Murphy's Law

[Silverraptor]

Can a weasel possibly do that much damage?

Oh, and new Crack Pairings Thread!

A regular house cat can kill a level 1 human.

[CoffeeIncluded]

A regular house cat can kill a level 1 human.

So how much damage can a weasel do?

...And do you feel sorry for Matt now? Did I go too far?

[Silverraptor]

So how much damage can a weasel do?

...And do you feel sorry for Matt now? Did I go too far?

Just wait for other people to notice.

[Sstoopidtallkid]

So how much damage can a weasel do?

Among other things, they can latch on and blood drain. I recommend considering that, the earlier discussion, and where the weasel ended up. Having fun yet?

[CoffeeIncluded]

Among other things, they can latch on and blood drain. I recommend considering that, the earlier discussion, and where the weasel ended up. Having fun yet?

Oh man, poor Matt.

EDIT: Wait, I think that's a Dire weasel. This is just a regular weasel.

Still, I highly doubt an aggressive weasel in one's pants would be considered fun by any stretch of the word.

[ClericOfBelker]

Matt's not having the best of days!

[Silverraptor]

Matt's not having the best of days!

And he's been only traveling with them for a few hours.

[CoffeeIncluded]

And he's been only traveling with them for a few hours.

Do you think he's starting to prefer Max Security now?

Also, have I gone to far with an angry weasel in his pants?

[Silverraptor]

Do you think he's starting to prefer Max Security now?

Also, have I gone to far with an angry weasel in his pants?

Coffee, you can *NEVER* go too far in a webcomic. Just look at mine, SR met a Ancient Red Dragon as his first encounter with the group.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Coffee, you can *NEVER* go too far in a webcomic. Just look at mine, SR met a Ancient Red Dragon as his first encounter with the group.

Okay then.

Good thing they've got a cleric.

I'd mention Lloyd's "Lay On Hands" ability, but...Crack pairing.

[Silverraptor]

Yes. Crack pairings.

[Nathander]

Having only just now seen the ninth comic, I have to say that I feel it's a nice step in your progress. For one, it has characters interacting without Lloyd being present (aside from the final panel). Previously, he had been the main character discussion was conducted around, so it's nice that you're allowing breathing room for the other characters so early on. I also feel the joke itself, despite being a common one in fantasy parodies (and D&D in particular, for good reason), comes off incredibly well. It really brought a smile to my face. Can't wait for the next one.

In my reply in the crack pairings thread, you said that you were surprised why Matt was so popular. Why I certainly can't speak for everyone, my main belief is because he's the "outsider" character in comparison to everyone else in the party (so far). While this archtype usually possesses traits that most people would hate in real life (egotism, arrogance, ect.), we tend to love this traits in fictional characters. Just my two cents, really.

As for guessing on Lloyd's past, I have a few theories I want to give a try.

Spoiler

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1) Lloyd was, at one point, either a well-known mercenary or warlord. My main evidence for this is the fact that he has some form of title that clearly isn't his name (at least, current name) that he expects others will recognize and respect. Another for it is that there was clearly one point in his life that he most likely looks back on in shame due to his statement that anyone can be redeemed. While that would be an ideology held by most paladins correctly adhering to their alignment, Lloyd seems to have been set up in the earlier strips that he's pragmatic enough to not simply believing something because it's part of a creed. Rather, he's actually seen it happen, and I'm casting my bet that it was for him. Finally, Lloyd's comment on the green dragon only being CR 9 shows that he's more than likely fairly high level, most likely a few higher than his current party members. This helps set up that he could have one time been someone renowned, at least in certain circles.

So my bet is that at one point he was either bordering on an evil alignment, if not flat out one, and suffered some kind of calamity that ended up causing him to change his path.

2) Technically, this more augments the possibility of the above than anything, but I also propose that a curse is currently active on Lloyd. Considering the title of the comic is "Murphy's Law", I'm expecting that Lloyd committed some kind of deed that ended up getting him cursed. The curse most likely has led him from what could have been a successful (though most likely evil or borderline evil) life into constant failure due to the curse. I'm expecting that there's either a set amount of good he has to honestly due in the world before the deed can be lifted, or there's a specific larger quest he needs to complete first. Either way, this curse may have been what pushed him to change his life around, if that's indeed what happened.

