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  1. - Top - End - #301
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    GnomeWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

    Nothin really i guess, i mean i have noticed a few cute girls i just dont know them really. I dont know if i am 'interested' in any as would it be fair for me to go out with them and not be 100% over my ex? It doesnt seem fair to them.

  2. - Top - End - #302
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    Pyrian's Avatar

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

    Quote Originally Posted by evil-frosty View Post
    Nothin really i guess, i mean i have noticed a few cute girls i just dont know them really. I dont know if i am 'interested' in any as would it be fair for me to go out with them and not be 100% over my ex? It doesnt seem fair to them.
    It is perfectly acceptable to go out with people you're not sure you want to be with long-term. It's only if it goes on for a while and you don't own up to it that you might be guilty of leading someone on. Oh, and don't worry about whether you're over your ex, after all, dating other people is often one of the best ways to accomplish that.
    "'Intelligence' is really prolific in the world. So is stupidity. So often they occur in the same people." - Phaedra
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  3. - Top - End - #303
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

    Quote Originally Posted by Pyrian View Post
    It is perfectly acceptable to go out with people you're not sure you want to be with long-term. It's only if it goes on for a while and you don't own up to it that you might be guilty of leading someone on. Oh, and don't worry about whether you're over your ex, after all, dating other people is often one of the best ways to accomplish that.
    Exactly what I was going to say. Feel free to bounce back.
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  4. - Top - End - #304
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    GnomeWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

    I feel like i am not giving all my attention and in a relationship it is sorta important. And when i tried going out with the one girl my friend told me it wasnt fair and i could see her point in it.

  5. - Top - End - #305
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

    Quote Originally Posted by evil-frosty View Post
    I feel like i am not giving all my attention and in a relationship it is sorta important. And when i tried going out with the one girl my friend told me it wasnt fair and i could see her point in it.
    Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. It's perfectly possible to have a great relationship that you don't expect to be long-term. Don't worry about what your friends think is fair. They are just as prejudiced as anyone, and they can't look at it from your point of view. Just do what feels right.
    If you need D20 optimization advice or real-life advice, my PM box is always open.
    Quote Originally Posted by bosssmiley View Post
    Hail unto thee Jalor, First Favoured of the Carbonation Gods!
    Quote Originally Posted by Syka View Post
    I now confess my undying admiration of Jalor. You are a god amongst men for that surprisingly subtle use of Firefly.

  6. - Top - End - #306
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    GnomeWizardGuy

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jalor View Post
    Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
    I dont think i fully understand what you mean by this could you explain?

  7. - Top - End - #307
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    Quote Originally Posted by evil-frosty View Post
    I dont think i fully understand what you mean by this could you explain?
    Don't throw away a good option because it isn't perfect. Otherwise, the ideal of perfection is the enemy of every good but imperfect option you have.
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    Quote Originally Posted by bosssmiley View Post
    Hail unto thee Jalor, First Favoured of the Carbonation Gods!
    Quote Originally Posted by Syka View Post
    I now confess my undying admiration of Jalor. You are a god amongst men for that surprisingly subtle use of Firefly.

  8. - Top - End - #308
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    GnomeWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

    That sounds very poetic, and is very good advice. Thank You.

  9. - Top - End - #309
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    Quote Originally Posted by evil-frosty View Post
    That sounds very poetic, and is very good advice. Thank You.
    Thanks and no problem. Hope it works out for you.
    If you need D20 optimization advice or real-life advice, my PM box is always open.
    Quote Originally Posted by bosssmiley View Post
    Hail unto thee Jalor, First Favoured of the Carbonation Gods!
    Quote Originally Posted by Syka View Post
    I now confess my undying admiration of Jalor. You are a god amongst men for that surprisingly subtle use of Firefly.

  10. - Top - End - #310
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    Quote Originally Posted by evil-frosty View Post
    I feel like i am not giving all my attention and in a relationship it is sorta important.
    Giving all your attention isn't a relationship, it's an obsession, and obsessions are unhealthy, not good. A relationship absolutely should not absorb you completely, and if it does, that's a problem, because it means you're neglecting your family, your friends, your hobbies and interests, and any career/school/whatever other life you have.

    It's a good rule of thumb that your spouse should be the most important person in your life, but even in that (most extreme) case they still shouldn't be the only person in your life.
    Last edited by Pyrian; 2009-09-01 at 09:11 PM.
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  11. - Top - End - #311
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    GnomeWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

    Pyrian i didnt mean it like that. I meant as in i will be thinking of my ex when i am with her and i have caught myself subconsciously comparing other girls to her which i know i shouldnt do. And overall it seems like she is always somewhere in my head and any chance she gets she pops up and i start thinking about her.

  12. - Top - End - #312
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    The Extinguisher's Avatar

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

    Or you'll get over her and stop thinking about it.

    I must say, the best cure I've found to thinking about an ex is to find the cutest or most attractive person in the room and think about them.
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  13. - Top - End - #313
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    GnomeWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

    Good plan there cept then i realize i go to a private school (no clue how my parents are affording this) and they are all high maintenance (usually) and then think of how my wallet will suffer.

