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  1. - Top - End - #121
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Oh God.

    Crack Parings: We've Finally Stooped To Shipping Ourselves
    Thread 6 anyone?
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    Avatar by KwarkPudding!

  2. - Top - End - #122
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Damn you, Homework Zombies! You made me miss the party!

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril
    Quote Originally Posted by Thor Person Guy
    Wait, now I'm confused. Which came first, the chicken crack or the page?
    The page, but if you checked this thread before noticing and reading the new comic it might have appeared otherwise. People were pretty quick on the uptake.
    Hm. Normally I hate being behind the curve, but this actually made the comic more enjoyable for me. Weird.

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
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    “We can’t keep this up in this weather.”

    Vaarsuvius simply stopped walking, trying to hide the violent shivers running up and down the small elven body. The snow was rapidly gathering on the street, and they had almost slipped and fallen on the ice several times. The white fluff from the sky already had gotten to the point where it nearly reached the travelers’ knees, and it showed no sign of stopping. “Where do you suggest we settle, then?”

    “One of the houses. At least they will keep the snow out over the night.”

    Vaarsuvius didn’t protest. Redcloak noted with worry that the tips of the elf’s fingers had taken a bluish color, but he didn’t comment. His cheek still stung where Vaarsuvius had struck it, and he doubted that the elf would react any better to his concern just then.

    They both trekked to one of the closer homes, having to struggle a little to get the door open and walk inside.

    Redcloak forced the door closed, glancing around the hut. The first thing he noticed was that there was one bed for two with a thick blanket. (Well, he was fine with that—it’s not like they hadn’t slept together before.) There was a pile of wood under a window and a hole in the ceiling, probably meant for smoke from fires, was designed with a little elevated cap on it to protect from snow.

    That was odd. Deserts weren’t supposed to get snow, so why would the homes be built to handle it?

    “Did you prepare any fire spells today?” Redcloak asked, going over to the pile of wood and setting logs up in the middle of the dirt floor.

    “Of course.”

    Redcloak backed away and Vaarsuvius sent a fireball at the wood, immediately starting the flame. The goblin reflexively jumped a little away from the fire, quickly making sure that it wouldn’t catch on the house. “Don’t get too close right now. You don’t want to warm up too fast.”

    The elf didn’t comment when the goblin took delicate hands between his own, slowly warming them to avoid tissue damage. The fire cracked gently but did little to heat up the room. The warmth kept flowing out the windows.

    The silence made Redcloak very uncomfortable, but he still wasn’t quite ready to reach out again. He and Vaarsuvius had become dangerously intimate in the last few days, and the elf was right to try to push him away. They wouldn’t be able to fight each other if this kept up.

    “We’ll be okay. I promise.”

    He had been so stupid to say that, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. It was, quite frankly, a promise he couldn’t keep. They wouldn’t be okay. One or both of them was going to come out of this whole thing dead or worse.

    Vaarsuvius was doing the smart thing by trying to drive a wedge between them. It hurt, and he worried about both of their abilities to cope with the monstrous dungeon if they didn’t allow each other close, but he knew that Vaarsuvius was right.

    He slipped his hands away from the elf’s. “It should be okay to be close to the fire, now.”

    They both silently sat near the fire, the uncomfortable silence stretching.

    Vaarsuvius suddenly stiffened, ears twitching. Redcloak glanced at his lover in confusion. “Vaarsuvius?”

    “…I seem to have detected some strange sounds outside.”

    The goblin stood up immediately, walking to the window and glancing out at the wintry landscape.

    He tensed, stifling a growl in his throat and doing his best to hide any signs of distress.

    “Redcloak?”

    That was when he realized that he couldn’t hide anything from Vaarsuvius.

    Blood spatters stained the white ground. That alone wouldn’t bother him—it was a cheap visual trick. What bothered him was the fact that four people were sitting in the snow, one of them holding his own decapitated head in his hands. He knew those people.

    They were the soldiers he had gotten a brief glance of when he first found Vaarsuvius in the throws of a vision.

    A sharp intake of air next to him alerted him to the fact that his lover had stood up and looked out the window to see what was wrong.