Of course, I'm expecting I'm going to be way-off base.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Having only just now seen the ninth comic, I have to say that I feel it's a nice step in your progress. For one, it has characters interacting without Lloyd being present (aside from the final panel). Previously, he had been the main character discussion was conducted around, so it's nice that you're allowing breathing room for the other characters so early on. I also feel the joke itself, despite being a common one in fantasy parodies (and D&D in particular, for good reason), comes off incredibly well. It really brought a smile to my face. Can't wait for the next one.

In my reply in the crack pairings thread, you said that you were surprised why Matt was so popular. Why I certainly can't speak for everyone, my main belief is because he's the "outsider" character in comparison to everyone else in the party (so far). While this archtype usually possesses traits that most people would hate in real life (egotism, arrogance, ect.), we tend to love this traits in fictional characters. Just my two cents, really.

As for guessing on Lloyd's past, I have a few theories I want to give a try.

Spoiler

Show

1) Lloyd was, at one point, either a well-known mercenary or warlord. My main evidence for this is the fact that he has some form of title that clearly isn't his name (at least, current name) that he expects others will recognize and respect. Another for it is that there was clearly one point in his life that he most likely looks back on in shame due to his statement that anyone can be redeemed. While that would be an ideology held by most paladins correctly adhering to their alignment, Lloyd seems to have been set up in the earlier strips that he's pragmatic enough to not simply believing something because it's part of a creed. Rather, he's actually seen it happen, and I'm casting my bet that it was for him. Finally, Lloyd's comment on the green dragon only being CR 9 shows that he's more than likely fairly high level, most likely a few higher than his current party members. This helps set up that he could have one time been someone renowned, at least in certain circles.

So my bet is that at one point he was either bordering on an evil alignment, if not flat out one, and suffered some kind of calamity that ended up causing him to change his path.

2) Technically, this more augments the possibility of the above than anything, but I also propose that a curse is currently active on Lloyd. Considering the title of the comic is "Murphy's Law", I'm expecting that Lloyd committed some kind of deed that ended up getting him cursed. The curse most likely has led him from what could have been a successful (though most likely evil or borderline evil) life into constant failure due to the curse. I'm expecting that there's either a set amount of good he has to honestly due in the world before the deed can be lifted, or there's a specific larger quest he needs to complete first. Either way, this curse may have been what pushed him to change his life around, if that's indeed what happened.

Of course, I'm expecting I'm going to be way-off base.

Why thank you.

And as for your theories, you'll find out soon enough. Piece by piece.

[Sstoopidtallkid]

Here's some fanfic, warning:Complete and utter crack, and far less polished than I normally post.

Spoiler

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Humans are so confusing. A few minutes ago these two were at each other's throats over me, and now he's complimenting her on her clothes? And is she blushing when she says it goes well with her dress?
...oh my. "Show off your figure?" A rabbit would call that too forward. And she giggled? Well, at least he's keeping up the compliments, though he has no idea what' proper conversation is with ladies present. Aaand now he just called her attractive as crudely as he possibly could. Why is someone as
wise as she is falling for something as moronic as this? She must not be used to the idea that the guys of the world would want to see her figure, though really, he only cares about one thing...Oh no. She's calculating now. What is she thinking? Um...what does she mean, 'Has he ever had a 3-way?' AWAKEN SHOULD NOT BE USED FOR THIS!!!

Dang. That was totally worth it once he let me into his pants.

Shorter than I'd planned, but I couldn't make the most obvious viewpoints work.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Here's some fanfic, warning:Complete and utter crack, and far less polished than I normally post.

Spoiler

Show

Humans are so confusing. A few minutes ago these two were at each other's throats over me, and now he's complimenting her on her clothes? And is she blushing when she says it goes well with her dress?
...oh my. "Show off your figure?" A rabbit would call that too forward. And she giggled? Well, at least he's keeping up the compliments, though he has no idea what' proper conversation is with ladies present. Aaand now he just called her attractive as crudely as he possibly could. Why is someone as
wise as she is falling for something as moronic as this? She must not be used to the idea that the guys of the world would want to see her figure, though really, he only cares about one thing...Oh no. She's calculating now. What is she thinking? Um...what does she mean, 'Has he ever had a 3-way?' AWAKEN SHOULD NOT BE USED FOR THIS!!!

