Depression Thread IV: Read the first post or...

[Calmness]

bluewind95? Well, I like to think she is happy now, and doesn't actually need us, and that she is just having fun somewhere. But i'm usually wrong, so who knows, really. I just wish her the best.

[Serpentine]

Um <.< I looked Bluewind up. She's been online this week, talking about games or something. So... Yay!
Been online today, posted something a week or two ago. Unless that's a different Bluewind...

[togapika]

So I guess I should start by saying I'm a 22 year old Communication major in college, and I'm over 6 feet and weigh 130lbs. For starters for those of you that don't know, that makes me skinny, and I don't mean slightly skinny, I mean can somewhat see my ribs through my skin, would have to be put on appetite stimulants if I ever lost any weight skinny.
So I've been spending a fair amount of time with a particular girl recently and am confused as heck. Technically we're not dating, as I have had a lot of women in the past treat me badly, and thus I am very guarded around women. This person doesn't treat me badly at all, in-fact treats me like people should treat each other. Keep in mind that while I said we're not dating, neither she nor I are dating anyone else, nor are we actively looking.

My problem is that for whatever reason I'm not happy.

Now I can mention that one of my roommates thinks she's not attractive enough, and his girlfriend just thinks that she's not good enough for me. The main problem I have to deal with is her occasional mood swings, and her tendency to keep problems bottled up. I know that she is really interested in me, and she has even used the "L" word once or twice, although I don't count either of those times because neither time was when we weren't *ahem*
I mean, I have a job, and a place to live, and am even going back to school next semester when I thought I wasn't going to be able to due to lack of money thanks to my parents paying for things. I may even be getting money from the government due to my father having been in the military until he was rear-ended twice on two successive days, which to a certain extent impacted his memory and mental ability some.
I know there are many people out there who have less than I in terms of food or shelter or clothing, yet for some reason I'm just not happy.

[THAC0]

When you need to get out of a funk what do you do?

I have a suspicion that I am experiencing situational depression. Normally, I would combat this by running, but I am currently unable to run. I've managed to cut back alcohol consumption and am working on eating more fruits and veggies, but I'm still kinda messed up with not being able to run.

[Pyrian]

When you need to get out of a funk what do you do?

While I'm not above wallowing for a bit, when I need to actually get out of a funk I focus on accomplishing something worthwhile and get busy.

[Lappy9000]

So I guess I should start by saying I'm a 22 year old Communication major in college, and I'm over 6 feet and weigh 130lbs. For starters for those of you that don't know, that makes me skinny, and I don't mean slightly skinny, I mean can somewhat see my ribs through my skin, would have to be put on appetite stimulants if I ever lost any weight skinny.
So I've been spending a fair amount of time with a particular girl recently and am confused as heck. Technically we're not dating, as I have had a lot of women in the past treat me badly, and thus I am very guarded around women. This person doesn't treat me badly at all, in-fact treats me like people should treat each other. Keep in mind that while I said we're not dating, neither she nor I are dating anyone else, nor are we actively looking.

My problem is that for whatever reason I'm not happy.

Now I can mention that one of my roommates thinks she's not attractive enough, and his girlfriend just thinks that she's not good enough for me. The main problem I have to deal with is her occasional mood swings, and her tendency to keep problems bottled up. I know that she is really interested in me, and she has even used the "L" word once or twice, although I don't count either of those times because neither time was when we weren't *ahem*
I mean, I have a job, and a place to live, and am even going back to school next semester when I thought I wasn't going to be able to due to lack of money thanks to my parents paying for things. I may even be getting money from the government due to my father having been in the military until he was rear-ended twice on two successive days, which to a certain extent impacted his memory and mental ability some.
I know there are many people out there who have less than I in terms of food or shelter or clothing, yet for some reason I'm just not happy.

Well, you seem like you may have the same body proportions as me. Ah'm 6'3" and 132 lbs, of course, mine's partly due to a particularly nasty case of Celiac, but that's neither here nor there (hey, if it's any consolation, at least you can eat bread )

So, why do you think you're unhappy? What seems to be missing in your life? Personally, I rely on friendship, exercise, and most importantly, my daily prayers to my patron deity whenever I'm in a funk.

