Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

[evil-frosty]

I feel compelled to point out that the sun will not always be there. But it is a very nice saying/quote.

[Dracomorph]

Well, for the next, what, 6 billion years or something? That may not be forever, but it's got the right idea.

[evil-frosty]

I know i am just a pessimistic person.

[xPANCAKEx]

well then i feel compelled to point out that the sun may not ALWAYS be there, but for as long as you live it DEFINATELY (*) will be, so your pessimism is moot point ;)

* = baring attacks by aliens, planet sized comets destabalising it, or projects by mad evil super geniuses - all of which are so unlikely that if you worry about them, you should refrain from dating and spend the rest of your life slapping yourself around the face with a wet haddock

[Jalor]

Heh, my sun must have gone supernova. I've kind of given up on the notion of true love. But hey, don't let my pessimism get you down. Just because I hate people doesn't mean you will.

Lerky, ask her out if you like her. You'll regret it if you don't.

[Hadrian_Emrys]

The false notion of 'twu wuv' turns my stomach, and 'unconditional love' being cited as a reason for sticking with an unhealthy relationship sets me on the warpath. The former is a shallow myth that deludes the ignorant, whereas the latter is the universal final refuge of the weak-willed/pathetic.

[Pyrian]

Don't be too literal about stuff like that. There are lots of things people say romantically but know perfectly well they don't actually mean in a literal sense. "Unconditional love" is certainly one of them, "I'd do anything for you" is another. (My first girlfriend dropped the latter statement on me and I replied, "No, you wouldn't." She didn't argue...)

[Hadrian_Emrys]

I tend to keep my romantic comments as factual as possible. Pretty lies are the root of all that offends me in mass media, and I'll not reduce myself by resorting to their use. I understand the figurative concept of saying such things, but I cannot do so myself without being battered with guilt for misleading the person I'm talking to. It is but one of my many odd social quirks.

[Pyrian]

Don't confuse literalness with factualness. I'm not telling you that people lie. A figure of speech is not necessarily a lie, regardless of whether its literal meaning is correct. I'm saying that the words don't mean what they look like they mean. Also, I wouldn't get caught up in thinking that excessive literalness is a "personality quirk". It's a very common issue among, let's just say, us, and widely cited as a basic failure to communicate properly.

EDIT: Mind you, I don't see anything wrong with sticking to literal communication for one's own statements, but there is a problem if you do not recognize the situation where what other people intend with their words is not strictly the literal interpretation thereof, as that constitutes a failure to communicate.

[Syka]

I believe in true love insomuch as the love does in fact exist. I don't believe in The One, however. All romantic love is not created evil, and there will probably be a or some Great Loves, but I don't believe in One person.

That's just damn depressing. ;)

I have a woe (this is just so that I can justify being here, haha). Oz has either bronchitis or strep throat. Since...Saturday night I've seen him all of 10 minutes and that was while he stopped by my work to pick up a prescription yesterday, and I probably won't see him for a few more days to avoid risking re-infection. I know- I'm being a complainer. Ignore me, it's not really that much of a woe beyond "I can't be around my boyfriend whilst he's sick to make him better because I can't get sick"

[snoopy13a]

Don't be too literal about stuff like that. There are lots of things people say romantically but know perfectly well they don't actually mean in a literal sense. "Unconditional love" is certainly one of them, "I'd do anything for you" is another. (My first girlfriend dropped the latter statement on me and I replied, "No, you wouldn't." She didn't argue...)

I disagree on unconditional love. Some people truly believe that they should love others unconditionally. However, that is really the charitable, platonic, kind of love.

Of course, you should never believe what a prospective romantic partner is saying, especially if they are male. "I love you" is sometimes code for "I want to sleep with you. "I think you're cute" is sometimes code for "I really don't find you attractive but I'm desperate to hook up with anyone tonight".

