Results 361 to 390 of 1475
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2009-09-04, 09:36 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2007
- Location
- Chicagoland
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Sometimes you almost have to be cruel to get the message across? If they've had a few breaks already, and none of them stuck, then perhaps he was never actually particularly happy and thought this would be the best way to send the message loud and clear.
Though you've noted that he's occasionally manic, which I'm thinking probably played at least a part.
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2009-09-04, 09:44 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2005
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
I don't know for sure if he's manic or not, but it wouldn't surprise me. During their last break (which he initiated, as well as the reunion- which I heard from him, not her), he bought a girl several pieces of....bedroom wear on their first date. There was no other date, and after that date was when he really wanted to get back with Jill.
As I said, he's done weird and rash stuff before. Just...never anything on this level and it was never anything that alienated the people around him, which this most certainly did.Show me how pretty the world is
'Cause I envy the way that you move
Show me how pretty the world is
'Cause I want something a little bit louder
Show me how pretty the world is
'Cause you're brilliant when you try
Show me how pretty the whole world is tonight
-Matt Nathanson "Pretty the World"
Various Syka-Foxes done by the wonderful Ceika
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2009-09-04, 09:51 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
- Location
- London, Yewkay
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Syka
this is all speculation of course - i wouldn't be able to say for sure without knowing the guy
after reading that my first theory was this:
*Jack has not been in love with Jill for quite some time
*Jack was staying with the relationship out of habit/fear of loneliness (far more common than you'd imagine)
*The excitement of the prospect of a new relationship has drawn him out of his old relationship that he no longer had feelings for
*He's cut off contact because he no longer wishes to have jill in his life - maybe she is more difficult to deal with than you percieve. He may not want the possiblity of getting back with her again.
my second theory
*he genuinely likes this new girl more than jill, so has moved on
and the third theory - probably wishful thinking here - don't get your hopes up:
*its another break, just in a new format. The other girl is a rebound
fourth
hes just a selfish, uncaring *insert pajoratives here*
the other issues:
what you should do?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING - its not your job to track the guy down. Be supportive as a friend to jill. If you hear of any way of contacting him, pass the info onto jill and let her choose how to persue him. She may decide she wishes no further contact with him - understandable given the circumstances.
How you should act towards 'Jack'
he is a still a friend. I think if you see him again, you should ask his side of the story. Obviously he's done something that is foul-play, and you can be understandably upset at him for it - but he diserves to be heard out. OF course you may not like anything he has to say and thats tough for him, but he's made his bed so he may well have to lay in it
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2009-09-04, 10:34 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2005
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
I don't plan to do anything, to be honest. As you said, it's not my place. Nor are my feelings on it going beyond my mom and Oz.
If he does contact me, since I have no way of contacting him, I do plan to hear him out. I already decided that since this is only one part of the story and there very well be more to it. But...there is very little that would make me understand it and still want to know him. The way he appears to have handled it was way out of line. Even if he needed to get out of their apartment, he knows he could have come stayed with any number of friends or gone back to his parents rather than move in with a girl he'd met two nights prior.
Granted, if he wanted to assure a clean break this was one way to do it. When Oz and I had heard they had broken up again, he'd mentioned having a talk with them regarding the fact they probably shouldn't get back together unless they were going to stay together this time (which I supported). After talking with Jill yesterday, I have no doubt that won't be an issue now.
I'm also sure Jill has a way of contacting him, since I'm also pretty sure he's contacted her from the girls phone. A mutual friend knows where she lives, as well.Show me how pretty the world is
'Cause I envy the way that you move
Show me how pretty the world is
'Cause I want something a little bit louder
Show me how pretty the world is
'Cause you're brilliant when you try
Show me how pretty the whole world is tonight
-Matt Nathanson "Pretty the World"
Various Syka-Foxes done by the wonderful Ceika
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2009-09-04, 10:56 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Xin-Shalast
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Who can fathom the mentally ill? I know I've tried and the most I've learned is that there are several reasons people have erected walls when it comes to acknowledgment of their existence.
I mean, if he's going to do a thing like that in the first place, even if it can be traced to the medication, well, there's really not a whole lot of incentive for her to stay if he's not capable of maintaining a relationship anyway. Just that whole personality and hassle that she had to have been dealing with.
Welp, she can stop paying for his phone now, maybe even get some of the money she put into it switched towards hers if she acts quickly enough. So that's good, at least, I imagine having it in her possession when she's been paying the bill will make it easier to kill it so it won't auto-charge her anymore.
I mean, calling your fiance a random *****? ...Yeesh. Even weirder is the one strange girl letting him move in after less than a week.
All that's left now is for her to get rid of his material possessions, first by getting them out of the woodwork (and at least out of the bedroom), and then issuing a letter if he doesn't take the initiative to get them back soon.
Which really, you'd only want to offer advice on that if she asks for it or if she's likely to get taken to court for destruction/theft of his property if there's anything of significant value.