This girl, do you think you'd mix well? One of my best friends sounds a bit like that, although she isn't my type (I'm extremely laid back to her high-strung). Sorry there isn't a lot more I can say to make ya' feel better, although I'll keep you in my prayers.

[THAC0]

While I'm not above wallowing for a bit, when I need to actually get out of a funk I focus on accomplishing something worthwhile and get busy.

I think that's my problem... I don't have anything on tap to be accomplishing. The house is relatively clean, I don't have to go back to work for another month and a half, I'm already practicing my horn until my lips refuse to work... Can't cook more cause it's just me and I've got a fridge full of leftovers. Hrmmm.

[Lappy9000]

I think that's my problem... I don't have anything on tap to be accomplishing. The house is relatively clean, I don't have to go back to work for another month and a half, I'm already practicing my horn until my lips refuse to work... Can't cook more cause it's just me and I've got a fridge full of leftovers. Hrmmm.

You into writing? I like to spend my free-time working on my campaign setting and other D&D-related material (it also helps that I DM two games).

[THAC0]

You into writing? I like to spend my free-time working on my campaign setting and other D&D-related material (it also helps that I DM two games).

Not so much, and honestly my gaming has really fallen by the wayside lately. Partially due to circumstance, and partially... well, I guess that's part of my suspicion that I am, in fact, depressed. Fortunately this should all be resolved come August. Just gotta get to there!

[Pyrian]

I think that's my problem... I don't have anything on tap to be accomplishing.

That can cause symptoms of depression in itself. ...I have some difficulty imagining such a problem, I have more ideas on tap than I could ever complete in a single lifetime. ...Wanna paint a Warhammer 40K army!? Heheh. Without knowing more about your interests and such, I can't really suggest much, but surely you can think of some things if you put your mind to it?

What's happening in August?

[THAC0]

That can cause symptoms of depression in itself. ...I have some difficulty imagining such a problem, I have more ideas on tap than I could ever complete in a single lifetime. ...Wanna paint a Warhammer 40K army!? Heheh. Without knowing more about your interests and such, I can't really suggest much, but surely you can think of some things if you put your mind to it?

What's happening in August?

August, I start taking a class, work starts again, and I can start preparing for the husband to come home.

I'm taking your advice and trying to get myself focused and working on some curriculum planning. We'll see how it goes!

[Volug]

Let me get straight to the point down there in the spoiler V
But first, this may not be entirely on depression (though is "depressing" me to some extent), however there is no other place to put this sort of thing.

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I've decided to make this short after typing so much needless stuff...

First off, I've been sent to Hawaii for a month. Not for vacation, but for construction/working with my Uncle. That sort of work is quite hard for me as I have never in my life done such things as that, nor worked for so long at one time.

I'm getting home-sick, too home sick... I'm tired of my Uncle, his personality I can no longer put up with. I try my hardest and my best at working, however he comments on my slow-ness with such lines as, "You wouldn't put such low grade effort into this in school work? Why here? Do you need something from me to help you or compel you to work better?". He never yells or gets angry, he's always enthusiastic and speaks as such with cheer even if it's very apparent he's not happy about something. However this sort of thing annoys me, I can't take him seriously like that and it just makes me feel sick...

I know sometimes you have to do things, or be with people you don't like in life... However I just want to find ways to make this trip more live-able for me, no matter how much I try to make my parents proud, make my uncle happy by asking what I can do to help, I can't shake off this now horribly sickening home-sick feeling that came from my un-happy-ness of being here.

[V'icternus]

Well, I'm back, but this time I'm being depressed by something other than my general day-to-day family/life etc.

Celebrity death...

There are just some people who you never think will actually die, because they are legends. More of an image or a symbol than a person...
And so when these people die, it hits all the harder.

And so, it comes as no shock that when such a death happens, it can shake a person...
So now I'm feeling depressed.

Obviously, this is one of those "time heals" things, but I like venting now that I have a good place to do it.

[MountainKing]

Pyrian: In essence, I didn't do anything physically. I internalized everything and withdrew from the people I knew. I sort of... sequestered myself emotionally and mentally.

