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2009-09-01, 06:55 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2008
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- The Pits of Hell
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Nothin really i guess, i mean i have noticed a few cute girls i just dont know them really. I dont know if i am 'interested' in any as would it be fair for me to go out with them and not be 100% over my ex? It doesnt seem fair to them.
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2009-09-01, 07:01 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
It is perfectly acceptable to go out with people you're not sure you want to be with long-term. It's only if it goes on for a while and you don't own up to it that you might be guilty of leading someone on. Oh, and don't worry about whether you're over your ex, after all, dating other people is often one of the best ways to accomplish that.
"'Intelligence' is really prolific in the world. So is stupidity. So often they occur in the same people." - Phaedra
Pyrian's LiveJournal
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2009-09-01, 07:13 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2007
- Location
- Central Florida
- Gender
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2009-09-01, 07:18 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
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- The Pits of Hell
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
I feel like i am not giving all my attention and in a relationship it is sorta important. And when i tried going out with the one girl my friend told me it wasnt fair and i could see her point in it.
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2009-09-01, 07:29 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2007
- Location
- Central Florida
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. It's perfectly possible to have a great relationship that you don't expect to be long-term. Don't worry about what your friends think is fair. They are just as prejudiced as anyone, and they can't look at it from your point of view. Just do what feels right.
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2009-09-01, 07:31 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
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- The Pits of Hell
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2009-09-01, 07:45 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2007
- Location
- Central Florida
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
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2009-09-01, 08:00 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
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- The Pits of Hell
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
That sounds very poetic, and is very good advice. Thank You.
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2009-09-01, 08:08 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2007
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- Central Florida
- Gender
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2009-09-01, 09:10 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Giving all your attention isn't a relationship, it's an obsession, and obsessions are unhealthy, not good. A relationship absolutely should not absorb you completely, and if it does, that's a problem, because it means you're neglecting your family, your friends, your hobbies and interests, and any career/school/whatever other life you have.
It's a good rule of thumb that your spouse should be the most important person in your life, but even in that (most extreme) case they still shouldn't be the only person in your life.Last edited by Pyrian; 2009-09-01 at 09:11 PM.
"'Intelligence' is really prolific in the world. So is stupidity. So often they occur in the same people." - Phaedra
Pyrian's LiveJournal
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2009-09-01, 09:21 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2008
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- The Pits of Hell
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Pyrian i didnt mean it like that. I meant as in i will be thinking of my ex when i am with her and i have caught myself subconsciously comparing other girls to her which i know i shouldnt do. And overall it seems like she is always somewhere in my head and any chance she gets she pops up and i start thinking about her.
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2009-09-01, 09:35 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2006
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- 3 inches from yesterday
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Or you'll get over her and stop thinking about it.
I must say, the best cure I've found to thinking about an ex is to find the cutest or most attractive person in the room and think about them.Thanks Uncle Festy for the wonderful Ashling Avatar
I make music
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2009-09-01, 09:47 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2008
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- The Pits of Hell
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Good plan there cept then i realize i go to a private school (no clue how my parents are affording this) and they are all high maintenance (usually) and then think of how my wallet will suffer.
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2009-09-01, 10:15 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jan 2007
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Are you sure? I'm not convinced that you're not properly distinguishing between "normal" and "obsession" (as you keep arguing that blatantly obsessive behaviors are what you should be doing), and so that really seems to me to be your fundamental issue, here.
That's going to happen. If it's happening a little, it's perfectly normal. If it's happening constantly, it's obsessive, and the problem isn't that you're seeing another girl, it's that you're obsessing about a former one. Not seeing other girls is not the solution to this problem, in fact it's counter-productive. The solution is resolutely thinking of other things whenever the object of your obsession comes up in your head.
There are people who claim that you shouldn't compare others. Those people are unrealistic idealists. In reality it's essentially impossible; comparisons and contrasts will be made, whether you will it or not. What you do with such things is another matter. If its happening "subconsciously" (which, BTW, if it were true you wouldn't know) or rather at a low level of awareness, then it's perfectly normal. The important thing, though, is to keep it to yourself as a general rule. For example, "your hair is pretty" is okay, "your hair is prettier than my last girlfriend, unlike the rest of you" is not.
