Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

[Coidzor]

I still love my ex. I hate myself so much right now.

[evil-frosty]

Coid, that sucks. I am pretty much in the same boat as you. There isnt much you can do but somethings you can do. Some advice my best friend gave me (and she was cheated on and went thru a bad breakup, so she knows what she is talking about) is just focus on everything else and push her out of your mind, now this will be very hard if you dont have a lot of willpower like me, i drove her crazy for a little while there.

Another thing is you could put her in the worst light possible and try to think of her as someone you dont want to associate with and maybe with some time you wont love her anymore but this is sorta iffy, since love is suppose to conquer all.

I am a good catholic but after my breakup i was depressed and i took it out on my friends which was bad. I was just going downhill. Then my best friend who i have known my whole life invited me on a retreat called Kyrios and everything changed for me, for the first time in 7-8 months i was happy. I came out of my depression and i wasnt thinking about my ex as much.

Now i am not saying this is what is best for you i am just sharing my story. The best advice i can give is to push her out of your life and mind, also if your not offended by the idea praying can work wonders but again its your choice.

[Syka]

I still love my ex. I hate myself so much right now.

It happens dude.

I know I still love my ex. Chances are if you love(d) her, you always will. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that as long as it doesn't preclude you from finding a healthier relationship (provided you want one) or being happy on your own. That's the trick.

Try not to hate yourself, either. ;) It's pretty normal and to be expected. As I said I still love my ex, but it's faded into the background and it doesn't lessen the love I have for Oz in the slightest.

[Coidzor]

I'm just annoyed though... I just want to stop hurting from it.

I feel like a fool and it's clouding my judgment when I'm trying to figure out what I should major in like a mofo.

The worst thing is that I want to move on, but people keep reminding me of her and every time I dwell on her for too long I want her back.

[Lerky]

well I have another relationship woe and I need advice. There's this girl who has been talking to me a lot and I'm almost certain she likes me. She says a lot of suggestive stuff, but recently she told me that she wants to tell me something but is waiting for a right moment, and if I ask her to tell me anyway she says it won't sound right if forced.

She's a very nice girl, but I'm not sure if she's genuine or if she's just toying with me.

[Endalia]

well I have another relationship woe and I need advice. There's this girl who has been talking to me a lot and I'm almost certain she likes me. She says a lot of suggestive stuff, but recently she told me that she wants to tell me something but is waiting for a right moment, and if I ask her to tell me anyway she says it won't sound right if forced.

She's a very nice girl, but I'm not sure if she's genuine or if she's just toying with me.

Well it all really depends on one thing: how do YOU feel about HER? Do you have a crush on her? Do you feel you're just friends? Or maybe you don't really know?

[Coidzor]

Well, if you like her then just ask her out and get that part out of the way. If you aren't sure she really views you as a friend, then that'd be another angle of attack.

Otherwise just figger out what your position is.

[Lerky]

Well it all really depends on one thing: how do YOU feel about HER? Do you have a crush on her? Do you feel you're just friends? Or maybe you don't really know?

I really like her and I think she's incredibly cute and funny, and I guess I kinda sorta have a crush on her

[Coidzor]

Then, just go ahead and ask her out then?

[Lerky]

Then, just go ahead and ask her out then?

that's the plan...or I could just wait and see if she does tell me, that way I don't force it out and I can be sure that she likes me to.

But just plain ol' asking her out was certainly on my list of ideas

[Coidzor]

It certainly helps cut down on dawdling on both of your parts.

[Lerky]

It certainly helps cut down on dawdling on both of your parts.

but just telling her I like might be a way of forcing an answer out of her anyway

[Coidzor]

Man, if she's going to be that hung up on that kind of thing, she's not right for being in a relationship with.

As it stands, it's you letting her know your position and making it so that she doesn't feel she has to go out on a limb in the first place to broach the subject.

If that's what her quibbling is about anyway.

[Lerky]

Man, if she's going to be that hung up on that kind of thing, she's not right for being in a relationship with.