Dang. That was totally worth it once he let me into his pants.

Shorter than I'd planned, but I couldn't make the most obvious viewpoints work.

*Doubles over laughing*

[Silverraptor]

I'd like to point out that in the second to last panel the weasel's missing.

[CoffeeIncluded]

I'd like to point out that in the second to last panel the weasel's missing.

Uhm...He ran off to get some food, then ran back?

[Dark Faun]

He'll stop complaining once he remembers Cure... Wounds are touch spells and they have an overeager nymphomaniac for a cleric.

Speaking of Janine...

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[drengnikrafe]

Ahh, more wonderful comics.

This particular punch line seems to have it's humor more universally understood.

[CoffeeIncluded]

He'll stop complaining once he remembers Cure... Wounds are touch spells and they have an overeager nymphomaniac for a cleric.

Speaking of Janine...

Spoiler

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Hilarious comic

Did I mention I love that comic?

Or Lloyd the paladin, who has Lay On Hands as a class feature.

[ShneekeyTheLost]

Yanno... considering the druid was casting a spell on the Weasel, and the fact that a CR 9 dragon is apparently not a significant challenge, this spell could have easily been involved, which would have made the weasel significantly more dangerous in combat. Failing that... well, druids get some very nasty buffing ability... stoneskin, barkskin, Greater Magic Fang...

Also, love the plotline as it has been developing so far

[Dark Faun]

Did I mention I love that comic?

Or Lloyd the paladin, who has Lay On Hands as a class feature.

Maybe he can improvise a Slap On Hands.

In any case, here's the weasel's stats.

[Aaron]

Also, have I gone to far with an angry weasel in his pants?

Like Silverraptor said, you can never go too far.

Great comic Coffee. I just found it too funny.

And I can tell Silverraptor "helped" alot with making this comic.

[Silverraptor]

Like Silverraptor said, you can never go too far.

Great comic Coffee. I just found it too funny.

And I can tell Silverraptor "helped" alot with making this comic.

What do you mean by that?

And I think I know why this comic is more exciting than mine. Mine is taking forever to move on with the plot. Which is ironic since I put it on hiatus just before they do nothing but plot for a long while.

Here's a note to all comic makers; Don't put non-plot in the beginning and then constant continuous plot later. It doesn't grab people's attention that well.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Like Silverraptor said, you can never go too far.

Great comic Coffee. I just found it too funny.

And I can tell Silverraptor "helped" alot with making this comic.

Thank you!

Actually, all the jokes and stuff have been mine. Silver's been helping me out with hearing my ideas and with game mechanics.

Oh, and Shneeky, they're actually around level 10. So Lloyd believes they'll be able to take down the dragon without too much trouble.

[Zanaril]

Great comic. I lol'd.


Matt is a bit of an idiot though; you don't annoy someone armed with a rodent.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Great comic. I lol'd.


Matt is a bit of an idiot though; you don't annoy someone armed with a rodent.

Elaboration:You DEFINITELY don't annoy someone armed with a rodent who has a divine link to nature and can command it to attack at will.

[ShinyDelusion]

Greetings, fellow Murphy's Law fans! I hail from the Crack Pairings Thread bearing *dramatic pause* a fanfic.

After I posted it over there, where it feels most at home, Coffee requested I post it here too, so, without further ado, I bring you: BelkarxMatt!

Starts immediately after the latest installment (9) of Murhpy's Law.

Spoiler

Show

“Went down your--” Lloyd began to say.

“And that is all I’m going to say about it,” Matt cut him off flatly.

“Whatever,” said Lloyd, looking at Matt’s weasel-inflicted wounds critically, “You should probably go get Janine to heal you.”

“Can’t paladins heal?” Matt asked, not sure where Janine was and in no mood to search for her while every scratch on his body was still smarting.