And it seems to me that you're throwing every excuse you can think of at us to explain why you want to keep it that way, by avoiding dating new women so you can continue to focus on obsessing about an ex. Every reason you've given for not wanting to date new women is essentially a reason why you should. The fact that you can't obsess about the new girl is good thing because you shouldn't obsess about a new relationship. Further, all the evidence that you're still obsessing about an old relationship are just more reasons why you should move on.Last edited by Pyrian; 2009-09-01 at 11:16 PM.
"'Intelligence' is really prolific in the world. So is stupidity. So often they occur in the same people." - Phaedra
Pyrian's LiveJournal
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2009-09-01, 11:46 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2006
- Location
- 3 inches from yesterday
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Cleaning out my wallet today, I found an old picture of my ex tucked away behind old bus passes. I think it was in there so I'd always have a picture of her. I'm not sure what to do with it. Do I get rid of it (being the only picture I have) or do I keep it? Is that creepy?Thanks Uncle Festy for the wonderful Ashling Avatar
I make music
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2009-09-01, 11:46 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2006
- Location
- Sydney
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
I am the golden shadow. I am the Ninja Chocobo
Avatar by me.
My other avatars.
The rest of my signature.
Spoiler
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2009-09-02, 03:24 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2006
- Location
- Esslingen, Germany
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
I say it's yours, so do whatever you want with it. Keep in mind that there's a risk that your current or future girlfriend will find that photo.
It's okay to keep stuff from former relationships around, as long as you don't take it out every night, look at it for two hours while constantly sighing and yearning for lost times.
A bit of sentimentality and nostalgia is a normal and very human indulgence. It's obsession that can get creepy, especially to current or future girlfriends.
While we're on the topic of dealing with exes... Can you describe, or think of, negative aspects of her too, that would possibly have driven you nuts eventually? What I think has helped me a fair bit in coping with my breakup is that I know it was inevitable, and nowadays I'm convinced it was for the better. (Pro tip - a guy who hates cleaning and thrives in chaos and a girl with OCD do not fit.)This signature is boring. The stuff I write might not be. Warning: Ponies.
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2009-09-02, 05:22 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2008
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- The Pits of Hell
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Now i am very confused and apparently very ignorant. Right now i just want to get thru this week of school as i have been getting more homework than i have ever before so i am a little swamped. Just need time to think.
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2009-09-02, 09:15 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
- Location
- London, Yewkay
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
theres nothing wrong with liking more than one person at a time
so you may still have feelings for your ex (im batting for that team BIG time at the moment), it doesn't mean to say you can't have fun (also batting for that team, BIG time).
The only time your feelings for someone should stop you persuing another is when you're still too unhappy about things. I'll let you be a judge of when "it still bugs me TOO much" is for you - everyone is different
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2009-09-02, 09:54 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2005
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
On the picture: It's your choice. I know people who had to destroy/get rid of anything and everything from their ex. I, personally, don't and won't do that. Partly because by doing that I'd be trashing stuff from three years of my life, including pictures from my thus far only trip to New York and my trips to Philly. And some pretty cool pieces of chainmail (the chainmail dicebag has made me the envy of all my D&D friends). I told Oz that unless HE wanted to get rid of video from when him and A were together, that he shouldn't do it just for me (which is why he mentioned getting rid of it, it turned out- which is sweet in a weird sorta way).
But I also have all the memoribilia (excepting the dice bag and earrings) somewhere in my closet. I actually don't even remember where, all I know is it's somewhere buried in my room. Every now and then I come across it and go nostalgic, then I get back to the real world. That's normal.
As the other person said, taking it out every night to pine over is not normal. First thing I did after the break up was actually shove the stuff somewhere I wouldn't find it for a while.
On dating other people while still not over an ex: I'm half and half on this. If you are still actively pining away over an ex, it's a bad idea for the OTHER person for you to get in a relationship. If you are wanting to be over the ex but it just happens that you still think about your ex on a regular basis, a casual relationship would not be out of line. I'd not recommend a serious one, but a fun one is definitely what the doctor ordered. It's what I did and worked wonders and is probably the only reason I'd ever do casual over committed again, since by the time I was getting past my ex enough to not think about him a lot I began wanting something serious (that took about 10 months though). I can honestly say that while I still think about my ex on occasion it's not a "Oh, I wish I was with him again" kinda way. It's an "Oh, I wonder how he's doing, if he's doing OK" sort of thing which I think is normal.