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2009-09-04, 10:59 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2006
- Location
- Sydney
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
I am the golden shadow. I am the Ninja Chocobo
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2009-09-04, 11:03 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2007
- Location
- Haifa, Israel
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Here's a bit of background...
I met a girl that was going to Australia for 6 months a few weeks after we met, so I made an effort to see her. The date went well, but she didn't want to go to the backseat of her car.... I was fine with that, but she told me that it was because she wanted a serious relationship with me.
Fast forward 6 months, she's back, but now she's with someone. (The guy is still over there, traveling). I dated other girls in that time frame too, but nothing ever became serious enough for me to tell her. Also, I was never under an obligation to her since we never decided to be in a committed relationship before leaving.
However, I am hurt that she didn't tell me before seeing me in person and effectively lied to me. I'm not sure if I should remain friends with her (and I don't think I'd want to date her should she become single since I would not like any girlfriend of mine going out to see an old flame no matter how much I trust her judgment).
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2009-09-04, 11:04 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2007
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2009-09-04, 11:05 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2007
- Location
- Chicagoland
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
I'm thinking a bit of 1 and 4, myself. It is a particularly insensitive way of going about things.
The more I think about it, the more it looks like it has all the earmarks of "I don't want to be with you, but I don't want to be alone." Breakups that never stuck, insensitive behavior, things like that. He might have broken things off like he did in order to actively avoid having to do it face to face.
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2009-09-04, 11:05 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2005
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Regarding his possessions...it's sticky. I'm not even getting into that. I do need to ask her a couple questions regarding her plans for the stuff. >>
NC, what's up?Show me how pretty the world is
'Cause I envy the way that you move
Show me how pretty the world is
'Cause I want something a little bit louder
Show me how pretty the world is
'Cause you're brilliant when you try
Show me how pretty the whole world is tonight
-Matt Nathanson "Pretty the World"
Various Syka-Foxes done by the wonderful Ceika
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2009-09-04, 11:06 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2007
- Location
- Chicagoland
- Gender
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2009-09-04, 11:12 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Xin-Shalast
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
^: Yeah, just don't get stuck being stupid and paying for it for longer than that.
Cocoabo Ninjutsu: Now you're just being enigmatic on purpose. Willfully obfuscatory even.
Hopefully a jealous ex boyfriend didn't stab you in the kidneys though.
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2009-09-04, 11:14 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2006
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
It sounds like a bit of a double standard. So it was perfectly fine for you to date a few people and not tell her, but she should have told you she dated someone else? The only difference seems to be is that she is still with the person and you aren't with any of the people you dated.
Having only dated a few weeks before she left it doesn't seem like either of you have any obligation to the other in telling stuff like that.
As far as telling you in person, well the alternative is over the phone or online, neither of which are really any better or worse. The only way I could see that being an issue is if you asked her out again and she said yes and then told you, rather then just telling you the next time you happened to meet.
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2009-09-04, 11:23 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2007
- Location
- Haifa, Israel
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
The only reason a double standard was created was because she told me that wanted a serious relationship with me upon return. Otherwise, there would be no standard. Also, I did ask her out again and she told me that in person at our date.
Note: I would not have made such a commitment to her before she left since we only saw each other a few times. (Sex or no sex)
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2009-09-04, 11:26 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Xin-Shalast
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Well, it sounds like you didn't really lose anything. She just said something weird after one of your first couple of dates, really.
Though the fact that she let you take her out on a date once she got back despite having no intention of resuming the courtship and having an "official" lover, well, that was a bit bleck of her.
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2009-09-04, 11:28 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
- Location
- London, Yewkay
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
You held out for her, but it didn't work out... i wouldn't neccisarily call what she did lying or deceiving you as from what you've said you never asked if she was seeing anyone while she was back home, but i can understand your annoyment.
Look at it this way though - if you'd met someone while she was gone, would you have told her about it without her asking? Did you tell her about any of the other girls that you dated at all at the time?
Either way - i wouldn't work yourself up too much over it. Call it a learning experiance. Unless two people say they will wait for each other and make an argreement to that effect, then when a relationship goes on hold, it is for all intensive purposes broken up.
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2009-09-04, 11:47 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Xin-Shalast
- Gender
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2009-09-04, 11:49 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2008
- Location
- London, Yewkay
- Gender
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2009-09-04, 12:21 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
My guess is either the mania or schizophrenia. I would be hesitant to blame Jack for wrongfulness but I'd also be hesitant to continue knowing him. My hunch is that it wasn't his fault but personally, I'd cut off contact. It's tough on your friend Jill but she may be better off in the long run.
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2009-09-04, 09:59 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2006
- Location
- Sydney
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Kind of on the wrong track there. I shall explain.
Basically, she's great. She's all kinds of experienced in, like, life and stuff, she's great to be around, and really really pretty.
But I'm not.