    Redcloak spun around and stepped so that his body covered the window, taking Vaarsuvius’s arm gently. “Go back to the fire. We should have something to eat.”

    “I… they…”

    “Vaarsuvius, it’s just an illusion. It can’t hurt you if you don’t let it.” He gently yet firmly tugged the elf to the fire again. “Sit down—we should have some food in our packs.”

    The elf paused, then numbly nodded, passively allowing the goblin to lead the way back to the fire.

    Redcloak did his best to not wonder about the significance of the soldiers. He had just resolved a mere moment before to push Vaarsuvius away, and he knew well enough how private the elf was. It was a small miracle that his lover had been able to mention the trauma of finding someone hanging themselves, even after all they had been through. After everything that they both had suffered, the last thing he wanted was to make Vaarsuvius feel more afraid and insecure about him.

    He opened up their packs and pulled out an apple, giving it to the elf. “There isn’t much to eat left, but I think I can make something a little more substantial. I’ll cover up the windows first—all the warm air is leaking out.”

    Vaarsuvius nodded in thanks, understanding the favor the goblin was doing, eyes fixed on something in the fire that Redcloak could not see, and bit into the apple. The goblin stood up, pulling their blankets from their packs and using them to cover the windows. It wasn’t like they would need them that night. The bed they had stumbled on had a perfectly suitable one.

    Redcloak used what little they had to cook for both of them. He had to coax Vaarsuvius to finish it off, noting with worry that his lover looked even more ashen than usual. The fact that the elf was sick niggled at him, and he had the sense that he would know what was wrong if he only looked closer at the symptoms. Dizzy spells, abdomable pain, unusual sensitivity in the breasts (he had noticed that easily)…

    “Redcloak, what happens if they attack us?”

    He was pulled out of his train of thought and looked at the elf curiously.

    “Of course we both have spells, but they are creatures made from the very world around us. We cannot run through the snow and hope to escape, and if we vanquish them, more will come.”

    “I don’t think they’re there to attack us.” Redcloak pushed his empty plate to the side, leaning forward a little and adding some wood to the fire. “They’re there to make us afraid. That’s what this place depends on. Fear, pain, and desire. Admittedly, it seems to be focusing mostly on pain and fear for us, but there’s probably a reason for that.”

    The elf nodded silently, staring at the flames.

    “Vaarsuvius, why are they haunting you?”

    Redcloak knew that he shouldn’t ask. Vaarsuvius knew it too.

    The elf looked up at him, expression difficult to read.

    “I know that they’re what you have nightmares about. I know that their… I don’t know, presence has been following us since the start. I know that they mean something.” He tentatively reached out, brushing a strand of hair back from Vaarsuvius’s face and behind a pointy ear. “Why?”

    There was a long silence.

    “Redcloak, I do not wish to speak of this.”

    He shouldn’t push his luck. He really shouldn’t.

    The goblin lightly stroked the elf’s cheek, frowning. “Vaarsuvius, this has been plaguing you since before we met.” He hesitated briefly. “I don’t like seeing you tormented like this.”

    Vaarsuvius shook a small head. “There is nothing you can do to help, Redcloak.”

    “How do I know unless you tell me?”

    The elf was very, very quiet for a while. Redcloak wondered for a moment if he had offended his lover, but if he had, he would have been slapped for his troubles. “During the battle…” Vaarsuvius paused, closing violet eyes and taking a deep breath. Redcloak had to stifle a small jerk of surprise—he hadn’t expected his lover to open up. Then again, maybe that was what was needed. “During the battle at Azure City, I ran out of spells. I did not see anything else I could do to assist. I fled.” The elf undid the purple ponytail slowly, letting the long wild hair hang loosely. Redcloak listened carefully, fully aware of the likelihood that he was the only one that Vaarsuvius had trusted with this information. “I was invisible. A group of soldiers crashed into me and correctly assumed that I was the elven wizard that had been assisting in the battle.”

    The elf stopped dead, lips pursed until they were white. Redcloak tentatively touched Vaarsuvius’s hand, doubtful that the contact would be appreciated. Vaarsuvius grasped the offered hand tightly.

