remark for the duration of the spell.


    Analyze Dweamer
    Divination

    Level: Bard 2, Sor/Wiz 2
    Components: V, S
    Casting Time: 1 standard action
    Range: Touch
    Target: One creature
    Duration: Instantaneous
    Saving Throw: Will negates (harmless)
    Spell Resistance: Yes (harmless)

    Instantly understand the meaning of target's dream. Interpretation will be relayed to the caster in the voice of Elmer Fudd.


    Read Manic
    Divination

    Level: Bard 0, Sor/Wiz 0
    Components: V, S
    Casting Time: 1 standard action
    Range: Touch
    Target: You
    Duration: Instantaneous
    Saving Throw: Will negates (harmless)
    Spell Resistance: Yes (harmless)

    As read magic, but only applies to inscriptions written by those suffering from hypergraphia.


    Cause Bear
    Conjuration

    Level: Drd 9, Animal 9
    Components: V, S
    Casting Time: 1 round
    Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
    Effect: See text
    Duration: 1 round/level
    Saving Throw: No
    Spell Resistance: No

    Summons a bear.
    Last edited by Skyshot; 2009-07-31 at 02:49 AM.

  12. - Top - End - #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skyshot View Post
    Cause Bear
    Conjuration

    Level: Drd 9, Animal 9
    Components: V, S
    Casting Time: 1 round
    Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
    Effect: See text
    Duration: 1 round/level
    Saving Throw: No
    Spell Resistance: No

    Summons a bear.
    Wouldn't this be Cause Beer?


    Spoiler
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    DM: "Sunder the wall?! WT**** kind of tactics are these!?"
    Me: The kind that armies have been using for millennia.
    DM: They didn't do it with swords!
    Me: Which makes us so much cooler.

    Player: Where are the babau in relation to everyone else?
    Me: They're right behind you. Vesil is covered in Loki's blood. That is their location in relation to you.
    Player: I was just wondering about a fireball.

    My Homebrew

  13. - Top - End - #73
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    Kobold

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    Quote Originally Posted by Skyshot View Post
    Cause Bear
    Conjuration

    Level: Drd 9, Animal 9
    Components: V, S
    Casting Time: 1 round
    Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
    Effect: See text
    Duration: 1 round/level
    Saving Throw: No
    Spell Resistance: No

    Summons a bear.
    Alternatively, it doesn't just summon any old bear, but a bear with a cause. A bear wearing a funny hat, who is extremely devoted to forest fire prevention.

  14. - Top - End - #74
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    Methinks Cause Bear should be 5th level.
    Last edited by ericgrau; 2009-07-31 at 12:10 PM.
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  15. - Top - End - #75
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    Line Blank:
    Abjuration [Misspelled]
    Level: Librarian 8, Line 8, Protection 8, Sor/Wiz 8
    Components: V, S
    Casting time: 1 standard action
    Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
    Target: One creature
    Duration: 24 hours
    Saving Throw: Will negates (harmless)
    Spell Resistance: Yes (harmless)

    The subject is protected from all devices and spells that involve writing. This spell protects against all written text and effects caused by text as well as information gathering by reading any written article about the subject. Line blank even foils limited wish, miracle, and wish spells when they are used in such a way as to cause the subject to read or hear a reciting of any form of text or if the spell involves a written contract defining the terms of the spell. In the case of writing that deals with the subject and other people, everybody misses any reference to the subject or doesn't think they are important enough to warrant being mentioned. Attempts to write an article about that subject specifically cause severe writer's block and fail completely.


    There is text; just highlight!
    Last edited by Milskidasith; 2009-07-31 at 05:53 PM.

  16. - Top - End - #76
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    You left it as "Mind Blank" at one point...
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  17. - Top - End - #77
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    Default Re: Misheard spells

    Fixed.

  18. - Top - End - #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lapak View Post
    Alternatively, it doesn't just summon any old bear, but a bear with a cause. A bear wearing a funny hat, who is extremely devoted to forest fire prevention.

    yes, so devoted to it, he wants to stop the preventers (and yes, i know who your talking about)

    EDIT: another one i heard "I write on a piece of parchment 'i prepared IMPULSIVE RUNES this morning'"
    Last edited by almightyk; 2009-07-31 at 09:46 PM.
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  19. - Top - End - #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lapak View Post
    Alternatively, it doesn't just summon any old bear, but a bear with a cause. A bear wearing a funny hat, who is extremely devoted to forest fire prevention.
    Cause bear could also be used to summon Paddington Bear and Winnie-the-Pooh!