  14. - Top - End - #314
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    Quote Originally Posted by evil-frosty View Post
    Pyrian i didnt mean it like that.
    Are you sure? I'm not convinced that you're not properly distinguishing between "normal" and "obsession" (as you keep arguing that blatantly obsessive behaviors are what you should be doing), and so that really seems to me to be your fundamental issue, here.

    Quote Originally Posted by evil-frosty View Post
    I meant as in i will be thinking of my ex when i am with her...
    That's going to happen. If it's happening a little, it's perfectly normal. If it's happening constantly, it's obsessive, and the problem isn't that you're seeing another girl, it's that you're obsessing about a former one. Not seeing other girls is not the solution to this problem, in fact it's counter-productive. The solution is resolutely thinking of other things whenever the object of your obsession comes up in your head.

    Quote Originally Posted by evil-frosty View Post
    ...and i have caught myself subconsciously comparing other girls to her which i know i shouldnt do.
    There are people who claim that you shouldn't compare others. Those people are unrealistic idealists. In reality it's essentially impossible; comparisons and contrasts will be made, whether you will it or not. What you do with such things is another matter. If its happening "subconsciously" (which, BTW, if it were true you wouldn't know) or rather at a low level of awareness, then it's perfectly normal. The important thing, though, is to keep it to yourself as a general rule. For example, "your hair is pretty" is okay, "your hair is prettier than my last girlfriend, unlike the rest of you" is not.

    Quote Originally Posted by evil-frosty View Post
    And overall it seems like she is always somewhere in my head and any chance she gets she pops up and i start thinking about her.
    And it seems to me that you're throwing every excuse you can think of at us to explain why you want to keep it that way, by avoiding dating new women so you can continue to focus on obsessing about an ex. Every reason you've given for not wanting to date new women is essentially a reason why you should. The fact that you can't obsess about the new girl is good thing because you shouldn't obsess about a new relationship. Further, all the evidence that you're still obsessing about an old relationship are just more reasons why you should move on.
    Last edited by Pyrian; 2009-09-01 at 11:16 PM.
    "'Intelligence' is really prolific in the world. So is stupidity. So often they occur in the same people." - Phaedra
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  15. - Top - End - #315
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    The Extinguisher's Avatar

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator



    Cleaning out my wallet today, I found an old picture of my ex tucked away behind old bus passes. I think it was in there so I'd always have a picture of her. I'm not sure what to do with it. Do I get rid of it (being the only picture I have) or do I keep it? Is that creepy?
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  16. - Top - End - #316
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    Ninja Chocobo's Avatar

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

    Quote Originally Posted by afroakuma View Post
    Here's a quick one: Do any of you have "No" buttons that are an automatic turnoff, and what would you do if one was pushed during the relationship?
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  17. - Top - End - #317
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    Silfir's Avatar

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

    Quote Originally Posted by The Extinguisher View Post


    Cleaning out my wallet today, I found an old picture of my ex tucked away behind old bus passes. I think it was in there so I'd always have a picture of her. I'm not sure what to do with it. Do I get rid of it (being the only picture I have) or do I keep it? Is that creepy?
    I say it's yours, so do whatever you want with it. Keep in mind that there's a risk that your current or future girlfriend will find that photo.

    It's okay to keep stuff from former relationships around, as long as you don't take it out every night, look at it for two hours while constantly sighing and yearning for lost times.

    A bit of sentimentality and nostalgia is a normal and very human indulgence. It's obsession that can get creepy, especially to current or future girlfriends.

    While we're on the topic of dealing with exes... Can you describe, or think of, negative aspects of her too, that would possibly have driven you nuts eventually? What I think has helped me a fair bit in coping with my breakup is that I know it was inevitable, and nowadays I'm convinced it was for the better. (Pro tip - a guy who hates cleaning and thrives in chaos and a girl with OCD do not fit.)
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  18. - Top - End - #318
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    GnomeWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

    Now i am very confused and apparently very ignorant. Right now i just want to get thru this week of school as i have been getting more homework than i have ever before so i am a little swamped. Just need time to think.

  19. - Top - End - #319
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    xPANCAKEx's Avatar

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

    theres nothing wrong with liking more than one person at a time

    so you may still have feelings for your ex (im batting for that team BIG time at the moment), it doesn't mean to say you can't have fun (also batting for that team, BIG time).

    The only time your feelings for someone should stop you persuing another is when you're still too unhappy about things. I'll let you be a judge of when "it still bugs me TOO much" is for you - everyone is different
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  20. - Top - End - #320
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

    On the picture: It's your choice. I know people who had to destroy/get rid of anything and everything from their ex. I, personally, don't and won't do that. Partly because by doing that I'd be trashing stuff from three years of my life, including pictures from my thus far only trip to New York and my trips to Philly. And some pretty cool pieces of chainmail (the chainmail dicebag has made me the envy of all my D&D friends). I told Oz that unless HE wanted to get rid of video from when him and A were together, that he shouldn't do it just for me (which is why he mentioned getting rid of it, it turned out- which is sweet in a weird sorta way).