So while I had a really great time on the date, when I got home I became consumed with jealousy.
I don't think I'll see her again though so oh well.I am the golden shadow. I am the Ninja Chocobo
Avatar by me.
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The rest of my signature.
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2009-09-04, 10:31 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Xin-Shalast
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
That's pretty bad. Usually you just want to possess her even more with those kinds of qualifications.
Why jealous? Because you want to be her or because you don't think you could measure up to her in your own eyes and so you have to hate her as a representation of all that you wish you could be but have denied yourself?
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2009-09-05, 01:06 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
- Location
- London, Yewkay
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
you, sir, are being silly
you're not only commiting the cardinal sin of "looking a gift horse in the mouth" (women posessing all those qualities in an attractive package are hard to find), but you're also being totally ass-about-face about this. All those things that you think you are not and disqualify you from a relationship with her (as thats what it boils down to) are not your choice to judge upon. Its up to her to decide if you're 'good enough', not you.
You asked her out on a date - thats great. Very positive, confident behavior. Now the acid test is to give it a day or two and ask her on a second. You had a great time, maybe (inspite of what you percieve as your own short comings) she did too... If you don't ask her and find out you will regret it for a very long time. After all, she sounds like a catch. Only a fool would let an opertunity like that pass them by
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2009-09-05, 02:30 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- Vancouver, BC
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
So...
I feel like a total idiot.
I've known this girl for 2 days. That's it. Two days of orientation.
So why is it that I feel... something?
Y'know what it prolly is? I'm just suffering a temporary loss of sanity and memory from viewing C'thulhu. That must be it. >.>Last edited by Alair Koraius; 2009-09-05 at 02:31 AM.
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2009-09-05, 03:34 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2006
- Location
- Sydney
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
I am the golden shadow. I am the Ninja Chocobo
Avatar by me.
My other avatars.
The rest of my signature.
Spoiler
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2009-09-05, 03:39 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2007
- Location
- In a flying train.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Hey guys. I have a matter at hand that is not entirely important or relationship pertinent, but I figured this was the best place to ask it.
My mum gave me her wedding ring and engagement ring from when she was married to my dad last weekend. I'm not sure what to do with them. Obviously the general idea would be to use them later on in life when I manage to trick some poor young thing into marrying me. The only issue with this is that my parents split up and so it seems sort of weird to begin an engagement with a ring that is ultimately the symbol of a failed marriage. On the otherhand considering it is in the end just a ring, but then why should I use or keep it? I certainly don't want to sell it or anything but I can't really see the point in keeping it if I'm not going to use it.
Anyone getting married? I have this spare ring, you see...Live, Laugh, Learn, Love,
and Look both ways
when you cross the street
Avatar by Dragonrider
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2009-09-05, 05:22 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2007
- Location
- Haifa, Israel
- Gender
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2009-09-05, 05:35 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2005
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
That ring is ultimately the symbol that your parents loved each other very much and wanted to spend their life together, that it failed (sorry to hear that) doesn't effect that.
Even if you don't plan on using this ring you shouldn't just sell it unless you really could use/need the money. because it obliviously still has meaning for your mother.
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2009-09-05, 06:12 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2007
- Location
- In a flying train.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
I'm pretty sure I mentioned that selling it ultimately wasn't an option.
And thanks for the well wishes, Cap Hap, but they're needless. As far as I'm concerned my parents divorce, though tragic for them, was one of the best things that ever happened to me (long story. I'm not a terrible person. At least, not for this reason).
It just seems to me that I'll probably not use it. I don't necessarilly believe that there's bad voodoo or something on the ring, but I guess that knowing how my parents marriage turned out might subconciously affect me even without my knowledge, and cause me to make bad decisions etc. But I don't want to have it sit in a cupboard gathering dust, either.Live, Laugh, Learn, Love,
and Look both ways
when you cross the street
Avatar by Dragonrider
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2009-09-05, 11:32 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2007
- Location
- DC
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
To know that just one life has breathed easier because you have lived, that is to have succeeded.
Wonderful Faithatar by smuchmuch
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2009-09-05, 12:21 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2007
- Location
- Mars
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Hmm... So, without too much backstory (that would be frankly opinionated):
My girlfriend is becoming good friends with a guy that used to toy with her feelings... and after that, used to abuse her verbally and physically... Albeit, not really much of the latter. They were never anything but friends, and I don't think she ever had an intense emotional bond with him... but he was, in my opinion, horrendously mean to her--for several years--and I don't want him to mess with her head again. On the other hand, he could be changing, and might actually be civil towards her... which would be something good, I suppose.
Other keynotes that lack wordiness:
I strongly dislike this guy
All three of us are 17...
Girlfriend is known to be untrustworthy, as in: "He's just my friend" turns into "I think I love him" in a few weeks...
How would you all react?Last edited by Mr. Mud; 2009-09-05 at 12:21 PM.
"Maybe I'm Gigachad?"