Ultimate Kaos IV: We're Releasing On Time [Recruitment Closed, Game Starts Sept. 3rd]

[billtodamax]

So... we can lynch real people? Cool! I vote for My Sister for assuming I can fix the printer problem.

[Hyozo]

I doubt Jontom Xire really missed the signup for this game. He probably planned with Festy to get a secret role ages ago. Autolynch replacement? I doubt it. Who autos out of Kaos?

[TFT]

I doubt Jontom Xire really missed the signup for this game. He probably planned with Festy to get a secret role ages ago. Autolynch replacement? I doubt it. Who autos out of Kaos?

The Fiery Tower does!

...Oh wait, Crap!

[Murska]

The Fiery Tower is collaborating with JX to grant him a special role by autoing!

[Kyouhen]

Yes, The Fiery Tower must be lynched!

[The Bookworm]

Kill The Fiery Tower. He's an [insert generic night killer here]!

[happyturtle]

I'm going to go with Jontom Xire.

...

What? This is Kaos! Who says narrators can't vote.

[Deathslayer7]

*iz confused*
*tosses logic out the window*
JONTOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM XIREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

[Darkcomet]

Fiery Tower is obviously a beast or a joker. I shall ignore him.

But this Jontom wagon is a bit meh. I did that already. Instead, I shall point at Cheese Empress Happyturtle. Om nom nom.

[Uncle Festy]

I'm going to go with Jontom Xire.

...

What? This is Kaos! Who says narrators can't vote.

Well, actually, I –

…

*realizes that Happy just killed him*

… don't…

>.>

[UncleWolf]

Happyturtle! She turned me into a newt once!

<.<

>.>

Well, I got better.

[Mordokai]

Personally, I think it was an improvement of your personality

But hey, why the heck not? Happyturtle, I choose you!

[PirateMonk]

Shadowcaller for also being a narrator/former narrator.

[billtodamax]

So, we'll lynch my sister tomorrow then? Okey doke. Teh Empress of Cheese, Happyturtle!

[Uncle Festy]

… hm.
We're short 3 votes, and day's almost over.
Get your votes in!

[billtodamax]

Can I vote three more times? That means I'll have voted 5 times! Uh... Piratemonk Wolfbane and... Uncle Festy again.

[Uncle Festy]

Yes.
In other news, day's over. Night will begin shortly.

[Uncle Festy]

Oh, right.
This.
>.<

*****

Mayor Salazar straightened his tie. There had been no opposition to his reelection campaign – or, at least, none that couldn't be bought off. As election day came to a close, it was about time to go out and reaccept his position. He stepped out into the back of Town Hall's auditorium.
A tall, gray-haired man stood on stage, wearing a faded black suit. As official vote counter, he was also in charge of announcing the winner of the election to the assembled civic leaders. He stood there, grinning faintly. The election was a foregone result, and he was getting paid handily for announcing Salazar's victory with as much pomp as possible.
The clock struck seven. It was time.
The man took the envelope from a slightly worried-looking aide. Opening it, he pulled out the letter inside and flourished it dramatically. "Ladies and gentlemen, the mayor of Newfare City is… Jonathan Sala –!"
The man paused, as a small detail from the letter caught his eye. He brought it close to his face. He squinted at the first sentence. He pulled out his reading glasses, just to be sure. Then, hesitantly, he spoke into the microphone. "Er, that is to say, Empress Chelonie Happyturtle…"
"WHAT?" shouted Salazar. "Who is that? Was she even running? What's going on here!" He stormed up towards the stage, but froze as the vote-counter continued to read.
"Er, and… as is traditional, the penalty for… losing the election is… spontaneous… combustion…?"
Salazar took a deep breath in. "Oh, shi –"

Twenty seconds later, when the noise had stopped ringing in his ears, the old man opened his eyes. He looked around, and then down at his suit. "Well," he muttered, "this jacket is going to need a trip to the dry cleaners."

Summary

Spoiler

Show

The Fiery Tower was lynched. He was Mayor "Redeye" Salazar.
Empress Chelonie Happyturtle has been elected Mayor of Newfare in his place.