As for why it was bothering me (I'm feeling much better now; I talked it out with my friend, and generally took my mind off things), it just felt like my entire experience with women was nothing but a long train of mistakes. That alone is frustrating enough, but it also felt like I was being punished by someone close to me (again, the friend in question is also the ex-girlfriend who broke my heart in the first place, *and* whom I still love) for trying to make something right.

In the end, the reason she got upset (and she was right to be), was she'd had a bunch of BS drama come crashing down around her the night before, and she didn't want to deal with any more. She didn't want to open a new can of worms, so's to speak, by being the one between myself and the other girl, even if it was because she was trying to help me make something right. Ultimately, I agree with what you said; I'm not going to bring it up again, and just accept that the girl I hurt won't ever speak to me again, despite my intentions.

[KataraAltinaII]

brace yourselves, ladies...

Let me get straight to the point down there in the spoiler V
But first, this may not be entirely on depression (though is "depressing" me to some extent), however there is no other place to put this sort of thing.

Spoiler

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I've decided to make this short after typing so much needless stuff...

First off, I've been sent to Hawaii for a month. Not for vacation, but for construction/working with my Uncle. That sort of work is quite hard for me as I have never in my life done such things as that, nor worked for so long at one time.

I'm getting home-sick, too home sick... I'm tired of my Uncle, his personality I can no longer put up with. I try my hardest and my best at working, however he comments on my slow-ness with such lines as, "You wouldn't put such low grade effort into this in school work? Why here? Do you need something from me to help you or compel you to work better?". He never yells or gets angry, he's always enthusiastic and speaks as such with cheer even if it's very apparent he's not happy about something. However this sort of thing annoys me, I can't take him seriously like that and it just makes me feel sick...

I know sometimes you have to do things, or be with people you don't like in life... However I just want to find ways to make this trip more live-able for me, no matter how much I try to make my parents proud, make my uncle happy by asking what I can do to help, I can't shake off this now horribly sickening home-sick feeling that came from my un-happy-ness of being here.

ultimately, unless you're getting paid for a job, "the best way to get something done is to do it yourself". make sure your uncle is aware of that. [more importantly, it's "the best way to get something done your way is to do it yourself", but I'll save that for later]

as for the homesickness, that set in with me once, even when I was with all my family--we were just working at my grandma's far for a month or two.

ultimately, in my experiences, the best way to overcome homesickness is to find something that will keep you occupied and entertained. I also found that taking naps to kill time is also effective. Or, I just get out and take a walk. Anyone who knows me knows I'll pretty much suggest this for anything, but hey, I've found it effective, and I don't think that I'm unique. [am I? ]

just my thoughts. it might be worthless advice, but I tried.

Well, I'm back, but this time I'm being depressed by something other than my general day-to-day family/life etc.

Celebrity death...

There are just some people who you never think will actually die, because they are legends. More of an image or a symbol than a person...
And so when these people die, it hits all the harder.

And so, it comes as no shock that when such a death happens, it can shake a person...
So now I'm feeling depressed.

Obviously, this is one of those "time heals" things, but I like venting now that I have a good place to do it.

That's why I never put much faith in other people, let alone celebrities. Heck, even when Steve Irwin, The Australian Chuck Norris, died, it didn't shake me that much. Sure, I thought he was an awesome guy [he was, and is. anyone who says otherwise needs to go to an asylum for life]
Now, maybe I'm just a guy without a soul here, but I just can't see myself getting sad knowing that someone I've never even seen or met in real life has died. So, if viewed in a negative light, this could basically be seen as a really, really nice way of saying "buck up, soldier", but that's not really what I'm trying to get across.

ultimately, regardless of what anyone believes, death is just a natural aspect of the universe and everything therein. Always expect that this could be anyone's last day on the earth, and it'll be less distressing to know that anyone died.

Pyrian: In essence, I didn't do anything physically. I internalized everything and withdrew from the people I knew. I sort of... sequestered myself emotionally and mentally.

As for why it was bothering me (I'm feeling much better now; I talked it out with my friend, and generally took my mind off things), it just felt like my entire experience with women was nothing but a long train of mistakes. That alone is frustrating enough, but it also felt like I was being punished by someone close to me (again, the friend in question is also the ex-girlfriend who broke my heart in the first place, *and* whom I still love) for trying to make something right.