“The technique’s called ‘Lay on Hands’,” Lloyd replied neutrally.

“Oh,” said Matt. A few seconds of silence passed. “This sucks,” he added in a grumble.

“More than max security?” Lloyd asked as a reminder.

“No,” said Matt darkly, staring broodingly into the middle distance.

---

It was two years ago, back when he was just learning how to get away with things and had recently tried to put a red streak in his hair. The hair was a minor fiasco—he’d bleached first and the red dye wasn’t strong enough, leaving the streak an embarrassingly pretty purplish pink; maybe he should try blue next time—but he was getting to be a really good rogue. Or so he thought.

In retrospect he realized that he probably shouldn’t have been so cocky—after all it was already the sixth time he’d been caught stealing and he’d only been at it a few months—but back in those days he’d felt like he could do anything, like he was untouchable. Sure, he’d gotten thrown in the local jailhouse once or twice, but those cells were a joke; he watched a party full of Level 2 adventures with not a rogue among them break out in ten minutes flat once. Of course, those were the lowest security cells, not max. He didn’t know yet that when they threw you in max, you weren’t getting yourself out any time soon unless you were epic level or something.

That day, the day he got caught for the sixth time, they threw him in max.

“I really am sorry, kid,” the warden had told him grimly, “But today we got three adventuring parties filled with chaotic types who thought they’d found the second easiest way to get some extra gps; the cells are packed, so you’re going to have to go in max.”

“Whatever,” Matt muttered.

A little annoyed by the boy’s indifference, the warden added, “Just so you know, your cell mate got life for massacring a relatively peaceful group of kobold merchants for the XP and…” He gulped. “Accessorizing opportunities.”

“Whatever,” Matt repeated. Wait a minute, what about accessorizing?

“He gets violent when we try to remove things from his cell,” he went on, now honestly angered by the boy’s lack of interest, “Such as the beheaded corpses of former cell mates…”

“What do you mean--” Matt began to ask, a little panicked, before regaining his cool. “You’re making that up just to scare me.”

“If only,” the warden said with a sigh, “I suggest you just try to have a conversation with him; some say the solitude’s made him snap. Ah, here we are.”

At first Matt thought his cellmate was a kobold. Then, gagging, he realized what the warden had meant by “accessorizing opportunities”.

“How’s it going, Killer?” the warden asked with false joviality.

Clutching a human skull pointed at the warden, the filthy Halfling shrieked, “Fireball! Fireball now, or I’ll give you something to Fear you worthless undead piece of crap!”

“This is your new roomie!” the warden continued, forcing himself to smile in the hope that the Halfling would calm down, “His name is Matthew Silver.”

Matt was too terrified to correct him.

While the Halfling did something partially hidden but, Matt feared, definitely obscene to the skull that wouldn’t obey his commands, the warden very quickly unlocked the cell, shoved Matt in, and relocked it.

“I really am sorry,” the warden told Matt again, “If one of those parties breaks out, I’ll get you out of here pronto, but…” He glanced at the Halfling. “It’d be a lie to tell you anything but this: From here it can only get worse.”

He left Matt alone with this thought. And the delusional, psychopathic Halfling.

It took several minutes for the Halfling to get bored with… what he was doing with the skull, but once he did, he took an immediate interest in Matt.

“You don’t look like max security material,” he told the boy smugly, “I guess without the Belkster out there to show ‘em how it’s done, the standards are dropping.”

Matt could manage nothing but a deer-in-the-headlights expression. At this point he was so scared he was barely even breathing.

To his wide-eyed horror, the Halfling began to approach him, picking up a severed head that was lying on the floor by its silvery hair on the way.

“Let’s get a few things straight,” the murderer said, “When they bring the grub in, your plate goes to Mr. Scruffy.” He began stroking the hair on the head affectionately. “Of course none of the stuff here’s good enough for his carnivore tastes, but he’s gotta eat eventually, and when he finally gets hungry enough, he is not going to starve on your account. Got it, wuss?”