    I just thought of this one:

    Cause Bare
    Illusion (Glamer)
    Level: Brd 2, Sor/Wiz 2, Trickery 2
    Components: V, S
    Casting Time: 1 standard action
    Range: Personal or touch
    Target: You or a creature
    Duration: 1 min./level (D)
    Saving throw: Will negates (harmless)
    Spell Resistance: Yes (harmless)

    Any items worn or carried by the creature touched become invisible, vanishing from sight and the creature appears naked. Items dropped by the creature become visible; items picked up disappear from view. Anyone with true seeing can see the gear and items worn.
    Last edited by Debihuman; 2009-07-31 at 10:33 PM.
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  20. - Top - End - #80
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    @debihuman
    that reminds of durkon having to do a touch spell on nale, when he was "invisible"
    Last edited by almightyk; 2009-07-31 at 10:42 PM.
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  21. - Top - End - #81
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    Frightening Bolt
    Illusion [Mind-affecting, fear, misspelled)
    Level: Sor/Wiz 2
    Components: V,S
    Casting Time: 1 standard action
    Range: 120 ft.
    Area: 120 ft. line
    Duration: 1 round/caster level
    Saving Throw: Reflex partial, will disbelief
    SR: Yes
    "Holy crap! That was close!"
    The caster aims his splayed hand in an unnecessarily dramatic fashion and an illusory lightning bolt leaps forth from his fingers in a visually dramatic way, narrowly missing all caught in its path. Anyone caught in the line first makes a will save. Those who suceed recognize the illusion for what it is. Those who fail then make a reflex save as if the lightning bolt were not an illusion. Those who fail are frightened. Those who succeed are merely shaken.

    Righteous Mice
    Transmutation [Good, misspelled]
    Level: Cleric 5
    Components: V,S,DF
    Casting Time: 1 standard action
    Range: Personal
    Area: 100 ft. radius centered on caster
    Duration: Instantaneous
    Saving Throw: Will negates (harmless)
    SR: Yes (harmless)
    "In the name of Ehlonna, lady of the woodlands, go, my rodent champions, and slay the evil that plagues our land!"
    All rodents within the area of the spell gain the celestial template when the spell is cast.
    Hail Eris/All Hail Discordia/Fnord?
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    ...Kallisti, your table and poem skills are possum!
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  22. - Top - End - #82
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    Default Re: Misheard spells

    Methinks Cause Bear should be 5th level.
    Well...

    Moving on!

    Obscuring Mast
    Conjuration (Creation)

    Level: Clr 1, Drd 1, Sor/Wiz 1
    Components: V, S
    Casting Time: 1 standard action
    Range: 20 ft.
    Duration: 1 min./level
    Saving Throw: None
    Spell Resistance: No

    Creates a large ship's mast between you and one other creature of your choice. The creature cannot see you through the mast.


    Divine Flavor

    Level: Clr 1, Pal 1
    Components: V, S
    Casting Time: 1 standard action
    Range: Touch
    Target: One edible object
    Duration: 1 min./level

    Makes one food or drink taste really good. I mean really, really good. No, even better than that.


    Clam Emotions
    Divination

    Level: Animal 2, Brd 2, Clr 2, Druid 2, Sor/Wiz 2
    Components: V, S, DF
    Casting Time: 1 standard action
    Range: Medium (100 ft. + 10 ft./level)
    Target: Clams in a 20-ft.-radius spread
    Duration: Concentration, up to 1 round/level (D)
    Saving Throw: Will negates
    Spell Resistance: Yes

    Understand how all clams within range are feeling at the moment.


    No Direction

    Level: Brd 0, Drd 0
    Components: V, S
    Casting Time: 1 standard action
    Range: Personal
    Target: You
    Duration: Instantaneous

    You honestly have no earthly idea what you're doing.

  23. - Top - End - #83
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    Some ideas:

    Stay Living (slay living)
    Power Word: Grill (power word kill)
    False Light (false life)
    Fire Worm (fire storm)
    Lame Arrow (flame arrow)
    Fry (fly)
    Animate Dope (animate rope)
    Boarskin (barkskin)
    Mess Water (bless water)
    Brick (blink)
    Calm Emo (calm emotions)
    Snow (slow)
    Maid (maze)
    Mage's Word (mage's sword)
    Open nose (open/close)
    Rusting Grapes (rusting grasp)
    Wood Tape (wood shape)


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  24. - Top - End - #84
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    Planetar

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    I know this one isn't "misspelled" but I'm doing it anyway.