So go have something fun, just avoid the serious. And know if you loved the person, they'll probably never fully go away but that should in no way impede you from loving someone else again.Show me how pretty the world is
'Cause I envy the way that you move
Show me how pretty the world is
'Cause I want something a little bit louder
Show me how pretty the world is
'Cause you're brilliant when you try
Show me how pretty the whole world is tonight
-Matt Nathanson "Pretty the World"
Various Syka-Foxes done by the wonderful Ceika
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2009-09-02, 02:20 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2005
- Location
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
evil-frosty - You know, it's been about nine months since the break up with your ex. That should be long enough. Go ask a girl for a date, a single date, just to spend a little time with someone. If it develops into a second date, great. If you are worried about your wallet, try to think of something special you can do that is cheat and/or free (such as, if you can draw, offer to draw a portrait of her).
Oh, and if you find that you are having feelings for this new girl and your ex, that's okay. Just acknowledge that they are there and tell yourself that in time, if the relationship is good, your feelings for the new girl will grow into more healthy ones, while the feelings for your ex will dwindle to something more manageable.
If she ever asks, tell her. Tell her that, yes, you still have feelings for your ex, but you also have feelings for her as well, and between the two, that you prefer to have feelings for her. Because dwelling on your ex will only bring you pain, while continuing with a new relationship will hopefully bring happiness.
Good luck.1. Have fun. It's only a game.
2. The GM has the final say. Everyone else is just a guest.
3. The game is for the players. A proper host entertains one's guests.
4. Everyone is allowed an opinion. Some games are not as cool as they seem.
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2009-09-02, 03:25 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2006
- Location
- Esslingen, Germany
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Don't hate yourself for thinking about your ex. It's obvious and has been stated, I know, I just felt like repeating it.
This signature is boring. The stuff I write might not be. Warning: Ponies.
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2009-09-02, 03:29 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Xin-Shalast
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Hmm. Where/how does one go about looking for potential people to ask out anyway?
I'm just sort of blanking out on where a good change of scenery would be to meet new people in the first place.
And then the mindset, I've completely forgotten how to get into it. Or is it just activated by seeing an attractive member of the preferred sex and I shouldn't be thinking about that quite so much?
I must admit though. It would be nice to have someone to go to the movies with.
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2009-09-02, 04:18 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
"'Intelligence' is really prolific in the world. So is stupidity. So often they occur in the same people." - Phaedra
Pyrian's LiveJournal
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2009-09-02, 04:22 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Dec 2007
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- UTC -6
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2009-09-02, 06:55 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
- Location
- Oneonta Alabama
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Please close!
Okay, there is this girl, and she said British guys are "sexy" and, of course, I want to seem British now around her (that sounds kinda racist when you think about it) So, I want to know some British slang that people ACTUALLY USE
so . . . hit me with your best shot
This thread just makes me look like an assLast edited by Froogleyboy; 2009-09-02 at 07:07 PM.
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2009-09-02, 06:57 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2008
- Location
- Nottingham, England
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Re: Calling all Brits in the playground!
I think you just gave me an aneurysm...
Seriously... I'm dying...Last edited by Player_Zero; 2009-09-02 at 06:58 PM.
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2009-09-02, 07:01 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2007
Re: Calling all Brits in the playground!
What.
That is the most terrible plan ever.
(also it would be xenophobic if anything. British isn't a race)
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2009-09-02, 07:02 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2008
- Location
- Earth?
- Gender
Re: Calling all Brits in the playground!
Maybe it'd be better if you pursued some more, you know, traditional methods of flirtation rather than trying to gain a different accent. Because that is what you need to make slang work, the right accent. I seriously doubt 'seeming british' (however that works) is going to really up your chances. I mean, she presumably knows you aren't british.
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2009-09-02, 07:04 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
- Location
- Oneonta Alabama
- Gender