Matt managed a nod. Living to see suppertime would be blessing enough. Glances around the room had let him count six different heads, and worryingly he’d only been able to spot four of the respective bodies…

“You really are a wuss, you know? You really shouldn’t be here…” As if too distracted by this revelation to hold his concentration on other things, the Halfling dropped the head known as “Mr. Scruffy.” He stared at Matt. For a long time.

“Aha!” Before Matt had time to realize anything was happening, the Halfling had him pinned to the ground and was yanking on a lock of his hair.

“Thought you could get a way with that?” the Halfling raved. The hand that wasn’t gripping Matt’s hair began fishing around in his grubby pockets for something. “Oh… I’ll do you for that, you androgynous twit…”

“Wh-what?!” Matt sputtered. Through the haze of pain the hair-pulling was spreading through his skull, he thought that the victimized hair might be that stupid attempt at a red streak, not that that was even remotely important right now…

“Come off it, Ears,” the lunatic snapped, yanking what appeared to be a sharpened spoon out of his pocket, “Your friggin’ lame disguise has failed epicly.” His eyes gleamed. “Then again, you always were one for epic failure, weren’t ya, pal?”

“What are you talking about?” Matt asked desperately. And, what did he mean by “Ears”? His voice now laced with disgust, he added, “You think I’m an elf?”

“I said come off it,” the Halfling repeated sharply. Then, to Matt’s surprise, he let go of his hair and his expression softened. “I guess I should’ve stopped bringing it up, after you told us everything that happened, but it was just too good; you finally admitted you screwed up.”

“Oh, I see,” Matt snarled, “An arrogant prick of an elf. Why you--”

“It was worth it, too,” the Halfling continued, now mostly ignoring Matt, “When you just kept blowing stuff up, especially when Roy was throwing hissy fits all the time because we wouldn’t knock it off. But then,” now his face flushed with rage, “You frickin’ set me up in this dump of a town with a frickin’ epic level prison!” He refocused his gaze on Matt. “And of course you had to come back and gloat,” he added, his voice cold.

“Dude,” said Matt, “I don’t even know what you’re talking about, and I’m not an elf! I hate elves!”

“Nice try, Ears,” said the Halfling, “But you really should have chosen a disguise that looked like it actually belonged in max security.” With a disturbing suddenness, the Halfling grinned. “Since you obviously can’t break out of this cell anymore than I can… Do you know what they do to pretty, purple-haired little elf-boys like you in prison, Vaarsuvius?”

“It’s Matt,” Matt spat, but his face was paling.

Brandishing the lethally sharp spoon, the madman said, “Because I’m about to show you.”

---

One of the adventuring parties did break out eventually, and the warden came to move Matt to another cell as he promised, in the nick of time, at that. Whenever Matt looked back on the whole incident (usually after waking up from a graphic nightmare) he shuddered to think what might have happened had he been left in there longer, but nonetheless wished that he could have been moved sooner.

In the weeks following his stay in prison Matt improved as a rogue very quickly. Before it’d been all about the loot but now he’d learned to focus on not getting caught. He decided he was never going to prison again and would do whatever it took to stay out of maximum security.

---

“Did you just have a flashback?” Lloyd asked Matt accusingly.

“Yeah,” said Matt, “Got a problem with that?”

“I’m the main character and I’ve already hinted at a dark and interesting backstory,” Lloyd said hotly, “I’m supposed to get the first flashback!”

Matt smirked. From here it could only get better.

Personally, I don't think Lloyd should complain; examining the first few lines and considering that this originated in the Crack Pairings Thread, that conversation could've gone in a completely different direction...

[CoffeeIncluded]

Greetings, fellow Murphy's Law fans! I hail from the Crack Pairings Thread bearing *dramatic pause* a fanfic.

After I posted it over there, where it feels most at home, Coffee requested I post it here too, so, without further ado, I bring you: BelkarxMatt!

Starts immediately after the latest installment (9) of Murhpy's Law.

Spoiler

Show

“Went down your--” Lloyd began to say.

“And that is all I’m going to say about it,” Matt cut him off flatly.

“Whatever,” said Lloyd, looking at Matt’s weasel-inflicted wounds critically, “You should probably go get Janine to heal you.”