In the end, the reason she got upset (and she was right to be), was she'd had a bunch of BS drama come crashing down around her the night before, and she didn't want to deal with any more. She didn't want to open a new can of worms, so's to speak, by being the one between myself and the other girl, even if it was because she was trying to help me make something right. Ultimately, I agree with what you said; I'm not going to bring it up again, and just accept that the girl I hurt won't ever speak to me again, despite my intentions.

this sounds similar to the story of my brother. whilst I won't get into personal details of what he did [for the sake of his privacy] I can probably say the same advice that I said to him [he's my age--we're twins]

the best idea would be just to accept it and move on. Sure, it sounds sort of mean for me to say it, not having been in this type of position myself, but having known someone directly who has gone through similar pains, I've seen what it's done to him, and therefore that was the reason why I advised him to "move on".

I hope that didn't sound as rude as I feel like it does...

[MountainKing]

Don't worry mate, you're not being rude at all.

Ultimately, if I've learned anything at all, it's not the moving on part that's actually hard. The hard part is either not looking back, or looking back without focusing on the negative parts. Of the two, it's easier to do the former than the latter... but with the former, if you're not prepared for it to happen, and you can't look back without focusing on the bad parts... then you can get snuck up on.

Hindsight really *is* 20/20; the trick is to make sure you're looking at the right parts of the past.

[KataraAltinaII]

agred entirely.

it's human nature to emphasize the negative things and overlook the positive. [and Micheal HJackson comes to mind here... though that's off-topic]

best of luck to you either way, mate.

[arguskos]

Spoilered so you don't have to read it.

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So, today was horrific. Nothing really happened per say, but the weight of everything I'm dealing with just crushed me, to the point that I cried twice, once in the bathroom where no one could hear it (muffled with a towel) and once in bed, after everyone was asleep. Some tough guy I am, right?

I don't even know why I'm posting this. It's not like I am asking for help. No one could help, since the problem is entirely in my mind (****ing depression can go ****ing die). Why post this, right? I dunno, it helps me rest a touch easier knowing I can vent into the internet.

Tomorrow's a big day, lots to do and get yelled at over by my mother. Yay me.

[Matticus]

GAH. Thieves. That's not fair.

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iPod and knife stolen. Might be able to get them back; I've got a name, I've asked someone to talk to them about it. More updates later.

The reason I edited: Stupid friends.
A person I shall dub X, who rejected me blah blah, had unprotected sex at Whare Flat (massive pissup/drug taking festival) with her best friend. Fears pregnancy.
If you're afraid of that WHY MAKE STUPID DECISIONS!
I'm sitting here asking myself, "Why the hell do I bother with these people?" That stuff isn't me. Where the hell are the people I should be hanging out with? I can't be completely unique. There has to be someone, somewhere, with a nice, interesting, but sane and intelligent lifestyle I can befriend.

[Last_resort_33]

I need to play something, do something, think about something, mess with something, read or write something. If not then there can only be a chest wrenching sadness caused by nothing in particular.

You can't do anything, but while I'm writing this then I'm doing something...

[Niezck]

Feeling really crappy today, and didn't really know where else to put it, so here goes ...

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Well, every single time my brother comes home (he lives with his girlfriend right now, but comes back to grab school books and whatnot, as he's a teacher.) he feels the irresistable urge to engage me in atleast a ten-minute rant about how horrendously bad a person I am. Oh, and how I'm a total waste of space, how my life is pathetic, how I do absolutely nothing etc etc etc.

Now, this wouldn't be -so- bad, if he didn't come home atleast once a week. So, every single week I get told this, and every single week I simply blank him. Except now, that isn't enough, because blanking him simply makes him continue for another ten minutes about how I shouldn't blank him, because I know what he's saying is right, and I should listen.

It got to the point a few moments ago (He came back both yesterday, and today, and it turns out he's staying for the night both tonight and tomorrow - what joy this brings me.) where I was at the point of curling up in my bed and crying. I simply can't take this s**t anymore. I actually wouldn't be saddened if he just dropped dead. As usual, I'm not going to actually act on any of this, I never would, too afraid of things actually happening y'see.