[evil-frosty]

And that is why then us good guys get a bad rep because of the jerks out there. Sometimes this makes me very mad but then i think if that is how a girl is going to judge me she isnt worth it.

[Pyrian]

Some people truly believe that they should love others unconditionally.

Yeah, but more as a spiritual ideal than a romantic practice. There's always a line.

[Coidzor]

Huh. And here I thought couples intentionally spent more...ah...time...together... when one of them was feeling crappy in order to pep 'em up. You have some kind of weak immune system or just paranoid?

...I'm suddenly reminded of my ex-girlfriend and I acting as nursemaids for one another when I caught a really, really nasty flu that actually decommissioned me rather than just making me feel uncomfortable for a few days. And then two days after I starting pulling up she went down on me and I had to start looking after her because her parents were out of the country.

[xPANCAKEx]

And that is why then us good guys get a bad rep because of the jerks out there. Sometimes this makes me very mad but then i think if that is how a girl is going to judge me she isnt worth it.

not that this is neccessarily a reflection on you - but most nice guys are doormats. This in itself is a a very unnattractive prospect to most women. To be a truely decent guy, when a girl is giving you hassle because of some past miss-deed another man has commited, you have to have the balls to say "you know what, you're damaged goods, and i diserve better" and walk away.

Any girl that is willing to project angst from past man hassle onto you without giving you a fair chance or, worse yet, continue to date the very kind of guys she complains about is not worth dating.

its not your job as their new boyfriend to take all their past painaway - thats for them to deal with, and any assistance you play in the matter (for your own well being) should be minor. Some girls (and some guys) who complain about past woes and project that onto you ("you'll be a jerk just like all the rest") are not ready to move onto a new and healthier relationship. Bare that in mind.

[Syka]

I already caught it from him once and had to be on antibiotics. Like, it knocked me out. Bad. I couldn't work for three days by doctors order (I tried the first...it was really, really a bad idea). All he really had after being a little warm the first two days was a lingering cough which went away after a couple weeks. It's been about two weeks since then and it came back with a vengence. Since I literally just started classes in an unfamiliar subject, I really can't risk being decommissioned again.

Not too mention, being on antibiotics again within a month would probably be bad.

Otherwise I'd be over there as much as possible babying him. The first time around, I babied the kid and I have for every other illness. My immune system is generally not that good anyway, but this is a risk he really doesn't want me taking.

Trust me, I hate not doing anything.

ETA: As to what pancake said, I agree to an extent. Someone who will automatically peg you as one of the jerks is not good. Someone who has a bit of baggage, acknowledges it, and is fighting it is worth it. Someone who won't admit it or tries to put the onus of proving past wrongs as not something you do, is not worth it.

[xPANCAKEx]

syka

get surgical masks maybe? it would be a tad impersonal, but it would stop you getting infected

[Coidzor]

Ouch. That's going to have some potential repercussions if you two have children together, isn't it?

or am I misremembering something about pregnant women being more vulnerable or having worse consequences of getting sick?

gah.

In terms of damaged goods/crazy women: I dunno. I just stop being attracted to them in most if not all of the cases I've encountered it in my own life. Just something boner-killing about someone that judgmental in the first place.



Hmm... I hope my ex who I helped set up my friend with isn't bad enough that it's doomed to a miserable and horrible failure. I mean, she's emotionally immature for her age due to isolation and lack of the essential conflict of human nature (there's something philosophical here that I'm forgetting the name of, either a concept or an actual school of thought), but mostly due to the whole paranoia in the back of her head about people leaving her.

I was disappointed when I found out that this wasn't because of her dad shooting himself in front of her. Because that would've been epically horrifying in a fascinating way. Mostly because of the supreme absurdity of the mental image I got of it when I thought that was what she was saying.