“Can’t paladins heal?” Matt asked, not sure where Janine was and in no mood to search for her while every scratch on his body was still smarting.

“The technique’s called ‘Lay on Hands’,” Lloyd replied neutrally.

“Oh,” said Matt. A few seconds of silence passed. “This sucks,” he added in a grumble.

“More than max security?” Lloyd asked as a reminder.

“No,” said Matt darkly, staring broodingly into the middle distance.

---

It was two years ago, back when he was just learning how to get away with things and had recently tried to put a red streak in his hair. The hair was a minor fiasco—he’d bleached first and the red dye wasn’t strong enough, leaving the streak an embarrassingly pretty purplish pink; maybe he should try blue next time—but he was getting to be a really good rogue. Or so he thought.

In retrospect he realized that he probably shouldn’t have been so cocky—after all it was already the sixth time he’d been caught stealing and he’d only been at it a few months—but back in those days he’d felt like he could do anything, like he was untouchable. Sure, he’d gotten thrown in the local jailhouse once or twice, but those cells were a joke; he watched a party full of Level 2 adventures with not a rogue among them break out in ten minutes flat once. Of course, those were the lowest security cells, not max. He didn’t know yet that when they threw you in max, you weren’t getting yourself out any time soon unless you were epic level or something.

That day, the day he got caught for the sixth time, they threw him in max.

“I really am sorry, kid,” the warden had told him grimly, “But today we got three adventuring parties filled with chaotic types who thought they’d found the second easiest way to get some extra gps; the cells are packed, so you’re going to have to go in max.”

“Whatever,” Matt muttered.

A little annoyed by the boy’s indifference, the warden added, “Just so you know, your cell mate got life for massacring a relatively peaceful group of kobold merchants for the XP and…” He gulped. “Accessorizing opportunities.”

“Whatever,” Matt repeated. Wait a minute, what about accessorizing?

“He gets violent when we try to remove things from his cell,” he went on, now honestly angered by the boy’s lack of interest, “Such as the beheaded corpses of former cell mates…”

“What do you mean--” Matt began to ask, a little panicked, before regaining his cool. “You’re making that up just to scare me.”

“If only,” the warden said with a sigh, “I suggest you just try to have a conversation with him; some say the solitude’s made him snap. Ah, here we are.”

At first Matt thought his cellmate was a kobold. Then, gagging, he realized what the warden had meant by “accessorizing opportunities”.

“How’s it going, Killer?” the warden asked with false joviality.

Clutching a human skull pointed at the warden, the filthy Halfling shrieked, “Fireball! Fireball now, or I’ll give you something to Fear you worthless undead piece of crap!”

“This is your new roomie!” the warden continued, forcing himself to smile in the hope that the Halfling would calm down, “His name is Matthew Silver.”

Matt was too terrified to correct him.

While the Halfling did something partially hidden but, Matt feared, definitely obscene to the skull that wouldn’t obey his commands, the warden very quickly unlocked the cell, shoved Matt in, and relocked it.

“I really am sorry,” the warden told Matt again, “If one of those parties breaks out, I’ll get you out of here pronto, but…” He glanced at the Halfling. “It’d be a lie to tell you anything but this: From here it can only get worse.”

He left Matt alone with this thought. And the delusional, psychopathic Halfling.

It took several minutes for the Halfling to get bored with… what he was doing with the skull, but once he did, he took an immediate interest in Matt.

“You don’t look like max security material,” he told the boy smugly, “I guess without the Belkster out there to show ‘em how it’s done, the standards are dropping.”

Matt could manage nothing but a deer-in-the-headlights expression. At this point he was so scared he was barely even breathing.

To his wide-eyed horror, the Halfling began to approach him, picking up a severed head that was lying on the floor by its silvery hair on the way.

“Let’s get a few things straight,” the murderer said, “When they bring the grub in, your plate goes to Mr. Scruffy.” He began stroking the hair on the head affectionately. “Of course none of the stuff here’s good enough for his carnivore tastes, but he’s gotta eat eventually, and when he finally gets hungry enough, he is not going to starve on your account. Got it, wuss?”