Well, that's me I guess. Time to go back and "face the music" as it were, oh this is going to be a fun weekend ...

[KataraAltinaII]

my advice would be to tell him straight up what's what.

Tell him that you really don't give a crap about whatever it is he has to say, because he's not your dad. Tell him if he wants to tell you what to do, that he needs to become your parents.

Since he's not, he technically does not have any authority over him. Just get up and walk away. I've done it before, and it's effective. [just don't do that to your parents, kay? ]

But yeh, sometimes the most direct approaches are the most effective.

[Dogmantra]

Tell him that you really don't give a crap about whatever it is he has to say, because he's not your dad.

Even if he was, that's really not the sort of thing to be telling someone. I do agree though, next time he starts to lecture you, tell him to stop. If he doesn't, walk away. If he questions that, explain to him exactly how he's made you feel.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Niezck:

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You have a number of possible ways to handle your brother, and what I'm thinking is that you need to stand up for yourself without being confrontational. Mind you, it would be entirely too easy to devolve into an argument, so the self-control has to rest on your shoulders. The key is to keep your voice down; speak is careful, measured tones, and let him be the one to fly off the handle if it comes to it.

Ask him what bullying you achieves. Does it make him feel better about some deficiency on his part? Does it fulfill a desire for control over someone or something? Is alienating a family member a hobby he's always dreamt of engaging in? What if, in the midst of his obviously perfect life, things go awry and he suddenly needs you? Does he believe you'll come running after all of the abuse he's heaped upon you?

There's a difference between having a talk with someone about the betterment of their lives, and ranting to the point where the person being harrangued is motivated to do nothing at all. You say he's right? Okay, let's assume that I agree. You could be a better person, and be more productive. THAT'S how it should be approached. Not, "You're a horrible person and a waste of space." It should be, "You could be better," followed by, "and here's what I suggest you do." Not DEMAND...SUGGEST!

Do you play Chess? Does he? With the hopes that the answer if "yes" to one or both of you, throw him for a loop and say, "Let's go get some coffee, play a few rounds of Chess, and we can discuss how you think I could improve myself." The game, itself, enforces a degree of logical thinking, and can become a great forum over which to discuss serious matters.

Way back when, a friend and I sat down to a few rounds of Chess. On the debating table was whether or not he should get a PhD along with his MD. It was a HUGE decision for my friend, and he was completely conflicted over whether to invest the extra time, effort, and money into extending his education that much further. He was always very calm and decisive, and the fact that he was saying "I don't know what to do" sent the unspoken message that he was in utter turmoil.

I think we discussed the issue for two hours, and plenty of facts were mentioned. But what it came down to was the fact that he was being challenged. The chance to join the MD PhD program was a mountain he was being dared to climb. "Becoming a doctor like your father, and your brothers before you, would be 'good enough.' But if you don't even try to achieve the MD PhD, you will spend the rest of your life wondering if you could have pulled it off. It'll be the fact that you didn't even try that will haunt you, and that's why I'm suggesting you go for it."

Well over a year ago, he complained to me that the PhD wasn't worth it. Employers don't care if he has it or not; it doesn't make any difference in his salary. The truth is, he'd be smashing his head against the wall if he hadn't tried to get it. And he used to get a kick out of my calling him "a doctor of doctors."

Okay...a little sidetracked there...but the point is that life-changing, serious conversations can occur over a game of Chess. As I said, the game enforces a mode of thinking that is logical. Even though I relied upon the emotional part of him to make my point, it was arrived at logically, and wasn't a heated debate in any way.

If all else fails, during the game of Chess, simply swipe his king from the board and proclaim loudly so all within earshot can hear, "I will keep your king hostage until you decide to have a reasonable discussion of terms for his release!"

Me:

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June, the month of pure hell, is over, and with its end comes the realization that I've been adding an extra year to my life. I will not be 43 on the 9th...I'll be 42. Almost an entire year has gone by with me believing I was older than I actually am. And no one seemed to catch it. A common dialogue at almost every doctor I've seen this year.

Nurse: When's your birthday?
Me: July 9, 1967.
Nurse: And that makes you...how old?
Me: 42.
Nurse: Okay.