Day Ends, Night Begins.
Night Two Ends in 24 Hours

[Uncle Festy]

Since I'd like to give the full 24 hours, and I'm not going to have access to the internet from now until tomorrow afternoon, I'm gonna have to delay this update. I'll get it up ASAP, though.

[Reinholdt]

Jontom Xire
It's night. I'm not a player. Neither is Jontom. What else did you expect?

[Dallas-Dakota]

Reinholdt, because I haven't seen Jontom in a while.
None of us are players, and it's night. So?

[Uncle Festy]

I sleep. But it is not truly sleep, for in my slumber I seek a path. A path towards my ultimate goal. I have a plan, I have a method, now I only need the path to return…

A dark room in a dark apartment. Two women stand together. One young and nervous, the other ancient and composed. The young woman carries a small child in her arms. "I've heard you're… you're the best doctor in the city," she said, quavering, "so I was… was hoping you could… could help my son?"
The ancient crone nods. "I will do all I can. Please wait outside while I see what can be done." The other woman left, and the hunchbacked woman peered at the child. "Yes… the boy is gone. But fortunately, that will not be an obstacle." She closes her eyes, raises her arms, and begins chanting words older than memory –

There it is.

– and something bursts from her magic, unbidden – chaotic. An indescribably powerful spirit flows into the child, warping it, growing it, graying it, lengthening teeth and ears, yellowing eyes…
And then he sits, shadows wrapping around him in an imposing robe. Festy, god of Kaos.
"You have served me well, mortal, if unwittingly. Now flee before I destroy you."
The witch, her eyes wide, runs from the room without a word.
"Good. Now, where was I? Oh yes, destroying the multiverse –"
He pauses. "What?" he mutters. "Where is my power?"
– and the door crashes open. Standing in the doorway, framed by the growing lights of dawn, stands the Empress. "Festy! Get out of my city!"
Festy smiles faintly. "Well, well, if it isn't my dear happiest of all turtles. Long time no see."
"I know. I killed you."
"That you did. I'm still not sure why, I must admit. We really had a nice dynamic going on. You were one of my greatest supporters. And then – you killed me. Why? Weren't we both on the side of chaos?"
Happy's lips pursed. "It's simple, isn't it? We may both be chaotic, but you're CE, and I'm CG."
Festy's smile broadened, and he extended a hand. "But why should that matter to us? Come, Happyturtle. Join me, and together we can rule the multiverse as Empress and God!"
Happy slapped the hand away. "I'll never join you, you undead freakshow!"
Festy stepped back, his expression suddenly serious. "This isn't 4chan, you know. You have no power here."
"And you do? Mustiado stole your soulgem."
"So that's who's responsible!" Festy's eyes narrowed. "Well, Happy, you've made one grave miscalculation. You see, I may not be a god here, but I'm still a level 23 Necromancer. Enervation."
The Empress' eyes widened in shock as the burst of negative energy surged through her. She collapsed to the floor, dead before she hit the ground.
"Well. That was easy," mutters Festy as he steps over Happy's corpse and out the door. Then he pauses. "Oh, and by the way? Really, don't lynch me again. It's getting old."

Summary

Spoiler

Show

Happyturtle was killed.
Uncle Festy was raised from the dead.

NIGHT ENDS DAY BEGINS
DAY THREE ENDS ON WEDNESDAY AT 2200

[Hyozo]

Then he pauses. "Oh, and by the way? Really, don't lynch me again. It's getting old.

Don't care, still pointing at Uncle Festy.

[billtodamax]

Dog-people. Cats fo'eva!

[Mordokai]

Hyozo, because lynching the narrator gets boring pretty fast.

[The Bookworm]

Festy, until he posts a player list.

[UncleWolf]

Dog-people. Cats fo'eva!

Hey!

And by the way, Uncle Festy.

[happyturtle]

... Is Bill trying to lynch a species?

[UncleWolf]

... Is Bill trying to lynch a species?

He better not.

[Mustiado]

Mmmm... this game is more about knowing when to avoid the wrath of Festy. Hyoso.