As it stands, it's you letting her know your position and making it so that she doesn't feel she has to go out on a limb in the first place to broach the subject.

If that's what her quibbling is about anyway.

hm...I guess your right, thanks Coidzor

[Erloas]

You could also say something like, how about we go out to diner/watch a movie/whatever and see if it seems like the right time to say whatever it is comes up then.

[Lerky]

You could also say something like, how about we go out to diner/watch a movie/whatever and see if it seems like the right time to say whatever it is comes up then.

That could work, I just have a major issue with asking girls out
EDIT: and one of her friends told me that she's "shes one helluva flirt...like to everyone"

[xPANCAKEx]

That could work, I just have a major issue with asking girls out
EDIT: and one of her friends told me that she's "shes one helluva flirt...like to everyone"

See - before now, i would have been all for "just make a move - see what happens". But that last part makes me have to advise caution.

Personally i wouldn't mention it again to her or try to draw it out of her - even if she makes suggestive remarks. Just carry on as you always have. She has said SHE'S got something to tell you, so she'll have to be the one to broach the topic. If she mentions it again, without actually telling you what it actually is (and we can't really make any assumptions as to the content), just give her a non-commital "ok". You've already asked her to explain what it actually is once, and she didn't take you up on the opertunity - and asking her again won't change that, and may infact make her feel more pressured.

However - if she asks something along the lines of "but dont you wanna know what it is?" i'd advise further caution as it may be some sort of attention game. If she puts you in that position, the correct response is "well, you've said you'll tell me when you're comfortable, so i guess i'll have to wait" - top marks if you can say it with a smile. If shes playing an attention game, you won't be rising to it, and if she is genuine it shows her thar you've got patience and respect, as some people are not too confident on discussing personal matters (romantic or otherwise)

Of course, saying all that there is the issue of your own feelings for her. You say you have an issue with asking girls out... everyone gets nervous. EVERYONE. Some are just better at dealing with it or hiding it than others. So don't let it get you down or hold you back. As i've said often - rejection is better than regret - so if you really like the girl, then make a move. Erloas made an excellent suggestion about asking her out on the sly - it would take the pressure of her a bit. But remember, not all expressions of affection have to be verbal. Infact sometimes actions speak a hell of a lot louder than words - sometimes "just going for it" can be easier and quicker than taking ten minutes to try and find a way to say something with words

so i guess its up to you

[Lerky]

wow, I can see you thought this through pancake, and I appreciate that. I'll take every word of advice next time I talk to her, thanks guys

[AngelSword]

She broke up with me.

She had a stoic demeanor through the whole thing, but I like to think that she was just as hurt as me. If only because that lessens the pain…slightly.

The phone call I just got isn't helping matters.

It came up as a blocked number, at 0030 or so. I picked it up, and a timid voice is on the other line. It says something quick, and hangs up. Now I'm uncertain if it really was her, saying, "I hurt, too," or if that's just my sad mind filling in the blanks.

[Lerky]

She broke up with me.

She had a stoic demeanor through the whole thing, but I like to think that she was just as hurt as me. If only because that lessens the pain…slightly.

The phone call I just got isn't helping matters.

It came up as a blocked number, at 0030 or so. I picked it up, and a timid voice is on the other line. It says something quick, and hangs up. Now I'm uncertain if it really was her, saying, "I hurt, too," or if that's just my sad mind filling in the blanks.

man, breaks up hurt. But you gotta now that time heals all wounds, you feel like you'll never love again but with time you're forget all about this. Love is like the sun, it'll always be there, be ready for that dawn.

[Perenelle]

Love is like the sun, it'll always be there, be ready for that dawn.

That just made my day.
did you come up with that?

[Klose_the_Sith]

Man, if she's going to be that hung up on that kind of thing, she's not right for being in a relationship with.

As it stands, it's you letting her know your position and making it so that she doesn't feel she has to go out on a limb in the first place to broach the subject.

