Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

[Jalor]

3) We're not the most attractive people ''en ville'' (I'm shortest in my grade) Does this affect the situation?

Don't worry about it. As long as you're not utterly repulsive, it's more about confidence than actual appearance, hence the Ugly Guy/Hot Chick phenomenon. Just the other day, one of my female friends was startled to realize that I'm ugly. I imagine that she just mentally filed me under "sexy" because I acted like I was. It's the Bavarian Fire Drill again.

Although the height may be an issue. Most women don't like to be taller than their significant other. This was a problem when I was younger, but now I'm 5'8"ish and attracted to short women. How much taller is she than you?

[Coidzor]

Talk to the one you do like and ask her out, that should clear everything up right away.

[The Extinguisher]

I wish I could move away. I wish I could leave behind every memory I have here and start somewhere new. I thought university would be the start of that, but apparently things have followed me there. I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of friends, I'm tired of exes, I'm tired of drama and I'm just tired of all the ****. I don't want to be a part of it.

I wish I could just tell someone, and then that person can deal with it, I never have to come back to this again. Let the world know about the problem so someone, anyone can try to help.

I'm tired of the thoughts and the "what-ifs." I'm tired of false hope and misleading comments. I'm tired of her. I hate everything that's happened since her. I want to forget it and I want to forger her. Forget her problems that she's shoved on me. Forget the secrets and the lies.




I'm so tired.

[Coidzor]

Yeah, that would be tiring. Have you tried squashing your thoughts as soon as you start in on what-ifs and instead starting to think about kickass dragons?

<_< >_> I'm actually trying that whole... running away thing.

[The Extinguisher]

Yeah, that would be tiring. Have you tried squashing your thoughts as soon as you start in on what-ifs and instead starting to think about kickass dragons?

<_< >_> I'm actually trying that whole... running away thing.

I try, I try. But my mind is overactive sometimes. I tend to think about what-ifs and conversations that never happened, or what someone might say and what I should say, and all sorts of different situations. It's an annoying habit I've never been able to get over. And it's really bad when things like these happen.

I once had an argument with someone in my head, based on what I though they'd say. I was really upset and I almost forgot it wasn't real when I saw them next.

[Coidzor]

Hmm. If it's especially obstructive to you being able to get to sleep at night, my dad and I have both gotten help from prescription medicine in that department.

As well as one of my ex's, but she also needed management of her depression and anxiety disorders, and the solution for the thinking too much and not being able to shut off to sleep was just part of her treatment for the other.

...I've occasionally had those sorts of arguments in my head, it's just one of those things where you've got to come up with your own coping mechanism of turning them off. Sort of like that one Nash mathematician/economics guy who was a schizophrenic but got to the point where he could distinguish the hallucinations from the real sensory input

Edit: I just actually finished a profile I had on OKcupid since I was 17 for the tests on a bit of a whim after seeing another friend's profile on there.

You may not now... commence to pointing and laughing at me.

Especially since I just messaged a guy who's studying culinary work at the local community college about any restaurant recommendations he might have.

I just have this feeling in the back of my mind that I committed a major faux pas right there but I couldn't for the life of me say why beyond messaging another guy on a dating site with no intention or attraction there....

Edit:edit: I don't even know how I managed to make a typo of "Now" turn into "Not" ...

[Partof1]

So, I asked her out I'm taking her to a movie this weekend. May I "woo!" now?

[Coidzor]

Yes, but only a small one. You may really WOO once you fin the date has been a success and she enjoyed herself.

[TheBST]

Listen to the man. Wooing first, woot!ing later

[Syka]

Wooing first, woot!ing later

Accurate advice, that is. :)

[Jalor]

So, I asked her out I'm taking her to a movie this weekend.

This reminds me of something I've been meaning to ask. What kind of movie should one select for a date?

Sure, I know the old standby of horror movies so you can hold her during the scary parts, but that's always seemed to me a step above sticking your John Thomas through the bottom of the popcorn box. I know movies in general are best for the 4th date and onward, but I've actually never taken a girl to a movie and have no idea where to start.

[xPANCAKEx]

any sort of movie you'd both enjoy

don't take her to a lord of the rings marathon if shes not into fantasy

[Syka]

Depends on the girl. I'm the ultimate horror fan so horror, particularly forein horror films, are great. I'm also a movie buff so most types are good excluding rom coms. I even saw Borat on a second date.

So if you can figure out what the girl is into narrow it down from there. Good suggestions are always movie that will get you talking. Recent examples include District 9 and Surrogates.

[Serpentine]

Edit: I just actually finished a profile I had on OKcupid since I was 17 for the tests on a bit of a whim after seeing another friend's profile on there.

You may not commence to pointing and laughing at me.

Bah. I joined OKCupid before it was even called OKCupid (for the quizzes!). I sorta consider it a quiz site first, then a dating site, whatever it tries to tell me.
I notice they changed "stalkers" to "visitors"

[Faulty]

So I'm seeing that girl again on Friday. It's in a conference, so most of our time together will be doing work there, but I have some small time for interaction there. Any idea of how I could get us more friendly?

[xPANCAKEx]

So I'm seeing that girl again on Friday. It's in a conference, so most of our time together will be doing work there, but I have some small time for interaction there. Any idea of how I could get us more friendly?

be talkative, be friendly, and for jebus sake, don't focus all your attention on her else you'll come off a creep, or single her out

unless you've got a LOT in common or one of those instant clicks, becoming more friendly takes a bit of time

[Faulty]

Thanks for the suggestion.