    But I also have all the memoribilia (excepting the dice bag and earrings) somewhere in my closet. I actually don't even remember where, all I know is it's somewhere buried in my room. Every now and then I come across it and go nostalgic, then I get back to the real world. That's normal.

    As the other person said, taking it out every night to pine over is not normal. First thing I did after the break up was actually shove the stuff somewhere I wouldn't find it for a while.


    On dating other people while still not over an ex: I'm half and half on this. If you are still actively pining away over an ex, it's a bad idea for the OTHER person for you to get in a relationship. If you are wanting to be over the ex but it just happens that you still think about your ex on a regular basis, a casual relationship would not be out of line. I'd not recommend a serious one, but a fun one is definitely what the doctor ordered. It's what I did and worked wonders and is probably the only reason I'd ever do casual over committed again, since by the time I was getting past my ex enough to not think about him a lot I began wanting something serious (that took about 10 months though). I can honestly say that while I still think about my ex on occasion it's not a "Oh, I wish I was with him again" kinda way. It's an "Oh, I wonder how he's doing, if he's doing OK" sort of thing which I think is normal.

    So go have something fun, just avoid the serious. And know if you loved the person, they'll probably never fully go away but that should in no way impede you from loving someone else again.
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  21. - Top - End - #321
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

    evil-frosty - You know, it's been about nine months since the break up with your ex. That should be long enough. Go ask a girl for a date, a single date, just to spend a little time with someone. If it develops into a second date, great. If you are worried about your wallet, try to think of something special you can do that is cheat and/or free (such as, if you can draw, offer to draw a portrait of her).

    Oh, and if you find that you are having feelings for this new girl and your ex, that's okay. Just acknowledge that they are there and tell yourself that in time, if the relationship is good, your feelings for the new girl will grow into more healthy ones, while the feelings for your ex will dwindle to something more manageable.

    If she ever asks, tell her. Tell her that, yes, you still have feelings for your ex, but you also have feelings for her as well, and between the two, that you prefer to have feelings for her. Because dwelling on your ex will only bring you pain, while continuing with a new relationship will hopefully bring happiness.

    Good luck.
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  22. - Top - End - #322
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

    Don't hate yourself for thinking about your ex. It's obvious and has been stated, I know, I just felt like repeating it.
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  23. - Top - End - #323
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    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

    Hmm. Where/how does one go about looking for potential people to ask out anyway?

    I'm just sort of blanking out on where a good change of scenery would be to meet new people in the first place.

    And then the mindset, I've completely forgotten how to get into it. Or is it just activated by seeing an attractive member of the preferred sex and I shouldn't be thinking about that quite so much?

    I must admit though. It would be nice to have someone to go to the movies with.
    Last edited by Coidzor; 2009-09-02 at 03:31 PM.
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  24. - Top - End - #324
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    Pyrian's Avatar

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    Where/how does one go about looking for potential people to ask out anyway?
    A congregation of people with similar interests is usually your best bet.
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  25. - Top - End - #325
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    PaladinGuy

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pyrian View Post
    A congregation of people with similar interests is usually your best bet.
    For example, bars if you like drinking (and are of legal age).

  26. - Top - End - #326
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    Default Please close!

    Okay, there is this girl, and she said British guys are "sexy" and, of course, I want to seem British now around her (that sounds kinda racist when you think about it) So, I want to know some British slang that people ACTUALLY USE
    so . . . hit me with your best shot

    This thread just makes me look like an ass
    Last edited by Froogleyboy; 2009-09-02 at 07:07 PM.

  27. - Top - End - #327
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    Player_Zero's Avatar

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    Default Re: Calling all Brits in the playground!

    I think you just gave me an aneurysm...

    Seriously... I'm dying...
    Last edited by Player_Zero; 2009-09-02 at 06:58 PM.

  28. - Top - End - #328
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    Default Re: Calling all Brits in the playground!

    What.

    That is the most terrible plan ever.

    (also it would be xenophobic if anything. British isn't a race)

  29. - Top - End - #329
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    Default Re: Calling all Brits in the playground!

    Quote Originally Posted by Froogleyboy View Post
    Okay, there is this girl, and she said British guys are "sexy" and, of course, I want to seem British now around her (that sounds kinda racist when you think about it) So, I want to know some British slang that people ACTUALLY USE
    so . . . hit me with your best shot
    Maybe it'd be better if you pursued some more, you know, traditional methods of flirtation rather than trying to gain a different accent. Because that is what you need to make slang work, the right accent. I seriously doubt 'seeming british' (however that works) is going to really up your chances. I mean, she presumably knows you aren't british.

  30. - Top - End - #330
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    Default Re: Calling all Brits in the playground!

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Silver View Post
    she presumably knows you aren't british.
    No, not really, I'm new at school

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