    “They begged me to save them. I could not. They were slaughtered.”

    Vaarsuvius was completely silent for a moment, face grim, muscles stiff. Redcloak wasn’t quite sure how to deal with it, so he settled with squeezing the small hand in his gasp and nuzzling the slender neck gently.

    “For all my power, I could not save them.”

    Redcloak politely pretended to not notice the suspicious glassiness in the elf’s eyes. Vaarsuvius shook a pale head, regaining the aloof and unconcerned mask that had been cracking more and more since they entered the dungeon.

    “But, of course, logically, I did what I should have. I can only take the experience as a lesson. I will not make such mistakes again. It is rather pointless that you insisted on me talking about it at all—it is in the past.”

    The goblin didn’t point out the tremors going up and down the elf’s body. He didn’t point out the barely contained wetness in violet eyes. He didn’t point out how fragile the tiny creature suddenly seemed, how it looked like, with all the demons the dungeon had forced upon the fiery mage, the seams were coming undone.

    He simply slipped his arm around the elf’s waist, murmuring something softly in Goblin and nuzzling a slender neck.

    Vaarsuvius leaned into his touches, satisfied with not having to show how deeply the deaths of the soldiers had imprinted themselves on the elf. Their fingers stayed intertwined. They leaned towards each other, touching lips tenderly before resting their foreheads against one another.

    “No matter how many reasons are presented to us, we continue to nurse our relationship. Why is that, Redcloak?” Vaarsuvius murmured softly, voice weighed down by despair and pain that the mage would never admit to. It felt like something heavy was just taken off the thin shoulders, but all that was left was a very tired elf.

    “We work out well together.” A slightly subdued smile flickered over Redcloak’s lips. “If it hadn’t been for the alignment and species differences, I think we could have been really happy with each other.”

    “I believe so as well.” Vaarsuvius lightly fingered Redcloak’s cheek. “I would have been willing to work past both obstacles under different circumstances.”

    “Under different circumstances.” Redcloak smiled, eyes dim. “But it’s pointless to speculate about different circumstances. These are the ones we have.”

    “Indeed they are.”

    They looked at the fire, leaning against each other, the goblin subtly trying to think of a way to ease his partner’s distress and the nightmares that would obviously descend that night. Redcloak reached up absently, running his fingers through the elf’s loose hair. His nails lightly brushed against pointy ears, sending tangible tremors through his lover’s body.

    Vaarsuvius let out a low warble, turning a small head to kiss Redcloak softly. The goblin easily moved so that they were in a more comfortable position and started stroking the ears firmly.

    The elf let out a soft gasp, crawling closer to the goblin, tilting a pale head and exposing a slender neck, showing off the trust they had unwisely built between each other. Redcloak’s teeth were sharp and strong enough to rip the elf’s exposed throat open before so much as a scream could be uttered.

    With a satisfied growl deep in his chest, Redcloak leaned forward, nuzzling and kissing his lover’s neck while continuing to massage the pointed ears. Vaarsuvius let out another warble, pawing at their clothes.

    Redcloak had no intention of taking anything off. Vaarsuvius wasn’t in the right state of mind to consent, and the goblin would feel too much like he was taking advantage of his lover, regardless of what the elf did or didn’t want. He made no movement to encourage Vaarsuvius, instead continuing to kiss a slender neck and stroke the pointed ears. His lover’s face flushed and the tiny body started to tremble, delicate arms slipping around the goblin’s neck. “Redcloak…”

    The goblin kissed the elf gently, letting out a gentle purr, and continued his ministrations. Vaarsuvius breathed heavily, body heating up, odd sounds that the mage would normally never utter falling from slightly swollen lips.

    It was only a small while of ear stroking until the elf stiffened against the goblin, letting out a soft cry before burying a flushed face in a green neck, gasping a long stream of breathless Elven, and going limp after a moment of intensity.

    Vaarsuvius breathed heavily, chest heaving, and violet eyes were glazed over with afterglow. Redcloak gently picked his lover up, carrying the tiny and compliant body to the bed, wrapping the little elf in the covers.