...Y'know what's weird? There are two women who I have dated but who I don't really feel like I've been their boyfriend or she my girlfriend enough for them to really count as an ex. In the one case there was some confusion as to whether she had asked me out or just asked me on a date and nothing happened so that was all *shrug* until I had a couple of mutual friends go off on me when I excluded her from my romantic history. The other one I just never thought of as a girlfriend despite us being "official," I think it was mostly the age difference and how I was using her to get out of the house as much as she was using me for a less creepy dance partner and prom date.

[Syka]

syka

get surgical masks maybe? it would be a tad impersonal, but it would stop you getting infected

Haha, I should probably wear one at work anyway. But given their selling at...about $10 for like 3 masks I'd wear once...yeah. We're willing to wait another day or so. His antibiotics'll be over in the next few days, so by tommorrow it should be fine.

ETA: Coid, I already have a factor that would make kids a...very, very planned and closely watch scenario. My epilepsy is triggered by sleep deprivation, and newborns aren't exactly known for letting one get sleep, not too mention pregnancy itself can exacerbate it. Add in my asthma and other stuff...I would definitely consider genetic counseling to see the likely hood of passing on my crappy immune system before reproducing and have a very good OB/GYN.

[snoopy13a]

not that this is neccessarily a reflection on you - but most nice guys are doormats.

Yep, "nice" is pretty much a backhanded compliment.

[Dragonrider]

Yep, "nice" is pretty much a backhanded compliment.

I dunno...I can think of several guys on whom "nice" is very attractive.

[xPANCAKEx]

I dunno...I can think of several guys on whom "nice" is very attractive.

promise me you'll never call any of those guys "nice" to their face... call them anything but. Nice is so utter bland its almost insulting

[Mando Knight]

Yeah, but more as a spiritual ideal than a romantic practice. There's always a line.

Of course. You wouldn't make a cake out of bread.

[Dragonrider]

promise me you'll never call any of those guys "nice" to their face... call them anything but. Nice is so utter bland its almost insulting

Even though their niceness is what makes me feel warm and fuzzy about them?

I don't really understand it...

But okay.

[Mando Knight]

Even though their niceness is what makes me feel warm and fuzzy about them?

So that method can work!

My reaction to being told that I'm nice would depend on the tone of voice used.

[Recaiden]

Even though their niceness is what makes me feel warm and fuzzy about them?

I don't really understand it...

But okay.

They probably wouldn't know that's your opinion on their niceness though, and get the wrong idea.

I might be offended by it in normal circumstances. But I'm not nice enough to be called it.

[Dragonrider]

<.< Nice guys make me want to cuddle them. Not all of them romantically. But yeah.

[The Extinguisher]

I want to shut myself off from the world forever. I hate every little thing reminding me of what my relationship was or what it could have become. I keep on thinking about the things that we did together and the little things she would do that made me smile. I hate the random thoughts of "she'd like that" and waking up in the night after a dream knowing that a dream is all it will ever be. I hate having to tell everyone about it when they say something perfectly innocent that brings back painful memories.



I hate that it's so hard to move on, when that's all I want to do.

[snoopy13a]

I want to shut myself off from the world forever. I hate every little thing reminding me of what my relationship was or what it could have become. I keep on thinking about the things that we did together and the little things she would do that made me smile. I hate the random thoughts of "she'd like that" and waking up in the night after a dream knowing that a dream is all it will ever be. I hate having to tell everyone about it when they say something perfectly innocent that brings back painful memories.



I hate that it's so hard to move on, when that's all I want to do.

You need to go out with the guys and let loose. Don't think about the woman and just have fun.

[RabbitHoleLost]

Alright, guys, here's something.
Its not exactly a woe on my part, for once.

For some background information, I am the oldest of my siblings, and, so, my dad has the most issue dealing with my, er, "milestones" of growing up. When I hit eighteen, he cried and was grumpy all day.
The first time I told him I went to a club (at age nineteen), he told me I was too young.
He thinks I'm too young and inexperienced to move out on my own, he still tries to steer my life, etc.

How do I tell him his twenty year old baby girl is dating a twenty seven year old man?