If that's what her quibbling is about anyway.

I dunno, I've known tons of people who have gotten all hung up on that due to serious nerves/paranoia, but if settled then they're perfectly date-able material. In fact, I'm one such person and I get told by her friends how glad they are that she has a BF who's good to her now.

Just my two cents anyway, but I'd always attempt to make the connection with a person, even if it seems like a bad idea. Trust in the pack nature genetics buried within you.

[Destro_Yersul]

I'm just annoyed though... I just want to stop hurting from it.

The worst thing is that I want to move on, but people keep reminding me of her and every time I dwell on her for too long I want her back.

Been there, my friend. It's not easy, but.. Somehow I got through it. I'm fortunate in that my Ex and I still have a pretty strong friendship, so perhaps that helped, but...

It's not easy. Not saying it's easy. But I'm sure you'll manage.

[xPANCAKEx]

I dunno, I've known tons of people who have gotten all hung up on that due to serious nerves/paranoia, but if settled then they're perfectly date-able material. In fact, I'm one such person and I get told by her friends how glad they are that she has a BF who's good to her now.

its a very devisive issue - some of them may get over the initial nerves, but in many cases if can also be a hint as to what they'll be like further into a relationship. Would you really want to date someone who doesn't have the confidence to speak up everytime theres something big bothering them, but instead makes you have to draw it out of them. I can attest from a lot of previous experiance than such antics can and WILL put a damper on things and take the excitement out of a relationship if they carry on for too long.

IMHO - for a relationship to truely work, a certain degree of personal fortitude and confidence is required by both sides, and in this case her hinting she has something to say (if infact what she wants to say is reguards starting a relationship - we don't know for sure, so lets not operate on that assumption) yet not backing it up, may be an indicator that she doesn't have that neccessary confidence

[Qooroo]

This may not be representative of her overall character, though. A lot of women, women that are otherwise assertive and confident, still subscribe to the notion that the guy should ask the girl out. It's a bit bizzare, but it does happen. It may be that this girl is interested in Lerky, but is uncomfortable being the one to make the first move, so is doing everything she can to make him aware of her interest so that he'll ask her out.

On the other hand, maybe she has a serious lack of confidence and is non-commital and wishy-washy. It's a risk, but I'd still ask her out if you're interested. If she says yes, these things will make themselves fairly clear early on, and you can bail before things get too serious. That's what casual dating is for - to test the waters with someone you're attracted to, and see if they have long term potential.

On the other-other hand, maybe she's just jerking you around. If you ask her out, it puts her on the spot; she'll either have to put up and shut up. If she is leading you on for the sake of her own enjoyment/the ego boost/whatever, but lacks any interest in you, then she's probably trusting that your shyness with women will keep her in control.

On the fourth hand, if you're not interested in her, stop responding to her flirting. As xPANCAKEx said, if she's not interested then she'll give up when you stop responding. If she is interested, but you're not, and you're continuing to respond to her advances, then you're the one doing the jerking around and you should stop.


TL;DR: If you like her, ask her out. If you don't, don't respond.

[snoopy13a]

This may not be representative of her overall character, though. A lot of women, women that are otherwise assertive and confident, still subscribe to the notion that the guy should ask the girl out. It's a bit bizzare, but it does happen.

It isn't so bizarre when you look at it from the woman's point of view. Why would a confident, assertive woman want to date a person who doesn't have the courage to ask her out?

[Hadrian_Emrys]

"Love is like the sun, it'll always be there, be ready for that dawn."

Well, I admit that the line sounds nice enough.

[Pyrian]

Why would a confident, assertive woman want to date a person who doesn't have the courage to ask her out?

Dominance, usually, at least in my experience.

[Lerky]

That just made my day.
did you come up with that?

Glad I could acheive this
Yes I did, I'll admit it took awhile to fine tune

[Perenelle]

Glad I could acheive this
Yes I did, I'll admit it took awhile to fine tune

Nice job