    The mage shifted, looking up at the goblin, unable to muster up the strength to be peeved when the elf realized what the cleric’s intentions had been. “Manipulative beast.”

    “I didn’t want you to have any nightmares. I just made sure that your brain let out all the chemicals it needed to be happy for now.” Redcloak smiled amusedly, unclasping his cloak. “And at least one of us needs our strength in case we’re attacked in the middle of the night, so I figured that we should hold off on using up energy with sex.”

    He pulled off his armor, carefully putting it next to the bed and climbing under the covers, wrapping his arms around his lover’s waist and pressing up against a small back. Redcloak lovingly brushed his lips against the elf’s temple, provoking a satisfied ‘mmm.’

    “Next time you attempt a trick like this, I shall be forced to use my not-inconsiderable arcane might against you.”

    “I’m sure you will be.” Redcloak rested his head on a pillow, smiling and lightly stroking his lover’s abdomen. He murmured a few words softly in Goblin, nuzzling the elf’s hair and sighing in contentment. “I love you.”

    “What does that mean, Redcloak? You know that I do not understand Goblin.”

    Redcloak kissed Vaarsuvius’s neck gently. “It was an affectionate way of saying goodnight.”

    “Oh.” Vaarsuvius lightly fingered the goblin’s hand. “Good night, Redcloak.” A smile flickered over the elf’s lips. “I would use a more affectionate term, but Common does not provide one and Elven has no words that would fit.”

    “That’s alright.” The goblin smiled wistfully, tightening his grip only a little. “Good night.”

    Vaarsuvius smiled faintly and slipped into a satisfied trance, still bathing in afterglow. Redcloak fell asleep soon afterwards.
    D'awww...

    It's good to see V talking about what's troubling her. Now if only she would tell him what's troubling her physically...
    Avatar by Zanaril

    ...I feel ignored.

  3. - Top - End - #123
    Orc in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Sorry if I'm in a sour mood, I've got a splitting headache, an unholy amount of homework due tomorrow, I spent all day yesterday sick in bed, and today I had to deal with a complete bitch at the animal shelter.
    *hug* Same here. We'll be "Supposed-To-Be-Working-On-Homework" twins.

    And isn't dealing with bitches part of working on an animal shelter? I'm sorry, but the pun had to be made.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  4. - Top - End - #124
    Colossus in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    I meant as in the person. She went on an angry rant about how all the puppies got adopted by the time she arrived. Okay, I tolerated that because she drove for a while to get to the shelter.

    But then she went on her cellphone and complained about it, IN FRONT OF ME, and her rant included stuff like "They don't care about the animals, they just want the money," because a $250 adoption fee is too much for saving a puppy's life?!

  5. - Top - End - #125
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Come on! It was a joke!

    Sorry if I'm in a sour mood, I've got a splitting headache, an unholy amount of homework due tomorrow, I spent all day yesterday sick in bed, and today I had to deal with a complete bitch at the animal shelter.

    As it is, the CP generator just rolled up: (Inkyrius/Inkyrius)+(Vaarsuvius/Vaarsuvius)

    ...

    I have an idea for this, but I dunno if it would be appropriate for the board. It involves:

    Kyrie's birthday (Elven equivalent of 15-ish here)
    A copy of Playelf
    A wand of Major Image
    Elves and their "sensitive" ears

    ...I think you see where I'm getting at here. However, would it be appropriate to post this?
    Possibly. However, for the FF.net community, probably not.

    And given your previous work and the pairing, I definitely want to see it.
    [/sarcasm]
    FAQ is not RAW!
    Avatar by the incredible CrimsonAngel.
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Kyrie's birthday (Elven equivalent of 15-ish here)
    Like, and Elf-cenyeta? (I know I spelled the parody of Quinceeta or whatever wrong)
    Spoiler
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    Avatar by KwarkPudding!

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    Colossus in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Uhm, okay. If this seems like it's too much, just tell me and I'll delete it. In any case, this has to be short because I have to write 20 pages of notes for tomorrow.