Matt managed a nod. Living to see suppertime would be blessing enough. Glances around the room had let him count six different heads, and worryingly he’d only been able to spot four of the respective bodies…

“You really are a wuss, you know? You really shouldn’t be here…” As if too distracted by this revelation to hold his concentration on other things, the Halfling dropped the head known as “Mr. Scruffy.” He stared at Matt. For a long time.

“Aha!” Before Matt had time to realize anything was happening, the Halfling had him pinned to the ground and was yanking on a lock of his hair.

“Thought you could get a way with that?” the Halfling raved. The hand that wasn’t gripping Matt’s hair began fishing around in his grubby pockets for something. “Oh… I’ll do you for that, you androgynous twit…”

“Wh-what?!” Matt sputtered. Through the haze of pain the hair-pulling was spreading through his skull, he thought that the victimized hair might be that stupid attempt at a red streak, not that that was even remotely important right now…

“Come off it, Ears,” the lunatic snapped, yanking what appeared to be a sharpened spoon out of his pocket, “Your friggin’ lame disguise has failed epicly.” His eyes gleamed. “Then again, you always were one for epic failure, weren’t ya, pal?”

“What are you talking about?” Matt asked desperately. And, what did he mean by “Ears”? His voice now laced with disgust, he added, “You think I’m an elf?”

“I said come off it,” the Halfling repeated sharply. Then, to Matt’s surprise, he let go of his hair and his expression softened. “I guess I should’ve stopped bringing it up, after you told us everything that happened, but it was just too good; you finally admitted you screwed up.”

“Oh, I see,” Matt snarled, “An arrogant prick of an elf. Why you--”

“It was worth it, too,” the Halfling continued, now mostly ignoring Matt, “When you just kept blowing stuff up, especially when Roy was throwing hissy fits all the time because we wouldn’t knock it off. But then,” now his face flushed with rage, “You frickin’ set me up in this dump of a town with a frickin’ epic level prison!” He refocused his gaze on Matt. “And of course you had to come back and gloat,” he added, his voice cold.

“Dude,” said Matt, “I don’t even know what you’re talking about, and I’m not an elf! I hate elves!”

“Nice try, Ears,” said the Halfling, “But you really should have chosen a disguise that looked like it actually belonged in max security.” With a disturbing suddenness, the Halfling grinned. “Since you obviously can’t break out of this cell anymore than I can… Do you know what they do to pretty, purple-haired little elf-boys like you in prison, Vaarsuvius?”

“It’s Matt,” Matt spat, but his face was paling.

Brandishing the lethally sharp spoon, the madman said, “Because I’m about to show you.”

---

One of the adventuring parties did break out eventually, and the warden came to move Matt to another cell as he promised, in the nick of time, at that. Whenever Matt looked back on the whole incident (usually after waking up from a graphic nightmare) he shuddered to think what might have happened had he been left in there longer, but nonetheless wished that he could have been moved sooner.

In the weeks following his stay in prison Matt improved as a rogue very quickly. Before it’d been all about the loot but now he’d learned to focus on not getting caught. He decided he was never going to prison again and would do whatever it took to stay out of maximum security.

---

“Did you just have a flashback?” Lloyd asked Matt accusingly.

“Yeah,” said Matt, “Got a problem with that?”

“I’m the main character and I’ve already hinted at a dark and interesting backstory,” Lloyd said hotly, “I’m supposed to get the first flashback!”

Matt smirked. From here it could only get better.

Personally, I don't think Lloyd should complain; examining the first few lines and considering that this originated in the Crack Pairings Thread, that conversation could've gone in a completely different direction...

As I said, I love this.

People, I give explicit permission to go nuts with the crack pairings and so forth. Keep it PG-13 rated or lower, but other than that, go wild!

And as for ninjaing the canon, the very first bit.

[Sereg]

Great comic. I lol'd.


Matt is a bit of an idiot though; you don't annoy someone armed with a rodent.

Technically a mustelid (weasels, meerkats, mongooses, pine martens, stoats, badgers, wolverines, ferrets, anythying I've forgotten) and therefore even worse.

Yet again, great comic.