[Zeb The Troll]

Bah. I joined OKCupid before it was even called OKCupid (for the quizzes!). I sorta consider it a quiz site first, then a dating site, whatever it tries to tell me.
I notice they changed "stalkers" to "visitors"

Is that something like, err, what was it called before they called it Tickle.com? I did the same thing. Made an account so's I could take the fun little personality quizzes ("Who's YOUR inner Rock Star?") then learned later that I might be able to use it to meet girls who shared my interests. Despite many testimonials, it never did me personally any good.

[Mando Knight]

Despite many testimonials, it never did me personally any good.

Giant in the Playground Forums: 1 out of 1 Trolls polled say it helped them with their love lives more than a dating site!

[Zeb The Troll]

Giant in the Playground Forums: 1 out of 1 Trolls polled say it helped them with their love lives more than a dating site!

Ha! That cracked me up.

[Jalor]

be talkative, be friendly, and for jebus sake, don't focus all your attention on her else you'll come off a creep, or single her out

unless you've got a LOT in common or one of those instant clicks, becoming more friendly takes a bit of time

That's basically all you need to do. I would say "make sure you aren't acting self-conscious", but one of my friends pointed out just how silly that sounds. Just... don't think too much.

Also, try to remember details from the last time you spoke, and mention them in a non-creepy way. Like, if she mentioned last time that she had a dog, ask her how her dog is doing. Most girls, in my experience, are pleasantly surprised when guys pay attention to something besides their rack.

[Coidzor]

<_< I actually had a girl with a service dog in my acting class today. Cutee dog. It's one in training so it's only about half a year old and it's like a german/aussie shepherd mix. She wasn't bad looking either.

But she has a three year old, so.... She's probably like taken or something.

[Jalor]

Okay, this is a pretty stupid question, especially from a regular advice giver,but where the hell do I find girls? My usual advice is to join a team/club/group/society of some sort, but I'm already in plenty of those. I've just run out of girls who are single and haven't already made it clear that they're not interested. I already know just about everyone in my classes, because we're all the exact same frakking honors students as last year. Yes, there are tons of girls around that I haven't met, but I have no way to actually meet them.

Right now I'm actually considering asking a friend to introduce me to someone. Not anyone in particular, just someone dateable.

[The Extinguisher]

I've always wanted to try a blind date.

So I spent most of this evening cheering myself up and checking myself out in the mirror to boost my confidence
This was to offset how horrible the rest of the day and how bad the situation with the ex is. I think we were this close to her inviting me to skip classes and rush over to her place.... (this sigh is for this thing almost happening, not because it didn't happen)

[Coidzor]

Yeah. Though what's the worst is when you set up a blind date between two people who don't know each other but you know both of them and they start bitching at you for setting 'em up on a blind date when they actually asked for the help.

I'm pretty sure I'd give a crack at it though if I were set up on one. I've never really understood how the process is supposed to work.

[Zeb The Troll]

But she has a three year old, so.... She's probably like taken or something.

I quite disagree. In this day and age there are plenty of single mothers out there. In fact, they'd probably love to be asked out on a date too, since they probably aren't nearly as often as they'd like because, for women, unlike men, having a child in tow tends to be a huge turnoff for the opposite sex. Even if she is in a relationship, it would probably make her day to know that someone would be interested. In my experience, one thing young mothers have in common is that they feel that their desirability has bottomed out.

So, if you don't mind kids, and you find her otherwise someone you'd like to get to know better, say something to her. You'll probably make her smile whether she returns your interest or not and you can still chalk it up to doing a good thing, even if she turns you down.

[Alarra]

The last (and only, I think) time that a friend of mine set me up with one of her friends, she went the route of giving us each the others im information first. We then chatted for awhile online (a couple weeks, I think) before meeting one another at an event that our mutual friend and a few others we both knew were both attending. I think that way works a bit better than just being thrown into a date-like situation with someone you don't know at all, especially for those of us that are a bit (or a lot) shy when it comes to new people. Hell, even with the two weeks of talking online myself and said ex barely said a couple sentences to one another most of the night. (We ended up dating for almost 4 years, so that's not necessarily a death sentence for a relationship )

[Zeb The Troll]

Right now I'm actually considering asking a friend to introduce me to someone. Not anyone in particular, just someone dateable.

Though I've never tried it, I've read in numerous places that this is an acceptable tactic if you're already trying other avenues, as you are. It gives your friend something to work with when trying to talk you up to a potential introduction.

So, tell me about Jalor?
Well, he's in this club and this society and this hobby group, and he's all around a smart fun kinda guy.

versus

So, tell me about Jalor?
Well, he's kind of a homebody who doesn't get out much, but he's all around a smart, fun kinda guy.

[Serpentine]

Okay, this is a pretty stupid question, especially from a regular advice giver,but where the hell do I find girls? My usual advice is to join a team/club/group/society of some sort, but I'm already in plenty of those. I've just run out of girls who are single and haven't already made it clear that they're not interested. I already know just about everyone in my classes, because we're all the exact same frakking honors students as last year. Yes, there are tons of girls around that I haven't met, but I have no way to actually meet them.

Right now I'm actually considering asking a friend to introduce me to someone. Not anyone in particular, just someone dateable.

I reckon, sort of instead of getting your friends to introduce you to a specific person, you should talk to your friends about meeting more of their friends in general. Maybe some of them will be available, or maybe you'll become friends with them and they will introduce you to someone available, and so on.

[xPANCAKEx]

Jalor

the problem is if you go out the body language of someone "looking" then it never works. Just go out to meet people and have fun. If however you've got some friends who are 'busy bodies", the type of friend who like to involve themselves in other peoples business then you could try them for playing cupid