    (Inkyrius/Inkyrius)+(Vaarsuvius/Vaarsuvius)

    Spoiler
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    Inkyrius took another swig of beer, swaying unsteadily as he did so. Vaarsuvius grinned at hir lover. "Your turn," V said. The elf was often brief and to the point when drunk.

    "Okay...My most embarrassing moment." Kyrie rubbed hir chin thoughtfully. "Well..."

    Decades ago

    "Happy birthday, Kyrie!" A package was handed over to the green-haired elf.

    "Oh boy, what is this?" Kyrie eagerly ripped it open. "...What is this?" the elf asked, holding a rod of some sort in hir hand.

    "It's a wand of Major Image. I know that you have always had an affection for illusion spells, so I made this for you..."

    "Aww, thanks!"

    Later that night an insidious thought ran through Kyrie's head, growing stronger by the moment. The elf could no longer restrain hirself. Kyrie closed hir bedroom door and furtively took out the wand of Major Image and a copy of Playelf stashed under hir mattress (Because isn't that where it's always kept?) "Major Image," Kyrie whispered.

    A large image of Vaarsuvius appeared in front of Kyrie. The image of the purple-haired elf winked seductively, then began to strip. Kyrie grinned in delight as the image of Vaarsuvius danced in front of hir. The elf then began to concentrate again. The Vaarsuvius image whispered in Kyrie's ear as a second, equally naked one popped into existence.

    "Oh Kyrie. You're too much for one elf, so let me introduce you to my identical naked twin, Vaarsuvius Two!"

    An olive-haired elf walked into Kyrie's room. "Kyrie, you okay? I heard you shouting and--GAH!!!"

    Kyrie bolted upright and the images popped out of existence as the olive-haired elf shouted. However, for a few moments, the sight of two naked Vaarsuviuses next to Kyrie, madly stroking hir own ears, was clearly visible.

    Back to the drinking game

    "Yeah...The next morning was awkward, to say the least," Kyrie mumbled.

    Vaarsuvius stared into hir own mug of beer for a moment. "...Compared to that, my near-ruination of time and causality due to a misworded spell seems almost trivial."


    ...Uh, thoughts?

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Well, it's been two pages and no response, so I'm guessing I was just ignored.

    I'll ask my question once more:

    Has anyone done a Roy/Miko afterlife fic, and if they have, do they mind if I take a crack at it? (no pun intended).

  9. - Top - End - #129
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    I'll start trying out crackfics soon. I need more experience writing if I EVER want my real fiction story* to be good at all. Please critique me on Grammar and description. I Feel like I don't do well on Grammar and I KNOW I do bad on descriptions.



    *Real as in I'm trying to make an actual book and not just one for fun.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Dark_Stryke View Post
    Well, it's been two pages and no response, so I'm guessing I was just ignored.

    I'll ask my question once more:

    Has anyone done a Roy/Miko afterlife fic, and if they have, do they mind if I take a crack at it? (no pun intended).
    Check for yourself. We're a lazy bunch.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    ...and today I had to deal with a complete bitch at the animal shelter.
    I laughed so hard at this you have no idea. greatest pun

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Heh, thanks.

    Look, even if we did, we're okay with having multiple crack pairings with the same characters!

    So uhm, what do you guys think of my newest crack pairing?

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Heh, thanks.

    Look, even if we did, we're okay with having multiple crack pairings with the same characters!