    Grapes of Wrath

    Summons an ancient angry elemental creature comprised entirely of grapes, which proceeds to slaughter anything with an evil alignment in it's immediate area.

    Alternatively:
    Epic spell: Grapes of Wrath

    Summons approximately 1/4 ton/caster level of grapes above the target's head, which fall and crush him/her to death. Does not allow a reflex save. Ignores evasion and improved evasion.
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  25. - Top - End - #85
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    Default Re: Misheard spells

    Just got a few more:

    Frog Cloud
    Haze Monster
    Cone of Old
    Kill Metal
    Changestuff
    Brain Lightning
    Obscuring Fist
    Animate Slope
    Alters Elf
    Mold Person
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  26. - Top - End - #86
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    This one happened to me today, and my dm just rolled with it

    Mordenkainen's Lubrication
    Conjuration (creation)
    Level: Brd 2, sor/wiz 2
    Components: V, S, M
    Casting Time: 1 standard action
    Range: Touch
    Target: Object touched
    Duration: permanent until cleaned
    Saving Throw: none
    Spell Resistance: No

    Casting Mordenkainen's Lubrication on an object treats it as affected by the grease spell, but the subject begins to smell nice, gaining -10 hide checks, and +10 on Escape artist or grapple checks.
    Material focus: A bottle of lotion
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    The Essence Seeker

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    I Am A Chaotic Evil Human Sorcerer/Rogue (2nd/1st Level)
    Ability Scores:
    Strength-13
    Dexterity-17
    Constitution-13
    Intelligence-19
    Wisdom-16
    Charisma-19

  27. - Top - End - #87
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    Mage's Word (Mage's Sword)
    Evocation (misspelled)
    Level:Brd 1, Wiz/Scr 2
    Casting Time:Standard Action

    Every target in range hears one word of your choosing. Every creature knows who sent the message.

  28. - Top - End - #88
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    What an amazing thread!

    I don't have a lot of time right now, but after reading through a small part of the PHB I found these ideas (with small explanations, I might do full spell descriptions when I have the time)

    Magic Jar-Jar
    Accidentally invoked by a stuttering wizard, summons a weird, large-eared alien that annoys anyone within a 20ft.-radius without end. Users beware, the original invoker of this spell has been unable to get rid of this nuisance. It has been several years.

    Animate Bread
    Brings a slice or loaf of bread to life. Extremely useful at parties, or when you're having yet another dull breakfast.

    Bark, Skin!
    Causes your skin to make barking noises whenever an unwanted guest or stranger comes within 30ft. of you.

    Bestow Nurse
    Particularly useful for the older mages of the world, summons a professional nurse to take care of the target for up to one day per caster level. The nurse may be visually appealing and tends to the target's needs, but will not do anything indecent if asked to.

    Cause Tear
    You cause the target to cry uncontrollably.

    Crone
    Rather than create a copy of yourself, it summons yourself when you'll be old and wrinkly! Works like a charm to get those damned kids off your lawn.

    Colors, Yay!
    Not unlike its original counterpart, summons a dazzling array of colors that makes the crowd ooh and ah with amazement. You just can't help but be enthusiastic about it!



    And in the category of spells that are not misspelled, but merely misunderstood:

    Chill Touch
    The caster's touch puts the target in a state of extreme relaxation.

    Mage Mark
    Summons a stuttering level 3 human mage named Mark. He is not particularly useful, as he is extremely annoyed because he constantly keeps being summoned and secretly wishes that his parents had chosen a different name for him.
    Sometimes brings his Magic Jar-Jar along if he has enough time, just to annoy the one summoning him.
    Last edited by Athildur; 2009-08-11 at 03:54 PM.

  29. - Top - End - #89
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    Default Re: Misheard spells

    Grope of Fire

    Causes 2d6 Fire damage. You don't need the details of how this occured, aside from that the Wizard in question had a bit too much to drink, and didn't live for long afterwards.
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  30. - Top - End - #90
    Troll in the Playground
     
    PirateGirl

    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Elemental Plane of Purple
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Misheard spells

    Grope of Fire is obviously a touch spell! I had an utterly tasteless spell rumbling around in my head, but unfortunately it is nowhere near "PC 13" appropriate as it is based on the spell, Floating Disk.

    Debby
    P.E.A.C.H. Please Evaluate And Critique Honestly. Being nicer and kinder doesn't hurt either. Note I generally only critique 3.5 and Pathfinder material.
    Please, please, please when using non-core material, cite to the books. There are too many books to wade through to find the one with the feat, special ability or spell you use.
    my creations in homebrew signature thread

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