And she would jot down "42" on my medical records.

A recent chat with my step-mom had me insisting I'd be 43 this month. She was blaming her thinking I'd be 42 on her age and forgetfulness. No...It was me, actually having forgotten how many years I've gone around the sun. I haven't decided if I should be concerned about this error on my part or not.

Right now, my greatest worry is what I'm going to do with Nike if/when I move to NC. I have no one who can take her in. My brother's wife seems opposed to having a cat in the house...a declawed, fixed cat. I'm also not sure how I'm supposed to travel with her.

Years ago, when my ex Robin moved from NY to AZ, her two cats were sedated for the plane ride. I was there when a vet made a house call and sedated both cats. I can't actually afford to have a vet come by, and I'm wondering if the shot is something I can give...provided I can find a vet willing to hand over such meds to me so I can give Nike a sub-q shot...that is, I hope it's a sub-q shot. (Ooh! Maybe a vet can give me a tranquilzer gun! Then again, that's probably not smart. I'd probably go around shooting my neighbors.)

At least I had the presence of mind to buy packing tape while I was out today. Now all I need are boxes to start dividing up/packing my stuff.

*sigh*

What I need is Barbara Eden to stop by, fold her arms and blink, and everything would just be taken care of. Of course, I sometimes believe we should ALL have a hot blonde/blond in our homes that calls us "master" or "mistress."

[ArlEammon]

Anyone feel like Aiming me (City of Mutants maybe? :) ) Or talking in PM?

[Cheesegear]

Anyone feel like Aiming me (City of Mutants maybe? :) ) Or talking in PM?

I'd say my PM box is open. If you want to drop something by. But, without knowing whatever problems you're having, I don't actually know how helpful I could or would be. So I'm hesitant on taking on an 'unknown problem'.

How 'bout you just send one to me. And I'll see what I can say - or write, as is the case. If I'm entirely unhelpful, at least you've written your problems out and can now Copy-PasteFu to anyone who can help.

EDIT: I see that post was made more than a few hours ago. Mayhaps someone's already PMd you. In which case...Nevermind. Or, if they were unhelpful (or unresponsive ) you could try me.

[arguskos]

Spoilered so you don't have to read it.

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Feeling... depressed today. Nothing really triggered it, but I feel very alone right now (mostly because I haven't seen a human being since Thursday). The sad bit? I'm getting USED to being alone. That's... not right. I shouldn't be used to not having anyone to talk with, hug, or anything really. The internet is an alright aid I guess, but not much. There's something about face-to-face communication that's helpful and wonderful.

Bah, I'm just ranting and raving about stupid crap again. Ignore me.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Cheesegear, Armin was looking for me to log onto AIM so he could chat with me, but I didn't see his message until hours later. CityOfMutants = me on AIM. (Actually AOL, but I rarely log onto the web with it, as once AOL starts, it takes shutting down my computer to completely turn it off. It also tries to run about a dozen of its own programs, which slows my system down something fierce.)

Oh...and could someone slap arguskos with a goat, please. I'm too tired.

Those of us with various mental illnesses would probably love it if people would just call or drop by, but it sometimes happens that other humans have lives of their own. Thus, it's up to us to seek them out for company. Pick up the phone and call someone. Grab a Chess set and head for a cafe, set the board up, and then sit back and read a book. Someone is liable to come along eventually and offer up a game. (That last has been followed by other GitP members, and have met with success in having total strangers come along with whom to comminucate.)

Yes, it would be nice if people would just fall into our laps...ummm...or something akin to that, without it sounding dirty...but often, we need to go find humans to be around.

[arguskos]

Just said I was lonely today. Wasn't asking for sympathy, you know that Bor. Wanted to vent, so I did. Besides, I did call someone. Was nice to talk to someone, actually.

Also, please, not the face. I'm allergic to being hit in the face.

[Cheesegear]

Cheesegear, Armin was looking for me to log onto AIM so he could chat with me, but I didn't see his message until hours later. CityOfMutants = me on AIM.

That actually makes a lot more sense. I thought City of Mutants (Expansion to CoH/V?) was some sort of game I was missing out on. Imagine my surprise when Google told me squat.