    So uhm, what do you guys think of my newest crack pairing?
    I enjoyed it!
    just a little complicated for me, but I'm not a complicated guy.
    I'd be honored if some of the older member of the thread could have a look at my crack pairing? the Julia x Nale?
    Spoiler
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    "You Damn Brat!"
    Nale, barely able to contro his anger, stomped towards the smirking, dark-skinned teenager. She was tied to a chair, with her hands behind her back.
    She was there for three days now, each other's sole company.
    Sabine was over in the demonic realms, searching for powrful demonic allies who would join their cause.
    Nale didn't want to think about how exactly she would persuade them.
    Thog was patrolling the city streets, looking for the occasional victim that could be lured to their apartment near the city square. Nale was stuck at the warehouse, guarding Julia. He felt angry, and frustrated, and bored to tears,
    so he removed her gag in order to chase the boredom away by taunting her.
    He didn't think he was going to be the one to lose his temper first.
    She kept smirking even as he drew his sword and let the point rest against her throat.
    "I warn you, little girl: disrespect me once more and I'll kill you without a second thought! keep. your. mouth. shut."
    He looked into her eyes then, wily, chocolate-brown, and deep. they twinkled with mischief. he knew that she was looking into his eyes as well, and was enraged to see that what she saw there made her smirk grow wider.
    still he did nothing to follow up on his threat.
    he was lost, in her eyes, those warm and stinging eyes, locked with his own blue and cold ones. he lowered his sword. a sense of peace washed over him.
    She got up from his chair, and somehow he did not find this very alarming.
    he opened his mouth to protest -
    she reached forward then, and her lips locked on his.
    Nale's mind went blank - his lover was a sex demon, but still nothing Sabine could do ever came close to this feeling.
    he felt hot, as if the was burning iron under his skin. his face prickled, her hair stinging his face as they leaned deeper into each other's embrace.
    she put a hand through his hair, massaging his neck.
    Nale wished this moment could go on forever: just him and this dark-skinned angel, locked in this white-hot moment for all eterni-
    BAM
    "Thog can be brown, thog can be blue, thog can be violet sky, Thog can be hurtful, thog can be purple, thog can be anything you'd likeee... Nale, not-nale is in city!.
    Nale pushed Julia away, gagged her, and tied her in the chair before Thog could round the crates hiding him from the door. He was shaking. he looked down at Julia, saw the affront and hurt in her eyes, and cursed the universe for making him who he is, for putting him in this position, for forcing him to break the first time in his life that he felt complete and happy.
    Last edited by DarkElfGangsta; 2009-12-06 at 09:13 PM.

  14. - Top - End - #134
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    The gist of it is that Kyrie and V are playing a drinking game where they recount their most embarrassing moments, and that was Kyrie's.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    So uhm, what do you guys think of my newest crack pairing?
    Ah, the joys of being 15 and not having a lock for your door.

    I liked it.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    I have been gone far to long.
    Quote Originally Posted by Closak View Post
    Keep my head between my knees how exactly? I'm a frikkin dragon!

    ...Is that chocolate i see there...YES IT IS! *Sprint attacks chocolate*
    Mmmm...Chocolate

    *Get's dragged away by the ABD*
    I WANT MY CHOCOLATE!
    What is it with you and "interacting" with other creatures on the forum! I know its fine to go over the top, but that much?

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by CheeseMuncher View Post
    Ah, the joys of being 15 and not having a lock for your door.

    I liked it.
    My parents refuse to let me get a lock on my door. Not for that, but because my brother keeps running into my room and throwing all my books on the floor and stuff while I'm studying.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Dark_Stryke View Post
    Water-Smurf, excellent as always. I'll read Gangsta and Taek later, I promise.

    Ugh, this is making me want to try my hand at a pairing. I've got a Roy/Miko story tugging at the corners of my mind, specifically a "what if?" story where they meet in the afterlife during the time Roy was dead. Which I guess is pretty tame as far as crack fic goes.

    Has anyone done that yet?
    Sounds good to me!

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    My parents refuse to let me get a lock on my door. Not for that, but because my brother keeps running into my room and throwing all my books on the floor and stuff while I'm studying.
    We needed to get rid of the entire DOORKNOB to my room because my brother kept locking himself in there when he got pissed.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    We needed to get rid of the entire DOORKNOB to my room because my brother kept locking himself in there when he got pissed.
    My parents once took away my entire door. For like, a year. Funny thing is that I can't remember what I did to provoke them. Must've been pretty bad, though.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    V + lockless, doorknobless door

    GO GO GO

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by CheeseMuncher View Post
    My parents once took away my entire door. For like, a year. Funny thing is that I can't remember what I did to provoke them. Must've been pretty bad, though.
    ...Yipes. Soooo glad my parents would never do that.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Taekwondodo View Post
    I had hoped to have my story finished by the time the new thread was up but my plot bunny has grown tentacles and taken to attacking ships (plot kraken?).
    Plot Kraken? I vote we start using this term for uber plot bunnies. It just... fits... this thread.



    Quote Originally Posted by Kaytara View Post
    Something about including forum members in our crack pairings pushes the creepy to a whole new level.
    Agreed.



    Guess what guys? My parents got internet at their house, so I'll be able to keep track of this thread when I go home on weekends now!


    Sorry, nothing new to report from me... I've got 2 crack fics to work on, several serious fan fics I've got plot bunnies/plot krakens for, a submission for my school's literary magazine I really need to write, and Finals this/next week.

    Sigh...
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    "Oh Kyrie. You're too much for one elf, so let me introduce you to my identical naked twin, Vaarsuvius Two!"
    Did you just make a Neil Gaiman reference?

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Crilly View Post
    Did you just make a Neil Gaiman reference?
    Yes I did!
    Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2009-12-06 at 11:05 PM.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Yes I did!
    I just finished reading Anansi brothers. as in right this second.
    Neil Gaiman + Terry Pratchett = super saiyans of modern literature.
    Last edited by DarkElfGangsta; 2009-12-06 at 11:12 PM.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Ever read Good Omens?

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Ever read Good Omens?
    ni. I am gonna buy it on my trip to canada next week. any other good books out there i should get? also what stores can I buy the OOTs books at? i really wanna read SOD
    Last edited by DarkElfGangsta; 2009-12-06 at 11:19 PM.

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    Pixie in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    I can't read books by Terry Pratchett for some reason. The writing's good and the humor is awesome but I just can't get past a few pages without getting bored and reading House of Leaves (another book I will never finish.) Good Omens I can kinda read though.

    EDIT: Cracklord should of posted by now. I'm figuring Closak went insane and killed him in a rage. That or Zanaril.
    Last edited by Crilly; 2009-12-07 at 12:14 AM.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Hey Gangsta, good choice on coming to Canada. Whereabouts are you headed? Quebec? The praries? The Maritimes?

    Ahem, back on topic. I'm starting my fic now, in this thread. Going completely off the cuff, so let's hope it turns out okay.

    I call this story:

    "Not for Everyone" Chapter 1: "Elan Would be Proud"

    Spoiler
    Show
    "I need to find a tavern." Roy declared rather suddenly.

    "Hmm?" Roy's Archon asked, flitting about in a little figure eight. The little puffball appeared taken aback by the sudden declaration. "Where did that come from?"

    Roy shrugged his armored shoulders nonchalantly. "I don't know, I just feel like having a few drinks."

    "Well, there's always the Tavern of Infinite One Night Stands..." Roy's Archon ventured.

    Roy's face curled into an expression of disgust. "No. There's no way I'm going to the bar looking for some bimbo to bring home and screw in my mom's house. Or have you forgotten where we are?"

    "It was just a suggestion..." The Archon declared, its light dimming slightly.
    "Yeah, well, maybe suggest something else." Roy replied.

    The Archon did a few lazy turns around the small guest room, apparently deep in thought. "Ah, I know of a place!" It declared. "Smilin' Pete's Pub, just a short distance from the Bless-ateria."

    Roy nodded. "Sounds good. Lead the way."

    ***

    Several hours (days? weeks?) later, Roy stood at the entrance to Smilin' Pete's, which bore a sign depicting a grinning man who was presumably the owner giving a thumbs-up while holding a pint of ale. He could hear the sounds of laughter and and loud voices beckoning him from the inside, and one particularly loud woman yelling about the quality of the Sake. Having lived in Azure City for the past little while, a tavern patron yelling about Sake didn't strike him as particularly odd. "Well, it certainly sounds authentically tavern-esque. I just hope a barfight doesn't break out."

    "We actually try not to encourage such behaviour here. Lively debate is one thing, but punching your fellow spirits is frowned upon." Roy's Archon explained.

    "I'll keep it in mind." Roy replied. He glanced at the sun, still beaming peacefully in the sky. "The only problem with this is that it's still midday. How am I supposed to enjoy a few pints if it's not..." He stepped through the door as he spoke, taking in the scene inside the tavern. The room was dimly lit by a fire and a few cleverly placed oil lamps, and the windows clearly displayed a starry night sky. "...Night?" He finished, shocked. "Well I'll be. They think of everything here."

    "We do our best." Roy's Archon agreed. "And look over there, why, it's an empty table in a corner! Your favorite spot!"

    Shaking his head at the continued marvels of the celestial realm, Roy walked over to the empty table, passing patrons who smiled and nodded at him as he went. It felt good to be among fellow Lawful-Goods, not having to worry if the bartender would try to cheat him or if the guy he was playing cards with was trying to cut his coin purse (Which was why he usually brought Haley. She was smart enough not to cut his purse, and he knew she was cheating, and so could just fold during any hand where she started betting big). Lost in thought, he settled into his table and let the tavern atmosphere wash over him. He took in the other patrons, noting a rather large number of dwarves, which didn't surprise him now that he thought about it. There was a black haired woman still arguing with the bartender, who seemed to be doing his level best to calm her.

    "This Sake is an affront to the Gods! You should be cast out of this realm for such a mockery!" She declared vehemently, thumping an armored fist on the bar, which set off a chain reaction of clanks and jingles as the mail and plate she was wrapped in knocked about.

    "M-ma'am, please, this Sake is as close to being made by the Gods themselves as possible! It cannot taste wrong." The barkeep pleaded.

    "Then this must be a bad batch! Bring me another from a different barrel!"

    The barkeep blinked quizzically. "It... it comes in bottles, ma'am."

    "From a different bottle, then!"

    "A-at once, ma'am."

    Roy rolled his eyes. Even in the Celestial Realm it seemed there were troublesome barflies. He quicly resumed a neutral expression as the barkeep made his way to his table.

    "Hey there, newcomer. I'm Smilin' Pete, owner of Smilin' Pete's. Been in the Celestial Tavern business for a hundred n' twenty-seven years, and there's not much I don't know about alcohol. So what'll it be?" The bartender asked with a dramatic bow.

    Roy chuckled inspite of himself. "That was quite the introduction. How'd you know I was new?"

    "You still got one of the little glowflies following you. They tend to take off once you get yourself settled in. So, here for good or just visiting?"

    "Ah, visiting, I hope. I guess it depends how fast my party can get their acts together and ressurrect me." Roy explained.

    Pete chuckled. "Ah, one of those adventuring types, are you? Goin' around and getting into all sorts of trouble?"

    Roy laughed. "More than you know. Between the goblins and liches and psychotic halflings, I don't know which way is up or down some days. Being dead is almost like a vacation. A very, very surreal vacation, mind you."

    "Ain't that the truth. Part of the reason I converted my home to into a tavern. I did it all my life, and it just feels weird not doing it in death. Enlightenment and the upper levels of the mountain can wait a few centuries I say, I'm not done owning a tavern just yet!" Pete thumped on the table for emphasis, grinning like a loon. Roy found himself liking the amicable proprietor. He had a jovial, easy manner, and a real love for his work.

    At that moment a mailed fist crashed down on the table between them. "Barkeep!" The angry woman from earlier barked. "I asked for Sake! I did not ask for you to wander over here and talk with-"

    Roy looked at her at the same second that she looked at him, and found himself staring into familiar, hate-filled black eyes. "M-Miko?!" He stuttered.

    "GREENHILT!" Miko Miyazaki, ex-paladin, bellowed. She quickly drew her katana and levelled it at Roy's chest.

    Fighter's instincts took over for Roy. Without conciously doing anything he found himself rolling left and out of the chair, then quickly back, putting it between him and Miko. He sprang to his feet and clumsily picked up the wooden chair, holding it awkwardly in front of himself with both hands, not sure if he should use it as a weapon or as a shield to block her attacks.

    "It appears that the Gods have given me one last chance to finish my business with you." Miko growled with a predatory grin.

    "Didn't you mention that one of your party members had a saying for times like this?" Roy's Archon asked worriedly, hovering over Roy's shoulder.

    "Yeah, it went a little something like this; 'Dun, dun, DUN'."

    "That's... not very comforting."

    "No, no it is not."


    Ah, ending on a cliffhanger. What do you all think? Should I continue?

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